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We started the morning later than I had expected, but when we added in a last-minute pitstop to buy a fish tank and food for our newest family member, it put a slight delay in the plans. Not that we were on a strict schedule or anything, but I was on pins and needles, excited to get to Las Vegas. I hadn’t been there since Charlotte, and I celebrated our twenty-first birthdays, and that was a trip that I would never forget, what I could remember of it anyways. Tequila had a funny way of making memories and reality disappear.
John had grabbed us breakfast from McDonald’s and was eating his while he drove while Lily tended to Sammy’s new tank. She wanted to make sure that it was fun and safe—something that I didn’t quite understand but insisted that he had plenty of rocks and a castle that he could hide in if needed. I wasn’t sure how she even knew that it was a boy, but I wasn’t about to argue about it. I also didn’t want to be the one to break her heart by telling her that its life expectancy was going to be relatively short.
I sat back and ate my egg McMuffin, wiping my face with my napkin as I watched her. It was quiet in the motorhome, other than the soft sound of the road beneath us. We had spent our first night in it, and I was pleasantly surprised by how comfortable it really was. John never budged and ended up sleeping on the bed where the table goes, and Lily took the one at the front of the motorhome above the chairs. That left me with the big bed in the back, all to myself. It was kind of nice to have them so close, yet there was plenty of room between us. I found myself waking up a few times to check on Lily, worried that somehow, she would just vanish into thin air.
A few minutes later, Lily was satisfied with Sammy’s home and let him be in the new tank that had been decked out with all the extras that she purchased. I was worried about it sliding around or getting knocked over if John took a turn too hard, but luckily, the tank fit perfectly in the kitchen sink where it was safely tucked in.
She smiled and sat down across from me, pulling her breakfast over to her.
“You made a nice home,” I said, nodding to Sammy.
She looked over her shoulder, still smiling. I could see the pride on her face from a job well done.
“Thanks. Once we get home, I’ll see if we can get a bigger tank and maybe another fish to keep him company. I bet he would like to have a girlfriend. Everyone needs someone,” she said with a hint of sadness in her voice.
“Are you okay?” I asked softly, keeping my voice low to keep John from hearing too much.
“Yeah,” she sighed heavily. “I’ve just been thinking.”
“About boyfriends and girlfriends?” I pried gently, wondering if she was getting to the age of the talk.
She looked up in surprise, her eyes darting past my shoulder to look at John. I noticed the music up front got a little bit louder and realized that John was trying to give us whatever privacy he could in the small space.
“Not for me,” she said wearily, taking a bite out of her hash brown. She waited while she chewed, thinking about how to say whatever it was that she was trying to say.
“For my dad.”
I pulled back, surprised by what she had said. It wasn’t something that I was expecting, and I didn’t know how to respond.
“Does your dad want a girlfriend?” I asked quietly, unsure of how to navigate this.
“He says that he doesn’t. And I know that he misses my mom. But my friend at school, her dad died before Christmas, and her mom is already starting to date again. She said that her mom is happier than she’s ever been before. And I don’t want to forget my mom, but I want my dad to be happy again, so maybe he needs to have a girlfriend.”
We weren’t in Las Vegas yet, but I was willing to bet everything that John had heard everything that Lily had just said. How could you not? Maybe it was just in my head, but it felt like her words were so loud that they ricocheted off the walls of the motorhome and slapped me in the face.
“I think that each person is different,” I said uncomfortably, trying to ease into the conversation. “There’s not really a timeframe for how long it takes before someone is ready to start dating again. I know that your dad is happy to be spending so much time with you, but I’m not sure that he’s ready to start dating someone yet. I think that when he is ready, you’ll know because he’ll sit down and talk to you about it beforehand.”
“That makes sense,” she replied around a mouthful of pancakes. While she seemed okay with what I had said, something still seemed off with her.
“Lily, do you think your daddy wants a girlfriend and that he won’t tell you before he starts seeing someone new?”
“No. I think he will tell me when he’s ready.”
“Are you afraid that you won’t be ready?”
Her face fell, and she dropped her hands to the table.
“What if he tries to replace my mom?”
“Oh honey,” I rushed out, my heart breaking for her. “No one, and I mean no one, could ever replace her. I can promise you that your daddy won’t try to either. She was an amazing woman and meant so much to him. Even if your dad does find someone else that he wants to spend time with, it won’t be to replace her.”
