The Mourner’s Kaddish

Teachers didn’t seem to care how much time she spent in the bathroom. They almost acted as if they thought it was a good idea. She sat on the toilet lid with her feet up so no one could see her. Voices she didn’t recognize joked during math. After lunch she heard the unmistakable voice of one she did.

“My grandmother died and I didn’t even cry,” Sarah-Lisa said.

Veronica squeezed her knees tight and froze.

“Why is she crying all the time about an animal? My grandmother was a person and my mother told me not to cry. She said it would make people feel sorry for me.”

Mr. and Mrs. Morgan told her to expect this kind of reaction from people, but it was still hurtful. “We live in a culture unable to process grief,” her parents warned. “People respond by shutting down or by running away, as though death were something contagious. You really will learn from this experience, Veronica. It will make you wiser.” Whatever there was to learn from heartache wasn’t anything worth knowing. She would rather stay dumb.

“You were very brave, Sarah-Lisa, when your grandmother died. Very brave,” Athena said. She and Sarah-Lisa must have been standing in front of the mirror combing their hair and applying lip gloss and checking their teeth. Someone else entered the bathroom. Veronica recognized Darcy’s shoes under the door. Becky’s shoes followed a moment later.

“Are you talking about Veronica?” Becky asked. “She sure is a sad sack. Was it her grandmother?”

“It was her dog. And I don’t see what the big deal is, at all,” Sarah-Lisa said. “Plus, what she did to Melody was awful!”

“What did she do to Melody?”

“She made Melody put her name on the Impressionist project,” Sarah-Lisa declared.

“Poor Melody,” Becky said.

“Yeah, that wasn’t so nice,” Darcy said.

There it was. No one wanted her. Fine with her because she had nothing to say to anyone unless it was on the subject of misery. Her knowledge on that subject was unprecedented. She could wipe the floor with all of them. Soon she’d be reading her way through lunch like Sylvie. Too bad they couldn’t be loners together.