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“So then, Mrs. Williams—she’s the nice lady who’s watching Sammy for us while we’re gone—she went running down the beach, trying to catch the seagull that stole her hat!” Lily burst into laughter as she told the story, her face completely illuminated by her happiness.
We were finishing our dinner at Azalia’s, an upscale restaurant with the most divine lobster tail that I’d ever tasted. The room was decent sized with plenty of tables scattered throughout, each one dressed with a crisp white linen tablecloth and a vase of fresh flowers in the center. Our table was against the wall of full-length windows that looked over the ocean, the vibrant colors of the sunset reflected off the water.
Everyone had been quiet for the most part, with Lily doing all the talking, but I could still feel a slight tension in the air between us. While it didn’t feel any different than what I had been feeling with John before I left New Jersey, it struck me as odd that I was starting to feel it from Alice and Charles as well. Had they started to realize that maybe John and Lily had been happy without me and that it wasn’t a bad idea for me to leave after all?
Finally, after John had insisted on paying for the meal, we headed home. I imagined that they were all tired and jet-lagged from their flight today, and honestly, I needed some time to wrap my head around the conflicting messages that my heart was trying to send to my head. I said goodnight to everyone and made sure that Alice and Charles had what they needed in the other guest room before I went to Lily’s room and wished her sweet dreams.
She was already falling asleep, clutching the teddy bear that she got for Christmas when she was five and hadn’t parted with it since. I sat on the edge of the bed, watching as her eyelids fluttered before she gave in and drifted to sleep. My fingers itched to reach over and brush the strand of hair off her face, but I had to remind myself that I couldn’t do those things anymore. It was bad enough that I had come into her room to begin with, but some habits were harder to break than others, which was why it was important for me to find a place to live before they came back for good.
I spent a few minutes beside her, soaking up the feeling of being so close to her that it made my heart ache. I couldn’t imagine a world without her in it, and I hated that soon, I would have to. I wiped the tears from my eyes and gently stood up, making sure I didn’t wake her. When I turned to the door, I saw John standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and a stern look on his face.
My stomach soured when I imagined what he was about to say to me. I deserved to be scolded for what I had done. It wasn’t going to make it any easier for me to leave Lily behind. I padded across the room and followed him down the hall per the nod he gave me.
Once we were in his room, he closed the door and turned to look at me. I couldn’t read him right now, and that scared me. Was he mad at me? Disappointed? He definitely didn’t look pleased.
“We need to talk, Emma,” he said, his tone colder than normal.
I knew it. I clasped my hands together and squished my toes up in my heels, trying to expel as much of the nervous energy as I could without him noticing.
“Do you want to sit?” he asked, nodding to the chair by the window, next to the window seat.
I shook my head, too desperate for him to get this over with and put me out of my misery.
“Okay,” he said heavily with a sigh. “I don’t really know how to say this....”
Oh God, he was trying to let me down easy as he fired me from their lives.
“John, you don’t have to say it—I was planning to be out of the house before you guys came back. I didn’t expect the surprise visit. I can find somewhere to stay this weekend, so you don’t have to worry about it,” I blurted out, ready to head for the door.
He pulled his head back in surprise before narrowing his eyes at me in disbelief.
“That’s what you thought I was going to say? That I want you to leave?”
I waited impatiently, a pinch of heat flaming against my cheeks.
“God, Emma. When is it going to stop?”
He put his hands on his hips and scowled at me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I admitted sheepishly.
“I can see that,” he muttered, running a hand down his face.
“I didn’t ask you to come in here so I could tell you to leave, Emma. I would never ask you to leave, but for whatever reason, you keep trying to run away, and it’s really pissing me off.”
“I’ve told you why John. You don’t want to listen,” I said softly, trying not to upset him further.
“I don’t think that I’m the one who has the problem listening.”
“What do you want me to do? Act like things between us haven’t changed? I can’t do that, John. It’s not fair to you, to me, or Lily. She deserves better than that, and that’s what I’m trying to give her.”
“I get that things have changed!” His voice boomed through the room, and I hoped that it wasn’t loud enough for anyone else to hear. “My life has been in a constant state of change for three months since Charlotte died, and I’m still waiting for it to turn right side up again!”
“That’s why I’m trying to walk away—so you guys can find your new normal and get back to the life you’re supposed to live.”
“Do you really think that there is a normal for us without you in it? You’ve been in my life for fifteen years, Emma. You’ve been in Lily’s life since the day she was born. That makes you family—whether you want to believe it or not. I don’t know how you can just turn your back and walk away from that so easily.”
I could hear the anger in his voice as my emotions bubbled over the surface. I fisted my hands at my side and tried to control my temper.
“You think that this is easy for me?! You have no idea how freaking hard it is to walk away, knowing that I will never see you guys again. The only thing that I have known in life is about to be ripped away from me, and I’m doing my best to keep my head above water right now!”
My body shook with anger as I stared at him, wondering how he could think that this was easy for me.
“You’re the one who keeps walking away, Emma. Not us. Maybe you should reconsider that the next time you think that this is the hardest thing that you have to do. Lily has been through a lot over the past few months, and she’s about to go through another big change. I thought if anyone could be there to help her, it would be you. I guess I was wrong.”
I felt his words stab straight into my heart, holding my breath in place as the hurt paralyzed me.
“What are you talking about? What big change is happening to Lily?”
He unclasped his watch and slid it down his hand as he walked over to his nightstand and set it down. He kicked off his shoes, purposely making me wait for his answer.
“John,” I said curtly, forcing his attention my way.
“Lily and I have decided to move to New Jersey. She loves it there, and it turns out that Charles has a friend looking for someone to take over his company. It’s a good fit for me, and it will allow me to have more free time to spend with Lily.”
I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as his words swirled around me like a tornado. That must be why Alice and Charles were acting so tense at dinner. They already knew that he was going to tell me tonight.
“The reason that I asked to talk to you was because I was going to ask you to come with us. Lily and I want to be close to family, and we’ve come to love New Jersey.” He paused for a moment, standing on the other side of the bed, watching me. “I guess I just thought that maybe you would consider it, given how happy you were while you were there.”
I wanted to talk to him about it, but the words were lodged so deep in my throat that I couldn’t get them out.
“When are you moving?” I asked, forcing my voice past the lump that had formed in my throat.
“We’re packing up some stuff while we’re here and then flying back on Sunday with Alice and Charles. I’ll have the packages overnighted, so they’ll be there when we get back. I start the new job on Monday. Lily and I talked about finishing the other half of our trip, but we’ve decided to postpone it for now given the change in plans. Instead, we’re going to focus on finding a house and getting settled in before she starts her new school in August.”
“I’ll make sure to have my stuff out as soon as possible,” I said quietly, still processing this bombshell he dropped on me.
“You don’t have to leave until the house sells, Emma. If anything, it will help me to have someone living here while I’m in New Jersey, so I don’t have to worry about anyone breaking in.”
I felt the burning sting as I realized that he had already accepted that I wasn’t going with them. He didn’t even put up a fight about it or try to convince me otherwise, which was fine—I knew where I belonged, and it was better this way.
“Okay, I’m happy to help however I can.” I turned away before the tear could slide down my cheek and rushed out of his room, closing the door behind me.
As I stepped into the hallway, I spotted Alice at the other end, heading to the bathroom. One look at me, and she clutched her hand to her chest as the sadness washed over her. I didn’t bother to look back before I darted into my room and closed the door. I quickly stripped off the outfit that Charlotte had bought me and wondered if maybe it wasn’t lucky after all.