The Bible says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.”
In your quest to become successful and to be more, have more, and enjoy more, there is going to be opposition. Sad to say, but opposition is not always just circumstances; a lot of times it’s other people, and those people show up as haters. Every time you make a decision to do more, be more, want more, here comes opposition. The good news is that there is no progress without it. There’s no need to address the opposition, because it will be ongoing. The only cure for enemies is success. Your first thought may be, I could really set them straight. Yes, you could. But in order to set them straight, you have to interrupt your climb to do so.
My father told me never to take my foot off a ladder to kick at someone who was kicking at me. When I did that, I would no longer be climbing. While they are kicking, my father told me, I should keep stepping. They can kick only one time. If I continued to climb, they would be left behind. In trying to hurt me, to impede my progress, they would get left behind because they allowed themselves to get sidetracked from their agenda.
Look at success as being on a ladder. Every time you step up one rung on the ladder, you have to lift one foot higher than the other one. If you stop to address a foe, you’re not raising your foot to the next level. You’re now spending time with a person who is not a decision maker, a power broker, a shaker, or a mover. They are merely a hater. Their one goal is to impede your progress, and the moment you stop to address them, you have helped them accomplish it. You cannot afford to spend a single day engaging with that kind of energy.
No one I know who is serious about business addresses the opposition. They don’t have the time. In all of this space, enemies have no significant value anywhere. No advertiser says, “Wait a minute, we’re going to advertise here, but let’s check what the haters say.” No one who prints books says, “Hey, we’re about to publish this book, but uh-oh, before we do, let’s check and see what the haters are reading.” No one who’s looking to fill a position says, “Hey, we’re looking for haters. We’ve got a high-paying hater position available.” If you understand people of power, decision makers, power brokers, shakers and movers, you know that they don’t even know the haters exist. So why should you? My daddy used to always tell me, “Son, don’t give ’em a pin to stick you with.”
One time I was going through something, and Tyler Perry called me. Tyler said, “Steve, when they blog about you, it’s just a blog. If you respond, it’s a press conference.”
You don’t have time for small people. You don’t have time for the opposition. Any way you want to look at this, the only way to heal a hater is through success. And at no point in time does it serve you any good to address a hater in any shape, form, or fashion. You are merely putting a spotlight on a dull person. You are giving shine to a person who has no brilliance.
I’ve learned self-restraint by observing our president. I’ve never seen a man more noble or regal in the face of adversity. He could stop and address it all, but he doesn’t. He just plods along with the job of being the president in the face of intense adversity. We can say the same thing about Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., John F. Kennedy, Gandhi, and Mother Teresa.
The Reverend Billy Graham has a wonderful book titled Nearing Home. This man dedicated his life to teaching people righteousness and the Word of God. Yet there were still people who criticized him. Throughout history, you can see examples of people who have been attacked. But they just kept putting one foot above the next and continued to climb up to the next rung.
You don’t have the time nor can you expend the energy to address opposition. They have no power over you, unless you give it to them. Martin Luther King Jr. said something that I will always remember. He said, “A man can’t ride your back unless it’s bent.” Don’t bend over. Stay tall. Keep climbing.
There isn’t a week that goes by that someone doesn’t have something to say about Steve Harvey. I have no problem standing square in the middle of the public’s opinion, because I decided years ago that I would never give anyone the power to define who I am. We live in a free country where people can say whatever they want about me, but at the end of the day, I choose—and I’ll say that again—I choose how those words will affect me and my destiny. And I make the choice every day not to let anyone’s negativity stop me from fully operating in my God-given gift.
People who are stuck in the muck and the mire of their misery will spew out their venom on others just to deflect from their own everyday struggles. Some days we can withstand the potshots better than others. The question becomes: How do you stay motivated and moving toward your goals in an environment filled with negativity?
On any given day, there is bound to be some kind of negative energy showing up in your life. Whether it’s from a coworker, a random person on the street, or, regrettably, your spouse, if you’re kicking and breathing, there’s sure to be some negativity headed in your direction. Negativity can show up as any pessimistic, critical, or harmful energy that takes you off your path toward success. If you are not careful, not only will that negative energy take you off track, but it will in fact consume you. Before you know it, you’ll have spent a whole day thinking, Well, was I really that bad? or, What did they mean by that? So how do we take back our power and stand up tall throughout our journey?
