Triangular Theory of Love

1986

Robert J. Sternberg (b. 1949)

Although the topic of love was not frequently addressed by Western psychologists until the second half of the twentieth century, it of course has been a subject of interest among humans of all cultures for millennia. But our modern conception of love and marriage is not only a construct of Western societies but also fairly recent.

Western concepts of love have been molded by at least two thousand years of philosophy, religion, and custom, with the result that romantic and consummate love are our highest ideals. While other traditions also embrace romantic love, there may not be a strong emphasis on it as the basis for marriage. This is the case in Hindu societies, where partners may be chosen by parents and the expectation is that romantic love will grow over time.

In the Middle Ages, lovesickness was viewed as problematic, and couples were encouraged to focus on more important commitments, such as to the church, their parents, and their communities. Among the aristocracy in this period, adultery was considered the highest form of love. Our modern conception of love emerged in our relatively recent past.

Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed a triangular theory of love in 1986. The three facets of love in his model are intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy is crucial because love is based on knowing a person; passion, desire, and sexual arousal are also critical; and the decision to stay together is the cognitive basis for commitment and lasting love. Sternberg suggests that each of these aspects of love will wax and wane over the course of time. Sexual attraction is thought to be vital to the success of the relationship, at least initially. As one psychologist suggested, “Love is 90 percent sexual desire not yet satisfied.”

The triangular theory of love can potentially describe all types of love. For example, romantic love is a combination of intimacy and passion, companionate love is a combination of intimacy and commitment, and consummate love is the type that involves all three.

SEE ALSO Universal Expression of Emotions (1971)

Romantic love is portrayed in Italian artist Francesco Hayez’s The Kiss, 1859.