While some of the concepts in this book may seem complex, like chakras and mind/body types, often simple lifestyle changes are what can make a big difference in your personal energy field. If you are getting enough rest, eating good clean food, not hanging out with negative people who depress you and make you feel bad about yourself, and processing your emotions—these are the things that best protect you and help you to heal. It’s so simple that we forget that it’s true.
There are some basic practices that will help you to live a balanced and healthy life. You have to be aware of maintaining your body and mind as well as your spirit. Think about the practices listed here and see how you could incorporate them into your self-care routine.
There are many nutritional experts with very different ideas of what constitutes a healthy diet. And they all contradict each other. Vegetarian, vegan, Paleo, fat is bad versus fat is good, eggs are bad versus eggs are good, high protein, low calorie, low carb, no carb . . . and on and on and on. The truth is that the foods that work best for you are entirely dependent on your unique mind/body system. We are all different. But there are few basic guidelines that can help point you in a healthier direction:
Choose food that is “real,” not heavily processed. It comes from a tree or is grown in the soil or swims in the water. The most nutritious food will be fresh, local, and in season rather than stored for months or shipped from somewhere else.
Drink plenty of water, so long as it’s pure. You need about a quart a day just to replace the water that your body loses by breathing.
“Nonfoods” are to be avoided. They have been altered in some way, such as refined sugars, processed foods in boxes or in the frozen food section, foods that have been genetically modified (GMOs), and microwaved food. Microwaving alters the nature of food, and your body doesn’t know what to do with it. And we’re just starting to find out what GMOs will do to us.
Chemicals and toxic pesticides are a real problem, so eat organic as much as possible. It is most important to eat organic for any food that contains fat—like meat, poultry, eggs, dairy products, and oils—since toxins are stored in fat. For fruits and vegetables, see the shopper’s guide to pesticides in produce put out by the Environmental Working Group (www.ewg.org).1
The body’s toxic load is increased through the use of nicotine, alcohol, recreational drugs, and prescription drugs.
Eat small meals frequently, especially if you are over thirty years old. Eat protein every four hours, or every two hours if you are under a lot of stress. A handful of nuts or a hard-boiled egg is an easy way to do this. In our modern environment, our endocrine and gastrointestinal systems are heavily stressed (unless you’re living in a cave or on a desert island). The best way to support your body is to eat a small amount of clean real food often.
Of course, these basic guidelines are the ideal, but we live in the real world. Choose your foods as best as your lifestyle and budget will allow, and don’t get too obsessive about having to eat a certain way. You might start by trying the 80/20 rule: eat well at least 80 percent of the time and not so well the rest of the time. If you are ill, that percentage changes to 90/10.
Your body’s health is dependent on moving it. All the functions in your body—digestion, elimination, blood circulation, and so on—need you to get off the couch and move. Studies have shown that walking briskly for an hour a day can reduce a woman’s chance of getting diabetes, breast cancer, and heart disease.2
Here are some tips for exercising to support your body:
Choose a form of exercise that requires focused, conscious movement, such as Qigong, T’ai chi, Pilates, or yoga.
Get at least part of your exercise outdoors, not just in the gym. Your body and mind want to connect to nature. Walk in the park, do yoga in your backyard, or bicycle around your neighborhood. Your body and spirit will thank you.
Get at least twenty minutes of exercise a day. You can organize your day to find at least twenty minutes—a walk during your lunch break, climbing the stairs instead of taking the elevator, parking farther away instead of looking for the closest spot near the building.
When you get home at the end of the day, you may be so tired that all you want to do is turn on the television and hit the couch, possibly with a drink and a bowl of chips. Instead, try meditating for a short while and then taking a walk. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel.
There are so many benefits to meditation that I’m always surprised that not everyone does it. It puts you in the present moment, relaxes your body and mind, washes away your stress, bolsters your intuitive abilities, and even makes you look and feel younger! Twenty minutes morning and evening are standard. Meditation is covered in depth in chapters 9 and 10, and there’s a great meditation practice in the resource section.
You probably have no idea about how vital sleep really is. Not getting enough sleep causes major stress, and obesity! If you are sleep deprived even only 5 to 10 percent, it’s exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, to lose weight. How much sleep do you need? This also depends on your individual makeup. If you wake to an alarm clock, try going to bed ten minutes earlier each night until you wake up before the alarm rings.
My favorite way to clear dark or toxic emotions is through journaling. By writing whatever you are feeling on a daily basis, you are acknowledging that you have those emotions as well as getting them out of your body. No one ever has to see what you’ve written. Journaling is a totally private and very effective way to get to know yourself better, to be able to see the mental blocks you have, and to release potentially harmful emotions from your field. Another way to release and clear the emotions is through bodywork, such as therapeutic massage or energy healing.
Journaling is an incredibly transformative practice. It was one of the powerful tools I discovered on my search to know myself better. Initially, I wrote about everything: how I felt about my abusive childhood, my family secrets, how unskilled and inadequate I felt at work, and how jealous I was of all the women out there who were better looking and thinner than I was. Giving expression to my emotions—without judging myself for having those emotions—was a major way in which I became more conscious of what was happening inside me.
