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“Aunt Emma, I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” Lily said as she plopped down on the sand next to me. I scooted over, making room for her on the blanket under the shade of the umbrella.
“You don’t need to say sorry,” I assured her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “I’m the one who should apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t. I’ve just been trying to figure out how to make daddy happy again, and I guess I just started to overthink everything. He reminded me that you guys were just friends and that it might have made you uncomfortable for me to say that you guys were supposed to fall in love.”
I smiled softly at her, letting her talk.
“I guess I just didn’t think it would be a bad thing if you were in love because I like how things are when the three of us are together. I know that you’re not my mom, but you still take care of me like she did, and you’re really nice to my dad and me. If I had to pick a new family, that’s the one that I wanted. But I understand that it’s not how things work, so I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I know that it’s my fault that you don’t want to move to New Jersey with us.”
Her bottom lip trembled as she fought to keep away the tears.
“Oh, sweetie!” I pulled her in closer to me and held her as she cried.
“You are not the reason that I don’t want to move to New Jersey. Honestly, I haven’t decided what I want to do yet, and a lot is still in the air because I don’t know if I’ll get that job.”
“And you really want it,” she said sadly, sniffling.
“I do. But that doesn’t make you or your dad any less special or important to me. Sometimes, we have things in life that we have to do for ourselves to prove to ourselves that we could do them. This is one of those things that I have to do. I have to know that I gave it my everything, and if it doesn’t work out, then I won’t be upset that I didn’t try.”
“That makes sense,” she agreed, turning her head up to look at me. “So, if you don’t get the job, then will you move to New Jersey with us?”
“We’ll just have to wait and see,” I replied loosely, not wanting to commit to anything.
I looked down the beach at John, who was on his cell phone, pacing back and forth barefoot in the sand. He looked serious, his face etched in frustration with whoever was on the phone. Alice and Charles were walking along the water, holding hands and looking like the perfect couple in love.
We had been at the beach for a few hours already, and Lily had built a sandcastle that she was satisfied with before giving up and deciding to play in the water. The plan was to hang out in Santa Cruz until the fireworks were over, then drive the hour-plus drive back home. Since we didn’t have the luxury of being right by Alice and Charles’s house, Lily wanted to do the cake and gifts at home, so we didn’t have to pack much up or lug it down to the beach.
Lily had gone down to join her grandparents on the beach as John walked back to where our stuff was set up and sat down on the ice chest behind me. He looked angry. His eyes were such a dark shade of grey that they almost reminded me of the charcoal color of mine. Whatever had happened, it wasn’t good.
“Everything okay?” I asked, keeping my focus on the waves crashing ahead of me to give him space in case he didn’t want to talk about it.
He worked his jaw back and forth, slightly shaking his head.
“That was my lawyer. The cop who killed Charlotte was released, and his case was deemed a mistrial.”
“What?!” I gasped, whipping my head around to look at him.
“Yup. Apparently, when you’re high enough up the chain, you get special favors.”
“What are you going to do?”
“He thinks that we should sue the city. Go after them and make sure that word gets out that their chief was involved in DWI while on duty in an unmarked car. There isn’t much that we can do other than that. Hopefully, it will be enough to get him fired, though.”
“Wow,” I stuttered, trying to wrap my head around it. “I can’t believe that they just let him off. He killed someone...”
John turned to look at me, the heat from his gaze burning into me.
“He almost killed two people, and he’s damn lucky that he didn’t.”
I hated the feeling that crawled up inside of my throat and tried to claw its way out every time someone reminded me that I had survived the accident that should have killed us both. It was the same feeling that had been eating away at me since I was a little girl and the lone survivor of the fatal crash that ended a happy family.
“I’m really sorry,” I said quietly, feeling the weight of the grief between us.
“Me too,” he answered, giving me a half-smile.
“It’s things like this that make me eager to get the hell out of here and start over in New Jersey.”
The words hurt every time I heard them, and nothing dulled the pain that they inflicted when I thought about the countdown that had already started for when they would leave and begin their new life.
“Well, you deserve happiness, and I’m sure you’ll find it in New Jersey.”
I turned my attention back to the waves, forcing a smile as Alice, Charles, and Lily came walking back to us.
Before long, the sun had set, and we were snuggled up on the blanket, eating funnel cake that John had bought on the boardwalk while watching the fireworks. Lily’s eyes lit up with the kind of joy that you only see with the innocence of a child who can still see the beauty in things without searching out its flaws.
I felt a tug at my heart as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was making her birthday wish, the one that she had been holding onto for this special night. I looked up and watched the sky flash with beautiful shades of pink and green as the colors burst and then fizzled in the sky. For a brief moment, I allowed myself to pretend that it was Charlotte putting on this beautiful show for Lily.