10

This a bus with wings

Flying me high above the earth

I need red clay forgiveness

I need a nina simone gun

With no bullets

Just fire

Just freedom

I bite down hard at my bottom lip

To remind myself of the pain

To feel something soft on my

Body filled with concrete, metal

And somebody else’s needles.

I am a shadow of myself.

I am the after-hour party

The next stop is my stop

Any stop. Just don’t stop

Keep driving bus driver

Till we touch the first

Cloud in the entrance to

Heaven.

There has to be a safe place

For women who had a yesterday

And a series of uncertain

Tomorrows.

This window is the entire

World. Maybe the earth is

Flat and square after all.

Maybe I would stop running

In circles if I just went to

The edge of this mutha fucka

And jumped.

This is better than jumping.

This is a church revival. Ooh. Baby.

They could never save me in those

Pretty places. Too much stained

Glass. I need to be able to see

Inside.

I wanna hear my God in a simple place.

The loud speaker at a drive-

through menu.

There u are. I can hear you talking to me.

I love French fries. Always have. I can

Fix a lot of things about myself. That one

I ain’t changing.

Changing. What the hell is that anyway.

We all the same from the moment we are born.

Aren’t we?

I’m moving, but I’m still me. I don’t have a

Costume. Not for this life. I will ask God

For a new one next time around, maybe.

Change is good. Things we can’t control we

Name good. Getting high is good, when u can

Control it. Check that out.

I just want to eat and sleep for a few months. Wake up

As a movie star in a different movie. And maybe more meat to cover these bones.

This is not my movie. I had to convince myself.

So here I am, a jar full of empty promises

and letters never sent.

I couldn’t hold him. I didn’t know how to hold him.

Who was gonna hold me? Huh?

Why we only born with these two hands anyway. Explain that

Shit to me. Women need more than two. What if

Someone cut these off. It happens.

Or arms. They can just fall off from exhaustion.

What’s up modern medicine. Help me grow some new arms!

Why can’t we just grow new ones? Humans ain’t so special.

Can’t just heal our wounds by a touch or a kiss. That’s never enough. We gotta take pills

to fix Our brains. We so smart, we don’t know how

to think.

Without some help.

That’s all I need. A little help.

A cross to bare. A bridge to cross.

I am not broken. Just tired.

Damaged slightly.

Nothing good lasts forever.

And sometimes nothing bad does either.

This is my stop. Can we land now

Bus driver?

That old bridge exists in the reflection

Of the new. Simply beautiful. I need

To sleep somewhere like that.

I need to wake up in the care of the sun.

I need to feel safe with my eyes closed.

I need to land. Like an alley cat.

I paid my fare a million times.

I am not a secret!!

I am screaming

Inside this shell.

Time can’t find me here. No more

Watches. Everybody watches.

Watch me get off.

Watch me get off.

Watch me land.

I got wings

This bus got wings.

Just put this baby in drive.

And let’s fly

Let’s exist together

For the very first

time.