Beth stared in shock at Finn’s tall, broad figure.
He…wanted her?
Oh, come on. Don’t act so surprised. You knew this attraction was mutual.
Okay, so she did.
She remembered how he’d looked at her that day in his truck on the way to Clint’s, that gleam in his eyes. She wasn’t experienced when it came to men—Troy was the only man she’d been out with—but she certainly knew what attraction was. And some part of her had known it was mutual.
That’s why you followed him out of the Rose—don’t lie.
She wished she could say she’d followed him because she was tired of him being rude to her and she was determined to find out why, but that wasn’t the whole truth.
She’d followed him because some part of her hadn’t been able to leave him alone.
Now he stood in the middle of the little living area, the windows at his back, tall, dark, and brooding in his black T-shirt and jeans. The light was behind him, throwing his face into shadow, but his eyes gleamed.
He was staring so fiercely at her, she felt as if she might go up in flames.
She swallowed, her mouth dry, her face hot.
The silence between them gathered weight, pulling tight, and she tried desperately to think of something to say, because she had to say something.
“Okay,” she forced out at last.
Finn pushed his hands into his pockets. “You should leave.”
She should. She should get back down those stairs and get back to the Rose. Get back to her friends since she wasn’t here for this.
She was here for fun and easy and simple, not difficult and hard and complicated.
Yet she didn’t move.
What are you doing? He told you to leave, so leave.
But something wouldn’t let her.
He wanted her. That’s what he’d said—that’s what the problem was. He wanted her and obviously it wasn’t a good thing.
“Why…” she began, then cleared her throat and started again. “Why is that a problem?”
He muttered a curse under his breath. “Seriously? Why do you think? Nothing’s going to happen between us, Beth.”
Her stomach lurched and it wasn’t with relief.
“That still doesn’t tell me why you’re being such a grumpy ass to me.”
He was silent a moment, then he let out a breath and glanced away. “Because I’ve been trying to fight it and it’s not working and I haven’t been handling that well.” His jaw tightened and he glanced back. “I’m sorry. I’ll pull it together, okay? Give me tonight to handle it, and tomorrow I swear I’ll start being less of a dick to you.”
Yet something was shifting around inside her, a kind of electricity, hot and crackling, along with a burst of what could only be satisfaction. Which didn’t make any sense because she couldn’t be happy that he wanted her, surely. Especially when they weren’t going to be doing anything about it.
Why not?
The thought echoed in her head.
She’d wanted easy and fun, and Finn was not either of those things. Yet…resisting their attraction was only making things difficult between them. He was unhappy about it and it was definitely getting in the way of them being friends.
So maybe it was the resisting that was hard. And the easy thing would be to…do something about it. They could have sex, get this out of the way, and then go on with the business of being friends.
It was only sex. And sex was pleasant and made you feel good, but it wasn’t anything major if you didn’t want it to be.
Also, she couldn’t forget that she was here to create a bright, new, happy life for herself, to be different from the Beth she’d been in Deep River.
She’d been unhappy back there. She’d been sad and gray and scared. Clinging to the life she’d thought she’d wanted: a husband and a baby and stability. Certainty.
A life that didn’t have an emotionally fragile mother in it and a constantly seething father. With arguments and shouting and all kinds of other negativity.
No, she hadn’t wanted that and she’d thought she’d found an escape from it with Troy. Then she’d lost the baby, and soon after that, she’d lost Troy too.
Her dream had been wrong, that was the issue. She’d wanted the wrong things and that’s why it hadn’t worked out.
She wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
So why not have sex with Finn? It could be easy if she wanted it to be easy, and definitely it would be fun.
And while he wasn’t like Troy in the slightest, she wanted him.
And he wanted her.
Beth swallowed. “Or…there is another option.”
Finn was already still. Now he became a statue. Something in his face shifted and hardened, the dark gleam in his eyes becoming pronounced. “I hope you’re not going to suggest what I think you’re going to suggest.”
She took a little breath. “And what do you think I’m going to suggest?”
“Beth…”
“What? You didn’t explain why it’s a problem, Finn.” She paused. “You also didn’t explain why nothing could happen between us.”
His stare intensified, focusing on her very intently. “Why? Because I’m not having casual sex with someone who’s going to be sticking around for the next couple of months, okay? If things go bad between us—”
“But why would they go bad?” Her heart was thumping hard against her ribs. Because now that she’d let in the possibility of sex with Finn Kelly, she couldn’t think of anything else. “I’m not talking about an affair, Finn. We could…give in to this attraction once, deal with it so to speak. We could get it out of the way and then…hey, maybe we could even try and be actual friends. Because you know I want you too.”
