I happen to have had a brief friendship with the late, great Butch Lewis, who was a fight promoter. I didn’t spend a lot of time with Butch; most of our conversations were over the phone. But he came to me at a time in my life when I was really, really down. It was around 2005, and I was trying to get my life together. He shared an analogy during one of our conversations that has stuck with me.
I call the analogy “Man on a Rope.” For those of us striving to become successful, our journey can be compared to the task of pulling a wagon up a steep hill. Those willing to make the climb are typically business leaders, business owners, heads of families, foundation heads, leaders of children, or pastors of churches. This wagon is like a wooden wagon that you may have seen in Westerns. Our responsibility is to pull that wagon uphill.
This wagon doesn’t have rubber wheels on it. It doesn’t have a motor. It doesn’t have wire spokes. It is just an old wagon that you are pulling up a hill. It has no horse in front of it. It doesn’t have a mule in front of it. It has but a single, thick burlap rope. Think of one that can be found in gym class, except twice the size. The rope is very thick and rough; it cuts into the puller’s hands—your hands. Yes, you are pulling that wagon up the hill. Your pants are tattered, torn, and dirty. This is a barefoot climb, and you don’t have any traction to keep you steady. You are sweating. The rope is over your shoulder, and it is cutting into your skin. It isn’t easy.
What makes your journey more challenging is the added weight of the people riding in your wagon. You are carrying them. The only people who can get on the wagon are people whom you allow to board. If you are smart, you will choose based on who will assist you in getting the heavy wagon up the hill. You don’t want a cart full of dead weight. No one else can pull the wagon but you. You are the one who wants to become successful. You’re the one with the gift and the vision. Whom do you have on your wagon?
People can aid you in your climb, but they can’t pull your rope for you. What you are looking for are people who have one leg over the side, pushing with their foot and trying to help you move the wagon up the hill. They are not strong enough on their own to have their own wagon, but they are good enough that you are letting them help you get your wagon up the hill.
You have some people on the wagon whose job it is to cook and bring food to you. Along the way, if you are a man, you may want to find a woman who will get off the wagon to dab your brow, keeping sweat from getting in your eyes. She should be willing to even kick rocks out of the way for you. She will cheer you on.
At night, when you get to sit down and put your foot up against a rock, you can’t let go. You have to wrap the rope around your waist when you lean back to take a rest. Everyone else is still on the wagon. Even when you’re asleep, your wagon is still heavy. Your wife is allowed to lie with you to give you the strength and the wherewithal so that the next day you are able to continue your journey. But she can’t pull the rope. She can inspire you, but she can’t pull the rope. She can whisper encouraging words in your ear, but she can’t pull the rope for you. That rope is yours and yours alone.
The people in your wagon should play various roles that contribute to your success, or else what is the point of lugging them around? There has to be a person to count your money. There should be someone to provide you with counsel. The problem with dragging everybody up the hill is that some are not contributing. When they see that you are not looking, they lift their foot up and just ride a bit. Some people have gotten so slick with it that they have figured out how to get up in the middle of the wagon and not do anything at all but just ride.
I have watched many successful people’s eyes tear up when I have shared this story. It reminds them of the dead weight that they have been carrying and the people who are along for the ride. The friends who have taken advantage of their generosity. And in the worse-case scenario, the spouse or the manager who ran off with their money.
Joel Osteen told me, “God has already lined up all the people in your path to get you to your dreams and your visions; all you have to do is get rid of the wrong ones.”
Whom do you have on your wagon who isn’t helping you get up the hill? You want people who can propel your vision. When pulling a wagon up a hill, everyone on board must have a role of value or significance. If I have an old wagon and a rope, then I would like to have somebody who at least at night would come down there and put a little fabric softener on the rope to make it a little bit easier. Maybe somebody who has an oil can would grease the wheels. Somebody who has the ability to fix a broken wheel. Someone who does wagon repair in case a rivet comes loose. You want to have people with you who can aid you on your journey.
When you start selecting models to put in your wagon, be clear that they are modeling their gift for you. I have seen some terrible choices made when people selected role models to fill the wrong roles. You may select a man who is a brilliant businessman but is an awful husband. Now, as long as he is a business role model, you are in good shape. I recommend you identify role models who provide you guidance and wisdom in your gift, your career, your finances, and your health.
When you choose someone to model, they should have a track record of success. Additionally, the role model should show a commitment to providing direction to others. Mastery in an area doesn’t mean you possess energy that should be imitated. You may have access to an elected official who has consistently been reelected, raises tons of money, and actually gets some things done. But if his integrity is off, why would you want to model his actions? Your makeup should guide your selection of role models as much as your gift and goals.
Next, let’s talk about the kinds of people you do not want on your wagon, because they are dead weight.
You cannot share your dream and vision with everyone. If you are sharing your dreams with people and the first thing they do is try to tell you how your vision won’t work, you should immediately disassociate from them. These people don’t have vision. They don’t have enough insight to think that maybe this isn’t right for them, but it is right for you. What you don’t need to know is how something won’t work; you need to know how it will work.
Let go of people who are only around for their personal benefit. Before bonding with someone, I ask myself a couple of questions: Does hiring this person make my enterprise stronger? Does my association with this person make me better? Does this person have information I don’t have? Does this individual bring potential income to the table? If he doesn’t make me better or stronger, if she doesn’t add anything of value, why are we talking? Now, you are going to have a person with a self-serving motive. Effective leaders know that the way to become a great leader is to become an even greater servant. Some people are not even willing to be of service to you, but are coming around you to see what they can get out of you. They see their needs as taking priority over your vision for your future. That’s a dangerous person. They can make you feel drained of energy.
Avoid people who are always having a bad day. In their minds, nothing ever works in their favor. They have a chronic “Woe Is Me” campaign that they continue to launch full blast. This kind of negativity depletes enthusiasm. You don’t need the woe-is-me speech every day.
Another personality type that I recommend distancing yourself from are those who have to be right all of the time. They go out of their way to be right, but not necessarily correct. Who has time to tangle with this personality? Wherever you are going, this person will not be able to get you there.
You should also be leery of procrastinators. Procrastinators will weigh you down. Action is the prescription for moving forward. Action will eliminate boredom. Procrastinators are waiting, and they often create more excuses to continue waiting: It isn’t the right time; I’m going to wait until it’s sunny outside; I got up late; I called them and they didn’t pick up the phone; they didn’t reply to my email. Procrastinators are going nowhere. Do not let them impede your journey to success.
You should be living your life surrounded by people who are like-minded, service-oriented, and grateful, people who are trying to accomplish things, and who bring something to the table.
In your journal, name the people who are currently in your inner circle who have to go—completely—and not simply move to the periphery of your life. How will you make the transition with them individually?