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I woke up to the sun glaring at me through the curtain. I rolled over and found Lily sitting at the table, her head down as she watched something on her tablet. She looked up, surprised when she saw me awake.
“What time is it?” I asked, hoping that I had more strength than I did last time. I guess I should have started with what day it was instead because it felt like several had passed by already.
“It’s a little after three,” she said, getting up to come over to me.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“All day yesterday, last night, and then all day today.”
“What day is it?” I asked, feeling the pain as I sat up.
“Saturday.”
“Are we still in Tennessee?”
She shook her head no.
“Where are we?”
“Virginia. We just got to the hotel a few minutes ago. Dad’s inside checking in.”
“Hotel?” I croaked, my throat still sore. It was turning into a game of twenty questions, but I felt so lost and had no idea what had been going on.
“Daddy didn’t want to push it today, so he thought we could stay in Virginia today and then get on the road again tomorrow. He said that he knew you wanted to get to New Jersey before you leave on Thursday, so we’ll drive all day tomorrow and get to nana and pop’s house in the evening.”
The look on her face almost killed me. She was sad that I was leaving, and I hated that I had created this pain for her. I couldn’t be mad at John for telling her about it—hell, I had been the one who told him that he needed to. I just wished he would have given it a little more time before he ripped that band-aid off.
“I’m sorry that I have to leave early and go back,” I said softly, trying to force the corners of my mouth up into a smile.
“It’s okay. Daddy said that the job you’ve always wanted finally opened up, so you need to go back to interview for it.”
“That’s right.” I kept my words short and sweet, unwilling to add any more turmoil to her beautiful face by telling her that I wouldn’t be her nanny when she went back either. I wanted her to enjoy the rest of the trip without having that weighing on her mind.
“Did you get to see any fireflies last night?” I asked, hoping to change the topic.
Her face lit up as she started telling me about their adventures and how she tried desperately to catch one but couldn’t. John, on the other hand, was the hero who caught two in a mason jar for her. They let them go and watched as they flew away. She also told me about how John had created a story for them and told her that they had found their soulmate and were flying off to spend forever together because they were hopelessly in love.
The words struck a chord somewhere deep down inside of me, and I felt the heat tingle up my spine as I started to panic. Those sounded like the same exact words that I had heard last night, too, only I couldn’t place where.
Part of me thought that maybe it was on one of the shows that Lily had been watching on her tablet, but when the door opened and John walked in, I knew that wasn’t it. He looked at me in a way that I’d never seen him look at me before—guarded. I cringed as I imagined the worst things going through his mind as he tried to figure out how to deal with this situation.
It’s not like it’s an everyday thing for your dead wife’s best friend to confess her love for you while she’s delirious from a dangerously high fever.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, leaning against the table, one ankle crossed over the other.
“A little better, but still weak.”
He nodded in understanding.
“I was just telling Emma about our fireflies last night and how they were in love!” Lily giggled, making kissing sounds.
I watched John’s Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed. This wasn’t a conversation that he wanted to have. I could tell by the tension radiating through the room the moment he stepped inside.
“Well, our room is ready. Why don’t we go get settled in?” He pushed off from the table and fished the keys out of his pocket to go grab the luggage from the back. He paused for a minute before walking down the steps to the door. “I’m sorry, I tried to get two rooms so you could have your own. Unfortunately, they were completely booked, but they did give me a room with two queen beds and a sleeper sofa. I’ll sleep on the couch, and you girls can take the beds.”
“It’s okay,” I rushed out, not wanting him to go out of his way for me. “I can stay in here. I don’t mind.”
“You’re going to stay in here?” he asked as if it was the most ridiculous thing he had heard.
“Sure, why not? I have a bed. A bathroom. Food and water.” I looked around, trying to find more to justify me staying in here. “Sammy the fish. Someone’s gotta keep him company,” I said with a wink to Lily.
“The fish will be fine,” he grumbled, his hand hovering over the door handle. “Please come stay with us in the room.”
I couldn’t tell if it was an offer or a demand, given the way that he said it. But the look on Lily’s face with her beady little blue eyes staring up at me convinced me to give in and go.