She nodded her head, her eyes filled with tears.
“I know that you want him to be happy, but you don’t have to be scared that his happiness will mean that he forgets about her. That’s not how it works, sweetie. And I’m sure your friend’s mom hasn’t forgotten about her dad either.”
Lily seemed to be better after that, but I had a knot in my stomach the size of Mars. I knew that I would have to talk to John about my conversation with Lily, but I also didn’t want to break her trust. Maybe, if I was lucky, he would have heard it all and know what to do from here.
The hours passed by quickly, and the next thing I knew, we were looking at the Welcome to Las Vegas sign as we approached the strip. I got up and sat in the passenger seat, taking in the rush of excitement that was pulsing through me as I took everything in. Things had changed so much since I had been here—almost twenty years ago—that it felt like being here for the first time again.
“Do you remember the last time we were here?” John asked as if he was reading my mind.
“The penny margaritas at our hotel that got us drunk off our asses the first night we got here,” I laughed, remembering how drunk we were. “And the guy who tried to marry you and me when he thought we were a couple—only because he was trying to get with Charlotte.”
“Shoot, we were all so wasted that we probably did get married and didn’t even know it,” he laughed.
I swallowed hard, unable to laugh naturally at his attempt at a joke, with my conversation from earlier so fresh in my mind. There was no way that John and I had been accidentally married, but Lily’s concern about someone replacing her mom ate at me in a weird way that I couldn’t put my thumb on it.
“It was a crazy trip, that’s for sure,” I said to fill the silence.
I watched the people walking along the sidewalk in masses, looking around at everything around them instead of paying attention to where they were going. I remembered that feeling, being so in awe that you couldn’t focus on anything other than the wonderment around you.
The traffic was heavy with cars lined up, bumper to bumper, waiting for the light to turn green. Lily came and sat in the chair behind me, leaning around to look at the strip. It was a lot to take in, and I loved the look on her face when she tried. Soon, we had made our way to the hotel and checked in. I was surprised when John told me that we were staying for a few days and that there would be plenty of time for shopping, sightseeing, and catching a few shows. The bigger surprise was when he told me that he had rented me my own room, which adjoined theirs. This way, I could have privacy without being too far away from them.
I sat down on the pillow-top queen-sized bed and looked around the room. There were two beds, which made me excited to have Lily stay with me one night and give John a break if he wanted it. I imagined us staying in and having a total girl's night with manicures and pedicures and junk food galore! I got up and walked over to the window, pulling back the sheer curtain to take a look at the strip below. It was still daylight, so the real magic wouldn’t happen until the sun went down and the neon lights created the real Vegas vibe.
I grabbed my suitcase and set it down on the other bed, unzipping it to find an outfit to wear. I didn’t know what the plans were for the day, but it was definitely too hot to wear what I had on. When we left Santa Monica this morning, it was a little on the chilly side, so I had thrown on a pair of leggings and a tank top, with a hoodie over it until I warmed up.
Las Vegas was a whole different beast, and it was already over one hundred degrees. I sent John a quick text to let him know that I was going to take a quick shower and freshen up, then I would be ready if they wanted to do something. He confirmed that they would clean up too and said that they would be ready in an hour. That gave me plenty of time to get ready.
I unpacked the bottles of shampoo and conditioner that I had packed and took them with me to the bathroom. I turned on the shower, waiting for the water to get hot, while I looked through the pile of samples sitting by the sink. Once the water was steaming over the shower curtain, I grabbed the bottle of coconut-scented body wash that I wanted to try and hopped in.
The shower was refreshing and gave me a nice burst of energy. I blow-dried my hair to keep the frizz away, thankful that it was still relatively short, even though I could use another trim. Since it was barely longer than my chin, it didn’t give me too many options to pull it up off of my head. I grabbed a few bobby pins and pulled half of my hair up into a ponytail, pinning my bangs back with it.
I didn’t bother putting much makeup on since I would end up sweating it off anyway. I ran the mascara brush through my lashes, pulling up to make them look longer. It wasn’t much, but I loved the way it made my eyes look. I opened my make-up bag, looking for my lipstick when I felt that something was missing. I dumped the contents out on the counter next to the sink and went through each item, separating them by the order I used them.