Journaling has changed since I started doing it. Back in the day, the tools I used for journaling were a notebook and a pen. Nowadays, you can still do that, but you have other options available too. You can set up a blog on your computer or tablet that can be purely for you, or if you are brave about sharing your journey, it can be made available for others to read. Another powerful way to record your thoughts and feelings is by vlogging—making a video of yourself speaking. Many people are more comfortable talking than writing. You can set up your smart phone or computer to video yourself speaking. You can see the characters played by Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin using this method in the Netflix show Grace and Frankie.
Here are some guidelines to consider for journaling, blogging, and vlogging:
Write it down. For some reason, using your hands to write—whether that’s with paper and pen or on the computer—opens your subconscious vault and brings your emotions up to the surface. If, however, you prefer speaking to writing, try vlogging.
Be honest. Don’t worry about sounding petty. If you’re feeling it, it’s your truth. Don’t be too critical of yourself or stop yourself from writing something that embarrasses you. Get those feelings out on paper or in video to release the emotions that are stored inside.
Don’t stop. Don’t pause while you are writing. Don’t stop to spell-check or reread whatever you’ve written. You don’t want to break your stream of consciousness. That goes for speaking in your vlog as well.
Find quiet time and space. Blogging requires concentration and a good deal of self-reflection. You don’t want to feel rushed or interrupted, so give yourself the space where and when you can find quiet time.
Commit to regular practice. You want to be able to clear old emotional difficulties, but change takes time. The longer you have a steady journaling practice, the more emotionally healthy you will be.
You choose to share. This practice is meant for you, as a way to release your emotions, not in order to share your feelings with others. If you are working with a therapist or have a trusted friend whose opinion and advice you value and who will not judge you for whatever you’ve written, then of course it’s all right to share. But it’s up to you. Don’t let someone trample your boundaries. If you decide to share your blog, you may find yourself holding back from what you really need to say.
Still not sure how to get started? Here is a list of a dozen questions you might answer in your journal:
How is it “your fault” if your parents or children are not happy?
What was your experience with physical, sexual, or emotional abuse as a child? Are shame and guilt still affecting you? Why?
What traumas have you survived? Do you see them as challenges or as opportunities for growth?
How have you struggled with issues related to food, sex, money, drugs or alcohol, or any other addictive behaviors like shopping or gambling?
How did you take care of your own needs while caretaking someone else? Or did you lose yourself in the process?
What sort of a serious physical diagnosis have you had? What is your understanding of the root cause of your illness?
When you are upset emotionally, which area of your body is most affected?
Do you like and appreciate who you are today? If not, why?
What are you most afraid of?
What sort of information has come to you in your dreams? Be sure to write down any big dreams.
Do you feel like some of your problems may stem from past lives? Write what you remember of your past life and its connection to this present life.
How have you forgiven yourself? Others?
We live in a disconnected contemporary culture. Even when you see a group of people together, chances are they are each in their own world, staring at their smart phones. Feeling disconnected, alone, lonely, and isolated, is one of the major ways in which people get sick. An important part of self-care is being in touch with others, preferably in person (although social media can also keep you connected to others). We are social creatures; we need to feel that we are part of a family, a community, even a tribe.
We need physical contact as well as social contact. If you don’t have a partner, get a massage on a regular basis, or better yet, hire a professional “snuggler” who will hold you. We need to be touched.
Take some time each day to commune with the natural world, even if that means looking out the window at a tree or the clouds in the sky. Take a walk around the block at sunset. Get up early enough to watch the sun rise. Stop for a moment during your busy day to feel the sun shining on your skin or to look, with awareness, at the landscape around you. Really see the flowers or squirrels. Hear the birds. Know where the moon is. In our fast-paced lives, we are really removed from the natural world. If you could just take some time every day to go outside and connect with nature—even if it’s stopping at a park on your way to work, leaning up against a tree, smelling a few flowers, petting the dog—you can reconnect with the natural world. We need twenty minutes a day in the sunshine, hopefully as unclothed as you can be without getting arrested, with no sunblock on. The sun is one of the biggest mood modulators. It makes us feel peaceful. That’s one reason why we feel so much better after we’ve been outside. If you live in the northern hemisphere, consider getting a light box to get more rays and vitamin D in the winter months, in addition to the vitamin D supplement you are taking.
Everyone is so serious these days. Lighten up! Laughter is good for the body and soul. It relieves stress and boosts immune functioning. There are those who have laughed themselves back to good health. Try to find something to laugh about every day. At the end of each day, watch an episode of Seinfeld or The Big Bang Theory or whatever makes you laugh. Listen to some gentle music or read something light and entertaining rather than wallowing in the news and its overdose of violence and politics. Go to bed happy.
So what’s on your bucket list? Want to skydive? Learn to play the guitar or speak another language? Visit Machu Picchu? Learn energy healing? We all have things we want to do before we kick the bucket. By setting a goal and striving to reach it—overcoming any obstacles along the way and not giving up if we make a mistake—we develop our will and our personal power. Maybe your challenge is learning to speak your truth or overcoming a particular negative behavior. Whatever you attempt to do, don’t get down on yourself if you don’t accomplish it. Deep-six the inner critic. It doesn’t matter if you screw up. If you don’t reach your goal, keep working at it. The real goal is more consciousness, not perfection. You’re only trying to improve yourself, not prove yourself to anyone else.
Next we’re heading into part III, where you will learn more healing techniques with which you can further help yourself to heal and also help others.