The helicopter trip from Brightwater Valley to Queenstown only took twenty minutes, and it was a pretty and very scenic trip, especially when the weather was good.
The weather was good now, yet Beth found it hard to concentrate on the scenery and not because she was feeling sick. Her nausea had settled down earlier that morning, after a piece of toast, but nothing was going to help the nervousness that gripped all her muscles tight.
Neither Indigo nor Izzy had commented when she’d told them she was heading into Queenstown for the day, Izzy merely shrugging and offering to take on her shift in the gallery.
Indigo had been more suspicious, muttering something about Beth perhaps needing to stay at home, seeing as how she wasn’t well.
Beth had ignored that, meeting Finn at HQ and following him to the little Airbus helicopter that Pure Adventure NZ owned. Levi had already completed the preflight checks, so within a couple of minutes of her getting in, they were in the air and flying over the mountains that ringed the valley to Queenstown.
Finn and Levi were chatting in the cockpit while she sat behind them, happy not to take part in the conversation, her brain going around and around with what Finn had told her yesterday.
Move in with me, he’d said. As if it were no big deal. As if it were the most logical thing in the world rather than being completely insane.
They weren’t together, not in any way. He wasn’t her partner. Hell, he was barely even her friend, so why on earth would he want her living in his house? Surely that was taking responsibility too far?
And what if something happened during the pregnancy? Would he then want her to move out? Get rid of her like an unwanted gift?
That wasn’t even considering Indigo and what she would do if Beth moved out. She didn’t drive, and someone needed to ferry her up and down from the farmhouse since it didn’t seem fair to leave her having to walk.
Then there was the wonderful workshop and her newly acquired workbench. Would she have to leave those behind too? Did Finn have a place she could work, or did he simply think she’d give up her job now that she was pregnant? Because that sure as hell wasn’t happening.
Beth glared at the back of Finn’s dark head, since he was seated in front of her.
How dare he make this difficult, and yes, he was making this difficult.
Or are you just feeling ill and scared and taking it all out on him?
Uncomfortable awareness shifted inside her. Perhaps she was. He’d been so good yesterday, remaining calm and certain and looking after her, while she’d been…
Well. She hadn’t handled it, had she? She could blame tiredness and feeling sick, but the reality was she’d gone to pieces, and he’d picked those pieces up and put her back together again.
Which wasn’t exactly in line with the strong, brave person she was supposed to be here. The person who looked forward to the future positively and who was ready for anything that came her way. Ready to create happiness for herself, leave all that depression stuff behind.
She wasn’t going to be that Beth again, the one that let herself fall apart.
She couldn’t be that Beth again.
The thought settled her, and by the time the helicopter went in to land at Queenstown Airport, she was feeling stronger if not any less nervous.
Queenstown was a picture-perfect little alpine town. Like Brightwater, it sat on the edge of a beautiful lake, jagged snow-topped mountains soaring around it.
It was very much a tourist town, full of cafés and bars, and shops supporting the outdoor adventures the town was famous for. Skiing and hiking were its main draws, but it was an area famous for its vineyards and restaurants too.
There were also docks at the water’s edge where boats were tied up, as well as a giant old-fashioned paddle steamer that took people across the lake and back again.
Beth loved Queenstown. It was big enough to feel like a bustling town yet small enough not to be too overwhelming like a city would be. There were quite a few little artisan stores scattered around that sold jewelry and other cool, arty things, and Beth had made friends with a number of the people who owned them in the hopes of one day being able to sell her jewelry there as well as at the gallery.
Except you’re not going to be doing that anytime soon, are you?
Beth ignored the snide thought as Levi dropped her and Finn off in the town center. Levi had a place in Queenstown, up in the hills, and an old truck he used for running around town in, even though he spent most of his time in Brightwater, either sleeping at the Rose or in the little bedroom in HQ.
Beth was curious about his Queenstown house, but Levi had never offered to show her around, and she didn’t like to ask. She thought Levi was actually quite private, despite his open and charming persona.
Now, though, she wasn’t thinking about Levi’s house. She was thinking about how she was going to have to go into a pharmacy and buy herself a pregnancy test, and how it brought back uncomfortable memories she didn’t want to deal with.
Finn, picking up on her mood, glanced at her as they stood on the sidewalk, and frowned.
“Let me buy it,” he offered. “I know where the pharmacy is.”
