SENOVO WOVE HIS FINGERS together and gazed steadily over them at the man glaring down the length of the table. “Andoc and Carivel are here tonight, at my behest, to complete some final counseling before the ceremony... which, as I explained in my message to you earlier, will take place privately, tomorrow afternoon.”
“You are presuming quite a lot on the strength of a position you’ve held for barely a day, Senovo,” Volya said.
Without changing expression, Senovo rose from his seat and mirrored the other man, leaning forward slightly over the table with his weight resting lightly on his fingertips. His voice was like forged iron as he said, “I presume nothing. The position of High Priest exists independently of the individual who inhabits it. It is you, Chief Volya, who are overstepping your bounds by attempting to interfere in matters that do not concern you. I am the first shape-shifter to hold the position of High Priest on the island of Eburos in a generation. Do not set yourself against me over such a meaningless trifle. The ceremony will take place tomorrow. It will be private. Now, unless you have legitimate business at the temple, please remove yourself so that we may finish our meal and I may attend my duties to the betrothed couple.”
Volya continued to stare, unblinking, at Senovo, who returned his hard look impassively. I don’t think anyone else was even breathing. Just when I feared that the tension in the air might somehow manifest to crumble the wattle-and-daub walls around us, Volya straightened and swept from the room without another word. Jacun scurried after him, throwing us a wide-eyed look as he left.
“Well,” Andoc said, breaking the silence that had lingered after the Chief’s abrupt departure. “That was certainly interesting.”
His words were apparently enough to break Feldes free from his immobility. “Of all the presumptuous... how dare he try to interfere in such a way!” said the fat novice, his face a parody of offense.
Senovo still had not moved from his slightly predatory stance at the head of the table, and I felt a sudden and completely inappropriate desire to throw him down on the conveniently flat surface and ravish him. He gradually relaxed, blinking as if coming back to himself.
“One does not become the Chief of a tribe without daring much,” he said, his voice as calm and level as if he was speaking of the weather. “Now, perhaps Andoc, Carivel, and I should retire someplace quiet so we may see to that counseling. Feldes, Crenelo, thank you for a lovely meal. Reston and Eiridan, please see to the dishes and stand watch in case anyone has need of the temple this evening. Good night to you all.”
The others, still somewhat in shock by the looks of it, murmured polite responses as Senovo gathered us up with his eyes and shepherded us out of the refectory, toward the wing where we had spent the previous night. Though my feet moved along the corridors as if by their own volition, my mind was still stuck fast, mired somewhere in the vicinity of retiring somewhere quiet where I could hopefully rip Senovo’s robes off and do unspeakably wicked things to him. So distracted was I, that it was a complete surprise when a door shut behind us and I found that we were in the same room as last night.
“Fuck, Senovo,” said Andoc, flopping down on the bed and sounding as stunned as I felt.
Since actions spoke louder than words, I contented myself with grabbing Senovo by the front of his robes and whirling him around, thumping his back against the closed door to hold him in place while I tried to get my tongue down his throat. He made a surprised oof noise at the impact, followed by a soft whine that sent the blood pulsing thickly between my legs. When I let him up for breath, he was shaking a bit, and I pulled back in concern.
“As much as I’m enjoying the view, maybe you two had better sit down,” Andoc said from the bed.
Using my grip on the flowing white linen twisted around my fingers, I tugged Senovo across the room and deposited him next to Andoc, who looked at him closely.
“All right?” Andoc asked, and Senovo nodded.
“Just... give me a minute,” said the priest, still sounding a bit breathless.
I sank down to the floor in front of him, curling my legs beneath me and looking up at him with what was no doubt an idiotically adoring expression.
“That was... “ I began, only to trail off when I couldn’t find adequate words.
“Ridiculously arousing?” Andoc offered, breaking the tension somewhat.
Senovo eyed him sideways. “You are as predictable as you are steadfast, my friend,” he said, in a tone more like himself. “Please never change.”
I swallowed, laying a hand on Senovo’s knee to draw his attention. “Senovo, I’m... no good at putting things like this into words, but, well, I’m not used to people speaking up for me like that. I... I just... thank you.”
