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Maisie knew she should pull away but couldn’t bring herself to. Jonathan was a solid rock in the eye of a storm, his arms warm and safe.
Mama had gone completely off her rocker the last few days. Doc Abbott had said the same thing Jonathan had, to just give the woman time – if she didn’t improve over the next few months, he’d reconsider. But he’d also given her the bottle of laudanum, in case Mama became too distraught or complained of discomfort.
Still, it was Maisie’s own discomfort she’d eased today, not her mother’s. And the guilt was eating her alive.
“You shouldn’t feel bad, you know,” Jonathan said as he reluctantly let her go, his hands hovering over her shoulders as if he couldn’t stand to pull back further. “You needed the break, maybe more than she did.” He tucked a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to his. “Don’t be angry with yourself, Maisie. Don’t punish yourself. You’ll lose sleep over something that isn’t worth it.”
Her lower lip trembled. How did he know? Her eyes filled with tears again and she nodded. He was right, of course – so right her mind switched tactics. You’re weak, it said. If you were stronger you wouldn’t have had to give Mama that laudanum ...
“Maisie, don’t.”
She swallowed hard. “Don’t what?”
“I can see it in your eyes – you’re guilting yourself. Stop it.”
“Guilting? What’s that?”
“Something I used to do all the time when I was younger, until I got smarter about it.” He reached for their tea cups and handed one to her. “My mother was brilliant at making me feel so guilty, I’d do anything for her. Then my sister got just as good at it. Pretty soon they’d taught me so well that I was doing it to myself, not even realizing I was.”
She took the cup gratefully and wrapped both hands around it. “That doesn’t sound pleasant,” she commented before taking a sip. “What about your father?”
“He isn’t like Ma or Olivia. He handles things differently – usually by getting my mother to take care of things.” He sipped from his cup and stared at the porch.
Did he miss his family, she wondered? It didn’t sound like it – more like he loved them but knew it was better for him to not be around them. She was in the same boat. She knew she had dark smudges under her eyes and wisps of hair coming loose from their pins, and had lost weight over the last few days. Her mother’s behavior had her insides all twisted.
She looked up to see Jonathan studying her. “What?” she said softly to break the silence. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Jonathan reached over and brushed a lock of hair from her face. “You’re beautiful.”
* * *
SHE STIFFENED, WHICH didn’t surprise him. It was a bold thing to say. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it, but it was too late now.
She swallowed hard and looked away.
Well, since he’d stepped into the pool, he might as well go swimming. “Really, Maisie, you are.”
She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter ...”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Nothing.” She shrugged and sipped her tea.
He took a deep breath and waded in a little deeper ... “About your mother ... I think she’s afraid.”
Maisie lowered her teacup from her lips. “Of what?”
“That you’ll leave her.”
“Leave her? I would never!”
“I know that, but she doesn’t.”
She reached past him and put her cup on the table again. “There doesn’t seem to be much I can do to convince her.”
“She saw us walking, Maisie – that’s what set her off. She probably thinks I’ll take you away from her.”
“But that’s ridiculous!”
Is it? he asked silently. He couldn’t imagine doing that to Mrs. Woodhouse, taking her daughter from her and leaving her alone. But could he put up with a woman who sprayed hate all around her? Well, leave that aside for now – Maisie needed his help. “It’s not so ridiculous as you think. When you’re all a person has, they have reason to fear losing you. Just like Aggie felt about Ma and Olivia – she was wrong about them and needed to leave, but, maybe it’s the case here.”
She stared at him as realization dawned. “Oh my ...”
He leaned toward her a few inches. “Love and time, Maisie. Love and time.”
She slowly nodded. “I’ll have to tell her there’s nothing between us.”
That wasn’t the answer Jonathan wanted. But maybe she was right. He glanced away as his chest tightened. “So ... what do we do?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know ... maybe it’s better if I didn’t see you.”
“No.” The word was out in a blink. “I mean ... how about we both talk with her, reassure her she has nothing to fear?”
“I think your being there would only make matters worse.”
“I don’t agree. I also think you need to stop coddling her.”
She straightened on the swing. “I do not coddle her!”
“You let her stay in your room all day, you fetch her food, you do her work. Face it, Maisie, she’s not going to rejoin the world when you make it so easy for her not to.”
Her face paled.
He had her cornered and she knew it. But it was the truth, and she’d have to do something about it. “You won’t lose her, any more than she’ll lose you. If anything, you might bring her back some by making her do something for a change.”
Her mouth opened and closed a few times. “I ... I ... hm. Maybe ... you might have a point there.”
Jonathan thought he heard a floorboard creak. His eyes flicked to the front door, then the parlor window, but no one disturbed them. He wondered if the entire house was listening from the other side of the wall. Well, maybe they could help. “So what do we do about it?”
Her eyes popped open. “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
She snorted in frustration. “Why are you so difficult?”
“I’m not. In fact, I wish someone had done for me what I’m doing for you.”
She stared at him in fascination. “Really?”
He nodded. “I’d have given my two front teeth for someone to tell me this about six years ago. My family wasn’t going to change, Maisie, and I barely got away from them with my head on straight. But your mother wasn’t like this before, was she?”
Maisie slowly shook her head.
“And you want her to get better, don’t you?”
“Of course.”
