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I left John’s house feeling relieved for the first time since Charlotte died. While I was excited about the possibility of starting over and helping him out with Lily, I was reluctant to jump on packing my stuff up, just in case this didn’t pan out after all. When I left, I made sure that he was going to go upstairs and talk to Lily. I didn’t want to stick around for their conversation about me moving in and helping out because I needed her to have the chance to say no if she wanted to. And if I was there, I couldn’t imagine that she would.
I loved Lily with every fiber of my being, and her happiness was more important to me than a roof over my damn head. I wanted only the best for her and knew how vulnerable she was right now. So, if there was a way to make anything easier for her, I was going to do it. Even if it made my life harder.
It was a little after nine when I got home. I had no desire to come back to an empty apartment, but I also couldn’t justify driving around town and wasting gas that I might not be able to afford next week. I got comfy, made a cup of chamomile tea, and sat down on the couch with the book I had started reading before the accident. Reading had always been my escape, but lately, I couldn’t read more than five words without getting lost in my thoughts.
I sipped my tea and opened the book, letting my fingers trail over the worn-out bookmark that Charlotte had bought me for my eleventh birthday. It was the first one that I had to spend without my parents, and she saved her allowance to buy me a copy of James and The Giant Peach and a bookmark with two tree frogs having a tea party.
She knew that the book was my absolute favorite and that I had checked it out so many times from the library that my name was practically the only name on their check-out list. The bookmark was supposed to be her and me when we got older, enjoying our books, and drinking tea.
I closed the book and wiped the tears away from my cheeks with the back of my hand. I set my tea down on the coffee table and tried to take a deep breath. Just as the grief was starting to build up again, I got a text message from John. I opened my phone and read it.
John: Lily is 100% on board with you moving in and being her nanny.
John: She wants to know if you start tomorrow, or if you want to start tonight and stay over?
I felt my cheeks splitting as my grin spread from ear to ear. His last text was a picture of the two of them sitting on her bed, and hands pressed together as she begged with her eyes squinted closed.
Me: It’s late, and she has an early day at school tomorrow. How about I pick her up after school and officially start then?
I waited for a few minutes, chewing my nail nervously when the dots started bouncing then disappeared. I didn’t want to disappoint her, but I also didn’t want to just rush over there. Suddenly, my phone started ringing. I rolled my eyes and swiped my finger across the screen to answer John’s call.
“I can’t do all this texting crap,” John said with a chuckle. I could hear Lily in the background, scolding him for his language. “Sorry,” he added, more to her than to me.
“That’s alright. I always prefer phone calls over texts anyway,” I said sarcastically, thankful that it was just a phone call and not a FaceTime request. I had already washed off my makeup and tossed my hair up onto my head.
“Really? That’s so—”
“No, I’m messing with you,” I laughed, hearing his disappointment when I cut him off.
“Maybe I should reconsider this arrangement after all... I don’t know if I want someone who prefers electronic communication over verbal.”
“This—coming from the guy who is the Vice President of a global tech company?” I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.
“Hey, I’m just saying that I grew up in a world where people talked about things. Not the constant text messages and IM and emails.”
“Who do you know that still uses IM? Do they have a landline?” I teased, enjoying razzing him.
“Very funny,” he quipped. “Anyway, Lily wants to know if you want to come stay the night tonight.”
“I wish I could, but I’m already in bed.”
I felt terrible for lying, but it was for the better.
“Bull. Shit.”
I felt my face flush at least seven shades of red when he called me out.
“What?! It’s true. I’m in bed,” I paused to force a yawn. “And I’m so sleepy already.”
“I’ll make a deal with you,” he said, pressing the phone closer to his mouth. “If I can guess at least three out of five things that I think you’re doing right now, you have to get your ass over here and stay the night. Deal?”
I pulled in a deep breath and slowly let it out. He wasn’t going to win. There was no way he could possibly know that much about me.
“Fine. Deal. But you’re going to lose.”
I heard him laugh in the background, moving the phone from his face, so the loud sound didn’t hurt my ears. “Lily, please go get Emma’s bedroom ready for her.”
I rolled my eyes again at how cocky he was being.
“Okay, are you ready?” he asked.
“Are you? Because you’re still going to lose.”
“Oh, Emma. You have no faith in me.”
“Nope.”
“Alright, I’m going to go with... you’re sitting on your couch, wearing no makeup, with a cup of tea getting cold on the coffee table, and a book sitting next to you that you don’t plan to read.”
How in the world did he know all of that? I leaned forward and looked around to make sure he wasn’t somehow hiding in my apartment, and I hadn’t seen him. That would be the only possible explanation of what had just happened.
“Those were only four things,” I said dismissively, brushing off the fact that he was right.
“Alright, I’ll add in that you left the kettle on the stove, and now you’re wondering if you turned it off.”
I hadn’t thought about it until he said something, but I found myself jumping up and rushing over to make sure that I had turned it off.
“So, what was I? Five for five?”
I could hear the satisfaction in his voice and pictured the smirk he likely had on his face.
“Those were all easy guesses,” I countered, walking back over to the couch and sitting down.
“Oh really?”
“Yes,” I laughed nervously, feeling the pressure from the other end of the phone. It felt weird, but there was something different about how John and I acted with each other. It was almost as if... we were... flirting. My heart immediately sunk in my chest, and I closed my eyes. Shame flooded over me as I realized that I had been flirting with my dead best friend’s husband. I was a terrible person and deserved all the misery that was washing over me.
“I don’t think it had anything to do with being easy. I think it had to do with me knowing you better than you think. Now go pack your bag and get your ass over here. I’ll be waiting for you at the door in twenty minutes.”
I didn’t have to worry about what to say because he hung up after that. Instead, I was left to deal with the guilt and mix of emotions still racing through me from what I had done. Maybe moving in with them was a terrible idea after all.