Senovo shook his head, deflecting my words. “Any priest would have stood up for your rights in the temple. It was merely Volya’s attempt to extend his power and influence in Draebard by outmaneuvering a weak High Priest.”
“You are not weak,” Andoc said.
“Not remotely,” I added emphatically.
“My position is weak, for now, at least,” Senovo insisted. “Though perhaps slightly less so at the present moment than it was half an hour ago.”
Andoc snorted. “I should say so.”
Senovo closed his eyes and breathed in and out deeply, once, as if centering himself. When he opened them again and spoke, his tone was brisk. “Now, let us move on to other things. You are not here to speak of our esteemed Chief and his machinations. You are here so we may prepare for tomorrow.”
“Does preparation for tomorrow include me getting your robes off?” I asked, unable to help myself. I was rewarded by a snicker from Andoc and a faint blush that rose up Senovo’s neck to color his cheeks in the candlelight.
“That can perhaps be arranged,” Senovo said. “First, though, I’ve been thinking about some things. I can see no way to avoid having Andoc penetrate you like a woman. Not if the handfasting is to be properly completed.”
I sat back, regarding him. “I didn’t expect you to.”
He shook his head. “Let me finish. I do wonder, however, if there might not be a way to alter your perception of the act, somewhat.”
“What are you saying?” Andoc asked, curious.
“Andoc, you are obviously aware of the place inside a man or a eunuch’s passage that causes pleasure,” Senovo said. “Though Carivel may not be.”
“Yes, of course,” Andoc said, “but I’m still not sure what you’re getting at.”
“Carivel doesn’t have one,” Senovo said, and Andoc’s expression turned considering.
I frowned. “What do you mean? I got quite a bit of pleasure that way, in case you didn’t notice.”
“You did, from the combination of that, along with other stimulation,” Senovo said. “We are speaking of something slightly different. There is a small, round node—a sort of firm nodule about the size of a shagbark nut—located under the front wall of a man’s passage. Rubbing against it can bring many men to completion without a single touch to their shafts. I could not find it inside of you.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, still frowning. “You couldn’t find it? You think it’s—what? Because I have a female body?”
“I suspect that may be the case. I have never had occasion to explore a woman in precisely that way before. Andoc?”
Andoc shook his head. “Sorry, I’m afraid I’m no help in that regard. I’ve been with a few women, but we never did anything like that together.”
“It’s of no consequence,” Senovo said. “The point is, it started me thinking about a similar place on the front wall of the passage to a woman’s womb.”
Andoc’s brows drew together. “You think it’s the same thing, but in a different place? I must confess I’ve never found anything like that inside a woman.”
Senovo shrugged a shoulder. “The area is softer than in a man, and seems to require a firmer touch to produce results. But, yes, after pondering it I am of the opinion that it is basically the same thing.”
I was following the conversation closely, trying to quell the nervousness I felt at the prospect of what was almost certainly coming. “I’m still not sure I understand what you’re getting at. I already know that most women get pleasure from being penetrated. I’ve tried it—with fingers, at least. I don’t. But I do get pleasure from the... other passage. Even though you say I don’t have the thing inside that makes it feel good for men. What’s your point?”
“The point is, you have probably never felt what it’s like to receive pleasure from this place inside you. It’s unlikely you would have found it during your own tentative explorations,” Senovo said patiently. “If you would allow me, I will attempt to show you using my fingers, and I thought you might find it more palatable if you think of it as experiencing penetration more like a man does.”
The other two let the silence settle around us as I considered this idea. It was a bit of a relief that no one was talking about fucking me tonight. After all, while I didn’t enjoy it, I’d at least had fingers inside me before—my own and, once, Senovo’s. It wasn’t like it was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I tried to relax a bit, and made myself say what I was thinking, knowing that Senovo couldn’t do his job properly if I didn’t.
“All right,” I said, “I think we should try it. I was a bit worried that you’d want Andoc to try to fuck me tonight, but I think I can handle fingers.”