We have to learn to become skilled at deflecting negative energy and keeping our eyes focused on our vision. Look at Oprah. Her vision and ambition to create the OWN Network is a prime example of someone who succeeded despite her naysayers. Her critics were counting her out when she began OWN. You couldn’t open a paper or read a blog without someone harping on the network’s low ratings or saying, “Who does she think she is to start her own network?” or “She should have just gone on ahead and retired at The Oprah Winfrey Show.” It’s a good thing that Oprah doesn’t need anybody’s validation to keep her vision moving forward. Oprah went on to do what Oprah does best: She exceeded everyone’s expectations by making OWN profitable in less than three years with quality shows such as Iyanla, Fix My Life, and Tyler Perry’s The Haves and the Have Nots. Oprah could easily have taken her billions and gone off to an island somewhere after The Oprah Winfrey Show. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t have been mad at her for doing so. But that woman’s drive to win, succeed, and most important, to teach and share with others along the way is truly something to behold.
I remember my first few months hosting The Steve Harvey Show on television, when Oprah personally called me. After one of my episodes aired she said, “Steve, don’t you let those people talk you out of being who you are. You gotta stay true to you.” The fact that the Queen of Daytime Television took a moment to call me and help me keep my vision focused and moving in the right direction means more to me than I can ever express.
Take a cue from Oprah’s example. You are definitely going to have haters coming from the left, and haters coming from the right. Who are you going to be in the face of your critics? Will you fall under the weight of someone else’s opinion? Or will you rise to the occasion and let your haters motivate you to even bigger success?
Here are the four kinds of haters you need to look out for:
It could be a beautiful day without a cloud in the sky, and the I Hate Everything Hater will find a reason to complain. Even when good things happen, they never seem to come out of their cloud of contempt. The scary thing about this kind of haters is that they are often angry about something that happened so long ago, they can barely remember the details. The whole world has moved on, but they are stuck in a moment and don’t know how to escape. This type of energy can be the worst because it is all-consuming and persistent.
You also have to remember that the energy coming from the I Hate Everything Haters is seldom about you. They don’t want to be stuck in their misery any more than you do. But because they can’t see their way out, they will lash out at the person closest to them. So if you happen to be in their path, brush their negativity off and get on with your life.
Stop giving them a place to store their negativity and they will stop sending it to you. Do you realize how much negative energy we allow people to send to us? Have you ever known someone who tries to find ways to argue with you? They know your buttons, they push them every time, and like clockwork you respond. Don’t sit around and take abuse, but rather move and force them to take their negativity somewhere else. I realize that with family and even spouses this can be challenging. But in some relationships we are unfortunately forced to choose between someone else’s peace or our own. Don’t you dare let their energy destroy your success.
The Drag You Down Hater is someone who hates you because they wish they could be you. But instead of doing the things you do to get where you are, they would rather drag you down with them by stealing your energy, dreams, and success. The world has done a great job of producing this kind of haters because we have reduced positive messages about people’s gifts and increased messages that make people feel entitled to things that are not for them.
Social media has given this enemy a brand-new tool of power. There used to be a time when your haters were just stuck in your physical world. Now on Facebook you can have an enemy in the Midwest who just hates you because you’re living a life that they want. While that may seem ridiculous, it speaks to how pervasive this kind of negative energy is. It can come from anyone who is secretly admiring your life but doesn’t know how to celebrate you.
In the fall of 2005 I started a new radio contract in New York with syndicated radio in just four markets. People all around me who I thought should have supported me were talking behind my back and saying that I was making a huge mistake. I can’t tell you how many folks were laughing at me. But I was determined that I was going to build a radio empire that would fuel the next level of my career. I worked hard, stayed focused, and before I knew it, The Steve Harvey Morning Show had expanded into seventy-two markets.
Situational Haters are hypocrites who will use you for their own benefit. They are like piranhas in the water, waiting to take you down at any moment. They will compete with you to take advantage of a new opportunity. They will lie and spread misinformation about your character and your performance. These enemies are smart, but the best way to cut them off is to keep your master plans and your ambitions private. If they don’t have any information, then they don’t have any power over you.
The Self-Hate Hater is often one of the toughest to defeat because it is the one staring right back at you in the mirror every day. There are times when the negativity that comes from the world is nothing compared to the negative energy we deposit into our own lives. Low self-esteem, doubt, shame, and pessimism have killed more dreams and blocked more success journeys than any outside enemy.
When you are your own worst enemy, you have to bring your own light. When you imprison yourself in your own fears, you have to find the keys to set yourself free. In order to get beyond your fears, you have to remember your worth and your value. You have to get up every morning and affirm that talent that God has put inside you. You cannot let your fears, doubts, and insecurities stop you from taking hold of your destiny.
You can navigate the negativity of any of these enemies even if you have never been strong against them before. Become the positive energy that will be a light not just for yourself, but for those around you. Your gift and your vision are relying on it.