Symmetry and Percentages

“Even his bones are beautiful,” Veronica said.

She stood beside her mother, gazing at Cadbury’s X-rays. His guitar-shaped rib cage was lit from behind. Veronica herself had only been subjected to X-rays at the dentist’s office. It was hard to believe that a little dog could have had more medical procedures than its owner. Cadbury had undergone an alarming number of tests in the last twenty-four hours.

Dr. Harskirey walked in and snapped on the overhead lights. She was taller than Veronica’s mother, with wild gray hair that seemed to be fighting a losing battle for control of the ponytail it was half contained by. She was direct, abrupt, and nervous making. Veronica didn’t like her.

“May I speak in front of the child?” Dr. Harskirey said. Veronica didn’t understand how Esme could admire her so much. She seemed so unpleasant.

“Her name is Veronica, Dr. Harskirey,” Mrs. Morgan said. “I believe I introduced you yesterday. And today, actually.”

“I’m sorry,” Dr. Harskirey said. She turned toward Veronica and extended her enormous hand. It was strong and the veins on top were ropy and prominent. She wasn’t smiling. “Veronica,” she said, “I’m going to be straight with you. The news is not good, and I need to know if you would be more comfortable having your mom explain Cadbury’s diagnosis at home later, or would you like to listen to me run through a long list of doctor talk?”

Veronica looked at her mother for guidance.

“Would you give us a moment?” Veronica’s mother said.

“Certainly,” Dr. Harskirey said.

“I’m sorry. I meant alone. Would you please give us a moment alone.” Mrs. Morgan stroked her daughter’s cheek.

Dr. Harskirey looked at her watch. “I have other patients. If I walk out there I can pretty much promise I won’t be back in anytime soon.”

Veronica sensed her mother losing her temper. Her own pulse was racing and she hoped her mother’s neck wasn’t going to explode from tension.

“I certainly don’t want to make trouble, Dr. Harskirey,” Mrs. Morgan said, “but I have to tell you that your bedside manner … well, it stinks!” Mrs. Morgan wiped a tear from her eye. “Could you try to put yourself in our shoes, in Veronica’s shoes, for a minute? I would be so grateful.”

Veronica loved her mother for defending her and Dr. Harskirey actually apologized. Mrs. Morgan pulled Veronica close, wrapping her arms around her the way she did if it was cold and they were outside for too long. “What would you rather, honey? Hear Dr. Harskirey explain the situation or have me do it at home?”

Her voice was respectful, the way Veronica preferred being spoken to ordinarily. But today she wanted a mother who knew more than she did. A mother who would take care of everything and make it better.

“Lovey, what do you think?”

Veronica stared at her mother like a mute.

Dr. Harskirey shifted her weight and looked at her watch.

“Honey? She has other patients. Let’s let her explain.”

Veronica nodded and leaned into her mother. She smelled so good.

“Okay. Here we go,” Dr. Harskirey said. She put more X-rays up on the board. “Cadbury’s tests confirm what I was worried about yesterday. His heart is enlarged. It’s putting pressure on the lungs. The entire cardiopulmonary system is backing up with fluid…”

Dr. Harskirey seemed to lose track of what she was saying. “I … I want to draw your attention to the large mass in the center.” She pointed her finger at a gray blotch surrounded by small white bones. “That is Cadbury’s heart. Do you see how big it is?”

Yesterday when Dr. Harskirey said she suspected that Cadbury’s heart was enlarged, Veronica took it as a compliment. The larger the heart, she reasoned, the kinder the creature. The size of a heart must be proportionate to how lovable the being containing that heart was. Obviously Cadbury had the biggest heart in the world. Veronica didn’t need years of medical training and a set of X-rays to know that.

“Cadbury, as I suspected, has an abnormally large heart,” Dr. Harskirey continued. Veronica picked Cadbury up off the floor. His breath was hot against her cheek.

