CHAPTER ONE

After so many other Augusts that have rolled away yonder like overripe apples, those particular August nights and days continue to glow and their radiance hurts my eyes. Here is my first memory of Rosa, my earliest naked and nocturnal recollection of her.

The day was ending, inopportunely as usual. I never felt sleepy and perceived the night as a forced interruption of the breathtaking life of the day.

Rosa made her bed on a narrow couch, covered with black leatherette, and then made my bed on an iron bedstead by the opposite wall. Whilst undressing, I was absentmindedly listening to the garrulous life of our neighbours. Beyond the thin partition of the shared flat, the large Baronkin family was getting ready for bed.

Their settling for the night was as long and thorough as if they were seeing themselves off on a long journey. The head of the family, Vassily, was giving the final evening instructions to his wife Tatyana. Every now and then, their children, with their bare heels pounding on the floor, would run to them with detailed reports and complaints about each other. Every other minute, Vassily would put in the short, only four letters long, yet pithy expletive denoting the utter hopelessness of everything. Incidentally, it was the same word which, since the end of last summer, anybody wishing to do so could see written in enormous letters inscribed in tar on the yellow stucco facade of their two-storey block of flats in Shkiryatov street.

Flushed after washing her face, Rosa was brushing her hair in front of the mirror with the moulded institutional frame. That rectangular mirror, on the wall next to the window, seemed to me a second window that was also open, although not out into the yard but inside, from out of the yard full of darkness into Rosa’s half-empty and brightly lit room.

I had already got under the woollen blanket and was listening to the neighbours’ radio, big-heartedly blaring out the Saturday request concert. “This song is to honour a beloved weaver, decorated with an Order, a mother and a grandmother who unselfishly gave up many years of her life.” The singer had the voice of crazy red-haired Lydia who lived on the ground floor:

Oh Samara, little town,

I am restless, oh so restless!

Would you calm me down!

Without turning, Rosa suddenly enquired whether I was hungry. I was imagining how the little town of Samara would rush as fast as its legs would carry it to calm down the unsettled imbecile. No, I wasn’t hungry. By the way, Lydia from the ground floor was quite placid and did not require any calming down. For days on end, she strolled to and fro in the yard in a faded loose-fitting sundress that was very cute, but for some reason always had a hideous greasy stain underneath her belly.

Then it was some sullen robust fellow’s turn to sing:

There were only three of us

Left out of eighteen lads.

How many of them fell...

After Tatyana’s heavyish steps, the radio shut up abruptly and Vassily pronounced his farewell “a-ha, he, he-he he-he!” and then all the Baronkins, as it were, instantly departed.

In this brand-new space of stillness, Rosa’s and my silence at once became clearly discernible, our usual and not at all burdensome solitude of the two of us together. One could say that we almost did not take notice of each other - which is the everyday lot of the most needed people and things when they are constantly next to you.

Rosa always slept naked and she made me used to doing the same. I liked her habits. I knew that in the next moment after the dry rustle of her palms rubbing in the cream from the bottle with the inscription “Velvety” and after the click of the switch, I would hear, ‘Go to sleep, dear,’ uttered with her inimitable cool and crisp intonation, and even before my eyes became used to darkness, she would pull the house-dress over her head and quietly lie down on the narrow sloping couch.

‘Go to sleep, dear.’

But the darkness and silence would not come. My reluctance to sleep was encouraged by the cicadas trilling with such demented intensity that their shrill chorus came literally crashing through the narrow opening of the window. The whole room was flooded with luminous lunar juice. In the middle, the oilcloth on the dining table shone like a little round pond. The walls turned into screens for a night film-show starring the yard’s two largest hackberry trees. A bulky shadow was snuggling in the corner by the wardrobe; his back split by the border between the wall and the ceiling, his head hanging dejectedly on a thin neck. Opposite him, almost on the floor, another shadow sat heavily, stocky and immersed in himself. From time to time, there was the sound of a gusty, leafy inhalation and at that instant, the stooping one would fly out of his corner with clumsy determination in order to fall down on his knees before the seated one. But each time the latter would move away imperviously and it was only during the exhalation that both returned to their original positions. This desperate scene would repeat itself over and over again and no-one could foresee how it might end. The tall shadow was still hoping to obtain pardon by his pleading and continued to prostrate himself at the other’s feet. I was waiting in hope that the short one would at last relent or at least would not be able to move away quickly enough, but he was always on the alert...

