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We woke up Thursday morning and loaded up the motorhome before grabbing breakfast in Sundance Square. I slept terribly last night, and the weight of my decision to take the interview with BayView Advertising felt so heavy that I couldn’t shake the guilt away. I knew that I needed to tell John, but I didn’t know how. If I didn’t get the job, then none of it would matter anyway. However, if somehow fate finally decided to take pity on me and give me this opportunity, then John would need time to find a new nanny for Lily before school started in August. Either that, or he would have to cut his hours at work back even further, which I wasn’t sure he could do.
I poked at my poached eggs on my plate, not having an appetite. My mind was overwhelmed with the excitement of possibly getting everything I’ve ever wished for and the dread of having to walk away from everything that I had come to love.
“What’s wrong?” John asked quietly, nodding to my plate full of food. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. There was no way to avoid him when he had that look on his face. He was going to keep pressing until he got it out of me. I already knew that. I just hoped that I could stall as long as possible.
We were sitting outside on the patio at a bistro table, enjoying the warmth before the day heated up beyond our comfort levels. We would already be back on the road, on our way to Arkansas, before that happened.
I turned my attention to Lily, who was devouring the chocolate chip pancakes on her plate, sliding the pieces around in the syrup before popping them into her mouth.
“So, Lily, what’s left on the bucket list?” I asked, ignoring the way his intense glare bored into the side of my head with a heat so extreme that my brain should be fried.
“Let me see,” she said around a mouthful of pancakes while she reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded-up, worn-out piece of paper.
I cut into my sausage link, trying to force the small bite into my mouth, so it looked like I was eating.
“There are six left that we haven’t done yet,” she confirmed, looking over her list. There were giant checkmarks in the boxes she made beside each one that we had completed.
“Okay, let’s hear what they are,” I suggested, desperate to keep the attention on her and away from me.
She set her fork down, using both hands to hold the paper up in front of her.
“Keep your eye on the night sky, and you just might see one pass by.”
I smiled, remembering when Charlotte had written that one down. She felt lovesick over a boy at school and was convinced that making a wish on a shooting star would make it come true.
“Shooting star,” I confirmed. “We’re staying in Virginia tonight, at a campground. We can sit outside and look for one if you want? The sky will be clear without any city lights nearby.”
She nodded excitedly and pulled a pen out of her purse as she made a note.
“Okay, the next one is, if you are what you eat, make sure you pick something sweet.”
I scrunched my nose and nibbled on my toast.
“We can see if your grandparents have a garden. Or maybe one of their neighbors?” I offered, feeling a little bit lost on that one.
She shrugged and kept on down the list, buying me the time that I needed. I noticed the tension in John’s neck and hands as he clasped them together under his chin, resting his elbows on the table. Once she was finished, he was quick to take over the conversation.
“Lily, can you go inside and find our waitress. I’d like to get our check so we can get back on the road.” His tone was curt, and she flinched for a second at it. I narrowed my eyes at him, giving him a dirty look for taking his anger and frustration out on her.
Lily pushed away from the table, her plate empty, as she went to find her.
“Was that really necessary?” I huffed out, turning my head to look at him.
Our backs were turned to the door that Lily had gone inside, so I had to turn around fully to make sure she had made it in. It was weird how overly protective I had gotten over her, but the thought of anything bad happening to her crushed my soul in a way that I couldn’t begin to imagine.
“We need to talk, Emma, and you keep pushing me away. So yeah, I’m a little frustrated about it.”
“So that means taking it out on your daughter? Real mature, John.”
“I didn’t mean to,” he growled, the frustration ready to burst out of him. “I can apologize to her later, just like I’ve been trying to do with you, but you won’t let me.”
“Because I don’t want to hear it,” I snapped, immediately hating the anger in my tone. “The kiss was a mistake that should have never happened, and it’s best that we just forget it.”
“You guys kissed?” Lily said, suddenly standing behind us.
I whipped around in my chair, covering my mouth as my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I had no idea that she was there and didn’t know how much of that conversation she had heard. She hadn’t been gone that long, but then I also didn’t hear her walk up on us.
“It’s not what you think,” John said calmly, reaching out to touch her arm.
She jerked away from him angrily, tears in her eyes as she turned and ran away.
I pushed away from the table and tossed my napkin on the plate. I grabbed my phone from the table and took off after her.