Breathe Deeply, Pray Often
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
What do you tell your children about their father? Widows often speak of only his good qualities. One of my friends did that too well; her son refused to play football, thinking he’d never be as good as his dad.
Divorced moms have to fight the other extreme of talking about only his undesirable qualities. But Diane made a better choice when she introduced her fifteen-year-old son when he stopped by our workplace. As we chatted, he said, “Some people think I look like my mother. But I don’t think so, do you?”
Before I could answer, Diane smiled and said, “No, you look like your dad.”
Then she turned to me. “His dad is a fox! That’s why I married him.”
As her son shyly smiled, I thought about Diane’s bitter divorce and marveled she didn’t transfer that pain to her son with a sarcastic comment about his looking like his father. Instead, her words were a gift to her son, just as today’s Scripture says.
Another gift to give a child is the refusal to transfer blame. Renee, even as an adult, is convinced she caused her parents’ marriage to fail. She still remembers the evening she timidly approached her crying mother with, “Why did Daddy leave?”
Her mother’s answer? “Everything was fine until you came along!”
So let’s determine to bite back stinging comments and concentrate on getting through each day. This restraint is especially important if the child spends weekends with the dad.
When Claire packed overnight bags for her children’s first weekend away, she put masking tape over her mouth to keep from saying the bitter things she was thinking.
“My kids thought it was a game and put tape on their mouths too,” she says. “We all looked pretty silly, but it helped me get through the packing and gave them a fun memory.”
Ah, memories. One of my favorites is of my Kentucky grandparents kneeling in their living room each evening and praying aloud at the same time. I’d try to pray too, but I was so intrigued by the thought of God sorting their voices I’d never get through my own petitions.
I wonder what memories of prayer Jay and Holly will carry into their adulthood. I’d like it to be of the prayers and Scripture after dinner, but it probably will be the times when I began with, “Lord, you know I hate days like this.”
Connie says her mother’s prayers followed her in California during the 1960s hippie era.
“No matter where I was or what I was doing, I knew she was praying for me,” Connie says. “The memory of her kneeling by her bed with an open Bible just wouldn’t leave me. Now that I’m raising my daughter alone, I want her to talk to God as easily as she talks to me. That means she has to see me doing it too.”
But what if praying with another person is new to you?
You take a deep breath for courage and tell your children you’d like them to join you in talking to God together. Sometimes, though, you don’t have time to discuss it first. Vina had felt awkward about praying aloud, but when her teen daughter threatened to move out, she grabbed her in a bear hug and prayed aloud, “Lord, help me show this special little gal I really do love her. Amen.”
Her daughter looked up at Vina. “How come you’ve never prayed with me before?”
When Vina stammered, “I guess I was afraid,” the daughter hugged her again. Finally they were communicating on a level the teen could understand.
And isn’t that the goal we all share?
Prayer: Father God, help me choose the right words as I talk to my children about their dad. Help me talk to you about everything. Help me show my children how to talk to you. May they hear my love—and yours.
Thoughts to Ponder
Personal Ponderings