“If either of us could think of a way around this, caradi, you’d never have to do anything you didn’t want to,” Andoc said, sounding troubled.
I smiled up at him from my position on the floor, and brought his hand to my lips, kissing the knuckles tenderly. “I know. I keep telling you it’s fine.”
“It is not fine,” Senovo said, “but it’s a strategic decision designed to achieve a particular goal—namely, your acceptance within the village and the security of your position as Horse Mistress. That said, I see nothing to be gained from subjecting you to it more than once.”
“Well,” I said, making an effort to lighten the mood, “I am a virgin, you know. It doesn’t seem like there’s going to be much about this ceremony that’s propitious, so let’s not go messing up the one thing I’ve got going for me.”
“Neither of us give a tinker’s bollocks about how propitious the ceremony is,” Andoc said. “We just don’t want you hurt.”
I clambered to my feet and leaned over to kiss him softly on the lips. “Don’t be dramatic. You’re not going to hurt me—men have been fucking women since forever. I may not feel like a woman in my mind, but unfortunately my body disagrees.” I straightened and started pulling off my clothes. “Now, get undressed, both of you, and let Senovo show me this amazing thing that’s supposedly inside me.”
Senovo nodded agreement and shed his robes, fussing around with arranging me on a pile of pillows while Andoc finished unlacing his breeches and smallclothes so he could pull them off. My earlier ardor had cooled at the prospect of the ceremony tomorrow, but as I lay looking up at my two beautiful lovers, who looked down at me with such tender devotion and care, I could hardly help the way my pulse began to race once more.
“Kiss each other for me,” I said. “I don’t get to see you kiss nearly enough.”
Andoc smiled roguishly, and reached across me for Senovo. Senovo came willingly enough, but paused halfway, placing a finger on Andoc’s lips.
“Don’t let me go under for you tonight,” said the priest. “Not now, at any rate. I need to be able to concentrate.”
With a nod of understanding, Andoc kissed the finger resting against his mouth. Senovo lowered his hand to rest on the swell of my breast and allowed Andoc to close the remaining distance between them. They explored each other with lips and tongues, leaning over my body to meet in the middle. Warmth bubbled up in my chest as if from an underground spring as I watched the way they cared for each other, and I felt the warmth overflow at the knowledge that they wanted to care for me, too.
Senovo’s hand slipped gradually lower in what I suspected was a calculated move, until the pads of his fingers trailed over my pebbled nipple and dragged a hiss from me. At the noise, Andoc broke the kiss and looked down, one corner of his mouth quirking in amusement. He lowered himself to lie next to me so he could lean forward and take my other nipple in his mouth, drawing it in with firm suction and flicking the aching point with the tip of his tongue until I cried out with need.
Leaving my breasts to Andoc’s tender mercies, Senovo scooted down to sit even with my hip and ran his hand up the length of my inner thigh. I tensed in anticipation, and he shushed me. “Shh... easy. It’s not happening yet. I’ll warn you before I do it.”
Andoc pulled off my nipple with a soft pop. “Touch her cock,” he said. “You know how much she likes that.”
I couldn’t help the desperate groan that forced its way past my lips. On the night we’d first become lovers, Senovo and Andoc had both commented on the unusually large size of the bud of flesh at the apex of my cunt. Andoc had called it a little cock, and the very idea had nearly made me come on the spot.
Senovo hummed agreement and slid a finger up the seam between my inner lips, dragging moisture to the front. He circled the small column of flesh, which swelled and hardened under his light, maddening touch. Andoc swooped down to cover my mouth in a searing kiss, muffling my gasps and moans as Senovo slowly tortured me below.
I was coming to understand that there were advantages and disadvantages to having a priest as a lover—one of the disadvantages being that he knew my body better than I did and was a master of taking me to the brink and easing me back, again and again until I finally tore my lips away from Andoc’s, cursing and begging.
“Fuck! Please, gods—Senovo, please, please let me come!”
Andoc eased himself around so he could lift my head and shoulders into his lap. I rooted blindly until my cheek brushed his hard cock and rubbed my face against it like a cat, still groaning and cursing Senovo’s name.
