MEGAN WAS UNCHARACTERISTICALLY quiet during the ride home, and Matt found he missed her easy conversation. Instead, she gazed out the window at the darkening landscape, and every so often a frown would furrow her smooth brow.
“Hey,” he finally said, covering her hand with his own. “What’s going on?”
“I’m just tired.” She gave him a swift, apologetic smile, but Matt wasn’t buying it.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But there’s something else you’re not telling me.” A dark thought occurred to him. “If Liam or Alex said or did anything, I swear—”
“No! They were perfect gentlemen. I had a fun time with them.”
Matt brought her hand to his mouth and pressed his lips against her palm. “Yeah, about that. I’m sorry I abandoned you today. I had no idea that the base commander had arranged a media interview, and I definitely hadn’t planned to spend so much time in the dunk tank.”
Megan pulled her hand free and curled it into a ball on her lap. “I guess that’s the price of being a hero,” she said, but her voice was overly bright.
“Listen,” he said, frustrated. “I already told you I’m no hero. I’m just a regular guy.” He watched as Megan bent her head and picked at some imaginary thread on her shorts. She didn’t believe him. “Megan. I didn’t ask for this—this media circus, okay? I’d rather spend my time with you.”
She did look at him then, and when she spoke, her voice held an unmistakable challenge. “Fine. Stay with me tonight at my place. Tomorrow morning, let’s get up early and drive along the coast, just the two of us. We can even check into some cute little B and B for the night instead of driving back.”
They’d reached her street, and Matt pulled up in front of her town house and shut the engine off, turning in his seat to face her. Outside, he could hear the distant pounding of the surf against the seawall. He didn’t know what was going on, but he already sensed it wasn’t going to go well for him.
“Megan…I’d love to do that, I would. But tomorrow’s not good for me. How about midweek, or the weekend after next?”
“Matt…”
She looked quickly away, and he could have sworn she blinked back tears. Then she turned to him and her expression was composed. But even in the dim light, he could see her agitation.
“Come here,” he commanded gruffly, and reached for her, but she put her hands up to hold him off.
“Matt, I know where you’re going tomorrow.”
His hands fell and he sat back, stunned. He hadn’t even told his parents about his plans. He hadn’t wanted anyone to know, in case things didn’t work out. Nothing worse than looking like a failure when the entire community—including the girl you were totally crazy for—believed you were a hero.
“How did you find out?”
She dropped her gaze to where her hands were clasped on her lap. “Liam told me. He overheard you talking to the base commander.”
“Oh.” Matt was floored.
He had told the base commander about his hope to enter the state police academy. Tomorrow he would take the three-hour written exam and then meet with some of the academy staff officers for an interview and a tour of the facility. If things went the way he hoped they would, he’d enter the academy for six months of intensive training. His focus sharpened on Megan. Was that what was bothering her? The enforced separation during the recruit training?
“If this works out, I’d only be gone for six months,” he finally said.
“Only six months?” She gave a disbelieving laugh. “Listen to yourself!” She took a deep breath and leaned forward. “I’m not sure I can do this, Matt. I’ve just found you. I’m not sure I can give you up for another six months.”
Matt felt as if he’d been punched in the solar plexus. “Listen, I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I wanted to tell you myself, but only after I knew for sure that I’d actually be going. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I want to do it. I need to do it. This is important to me, Megan.”
Important to us.
But he didn’t say the words aloud. If Megan couldn’t support him in this, then there didn’t seem much point in continuing their relationship. Something in his chest clenched hard at the thought of letting her go, but he knew he’d have to. He’d had girlfriends before who hadn’t been able to support what he did for a living. He knew firsthand how that resentment could erode a relationship and turn it into something ugly. He didn’t ever want to reach that point with Megan.
She blinked several times and swallowed hard, and he sensed she was close to tears. “I’d worry about you.”
He blew out a sharp breath of relief. If that was her only reason for not wanting him to become a trooper, he could put her fears to rest.
“You wouldn’t need to worry. I’d be perfectly safe.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Oh, really? So the bullets wouldn’t be real? They’d be rubber bullets, or blanks?”