“According to his echocardiogram and the X-rays—I don’t have a nice way to say this, I wish I did. And I don’t have a script that is more appropriate for certain age groups.” Dr. Harskirey took Cadbury from Veronica and put him on the aluminum table. His nails made an upsetting sound as they skittered across it. It seemed wrong for this rude woman to be touching Cadbury. But she was surprisingly gentle with him. He licked Dr. Harskirey’s nose. She smiled and scratched behind his ears. “Basically, his heart is too large to do the job it is supposed to do.”

“How can a heart be too big?” Veronica asked.

“That is the problem,” Dr. Harskirey said. “It can’t. His body is designed to contain a much smaller heart. And his heart is designed to be much smaller. It’s working too hard to pump all the blood his body needs. That’s why he is having trouble breathing. That’s why he coughs. That’s why he is so tired. You’ve probably noticed he’s not playful.” Cadbury’s heart glowed on the light box behind Dr. Harskirey. “Eventually all his organs will suffer. I wish there was a nicer way. I really do,” Dr. Harskirey said, stroking Cadbury’s chin.

Cadbury didn’t seem to mind Dr. Harskirey or what she was saying. Veronica wished she felt the same way.

“Some dogs are diagnosed early and some dogs, like Cadbury, show no signs until their hearts have built up so much fluid the damage is irreversible. You didn’t do anything wrong. It is a hereditary condition most of the time.”

“Veronica,” her mother said quietly, “do you understand?”

“Yes,” Veronica answered. “Cadbury’s heart is too big and it makes him tired.”

Veronica had a math test first thing in the morning. She should be at home studying. It was about symmetry, which was easy, but there was a section on percentages, which was hard.

“What is the treatment?” her mother said.

“In Cadbury’s case all we can do is keep him comfortable.”

“That’s it?” Veronica felt her mother’s arms tighten around her. She thought she might choke.

“I’m afraid so,” Dr. Harskirey said. “He is quite far gone, and it is just going to get worse.”

“What do you mean?” Veronica asked. “He is just going to get more tired?”

“Yes. And then his heart will give out. Or if you feel he is too uncomfortable you may decide to euthanize him.”

“Honey, look at me,” Mrs. Morgan said, turning Veronica to face her. “Do you understand what the doctor is saying?”

“Yes,” Veronica said. She was annoyed. “Yes, I do. Cadbury’s heart is too big and he will be tired and not as playful for the rest of his life.”

Cadbury was always going to die. She was going to die. Her mother and father were going to die. It was all part of the cycle of life, the seasons of the year like they talked about at Randolf. The leaves fall off the trees, the ground freezes, the earth hibernates waiting to be reborn in spring and it all culminates in the bounty of summer. Blah blah blah.

Mrs. Morgan was crying. Her poor mother always overreacted. All those years spent forcing herself to be sympathetic, even when nothing was going on. If only she made a big deal out of stuff that actually mattered. Like getting school uniforms tailored properly and cooking for her family.

“You should get a second opinion,” Dr. Harskirey said.

“We will. Thank you. But from what I see on the X-rays and what I remember from medical school, I can’t imagine it will be much different. How much time do you think he has, Dr. Harskirey?”

“It’s hard to say. I will prescribe some medications to reduce the inflammation and relax the heart muscle, but frankly I’m surprised he’s made it this long. Right now it is all about keeping him comfortable.”

*   *   *

A burst of cold air slapped Veronica in the face as they stepped outside the vet’s office.

“Honey, pull your hat down. I don’t want you to catch a cold,” Mrs. Morgan said. She fiddled with Veronica’s hat and hailed a taxi. “Where are your gloves? Please say you didn’t lose them.”

“Can we not talk about my stupid gloves!” Veronica snapped.

“Don’t yell at me, Veronica. I feel as bad as you do,” her mother said.

No, you don’t, Veronica thought, nobody feels as bad as I do. But she didn’t say anything. She just held on to Cadbury as tightly as possible.