“Easy,” Senovo said again. “You’re almost there. I’m going to slip one finger in, and then I’ll help you come.”
I sobbed with need—I just wanted him to keep touching me the way he had been, but at this point I was willing to do whatever he wanted if it led to release. He slowly slid a finger back until the tip, following the contour of my body, disappeared inside. I tensed as the intrusion slid deeper, stretching me unpleasantly, and Andoc smoothed a hand over my cheek.
“Breathe for me,” he said, and I let out an explosive breath so I could draw fresh air into my lungs.
Senovo’s thumb teased the erect flesh at the apex of my cunt, even as his finger slid inside to the hilt, sending confusing jolts of sensation barreling through my body. “You’re doing well,” said the priest. “I know it’s strange—give it a minute.”
I nodded, my eyes tightly closed, and burrowed further into Andoc’s lap while he stroked a hand through my short hair. Senovo’s long finger pressed a tiny bit deeper and curled to rub against my front wall. I grunted in surprise and clenched around the intrusion.
He repeated the motion, setting up a slow but firm rhythm. I writhed against the strange pressure.
“All right?” he asked.
“Feels like... feels like I have to piss,” I gasped.
“I promise that you don’t, and it will pass soon,” he said. “Can you hold on for me a little while longer?”
I nodded tightly, not opening my eyes. I had to do this. I didn’t want to. I wanted to tell him to stop, but I’d gone too far to back out now. The pressure grew, changing gradually from the feeling of a full bladder to... something else. Senovo sped up his movements and let his thumb brush over my... my cock even as his finger rubbed back and forth over the place inside me. My breath jerked in and out in quick, shallow almost-sobs. I didn’t want this strange and disconcerting feeling, and I hated the way my body was betraying me with its response. Its instinctive, female response. Andoc continued to soothe me, sliding his hand over my forehead... my cheek.
When the pressure was almost too much to bear, Senovo placed his free hand low on my abdomen and pressed down, which increased the force of his movements within. With no warning, I convulsed and squirted fluid over his hand and forearm in strong spurts, contracting rhythmically around his finger until I collapsed back, spent and shaky and over-stimulated. Fighting tears.
I shuddered as Senovo withdrew, fighting the urge to roll away from them both and curl up in the corner. Even Andoc’s slow stroking of my cheek was too much right now, but I didn’t want to worry them.
Of course, I wasn’t taking into account Senovo’s preternatural empathy.
“Do you need a moment?” he asked, his voice pitched low and even.
I nodded, keeping my eyes closed so I wouldn’t have to see them yet. Andoc’s hand disappeared, and then I was being lowered back to rest against the pile of pillows once more.
When my breathing had quieted, Andoc cleared his throat uncertainly. “I... couldn’t tell if that was good or bad,” he said.
I opened my eyes, but did not meet either of their gazes. “I don’t ever want to do that again,” I said.
“Then we never will,” Senovo said, his voice troubled. “Please forgive me, Carivel—I truly thought it might help.”
“It’s not your fault, Senovo. None of this is your fault.” I covered my face with one hand. “If I weren’t such a fucked-up—”
“Stop,” Andoc said. “Don’t finish that sentence.”
I huffed out a frustrated breath. “I’m not going to be able to come during the ceremony. Not with you inside me.”
“Is there still going to be a ceremony?” Andoc asked cautiously.
“Yes, there’s going to be a fucking ceremony!” I scrubbed at my eyes and forehead. “Nothing has changed since Volya came charging in here an hour ago.”
“Carivel,” Senovo said, urging me to look at him with a gentle touch to my chin, “If you think that no participant in a handfasting has ever been too nervous or tense to achieve release during the ceremony, you are very much mistaken. There is a degree of polite fiction involved in such things. I have faith that the gods take intention into account, and do not begrudge their children the worries and insecurities that make us human.”
I looked into his solemn, green-gold eyes and felt tears pressing at the back of my throat. Swallowing them down, I replied, “Since our intention is to undergo a sham handfasting to keep Volya happy, I’m not sure that really helps.”