Finn said nothing, his gaze dark and full of shadows.
The electricity inside her seemed to have escaped, pooling in the space between them, charging the air with static, making her breathing get faster, shorter.
She hadn’t been with anyone since Troy had left. She hadn’t even been on a date. Sex hadn’t been something she’d missed, and even with Troy it had been kind of…samey. Which at the time had been reassuring.
Yet looking at Finn and thinking about his hands on her skin, his mouth on hers…she didn’t want reassuring and samey. She wanted excitement.
He hadn’t moved and he hadn’t said a word, so Beth decided to take matters into her own hands.
She took a step toward him. He remained where he was, watching her. So she took another step, then another. Then another, which took her right to him, his tall, muscular figure barely inches away.
He was very warm and he smelled spicy, like the bush with a hint of something masculine and musky. It was delicious.
His eyes were so dark, a deep, velvety espresso color she couldn’t stop looking into. And he had the thickest, softest looking lashes. She was jealous of those lashes.
Her heartbeat was deafening and she was breathing far too fast for comfort, and she wished she had more experience. Because she had no idea how to do this. And he wasn’t moving or saying anything.
“Finn?” Her voice had gone so husky. “Are you—”
He reached out and gripped her jaw gently, and before she could finish her sentence, he’d bent his head and covered her mouth with his.
For a second neither of them moved.
Beth trembled, every thought in her head gone, every sense she had zeroing in on his mouth and his hand gripping her jaw, on his fingertips against her skin and the press of his lips, soft yet firm. And hot—so, so hot…
She could feel that heat moving through her, dragging behind it a heady, dizzy feeling, as if all her blood had turned to champagne and was fizzing inside her veins. And there was a steady, deep pulse between her thighs, beating in time with her heart.
She hadn’t been expecting this kiss, but now that his mouth was on hers, she wanted more. So much more.
Beth lifted her hands and slid her fingers into the thick, black silk of his hair, leaning into his heat and opening her mouth beneath his, encouraging him to take more.
Yet he didn’t move. And gradually she became aware of his tension, every muscle in his body rigid, a subtle vibration running through him, as if he was holding himself tightly in check.
Her chest constricted.
He’d kissed her, but…did he not want this? Or perhaps the kiss wasn’t as good for him as it was for her. Perhaps now they’d taken that first step, he’d changed his mind.
She took her hands from his hair and tried to draw away, wanting to ask him if there was anything wrong, but as she did so, the hand on her jaw tightened, his hold firming.
And suddenly he pushed his tongue into her mouth, taking control in a way that turned her knees to water. She put her hands on his chest to steady herself, and then, as though whatever check on himself he’d released, he was kissing her deeply, hungrily, as if he’d been waiting for this kiss his entire life.
She was caught against the hot, iron wall of his chest, crushed against it, her mouth invaded, and for a second she couldn’t think and couldn’t breathe.
Then the same hunger that was driving him rushed up inside her, a raw flood of need she couldn’t control.
She slid her hands around his neck, coming up on her toes and kissing back, meeting him kiss for kiss, glorying in the heady flavor of his mouth, dark chocolate and whisky and some other sweet, delicious thing she couldn’t name.
It made her dizzy and feverish, made her desperate to get closer to him, because just being pressed against him wasn’t enough.
He kissed her harder, exploring her as if he couldn’t get enough of her. Bending her backward, taking things even deeper, even hotter.
She trembled, holding on to him urgently, and then with a suddenness that stole what little breath she had left, he picked her up in his arms, took two strides to the couch against the wall, then put her onto it before following her down, pinning her there with his body.
Beth gasped as he settled on her; the hard, muscular length of him pressing against her was the most perfect feeling. Automatically, she spread her thighs on either side of his hips to welcome him, and he settled more firmly, the brush of his erection against the most sensitive part of her making her moan.
“Finn,” she gasped against his mouth, wriggling against his body, not to get away but to get closer. “Oh…please.”
He didn’t reply, only kissed her as if somehow this kiss was the only thing that stood between him and certain death.
She felt his hands tug on her dress and heard the sound of fabric ripping, but she didn’t care what he was tearing. She wanted there to be nothing between them. She wanted to feel his bare skin on hers, and his lips and his hands. She wanted him as close to her as she could get.
His mouth moved from hers, trailing over her jaw and down her throat in a series of hot kisses and nips that set every nerve ending she had alight.
Dimly in the back of her mind, a warning echoed about how wrong this could go, but she didn’t want to listen to it so she didn’t.