“Of course not.”
Megan’s entire body seemed to sag. “That’s what I thought.” She turned blindly for the door handle. “Good night, Matt.” What the—?
“Megan.” Leaning across her body, he caught the door handle, preventing her from opening it and effectively trapping her against the seat. “Talk to me, babe, because whatever’s going on, I know we can fix this.”
She stared at him, and this time there was no mistaking the tears that swam in her eyes. “I understand why you want to do this, Matt. Really, I do. I’m just not sure—” She broke off, her face twisting. “I need some time to think.”
He searched her eyes, and for the first time he could recall, he felt real fear. “Megan…” he breathed, “don’t do this.”
“I’m not like you.” Her voice dropped so that he had to strain to hear her. “I’m not brave or strong. I’m a complete coward, and there’s a part of me that would rather say goodbye to you now than watch you get killed later on.”
“Babe, I am not going to get killed.” He framed her face in his hands, searching her eyes. “Not when I’ve just found you.”
She nodded, but didn’t look at him. He understood that she was only barely holding it together.
“Okay,” he finally relented. “I get that you need some time. What are we talking about—a couple of days? Because I’m not sure I can be away from you for any longer than that.”
She hesitated for a fraction of a second, and Matt found himself holding his breath.
“My family is having a Fourth of July get-together next weekend at their house on Small Point Beach,” she finally said. “Maybe you could come up with me?”
Now it was Matt’s turn to hesitate.
“Forget it,” she said quickly. “It was a stupid idea.”
“No, no,” he protested. When she wouldn’t look at him, he caught her face in his hand. “It’s a great idea, and I’d love to meet your family. It’s just that—”
She pulled her face away, her voice resigned. “You already have plans.”
“Yeah…I’ve been invited to march in the Fourth of July parade down in Bristol, Connecticut. I’ve already committed to going,” he admitted. “In fact, I was going to ask you if you wanted to come with me and make a weekend out of it. This parade is the oldest Independence Day parade in the country. I’m told it’s quite an honor to be invited.”
“Then you should go,” she said, but he could see her smile was forced.
“What’s going on, Megan? This has nothing to do with my going to the parade, or even my being away for another six months.”
For a moment, he didn’t think she was going to answer. Then she looked at him, and he saw the sadness and regret in her eyes.
“Don’t get me wrong, Matt. I’m happy for the opportunities you’ve been given, because I think you’re an amazing guy and you deserve them. But I can’t help but wonder…”
“What? Can’t help but wonder what?”
She drew in a deep breath. “I can’t help but wonder what else you haven’t told me. I thought we had something special, yet you’re making all these plans that don’t include me, so what I am I supposed to think?”
He blew out a hard breath. “It’s not like that. We do have something special. You’re special.” He made a sound of frustration. “I didn’t want to tell you about my plans in case they didn’t work out.”
Megan shook her head. “That’s just it—if this is going to work then I need full disclosure. Up front. I shouldn’t have to find out about stuff after the fact. It’s not fair, Matt.”
Matt nodded. “Agreed. Now can we please put all this behind us and move on?” He dipped his head to look at her. “You suggested that I might sleep better if I had company. I’d really like to spend the night with you, Megan.”
She bit her lip, and he could see the conflict on her face. “I need time alone, Matt. I can’t think when you’re near, and I’m feeling so confused right now. I don’t know what I want.”
Matt fell back. He knew that he could overcome her resistance and persuade her to invite him in. He was sure of himself and of her attraction to him. But he also respected her enough to let her have the time she needed.
“Okay, fine,” he said, and retreated to his side of the truck and placed his hands firmly on the steering wheel lest he be tempted to drag her into his arms. “Take whatever time you need. When you figure things out, let me know.”
He sensed her hesitation, and hoped like hell she would reconsider.
“I’ll give you a call,” she said quietly and, leaning across the console, she pressed a kiss against his face. Matt closed his eyes briefly at the sensation, and then watched as she climbed out of the vehicle and ran quickly up the steps to her front door.
Only after Megan had disappeared inside did he acknowledge that there was one very important truth he hadn’t shared with her; he’d fallen for her—hard.