“I know where the pharmacy is too,” Beth said, irritated. “Several pharmacies actually. Also it’s better if I do it since you know a lot of people here and they’ll probably want to say something if you suddenly start buying pregnancy tests.”
Finn gave her a look, his dark eyes enigmatic, and she thought he might start insisting. But he only lifted a shoulder. “Fine. You go and buy one. I’ll wait outside for you.”
“Don’t you have other things to do?”
“No. Nothing that’s this important.”
Beth felt her stupid chest get tight, though really his dogged persistence at being involved should annoy her, not make her emotional.
Stupid potential-pregnancy hormones.
Without speaking, they walked down the little pedestrian mall that led to the docks, stopping outside the big pharmacy situated there.
Beth went in, leaving him standing outside by the door.
There were very few people inside, and she found the pregnancy tests easily enough. Taking one to the counter made her feel self-conscious, so she smiled extra brightly to make up for it.
The woman rang her up without comment—thank God for Kiwis who’d rather die than pry into your personal business—and Beth soon found herself standing outside again, a brown paper bag clutched in her hand.
Finn’s expression was impenetrable. “Do you want to find some place to sit? Go to a café? We can leave doing the test until we get home again if you’d prefer.”
“You keep saying we.” Beth shifted on her feet, antsy and restless, the nerves in her gut gathering tighter. “As if we’re both going to be peeing on that stick.”
His mouth twitched. “I mean, I can if you want me to. If you’d like some company.”
Beth bit her lip. No, he was not going to make her smile. She didn’t want to be cheered up, not when her future was currently barreling along on the road to hell, sitting pretty in a handbasket.
“Thanks,” she muttered, “but I’ll pass. And I don’t want to wait until we get home. I want to get this over with.”
“There’s a public bathroom not far away.”
Great. She was going to do this in a public convenience? How…wonderful. Then again, wanting privacy and cleanliness seemed a bit precious when this was her fault. She had to suck it up and deal.
“Okay,” she said, shoving down her distaste. “Let’s get on with it.”
She turned in the direction of the public bathrooms only to have Finn reach out and take her arm in a gentle grip.
“Let me call Levi,” he said quietly. “We can do this at his place.”
Beth shut her eyes for a second because there was nothing more she wanted than to do this at Levi’s—where she could find out the truth in private, without screaming kids and tourists and a hundred other people all in her vicinity.
But that was silly. Who cared where she did it as long as she and Finn got some answers?
“I’m fine with it,” she said staunchly. “Come on, let’s go.”
Yet Finn didn’t release her. “You might be fine with it, but I’m not. I’ll tell Levi you’re not feeling well, okay? We’ll get a cab to his place, and I know the lock code. We don’t even have to involve him.”
He made it sound so…easy. Reasonable even. No big deal at all. Making her wonder like she had yesterday what the point was in arguing with him. Especially when the idea of doing this at Levi’s was so attractive.
She swallowed, resisting the urge to lean into the strong hand holding her arm. “Okay. Let’s go, then. The sooner we get this over with, the better.”
Levi’s place was a ten-minute ride away, up the side of the mountains that ringed the town. It was very private, set in among tall trees and overlooking the town itself and the lake. It had a distinct log-cabin vibe to it, with a pitched roof and an impressive deck with views across the lake.
Beth also had the distinct impression that it was worth a lot of money.
“So,” she said as Finn keyed in the code on the heavy wooden front door, “what’s a mountain guide who lives mostly in a hotel or his office doing with a luxury Queenstown hideaway?”
“Levi’s got money he stashed away years ago,” Finn said as he held open the door for her. “Though to be honest with you, I’ve never asked him where he got it. That’s his business, not mine.”
“Fair enough.”
She took a step inside and looked around.
A hallway ran down the middle of the house, with one side opening up into a big, open-plan living area and kitchen. It was all exposed wooden floors, white walls, and a big stone fireplace.
It looked like a five-star hotel.
Finn went past her, showing her to the sleek, white-tiled bathroom down on one end of the hallway.
Beth stepped inside and closed the door, then leaned her forehead against the cool wood of the door, her heart pounding.
Maybe she wasn’t pregnant. Maybe this was just a bug, a virus that she’d soon throw off.
Yeah, and Finn Kelly is the smiliest, chattiest person you’ve ever met.