Thirty minutes later, we were in the room. Luckily, we had a room on the first floor this time, so I didn’t have to worry about climbing the flight of stairs to the second story. It wasn’t a terrible hotel, but not as fancy as the other ones that John had chosen so far. Overall, we were lucky to even get a room, so I guess there was no need to complain.
It was a little after four, and my stomach was finally starting to wake up and feel hungry. Apparently, it was so hungry that it growled loud enough for John and Lily to hear. She laughed hysterically while I tried not to, sparing my ribs the pain.
“Well, it sounds like we should start looking at dinner options,” John announced. “Does anything sound good to you?”
I knew that the hotel didn’t have room service because of how small and outdated it was. That meant that he was going to have to go out of his way to get food for us.
“I’ll just grab something light from wherever you guys go,” I said nervously, feeling the weight of his look.
“Emma,” he scolded with a sigh. “What do you feel like? You’re the one who hasn’t eaten anything in over twenty-four hours. I want to get you what you think you can handle. So please, tell me what you would like for dinner.”
I leaned slightly closer and noticed the exhaustion in his tone and the faint bags under his eyes. I wasn’t trying to make things harder for him. But it seemed like the more I tried to keep him from doing things for me, the worse I made them.
“I would love some chicken noodle soup if you can find some,” I replied softly.
“Thank you,” he said and got up from the bed. “Lily, do you want to go with me to get food? I might need your help carrying it back.”
“Sure!” She climbed off the bed and put her shoes back on.
After they left, I stretched out on the bed, hoping to relieve some of the achiness that I was still feeling. For the most part, I was feeling better, but definitely not 100%. I looked over at Sammy as he swam around in his tank next to the tv and thought about how simple his life was and how I wished mine was like that.
I was in the bathroom when they got back and hadn’t heard the door when they came in. As I walked out of the bathroom and washed my hands, I glanced in the mirror above me and jumped when I saw John standing right behind me.
“Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me,” I said breathlessly, holding the towel in my hand as I clutched it to my chest. “What are you doing there?”
“I thought you heard us come in. Lily let the door slam hard enough that I’m sure the neighbors at the other end of the hallway heard it.”
My heart rate was slowly starting to come back down to normal as I dried my hands and laid the towel on the edge of the sink.
“My ears are still kind of plugged, so I can’t hear much. Plus, the bathroom has a fan that turns on with the light, so I couldn’t hear anything.”
“Sorry,” he said, pulling his mouth into a crooked, side smile. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just coming over to grab the cups.” He pointed at the stack of paper cups lined up next to the coffee maker.
I moved out of the way and walked to the bed where Lily had a picnic set up with the take-out bags they brought back. Everything smelled delicious and was making my mouth water.
I was still standing there when John came up behind me, gently touching my lower back as he stepped around me. He set the cups down on the nightstand that separated the two beds and took the clear wrappers off each one.
“Sorry, I couldn’t find chicken noodle soup anywhere,” he apologized, twisting the cap on the 2-liter bottle of Seven-Up. He turned slowly, letting the bubbles fizz to the top before he opened it the rest of the way. “The only thing close by was a Chinese food place, so I grabbed you some egg drop soup. I know that it’s your favorite, but if you’re not in the mood for it, you don’t have to eat it.”
I felt my heart swell inside of my chest, completely touched by his gesture.
“Thank you, that was really sweet of you to remember.”
“No problem,” he shrugged as he filled each cup before putting the cap back on the bottle. “I also ordered family-size portions of everything, in case you felt like eating more than soup. We got chicken fried rice, pot stickers, kung pow chicken, sweet and sour chicken, and my favorite—beef and broccoli.”
I laughed when Lily made a face at the broccoli. She loved pretty much any vegetable except for broccoli.
It didn’t take much to notice that he had ordered all of my favorites. I was surprised that he had remembered everything and even more so that he had ordered all of it, not even knowing if I would be able to eat it. This wasn’t their usual order. It was mine when I would stay for take-out.
“Everything looks and smells delicious,” I said, taking a seat on the bed across from Lily, making sure I didn’t spill anything. John was sitting against the headboard, cramped in the little space that he had left after all the food and plates were spread out between us.
Even though I still felt terribly under the weather, at that moment, I felt the best that I had ever felt. It was the same feeling I had every time I was with them.