“You love each other,” Senovo said, as if it was an answer.
“And both of us love you,” Andoc said. I felt the mattress dip as he settled on my other side. “Carivel, can I hold you now, or do you need some more time?”
In lieu of an answer, I half-crawled and half-scooted into his arms, where I could bury my face in the crook of his shoulder and breathe in his scent. Since I was basically sprawled in his lap, it didn’t take me long to notice his cock, barely stiff now where it rested against my thigh. I nudged against it, drawing his attention.
“You all right?” I asked. “Do you want me or Senovo to—”
“I want you to stay right where you are,” he said. “What about you, Senovo?”
“There are still one or two things I need to check on before I retire for the evening,” Senovo said, sounding weary.
“You’ll come back, though?” I asked quickly, raising my head to find him shrugging into his white robes.
“I will,” he assured, and reached down to kiss me on the forehead. He let his own forehead rest against Andoc’s for a moment, and then he was gone, closing the door behind him quietly.
“This is all so incredibly screwed up,” I said, and flopped back against Andoc’s chest. “I realized earlier that we’re getting handfasted tomorrow and we haven’t even talked about where we’ll live.”
Andoc was silent for a beat before answering, “Well, I imagine you’ll continue to more or less live at the horse pens, and me, at the training yard and the meeting hall. No doubt we’ll both require extensive counseling from Senovo in the evenings, since we’re such a pair of bull-headed rogues.”
A puff of laughter escaped my lips. “Life really is that simple for you, huh?”
Andoc tightened his arms around me. “It’s been my experience that if you try to control and struggle against every little thing, you have no energy left for the important fights... the ones that really matter. I honestly don’t care about our living arrangements, caradi. If you want to move into my hut because it’s bigger, go ahead. If you want to keep yours so you’ll have a place to yourself, do that. Personally, I’m fond of the temple. I managed to squeeze into the tiny bed in Senovo’s sleeping cell on many a night over the past few years. I’m sure the High Priest’s rooms are spacious enough for three.”
“People will talk,” I said.
“People are already talking. If you’re going to let that bother you, I’m afraid you’ve got a difficult life ahead.”
I was quiet for a long time after that.
“Try to get some sleep,” Andoc said eventually. “Things’ll probably look worse in the morning... but they should start looking up again by the morning after that.”
I snorted in bleak amusement and let him rearrange us in the bed so he was lying down with me curled up against his side. I was still awake when Senovo came in some time later on silent feet, snuffed the candles, and slipped into the bed on Andoc’s other side. Indeed, I was still awake hours later, listening to the reassuring sound of their breathing as they slept.
Eventually, I sank into a world of tangled dreams that left me groggy and disoriented when Senovo woke me just before dawn, the backs of his fingers ghosting over my cheek.
“Go,” he told me. “Do your job; clear your mind. Eat something, bathe yourself in the river, and return to us here before the sun reaches the top of the old sentinel tree at the edge of the village green. We will be waiting for you.”
I nodded up at him and searched for the words I wanted to say.
“Senovo... I just want you to know. I’m glad it’s going to be you. Today, I mean. I don’t think I could do this, if it was someone else.”
The priest gave me a quick, faint smile that was gone almost as soon as it appeared. “I will help in any way I can, Carivel. Now, go on, and let me deal with this lump.” He indicated Andoc’s oblivious form in the light of the room’s single candle. “Judging by the level of snoring, I fear it will not be pretty. Pitchers and cold water may be involved.”
The fond smile that tugged at the corner of my lips was heartfelt. I rolled out of bed and pulled on my clothes in the flickering light, glancing at the high window to judge the time.
“I’ll leave you to it, then,” I said, and darted in for a brief kiss.
“There should be some bread left from last night in the refectory,” Senovo added as I turned to leave. “Help yourself, lest I be subjected to a lecture on the importance of making sure you get breakfast.”
“Gods forbid,” I agreed, still smiling a bit, and took my leave.
