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Besides intermittent periods of sleep and steady drinking, the PopC account consumed my life for the past three weeks.
The proposal request was printed in bold, underlined and highlighted.
To: Will Pollitt, PT Marketing
Goal: PopC is seeking to become the leading worldwide beverage snack of choice for Generation Z. We are looking for a visionary campaign and a new marketing agency to match this mission.
I had to look up what exactly Generation Z was. I was just getting a handle on those pesky millennials. But Generation Z? What were they, like five to seven years old?
It turns out that Gen Z were those born between the mid-1990s and early 2010s, which means they have the buying power of a gnat. That said, they still make up about twenty-five percent of the US population. God help us all.
PopC, coming off a very successful initial stock offering that valued their beverage group at approximately four billion US dollars, had a new line of ingestible frozen liquids to market that tasted like variations of cotton candy. After beta testing in six cities, they were ready for the North American rollout.
As part of our marketing agency’s pitch for PopC, my partner Robby and I took a drive out to Target and bought every variety they had—thirteen at that store. We found the other seven PopC flavors at GameStop, which apparently now sells sugary drinks and snacks to its teen gamers.
I tried six for myself, from blood orange passionfruit to strawberry orchid to fudge blister. They all pretty much tasted like those plastic popsicles that came in the forty-eight-pack rolls my mom bought back in the day at Pick-N-Pay. PopC’s innovation was packaging the popsicles in six-pack cartons and including caffeine, which is important for the addiction process to take hold in the kiddos.
Although we never discussed it, the reason we received the call to participate is because Robby is half-black. Minority-owned business and all. When we launched the business together just over a decade ago, I wanted to lean into the minority-owned angle. My initial logo pitch was a clear rip-off of the Soul Train logo, and the business cards were jet-black. I even pushed Robby to purchase Don Cornelius bubble glasses.
I closed my laptop and headed out the door, turning around to take a good look at the PT Marketing sign above the window. Our cramped office sits between countless bars and restaurants in an area of Cleveland called West Park. Just down the street was Vito’s, our favorite watering hole.
I took a left inside the bar, rubbing my hands for warmth as I entered. Even though it was May, spring hadn’t yet come to northeast Ohio, and we were still getting hit with cool, Canadian winds.
The happy hour crowd was just arriving, and the air was thick with the smell of burnt chicken and French fry grease. I spotted Robby in our normal seat at the back right, a booth that rested against the original 1981 Namco version of Galaga. Since we liked to commandeer the arcade game during marketing brainstorming sessions, it was the perfect location to ward off incoming gamers.
Robby nodded as I slid into the booth. I pulled out an oatmeal cream pie from the inside of my jacket pocket and placed it on top of his yellow notepad. “Happy birthday, Thompson,” I said.
Robby sighed and pushed the cream pie to the side. “Screw you, Pollitt.” Although I could never remember Robby’s real birthday, I never forgot May 10th. Growing up a diehard baseball fan, the other Robby Thompson was a serviceable second baseman for the San Francisco Giants during the ’80s and ’90s. In memorizing most of the statistics off the backs of my old baseball card collection, I knew that Robby Thompson was born on this date in 1962.
“You’re looking pretty good for almost sixty,” I said as I waved to Dell behind the bar for my usual, a shot of Tito’s and a Tito’s and tonic with lime. Tito’s advertising says it doesn’t give you a hangover, and although I generally woke up with a splitting headache, I kept trying nonetheless.
“Do you know anything besides useless information? You know, there’s a Robbie Thompson that’s a fairly well-known television writer, but you always opt for sports.” Robby wiped the look of disgust off his face, ready to get down to business.
“So what’s bothering you about tomorrow’s pitch?” I asked. It wasn’t rare for us to catch a drink at Vito’s the day before a pitch, or any day for that matter, but Robby never brought his yellow notepad to mix with his bourbon.
“I’ve been reviewing the PopC marketing team through LinkedIn, Indeed, and a few other sites. The CMO is pretty traditional. Comes from Coca-Cola, but before they really immersed in social media. The VP of marketing cut her teeth at P&G in Cincinnati. From what I could find, she has a deep love affair with thirty-second TV spots.” Robby shifted in his seat and took a drink. He set the drink down and looked at me, as serious as I’ve ever seen him. “I don’t think they’re going to go for our approach.” He paused. “Why don’t we shift thirty percent more budget to paid advertising and take a little risk off the table?”