This felt too good and it had been too long since she’d felt something this real. Something that wasn’t the forced brightness and optimism she had to work at every day. Something that was pure physical sensation, pure pleasure, her mind for once silenced beneath the crush of desire.
He nudged aside the strap of her dress, and since she wasn’t wearing a bra, his hands soon found her bare skin, stroking her breasts. Then his mouth closed around one nipple and she groaned as sensation arced the length of her body, a lightning strike of feeling that made her arch and writhe beneath him.
She wanted to touch him too though, so she pulled at his T-shirt, finding the hem and slipping her fingers beneath it, sliding over the smooth skin she found there. He was so hot, like touching the iron wall of a stove, making her realize how cold she’d been and how much she wanted to get closer to his heat.
He muttered a curse as she touched him, and then his hands were on her thighs, caressing her before sliding between to the hot, wet center of her.
She groaned as he stroked her through the fabric of her panties, small electric shocks of pleasure that made her quake.
“Beth.” Her name was a raw whisper against her breast. “Beth…honey…I want you.”
She knew what he was asking and she couldn’t think of anything she wanted more.
“Yes,” she panted. “Yes, Finn. Please…please.”
***
Every one of Finn’s thought processes had vanished. Every single one.
He was buried by need, choked by desire. Only a ghost of his conscious mind was left, enough to make sure she was with him in this, and then, hearing the heat in the word please, even that vanished too.
Then there was nothing but soft, slick skin, warm curves, and silken hair. Her breathing, fast and desperate, and the husky murmur of her voice as she pleaded with him. The scent of apricots and a delicate musk that made his mouth water.
He wanted to take his time, but there was no time to be had.
It had been too long—so very, very long—and now that she was here, beneath him, he thought he might die if he didn’t get inside her.
He pulled open his jeans, his hands shaking, and then tugged aside her underwear. He touched her, feeling silky wetness and heat, and she gasped yet again, lifting her hips against his fingertips, clearly desperate for more.
He wished he could spend his time touching her, tasting her, exploring her the way she deserved to be, but he couldn’t wait. He just couldn’t wait.
Positioning himself, he thrust hard inside her, and it was all he could do to pause as the tight heat of her body welcomed him. To look down into her flushed face and make sure she was okay.
But she made it so easy, as if she knew exactly how difficult it was for him, reaching up to pull his mouth down on hers, her thighs closing around his waist, her hips lifting to take him deeper.
Christ. She felt so good. He wasn’t going to last.
He began to move, trying to take things slow, to pace himself, but it was impossible with the way she shifted beneath him, matching him stroke for stroke. Her mouth was heaven beneath his, her taste so sweet, her kisses hot and silken and tasting of everything he’d ever wanted.
He could feel the sunshine in her. It was there, a ball of white heat that she kept locked away. Perhaps it wasn’t so feigned after all, all her brightness. Perhaps he’d been wrong and it had been there all this time, warmth and summer sunlight shining down on him.
He reached for it, moving deeper, thrusting harder, letting the heat of her spread all over him, spread through him, lighting up the dark places inside him.
God, it felt like he’d been in those dark places too long, lingering in the shadows like a ghost.
But he wasn’t there anymore. He was here, inside her, and it was the most glorious thing he’d ever experienced.
“Oh…Finn…” she groaned, her body trembling and he knew she was on the brink. So he slid his hand between them and touched her, giving her the extra friction, and he felt her convulse around him, her cry of release in his ears.
And then he was moving even faster, even harder, every check he had on himself gone. Everything vanishing the way it had when she’d come close and he’d realized he wasn’t going to refuse her, that resisting her had become impossible and the only way forward was this.
Was her beneath him, writhing in ecstasy, and him surrounded in her heat and sweetness, following on behind her.
His movements became jerky and out of rhythm, and then he stiffened as the pleasure came rushing up his spine, exploding in his head, annihilating him. And he lost himself for whole minutes afterward, lost in the glory of a sensation he hadn’t felt for years, not with another person.
Then when he came back to himself, he realized he’d collapsed on top of her and that he was likely crushing her with his weight.
He muttered a curse and tried to move, only for her arms to close around his neck.
“Wait,” she whispered, the sound husky and shaken. “Just…wait for a moment. Please.”
Automatically he relaxed, still in the warm grip of pleasure. “Okay. But I don’t want to crush you.”
“You’re not. Believe me, you’re not.”
He shifted anyway, so she was more comfortable, then he looked down into her flushed face. “Are you okay?”
Her green eyes were startling against the deep pink of her skin. She looked so thoroughly and utterly sexy he felt himself begin to harden again. “Yes,” she breathed, her kiss-reddened mouth curving. “Yes, I’m okay. I’m very, very okay.”