The butterflies were already stirring in my stomach as I ducked into the refectory and sheepishly greeted Reston, who was starting a pot of gruel to simmer. I left the temple, eating the coarse bread as I made my way to the horse pens. For once in recent days, I was the first person to arrive, so I excused the night guard and started organizing things for the day.
The apprentices trickled in as the sun came up. I watched Favian working with the white foal from a distance, pleased at his progress, and wondered again if there was anything I could do to salvage that particular relationship. When the early morning chores were complete, I caught Dalon’s attention and motioned him to one side.
“Which horse would you say is our fastest in a straight gallop?” I asked.
Dalon considered the question for a moment. “I’d say it’s that tall chestnut colt with two front socks and the knot on his shoulder.”
“Agreed,” I said. “Catch him and saddle him up before the lads take the rest of the herd out to graze. You and I are going out to the summer pastures for a little race later this morning.”
Dalon made an interested noise and headed into the large corral to get the colt. I puttered around, taking care of odds and ends until mid-morning, when things tended to naturally slow down. Nietre nickered to me as I approached, clearly pleased to see me. I saddled him and ran through an abbreviated series of yielding exercises while we waited for Dalon to show up with the chestnut colt.
The colt was tall and lanky for a Draebardi horse, but still more than a hand shorter than the black stallion. Nietre snorted a challenge, puffing himself up and arching his neck until I flashed my trusty flag-on-a-stick and backed him up several steps.
“That colt’s no threat to you, Fidget-Brain,” I chided. “He’s not going to be taking away any of the lovely mares I’ve got lined up for you.”
Nietre shook his head and blew out an explosive snort. I gathered up the reins and mounted, still not used to feeling so incredibly tall once I was seated in the saddle. Dalon and I headed out on the northern road, drawing a small crowd of onlookers as we trotted away. Nietre continued to try to fuss with the poor colt, which looked ready to flee if the older, larger stallion so much as breathed on him wrong.
Once we’d reached a flat stretch of land with no obstacles ahead, I pulled up and grinned across at Dalon. “What do you think?” I asked.
“I think I’m about to get my arse handed to me,” Dalon replied, but his grin was every bit as wide and predatory as mine. “You call it.”
We pointed our mounts toward the open road ahead. Both animals danced in place, champing at their bits.
“Three... two... one...” I counted. “Go!”
The chestnut colt was quicker off the mark than Nietre, his shorter legs and more powerful hindquarters giving him more thrust during the first few strides. Nietre half-reared and flung himself in pursuit, flattening out into a ground-eating gallop as I leaned into the wind and gave him his head. I could just make out Dalon whooping with excitement a couple lengths ahead of us, his shouts nearly swallowed up by the mad pace of the two running animals.
The rush of exhilaration at the speed and danger welled up in me as well, crowding out everything else as I crouched in the saddle and let Nietre hurtle us forward, gaining ground on the chestnut colt. I could barely breathe as the wind whipped past my face, but I would not have traded that feeling for anything in the world. At that moment, if Nietre had been capable of running forever, I’d probably have let him.
We were coming even with the colt’s haunches now, and the black stallion was so focused on the race that he didn’t even try to pin his ears back or snap at the horse next to him. I let out my own whoop as we drew even with Dalon’s saddle... then the colt’s shoulder... then his neck, until the two animals were running as if in tandem.
The chestnut was outclassed, though, and he knew it. The colt’s neck was already lathered and his nostrils wide open, blowing hard with every stride. Nietre put on a fresh burst of speed and the other horse fell back, back, back, until we were running clear. My heart pounded with excitement and joy as Nietre flattened his ears and swept forward toward the horizon, carrying me along as if I weighed nothing.
When I finally straightened my upper body and settled deeper in the saddle to slow the stallion to an easy canter, and from there to a walk, I looked back to see Dalon far behind us, reining in his own mount and giving me a cheery wave.
“Naloth’s balls,” he called when I had wandered back close enough for him to be heard. “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! I thought he’d keep going all day!”
“Too bad he’d try to kill any other horse he was hitched with,” I answered. “I bet he could pull the axle right off a chariot.”