Knowing the other four marketing agencies involved, their modus operandi was a collection of television ads, point-of-purchase displays, social media ads, and partnering with a YouTube influencer or two. If they felt frisky, they’d throw in Instagram. A predictable plan from older white men who, over their careers, have had the life sucked out of them through a wicked one-two punch of trying to meet the needs of their investors combined with the stress of hiding their own extramarital affairs. Mix in a little pot and a lot of alcohol, and voilà, one gut-wrenching marketing plan is born.
Dell, Vito’s sole bartender, brought over my drinks. I took the shot, downed it, and then squeezed the lime into my Tito’s and tonic. The pulp from the lime clung to the side of the glass. I cleared my throat and leaned in close to Robby. “I know part of us thinks we’re in this because you’re black, but the real reason is because we’re the best at what we do. What we deliver is pure ... well, as pure as marketing can be. Do you think their Gen Z target wants to see more cheesy ads? The only reason our competition continues to push ads is because they can’t market their way out of a paper bag. They’ve completely lost touch with today’s consumer. So, no, I don’t think we should alter our presentation tomorrow.”
Robby sat back, as if contemplating his next move. He held two fingers up to get Dell’s attention and waved them back and forth between the two of us. “Will, I think our work is done here,” Robby said.
Without another word, we headed over to the machine behind the booth. I threw in two quarters, and Robby hit the two-player button.
––––––––
IT WASN’T QUITE TEN p.m. when we left Vito’s. I turned down the ride from Robby and walked the five blocks back to my West Park apartment. It was still chilly, but the wind lost its motivation and the walk was bearable.
The moon grinned at me as I pulled my phone out. Realizing the night was still young for a college student on a Thursday night, I texted my daughter.
Hey, Jess. What’s the weather like in Happy Valley? After two years at Cuyahoga Community College in Cleveland, Jessica was accepted last fall into the Media and Journalism program at Penn State University. I helped her move in August but hadn’t seen much of her since. I tried to text her every day. Simply put, she was my favorite person.
It took five seconds, and I already saw the text dots that showed she was responding. Hey, Dad. U on a date tonight ;)?
I coughed out a laugh. Her levity in the wake of the divorce and financial issues was a blessing. Why, yes, how did you know? Jennifer Aniston says hi.
Seriously dad you need to start dating.
She was right of course. Going out tonight?
Nope. I’m splicing together a video for my Future of Media class. It’s due Monday. Plus, guess what Netflix released today?
I started to respond but she continued texting. Princess Bride!
Inconceivable.
I know, right?
Princess Bride was one of those movies that Jess and I would stop everything and watch together. While her friends had posters of Timberlake and Bieber on their bedroom walls, my twelve-year-old had not one but two posters of Inigo Montoya.
That’s my girl. Need any help on your project? I was secretly hoping she did so we could FaceTime and discuss it. I hoped to put off sleep as long as possible. Since the divorce, the nights moved like glaciers.
I got it, Dad. Thanks. Love you.
You too. I followed it with some cute heart emoji thing that showed up as a suggestion from my iPhone.
The street outside my apartment was eerily still. No cars, no people, which seemed odd since I was in eyeshot of two restaurants. I breathed in the night air, turned, and opened my apartment door. The amount of mail scattered on the floor was overwhelming. I looked down at the envelopes and made a quick count—eleven. Not a record by any means, but definitely in the top ten. I bent over and swept the pieces into a stack with my hands.
Already sick to my stomach, I made my way to the living room couch. Thankfully the first letter was a coupon mailer and my tension eased. The second was a solicitation for house cleaning. Maybe today was my lucky day.
The luck was short-lived. The next five letters were from five different credit card companies. The first two were minimum payment bills where I’d already maxed out the balance. I had signed up for these and took the cash advance options so I could pay Jess’s first semester at Penn State. The next three bills were about a year old and amounted to more than forty thousand dollars. I had opened those accounts to cover my gambling debts. The next handful of envelopes were all debt consolidation companies where I barely had enough each month to make the minimum payment. All in all, I owed about five hundred thousand dollars to a couple dozen establishments.
The last envelope in the stack was the one I was dreading. It was stamped in red with Third and Final Notice. I tore through the top of the envelope and walked to the kitchen counter, under a better light. The page contained words from top to bottom, but it was only the highlighted section that mattered. If you don’t pay at least 50% of this semester’s full invoice by the end of this month, Jessica will no longer have access to her classes, her dormitory, or any other student area at Penn State University.
I rushed to the bathroom and flipped the toilet seat up just in time, giving back everything I’d consumed at Vito’s.