She gave a little groan.
Okay, here went nothing.
A few minutes later, Beth stared down at the pregnancy test sitting on the white vanity, watching as two pink lines slowly appeared.
Yep. She was pregnant, all right.
***
Finn didn’t need to see Beth’s white face as she came out of the bathroom holding the small plastic test stick.
He already knew. He’d known yesterday, pretty much as soon as she’d told him, give or take half an hour.
The test was for her benefit, and it was clear she’d been hoping for another answer, even though some part of her had known for sure just the way he had.
He was going to be a dad.
Something kicked hard inside of him, something that had already been building since the day before, hardening into a sure certainty.
She would move in with him. He wanted to be near her to look after her and the baby, and hell, if she didn’t want that, then he’d move into Clint’s, though he thought she’d be more comfortable at his place.
So, what? You’re just going to ride roughshod over her?
Sheri used to complain about how stubborn he could be at times, and yeah, he could be unyielding and a bit too rigid. But then he’d had to be, growing up with a father like his, to suffer all the criticisms his old man had dealt out and with no one but his big brother to rely on.
Sheri understood because Sheri had grown up in the valley like he had and knew him, but Beth?
Yeah, she might not.
Finn stood in the living area by the big windows that looked out across the lake and watched as Beth came into the room and walked over to him, her hand outstretched with the pregnancy test in it.
“I know,” he said. “You’re pregnant.”
Beth shook the test at him. “You don’t want to look at it?”
“I don’t need to. I know already. I was certain of it yesterday.”
“How nice for you.” The sharpness in her voice betrayed how upsetting this news must be for her. “We must have made this trip for nothing then.”
Finn took the stick from her, stuck it in his pocket, then before she could pull away, and following an instinct he couldn’t resist, reached out and slowly drew her into his arms and held her.
She went rigid at first, then unexpectedly relaxed against him, her body warm and soft as she allowed herself to be held.
“You needed to take the test,” he said quietly, running a hand over her silky white-blond hair, soothing her like he’d soothe one of the horses. “You needed to see the lines. It’s good. Now we know, we can start making plans.”
“What plans?” Her voice sounded muffled, her cheek turned against his chest. “The only plans I’m thinking of making are going back to bed and sleeping for the next nine months.”
He smiled. “That’s okay. I’ll tuck you up and feed you sausage rolls.”
Her shoulders trembled and he could feel the warmth of her breath against his T-shirt. And it came to him that he hadn’t hugged a woman this way in years. Not simply held her in his arms to comfort her.
In fact, the last woman he’d hugged had been his mother-in-law at Sheri’s funeral. She and his father-in-law had moved from Brightwater to Christchurch after Sheri had died and he didn’t blame them. He didn’t see them much anymore.
But it was good to hold Beth. Good to hold her curvy body against his, to breathe in the sweet scent of apricots and sunshine. She reminded him of summer, of blue skies and the green peace of the bush, the heat of the sun on the back of his neck and ice cream melting on his tongue…
There were no painful memories associated with holding her, in the same way that there hadn’t been any making love to her either. Because she was different from Sheri, there was nothing to scrape the edges of his grief raw, nothing to cut him.
Even this was different.
He and Sheri had never had a pregnancy to deal with, not even a scare.
But Beth has, don’t forget.
His heart constricted. Ah shit, that’s right. There would have to be memories associated with this for her and not good ones.
Finn let her go and took her face between his palms, tilting it back so he could look into her eyes. They were darkened and he could see the fear in them.
“Are you okay?” he asked gently. “I know this can’t be easy for you.”
She looked up at him, and he was very conscious of her warmth and the echoes of sunshine he could see in the shadowed gleam of her eyes. And he knew that despite those shadows, there was a genuine core of lightness in Beth Grant and he was looking at it right now.
He wanted very much to hold it in his hands, wrap it around him, let it chase away the darkness he sometimes felt inside himself, the darkness that had settled there after Sheri died.
They were standing very close, the small space between them abruptly becoming charged with a certain familiar electricity.
Finn caught his breath, his body hardening in response.
Here they were in Levi’s house. Alone. No one would know if they decided to indulge themselves again. No one but them.
You’re thinking of sex? Now?