“We don’t have any horses big and fast enough to hitch him with, anyway,” Dalon pointed out. “Guess we’ll just have to breed our own.”
I grinned, thinking of the plans I had for Draebard’s herd. “Guess so.” I glanced skyward, and the position of the sun drained some of my good humor. “I suppose we should get back.”
“S’pose so. You’re getting hitched yourself this afternoon, aren’t you?” Dalon asked, ever tactful.
“So they tell me,” I replied, letting some of the sourness in my thoughts filter into my voice.
“Ah... you netted yourself a First Warrior, though, yeah? Can’t be as bad as all that,” Dalon said, utterly guileless.
“Yes—I guess I did, didn’t I?” I said, wishing that life could be as simple for me as it seemed to be for other people. “Come on. It wouldn’t do to keep him waiting.”
We headed back to the village at an easy trot, letting the horses slow to a walk at intervals to cool them out. By the time we’d gotten back and unsaddled our mounts, the sun was right overhead. I hurried back to my hut for clean clothes—not that I’d be wearing them for very long—and gave up on the idea of trying to put anything in my roiling stomach. Instead, I headed to a secluded spot upriver and stripped off my dusty work clothes before plunging into the chilly water and scrubbing away the day’s grime.
When I presented myself at the temple, dressed in fresh linen and shivering slightly since I’d forgotten to bring anything clean to use as a towel, the sun was just dipping toward the upper branches of the sentinel tree at the edge of the green. I bowed low at the wide-open entrance, trying not to wonder about what the gods might think of this charade. I was probably happier not knowing—I just hoped that any potential bad fortune would be confined to me... or maybe Volya, who certainly deserved it.
Scarcely had I straightened and stepped through the door when I was met by Eiridan, who dipped his upper body in acknowledgement before speaking. “Welcome, Horse Mistress Carivel. Your beloved awaits you at the altar. Please follow me.”
I nodded, and let him lead me deeper into the temple. It wasn’t surprising that Senovo had chosen Eiridan to assist him in the ceremony—of the two Mereni novices, he seemed the least likely to be shocked or offended by any potential... irregularities. And, though I hardly knew Eiridan at all, after witnessing his concern for Senovo following the funeral two nights ago, I already felt the beginnings of affection for him.
Eiridan brought me to a small room just off the large space that housed the altar and helped me remove my clothes. I couldn’t stop the faint blush that climbed up my chest to heat my face. Even though Eiridan showed no interest whatsoever in my nakedness, I had bared my body to so few people in my lifetime that I couldn’t help some embarrassment over the soft, coltish curves of my breasts and hips, where there should have been hard angles and muscles.
And yet, if I’d had the body of a man, I wouldn’t be joining publicly with Andoc. Of course, I also wouldn’t have to submit to being taken by him in a way I didn’t want to be. It was all so confusing. While it was possible that Andoc and Senovo would still have wanted me if I were fully male, at least now, our relationship would not have to be hidden. Well... not completely hidden, at any rate.
I wondered what the response from the village would be if it became common knowledge that we were both still involved with a eunuch despite being handfasted. Would it spawn outrage, or simply give people another thing to gossip about? And, more importantly, would it endanger Senovo’s position as High Priest?
There was so much to worry about that it was overwhelming. Sometimes I really did envy the apparent simplicity of Andoc’s worldview. This was definitely one of those times.
Now, though, I was using worry about the future as an excuse not to think about the present. Eiridan was peering at me closely, so I must have tarried too long, lost in thought.
“Sorry,” I said, “I guess I’m a little more nervous than I thought.”
The young priest’s expression softened. “It is a major step in one’s life,” he said kindly, “but you and the First Warrior appear to be admirably matched, and our High Priest is clearly very fond of both of you. All will be well, Horse Mistress.”
“Thanks,” I said, relaxing slightly almost in spite of myself. “If you don’t mind me saying so, I think you’ve got a great future ahead of you here. You’re really good at this.”
Eiridan smiled, looking genuinely pleased. “You are too kind. Now, however, let us not keep the others waiting.”