Awareness was coming back to him, of what had just happened: this was the first time he’d slept with a woman since Sheri died.
For an instant he waited for the cold shock to hit and for the guilt to come along with it and the flood of memories that would no doubt swamp him like the tide.
But…nothing happened.
And he realized, with a different sort of shock, that he hadn’t felt any of those things while he’d been in the grip of passion either.
He hadn’t thought of Sheri once the whole time.
Another sensation shifted behind his breastbone and he braced himself, because surely here came the guilt now.
But again, nothing happened.
He just felt…good.
Which was not what he was expecting.
He’d never wanted to forget her. He’d always wanted to keep a place for her in his heart because she deserved no less. And he’d expected making love to another woman would be fraught with memories too painful to bear. Memories of Sheri and what it felt like to take her in his arms, to kiss her, to do all the things to her that he’d loved doing that he’d never do again.
But there had only been Beth in his arms just now and no memories at all to haunt him. And there was a certain bittersweet pain in that, yet also relief.
Beth didn’t deserve for him to be thinking of his dead wife while he was with her, and Sheri didn’t deserve it either.
Neither do you.
Yeah, well, that was up for debate.
Still, as he looked down into Beth’s eyes, he could only see her, not Sheri’s light-brown eyes gazing back. Only see a very well-pleasured woman looking rather dazed and not a little awed.
A long-forgotten and very male part of him stretched out in satisfaction.
He’d done that to her. That was all him.
Automatically he smoothed back small tendrils of hair that had stuck to her cheek and forehead before shifting again to pull up the strap of her dress and adjust the fabric, easing everything back in place.
“You sure you’re okay?” He reached to tuck another rogue strand of hair behind her ear. It was very soft.
“Yes, I’m fine.” She was studying him with that same slightly awed look.
“Nothing sore?”
“No, not at all.”
He reached to secure her strap more firmly on her shoulder and this time her hand came out, gripping his.
“Finn,” she said softly, “I’m fine. You don’t have to fuss.”
Another realization filtered through him, of what he was doing and why. He was a caregiver, like his brother, and he always had been. It came naturally to him, which was why he’d found looking after the horses after Sheri’s death so therapeutic. He’d needed something to care for and animals, rather than people, were all he could handle.
Now here he was caring for Beth.
Are you sure that’s a good idea?
A stupid thought. As if caring for a woman after sex meant anything, which of course it didn’t. He was just being gentlemanly and he wasn’t going to apologize for it.
“I’m not fussing. I’m taking care of you.”
She flushed deeper. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Too bad. I’m doing it.” He frowned at the tear in one of the straps of her dress. It was a very narrow piece of fabric and it had torn straight through. “Sorry about that,” he murmured. “I’ll buy you a new one. In the meantime I’ll find you a safety pin.”
But gently Beth pushed his hand away. “I don’t need a new one and I don’t want a safety pin. I’m okay.” She reached for him, sliding her fingers into his hair again, her body shifting languorously underneath his. “Let’s stay here awhile.”
He got even harder at the husky note in her voice and the scent of musk and sex and sweet apricots surrounding him. The thought of pushing her back on the couch and exploring her properly was very appealing, and for a second he couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do more.
But something was making him uneasy and it took him a second or two to put his finger on it.
Shit. Had he used a condom?
Obviously you didn’t. You don’t have any, not when you haven’t had sex for five years.
A cold feeling twisted in his gut. “Beth,” he said hoarsely, “I didn’t use protection.”
Her eyes went very wide for a moment, and she paled, shock rippling over her face. And then came unmistakable relief. “Oh, it’s okay. I’m on the pill.” The delightful pink flush returned to her cheeks. “Period issues, you know.”
He didn’t know, obviously, yet he’d never been so thankful for “period issues” in his entire life. “Okay, that’s good. That’s…very good.”
Beth wriggled beneath him in a way that made him catch his breath. “So?” She lifted her head and brushed those soft lips of hers down the side of his neck. “Can we stay here for a little bit?”
Heat gathered inside him yet again, eating away at his resolve. And why not? Why shouldn’t he stay here with her? It had been a long time, after all, and this was a gift.
No memories, no guilt. Just pleasure.
Pleasure and sweetness and sunshine.
“Okay,” he murmured, his own voice gone husky. “But just once more. Before people notice we’re not there and wonder where we’ve gone to.”
“Sure. With any luck they won’t notice for a while.” She slid her hands up his back, her fingers hot on his skin. “Kiss me, Finn.”
So he did and left the world behind him for a time.