“Disappeared, Benjamin? That is odd, don’t you think, Debra?”
“Very odd indeed, Daniel. Unless you have a particularly active imagination. Then it’s about as odd as the shul turning into a pickled cucumber. Or maybe it turned into an airplane and flew away.”
The family was all sitting round the dining table having supper. Even though Ben’s parents were only teasing him, it still made Ben very angry.
“Stop it!” he snapped. “I’m not joking. It really wasn’t there.”
“Well, then,” said Dad. “There’s nothing else for it. We’ll just have to tell the two hundred guests we’ve invited not to come to your bar mitzvah. I mean, if there’s no shul there’ll be nowhere for them to sit, will there?”
“Unless all the seats are still there and it’s only the building that has disappeared,” said Mom. “But then, what will we do if it rains? I don’t think you’re allowed to put up an umbrella on Shabbat.”
His parents laughed, which just made Ben even more annoyed. He did have an active imagination, but he knew the difference between what went on in his head and real life. Of course he did!
“I don’t want Ben’s bar mitzvah to disappear,” said Carla, Ben’s little sister. She had long black hair and a mouth full of big new teeth that gleamed as she spoke. She was nine, but, depending on the situation and what suited her, she could act anything from six to sixteen. “I’ve bought a new dress and I’m really looking forward to the party.”
“Ow!” shouted Ben, feeling a sharp pain in his left leg. “Anthony kicked me!”
“Wasn’t me,” said Ben’s older brother. “My legs have disappeared.”
Ben glared at Anthony, who pushed his glasses back up his nose and smiled innocently at him. He was sixteen, with a long face and a prominent chin, which seemed to be pointing at Ben and saying, “Ha, ha, ha.”
“Right, that’s it!” Ben shouted furiously. “Shul or no shul, I’m not going to be bar mitzvahed. I don’t want to be a man, anyway! Why would anyone want to be a grown-up?”
Before Ben’s parents could say another word, he stormed out of the room and stomped noisily up the stairs. Ben could be a little hot-headed at times, but he had a strong sense of justice and he knew this just wasn’t fair!
Entering his bedroom, he slammed the door shut and threw himself down on the bed.
Lying there, he thought about what he’d said. It wasn’t just the shul disappearing. Having a bar mitzvah was when a boy became an adult. A man. A grown-up. But there were a lot of things about the adult world Ben didn’t like, which had led him to a quite childish conclusion: being a grown-up stinks.
There were plenty of big problems with the planet that made him unhappy: climate change, poverty, disease, animal cruelty, and things like that. They had all been caused by grown-ups, but it was the problems with his own family that bothered him the most and made him think that becoming a man and being part of the adult world really wasn’t such a good idea.
There was the time that Anthony had been working so hard for his exams that he fell asleep at his desk. When he woke up there was drool all over his notes and he couldn’t read a word.
Grandpa was always complaining about aches and pains, and then, one time, he had gotten a boil on his bottom that meant he couldn’t sit down for a whole month.
His Uncle Tony was always tired from working so hard. He did stop to go on vacation last summer, but he forgot to pack his wife’s swimsuit. She was so angry she didn’t speak to him for the whole two weeks.
Then there was the unforgettable day Dad had …
*
THE WORST ATTEMPT TO GET TO WORK ANYONE IN THE WORLD HAS EVER HAD, EVER (FEATURING BEN).
Ben had woken up that day feeling unwell. Normally, that would have meant staying in bed, with Mom fussing over him.
Unfortunately, Mom was away visiting Great-Aunt Valerie, so Dad, who had a very important business meeting, decided to take Ben to work with him. There was a quiet room at the office where Ben could lie down and take it easy.
Ben didn’t think that was a particularly good idea and when Dad’s car broke down on a busy road halfway to work, he began to think that it was actually quite a bad idea.
Then, when Dad discovered his phone was out of battery and Ben had left his at home, Dad shrieked, “This can’t be happening!”, and Ben realized it was a terrible idea.
To make matters even worse, Ben threw up just as a police officer came over to see what was going on, so Dad had to leave his vomit-covered car at the side of the road and get a cab to take the two of them back home. He hadn’t even had a chance to call work and tell them he wasn’t going to be able to make the meeting!
The final straw was just as they were pulling up outside the house. Ben threw up again inside the cab, which meant Dad had to pay for the cab to be cleaned as well as the actual fare.
Three weeks later Dad was still feeling miserable about the whole thing.
*
“No,” thought Ben, as that day and all the other terrible things went through his mind. “Being a grown-up is horrible. I’ve definitely made the right decision not to have a bar mitzvah. I’m going to stay a boy. It’s a lot more fun.”