There were two questions I had to mull over which were almost a secret. In any case, there was nobody I could turn to in order to discuss them.

First, I noticed that if I screwed up my eyes a little, either in the light or in the darkness, my eyes would turn into something like a microscope and I could immediately see an innumerable multitude of tiny round creatures in transparent shells, with minuscule nuclei inside. They were always on the move, sometimes as if reluctant and sometimes fast, closely surrounded by even tinier creatures, also diaphanous and shimmering. All in all, the whole air (if I could believe my screwed up eyes) was replete with these small fry who lived their own, mysterious lives. But discerning any details of that life was beyond my powers. I decided to entrust this task to scientists, should they ever become interested in the peculiarity of my vision. A special device must be invented to enable the scientists to observe with my eyes from inside of me the creatures that I had discovered. Anyhow, thinking about the scientists was boring and I turned to the other conundrum.

Actually, this other question was puzzling me much more. I needed to understand – who on earth was Rosa? I just realised that I knew almost nothing about this woman. She doesn’t seem to have any friends. She doesn’t go to work. She lives alone in this square room with bare walls. In her plywood wardrobe painted with floor paint, there are hangers with two or three dresses and a coat. On the whatnot in the same colour as the wardrobe, there is a radio that looks like a military transmitter and a pile of literary monthlies from the town library. She has neither a fridge nor a television, nor a little rug depicting a seated beauty, nor portraits on the walls like those that the Baronkins could boast of (yet they always complain to each other about lack of money). Compared with them, Rosa in my opinion is very poor, almost destitute. But she never complains about anything and, on the whole, talks very little.

The most perplexing part is her attitude towards me, her silent, constant and dogged care that is simply inexplicable. Calmly and diligently, she watches over my wellbeing and the correctness of my every move, and it seems that there was or is no other purpose in her life.

I suddenly felt hot. The scratchy blanket was burning my skin. The odd expression “watches over” got stuck in my head and grew a sinister sprout: “watches over – by order”. So, does it mean that… somebody must have secretly chosen me to be their tool... and Rosa is entrusted with leading and directing me towards the required purpose? What would she do if I spoke my thoughts aloud? Most likely she would...

At that moment, I was so startled that I bit my lip. Something white flickered in the dark abyss of the mirror aslant from me, and another shadow rose between the two which kept scurrying over the wall.

But in an instant, it became clear to me that Rosa had risen from her bed and was moving towards me. Her face was shaded by thick darkness, yet her body, smooth and thin, was almost translucent in the night’s silvery glow. Barely having time to shut my eyes, I felt the wave of air, warmed by her body and, through my lowered eyelashes, saw a small sinuous belly right in front of me. It was shaded by her breasts, which looked like two tall pitchers.

Why does this long gone uneventful night continue to beam so powerfully the radioactive rays of terror and rapture that reach and affect my present self? Indeed, can one seriously, without a smile, elevate to the rank of an event a thing like that: one person’s getting up in the middle of the night and coming up to the bed of another person, lifting the blanket that dropped on the floor and covering the one lying in bed telling him with a gentle chuckle, ‘C’mon, stop fretting, sleep well...’

However, everything that happened then and afterwards has turned into a chain of irrefutable proofs making me admit that there is nothing more frightening, beautiful and fantastical than so-called real life. This very life, banal yet particular, essentially languishing in numbness and obscurity, desires to entrust itself to words, whereas words are mostly concerned with their appearance and are always preening.

When I started telling this story, I made a promise to myself not to give in to the temptation to invent things and at the very least not to make up any circumstances, as long as those still alive and uninvented, and virtually impossible to invent, are waiting to be noticed, like poor relations pining by the door all this time.

I turned over to the other side, face to the wall, listening to her barefoot steps and realising that, during all the time of my vigil, Rosa was not asleep either. It was as if she had listened to me and then given a cautious and accurate reply to my loud delirious thoughts, which very soon, in just fifteen years or even less, would turn out not so delirious at all.