| |
“Merry Christmas!” I squealed into the phone, smiling at Lily, who was decked out in Christmas pajamas that matched the rest of them as they all tried to fit into the screen.
“Merry Christmas!” they called back, smiling and looking genuinely happy.
I recognized the living room from the handful of times that Lily had given me the grand tour of their new house while we Facetimed. It was similar to Charles and Alice’s house, just flipped in the opposite order. The tree was beautifully decorated with white lights and a mismatch of decorations that Lily had found when they unpacked a few months ago. There was an angel on top that had long blond hair that cascaded over a white dress and matched the glittery halo on top.
They didn’t have to tell me how much it looked like Charlotte. I had noticed the moment I saw it.
“So, what are you guys doing? Did you already open presents?” I asked, leaning forward as if it would help me get closer to them.
Lily pulled the phone in to focus on her while the others scattered about, waiting for their turn to talk to me like usual.
“We haven’t opened them yet. We’re waiting for Celia to get here.”
I furrowed my brow. Who was Celia? I hadn’t heard Lily talk about her before. Maybe she was a friend from school? But that didn’t make sense why they would be waiting for her friend to come over before they opened presents.
The confused look on my face must have given it away because then she added, “she’s my dad’s new girlfriend.”
I tried to keep the look off my face as an odd—but overwhelming feeling of jealousy washed over me.
“Oh,” I said as casually as I could. “I didn’t know that he was seeing anyone.”
“He hasn’t really, not that long anyway. Just a few months.”
I felt like my jaw was hanging open. I had talked to him a handful of times over the past few months, so why hadn’t he mentioned it?
“Well, I’m happy for him,” I lied, suddenly wishing that I could hang up and not have to go through the rounds of talking to everyone now that my mood had been soured.
“I have to go help nana in the kitchen, but let me find my dad, and I’ll put him on real quick.”
“Actually,” I said, a little too loud. “I’m getting a headache, so I’m going to go lie down. I’ll try to call back later if I’m feeling better. Tell everyone I said Merry Christmas, and I love them.”
“Okay, feel better,” she replied, completely oblivious to my lie.
I hung up and tossed my phone on the bed next to me. I hadn’t bothered to get up or get ready yet. Why bother? I was spending the day by myself with a turkey tv dinner that would be ready in seven minutes as soon as I wanted it.
I closed my eyes, feeling the bitterness bite at my thoughts, tainting everything quicker than I could stop it. Why was I that surprised that John was already seeing someone? It was going on ten months since Charlotte died, and he was a good man who didn’t deserve to be lonely. If I were really a good friend, like I had claimed to be, I would be happy for him.
I rolled over and looked at the small tree that sat on the floor beside the TV. There were a handful of presents from John and Lily and some from Alice and Charles that I had planned to open while on the phone with them. While I wasn’t in the mood for anything Christmasy right now, I would make sure that I opened them and sent a quick thank you message to each of them for their wonderful, thoughtful gifts.
As much as I tried to make it feel like Christmas, it just didn’t. I tried to convince myself that it was because I was too busy at work to bother with decorating. Hell, I hadn’t even bothered to buy furniture other than the necessities. It was a small studio apartment to get me started before I could get back on my feet, but now that I was making good money—exceptionally good money, I didn’t have the time to spend it.
I could consider quitting my job and finding something that was less demanding, but for what? I didn’t have anyone to spend my free time with, and a huge part of my heart felt like it was missing and couldn’t be easily replaced.
I curled up into a ball and cried myself back to sleep.