In one pile were the two eyeshadows that I brought, an eyeliner, an eyelash curler, mascara, blush, and two lipstick tubes. Next to that was my bottle of foundation, my pressed compact, and the makeup brushes that I used. The only other items were the things that I used at night when I was getting ready for bed. I had a pack of makeup-removing wipes, a moisturizer, my toothbrush and toothpaste, and some floss. Then I realized that the one thing that was missing was the one thing that I didn’t want to forget—my birth control.
Not that I was planning to need it while on vacation with my best friend’s husband and their daughter, but I hated not being on the pill. I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t been on them, so it felt like a huge problem not to have them.
I tried to force myself not to think about it or let it ruin my trip. There were worse things that could happen, and I wasn’t going to die from not taking my pills for a month. Granted, I was getting ready to start a new pack on Sunday, and now I wouldn’t have them. I thought about what the likelihood was that my doctor would be in the office at four o’clock on a Thursday, but it was worth a shot. I could call her and ask if she could call in a one-month supply to a pharmacy out here, and then everything would be okay.
The only problem was that I had no idea where there was a pharmacy close by, and the last thing that I wanted to do was explain this to John or Lily. It would be mortifying to talk to him about birth control because I didn’t want him to think of me having sex. I had been on it since I was a teenager and needed it to help me regulate my cycles, which is why I felt so stressed over not having it.
I pulled on a pair of cutoff denim shorts and a loose cotton tank top, hoping that it would be cool enough for the unbearable heat outside. I loved the summer, but only in California, where it wasn’t this dry heat that they had in the desert. I preferred the cooler temperatures of the bay area, where you could cool off with a quick dip in the ocean.
I was sitting on my bed, googling pharmacies near me, when I heard a knock on the adjoining door. I got up and unlocked it, smiling when I saw John on the other side. There was still twenty minutes before we were supposed to go, so I wasn’t sure if they were ready early.
“Hey, are you guys ready?” I asked, opening the door to let him into my room. His door stayed open on the other side, and I heard the shower running.
“Not yet. Lily is taking a quick shower and then has to get ready. I just thought I would check and see how you like your room.”
“It’s great, thank you. You didn’t have to book a separate room for me, but I do appreciate it.”
“I thought it might be nice for us to all have some room to spread out for a few days before we’re back on the road in the motorhome. Lily is excited to have her own big bed,” he laughed, looking back into the room where her suitcase was overflowing onto her bed.
“She really needs a new suitcase,” I commented. “Maybe two.”
“She’s as bad as her mom,” he muttered, sitting down on the edge of my bed.
I laughed, knowing that it was true. Charlotte was a horrible packer and took more than she needed. Always be prepared was her motto, and she definitely lived by it.
John looked over at my suitcase that was open on the other bed and laughed.
“I can’t imagine a woman who packs that light,” he said. “It seems unreal that you don’t have a whole house in there.”
I looked at the suitcase and laughed. It wasn’t all that small, but not the biggest compared to what they had brought. It was twenty-five inches, which was more than enough for me. If I had the larger ones, like they had, it would probably overflow with a bunch of random crap that I didn’t need.
“I only bring what I think I will need,” I said with a shrug. “And forget the things that I actually do need,” I muttered under my breath, frustrated.
“What did you forget?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said dismissively. I still needed to find a pharmacy and get in touch with my doctor before she left for the day.
“Emma.”
I rolled my eyes and blew out a heavy breath.
“My birth control.”
He pulled his head back in surprise, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.
“Oh. I didn’t realize you were planning to—”
“John!” I shrieked, stopping him from finishing his sentence. “I’m not planning to get with anyone while on vacation with you guys,” I said quickly to stop the thoughts that were running through his head.
“Oh,” he replied nervously.
“I need them to regulate my cycles,” I explained, turning to face the window to avoid looking at him.
“I wasn’t judging if you wanted to—”
“John—please stop. We are not going to talk about birth control or me getting with any guys while we are on this trip. Okay?”
He laughed and put his hands up, almost relieved that I put a stop to it.
“Is there a way that you can get a prescription for them while you’re here? Do they do that?”
“I was getting ready to call my doctor to ask her. I have no idea whether or not she will do it, but it’s worth a shot. I just have to find a pharmacy close by first.”
He got up from the bed and started to walk back to his room.
“We have a car, Emma. Just have them call them in to whatever pharmacy they can, and we’ll go pick them up.” He tapped his knuckles against the doorframe before he walked inside and closed their door.
I exhaled heavily and sat down on the bed. I picked up my phone and called my doctor, chewing on my nail while praying that she would do this for me.