Juggling Work and More
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
Jay and Holly quickly figured out I can handle a crisis but I can’t handle guilt. Not only did they use that fact whenever it was to their advantage, but that’s how we got Petey—the tiger cat who took over our household.
For months, they had been asking for a pet, especially because they remembered our previous animals. At first, I patiently explained our schedule, saying it wouldn’t be fair to an animal to be left alone so much.
They’d countered with the thought that a cat likes being left alone. I again said no.
They described the new litter of kittens in the neighborhood, adding they’d be “put to sleep” if a home wasn’t found soon. I remained unmoved.
Finally, Holly looked at me with sorrowful eyes. “How come when we ask you for a kitty, you always say no, but the first time we asked Daddy, he said yes!”
I knew I’d lost. “Go get your cat, Holly.”
Both kiddos were out the door almost before I finished the sentence.
Sadly, that wasn’t the only time guilt directed my decisions. And I especially understand the guilt the working mother carries—caused by the amount of time she (we!) must spend away from the children while earning the daily bread. But instead of bemoaning our fate, allow me to offer a solution: flextime. By offering flextime schedules to those who want them, employers will help lessen our guilt and, at the same time, benefit themselves by gaining an employee with greatly improved morale.
A recent award-winning movie had a riveting scene in which a slave begged her new owner to buy her two children as well. As the woman pleaded to keep her little ones, she said she’d be the best slave he’d ever have if he wouldn’t separate them. He refused and bought only her.
As our audience sighed or shed tears at the scene, we knew the owner had made a mistake. The woman’s grief was so deep, she couldn’t work. The slave owner had ignored a basic principle today’s managers need to understand too: Let us women take care of what’s important to us, and we’ll also take care of what’s important to our bosses.
When we moved to New York, my work schedule thrust Jay and Holly into the world of latchkey kids. I wasn’t handling the routine well, so I talked it over with my boss. He let me start work earlier so I could arrive home only an hour later than my children. Not only did that help my situation, but the business actually got extra hours out of me since I often worked through lunch.
Like it or not, Christian women are working outside the home, and Christian organizations especially should offer flexible hours whenever possible for those who need them. I’m not looking forward to standing before the Lord to give an account for my parenting. But I hope I get to ask that several bosses be made to stand there with me.
Most of us get tired just from juggling guilt; we don’t need to add worry. Thus, safe and affordable child care is of utmost importance and goes a long way toward alleviating a working mother’s worry. If your work site doesn’t have a preschool nursery, pray a lot and look at what is available in your area. Here are a few suggestions worth checking:
No matter what solution you choose, check the references. Then once you’ve chosen the caregiver, watch your child’s demeanor when in that person’s presence. Don’t ignore any sign of fear. The child’s safety tops convenience.
Speaking of safety, here are a few ways we can ensure our older children are safe at home when we’re not there:
I always instructed Jay and Holly to say, “I’m sorry, but my mother can’t come to the phone right now. If you’ll leave a message, I’ll have her call you back shortly.” One of the men with whom I taught was angry at lunch, saying he’d called the night before but Holly wouldn’t let him talk to me.
“You couldn’t have been in the shower that long!” he snarled, guessing at the reason for Holly’s deliberately vague explanation on the phone.
“Oh, so you’re the one who wouldn’t leave his name,” I said. And then, though I was under no obligation, I explained, “I was at the grocery store.”
“Well, she could have told me you weren’t home.”
“Why? She doesn’t know you.”
“Well, that’s dumb.”
The other mothers at the lunch table chimed in immediately, coming to my defense and letting him know he really was out of line.
It’s also important to address your children’s concerns.
Sharon, a recent single mom, remembers a tired mother in a fabric department who got a call right in the middle of cutting a length of material. Sharon could hear her pleading with first one son and then another, saying she’d help them settle it when she got home in a couple of hours.
Sharon confesses her first thought was to wonder why the woman didn’t stay home with her kids, “where she belonged.” It was easy for Sharon to be self-righteous. Her physician husband paid her bills; their children were cared for a few hours each day by a housekeeper. But when her husband left her for his nurse, Sharon’s world came tumbling down. Eventually, she even had to take a job outside the home. Then she remembered the woman from the fabric department with a new understanding.
Prayer: Father God, this isn’t the life I dreamed about. But here I am—facing challenge after challenge. So I welcome your invitation to present all my requests and concerns directly to you. But you’ll have to help me do that with a good attitude. I confess I’d rather just whine.
Thoughts to Ponder
Personal Ponderings