Yeah, not ideal. But shit, he was a man. And considering, bar that night in HQ, he hadn’t had it for five years and Beth was pregnant with his child and—
She flushed and abruptly pulled herself out of his grip, taking a couple of steps back, putting some distance between them.
“That’s…probably not a good idea,” she muttered, not looking at him.
He took a breath, fighting to get his physical response under control. He’d thought after a month of not being around her this desire would lessen, but apparently not. And not for her either.
Great. Just…great.
“Yeah, probably not.” He shoved his hands into his pockets once again.
“And to answer your question, I’m fine.” She’d turned away, moving over to the long line of windows that gave magnificent views out over the lake and the jagged teeth of the Remarkables, the mountain range on the opposite side of the lake.
Irritation wound through him.
Shit, he was tired of hearing those two words over and over from her. Especially when he knew it wasn’t true. She wasn’t fine and they both knew it.
Knowing that a fair bit of his irritation was also due to his ridiculous physical response to her didn’t help either.
“Bullshit,” he said shortly. “You’re not fine.”
She turned and glanced at him. “I’m absolutely—”
“Yeah, and you said that yesterday after I caught you puking your guts out in the gallery, right before nearly fainting in my arms.”
Color tinged her pale cheeks.
With the morning light coming through the windows and making her white-blond hair glow and her eyes seem green as grass, she looked almost ethereally lovely.
“You’re not fine, Beth,” he repeated for emphasis. “So why do you keep pretending you are?”
“So I don’t get stubborn assholes all up in my grill telling me what to do.” She crossed her arms, sans bracelets today, her jaw getting a mulish cast to it. “Anyway, you’re a fine one to talk, acting so calm and sure of yourself. You can’t tell me you’re any more fine with this than I am.”
“Not especially, but there’s nothing we can do to change it. The only thing we can do is handle the situation the best we can.”
Her chin lifted. “Oh right, so I guess ‘handling it’ involves telling everyone and me moving in with you, right?”
Clearly, she did not think much of this idea. At all. Which wasn’t a surprise. It was plain he was going to have his work cut out for him convincing her it was a good idea, which was fine. He liked a challenge.
“Yeah, that’s right.” No point beating about the bush with it.
“And what about me? Do I get a say in all of this?”
“Of course you do. It’ll be your decision, Beth. I’m not that much of a dick.”
She eyed him balefully. “That’s debatable.”
Finn didn’t respond. This whole situation was going to require tact and care, especially given how upset she was. Getting all hard-line about her moving in wasn’t a great plan, but she had to know he was serious and he had good reasons for it too.
He let the silence hang there a moment, then asked, “Okay, so what do you want, then?”
“What do you think? For everything to carry on as normal. Me living in the farmhouse. You living in your house and taking tours and whatever touristy stuff you do.”
“So what happens when you start to show? When people start asking who the father of your baby is? What are you going to do then?” He kept his voice very neutral, betraying nothing of the protective, possessive feeling getting stronger inside him, urging him to start striding around and making all kinds of pronouncements that would only enflame the situation.
She bit her lip and glanced out the windows again. “I…don’t know. Maybe I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”
There was the issue right there, wasn’t it? For him it was “we.” For her it was “I.” As if he had no responsibility, no role to play in this at all.
Part of him wanted an argument, to tell her in no uncertain terms that he would be part of this whether she liked it or not. But again, not helpful.
“Right,” he said, still calm and measured. “So here’s what I want. I want to be involved with your pregnancy every step of the way. I want to make sure you’re okay, that you’re happy and safe and well looked after.”
She glanced back at him again, frowning. “You can do that while living in your own home, Finn.”
“And I want that,” he went on as if she hadn’t spoken, “because I lost my wife. She was ill, and for a long time she pretended she was fine, that there was nothing wrong. And I believed her. And I didn’t see how sick she was until it was too late.”
The frown faded from Beth’s face. “Oh, Finn…I…”
“She was trying to protect me,” he continued, because this was how he’d tackle it. With honesty. So she’d understand why he was being such an insistent asshole. “She didn’t want me to worry about her, and while I disagreed strongly with her decision, I understood it. And I’m at peace with it. But I’m not doing it again. I need to know you and the baby are well. I need to know you’re protected and looked after, and I need to see that with my own eyes.” He paused, holding her gaze. “So you can live with me at my house, or I’ll move into the farmhouse, your choice. But I’m going to be there, Beth. Whether you like it or not.”