He didn’t say another word, just raised both eyebrows.
“All right, all right. I won’t coddle her anymore.”
“Good.” He smiled, put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a sideways hug. “She’ll pull through, you’ll see.”
Maisie looked into his eyes, then shyly rested her head against his shoulder.
Jonathan smiled, enjoying the feel of her next to him. And so they sat undisturbed on the porch swing, until cold and propriety drove them indoors.
* * *
“YOU WANT TO WHAT?!” Mama asked in surprise.
“I want us to go for a walk. For Heaven’s sake, one would think I’d asked you to walk a plank instead of stroll through town.”
Her mother glanced at the novel Maisie had been reading to her – an adventure novel with pirates. “Yes ...”
It had taken Maisie a day or two to come up with some ideas to get her mother to cooperate. With Jonathan’s help, she’d concocted a plan to help her mother get her life back. Provided Mama still wanted it.
“Outside?” Mama asked warily.
“Walks usually are,” Maisie pointed out. “I’d like to show you the new dresses the mercantile has in. They’re lovely.”
Her mother gripped the arm of her chair. “Mercantile? Don’t you have to go to work?”
“It’s Saturday, Mama. I have the day off this week.”
Her mother swallowed and began to glance furtively around the room. “But it’s cold out.”
“How would you know? You never go outside.” Maisie went to the window and opened it. “See? It’s a lovely day.”
Her mother stared at the open window as if one of the novel’s pirates might jump through it. “Cold.”
Maisie rolled her eyes. “Mama, it’s warm and sunny out – a beautiful autumn day. Come enjoy it with me.” She held her hands out to help her mother up from her chair.
Mama stared at them and took a shuddering breath.
“Mama? Are you ... afraid?”
“No!” she snapped.
Maisie wasn’t so sure. But why would her mother be afraid to go outside? How strange ... and yet, quite in keeping with her strangeness all this past year.
After a moment, Mama stood and peeked out the window. A soft breeze blew into the room, bringing the smell of autumn leaves, wood smoke and Mrs. Whitehall’s apple tree in the backyard. “See?” Maisie said. “It’s lovely out.”
Her mother closed her eyes. “All right. Just this once.”
Maisie turned to fetch her mother’s shawl with a sigh of relief. She’d given up asking her mother to go anywhere months ago – it only caused a fight, and she’d grown tired of fighting. But today she didn’t force it, delivering the request in a positive light. Before she’d get impatient, which obviously didn’t help. Giving up too quickly didn’t help either – that was Jonathan’s coddling, pure and simple.
Downstairs it was all Mrs. Whitehall could do to stifle her gasp of surprise as Maisie coaxed her mother out the front door. “Why, Sarah,” she said with a smile. “Are the two you of going out?”
“Yes, for a walk,” Maisie said with a relieved smile. “Listen, Mama, the birds are singing. Not all of them have gone south yet.” She glanced at her mother who was gazing out the open door, her face more relaxed now. A good sign. “Would you like to join us, Mrs. Whitehall? You don’t mind, do you, Mama?” The thought had just come to her that it might be good to have someone else along, in case her mother took a turn for the worse.
Sarah Woodhouse turned to look at her, then slowly shook her head before staring out the door again, as if she was seeing the world for the first time.
Mrs. Whitehall mouthed the words, is she all right?
Maisie smiled and nodded back. “Why don’t you fetch your shawl?”
Mrs. Whitehouse glanced between mother and daughter. “I think I will. It’s a fine day out – be a shame to miss it.”
Soon the three women were on the porch. Maisie and Mrs. Whitehall started down the steps, but Sarah held back. “What’s wrong, Mama?” Maisie asked. Her mother’s face was stricken, but why, Maisie wasn’t sure. “Mama?”
“I ... I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She stared at the porch steps as if they were poisonous vipers.
Maisie went halfway up the steps and held out her hand. “Come on, Mama. Everything’s fine.” For whatever reason, her mother was obviously afraid of more than losing her daughter to a beau – she was afraid to even set foot outside their door!
“I don’t know if I can ...”
Maisie joined her on the steps and put an arm around her. “Mama, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“I want to go back to our room,” her mother whined.
“No, you don’t. You know as well as I do that sitting in that room all this time hasn’t done you any good. I won’t let you hide any longer. Just look at what it’s done to you.”
Her mother looked at Maisie. “Oh, my darling, it’s true. But ... I don’t think I can move.”
Just then, Jonathan opened the front door and stepped outside. “Well, hello, ladies. Fine day, isn’t it?”
“Yes, very,” Maisie agreed, her eyes still locked with her mother’s. Glad as she was to see him, part of her was worried he’d mess this up. The last thing she needed at that moment was her mother losing what little composure she had over “that man.”
He approached slowly. “It’s good to see you out, Mrs. Woodhouse.” His voice was gentle, coaxing.
“Thank you.” Mama’s eyes went to the porch steps. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
“We’re going for a walk,” Maisie informed him, though he already knew. “Mama hasn’t been out for a time and ...”
“... is feeling quite overwhelmed,” her mother finished.
Maisie’s jaw dropped at so honest – and public – an admission. “It’s all right, Mama.”
“Of course it is,” Jonathan agreed. “I remember the first time I stepped out my door after being sick in bed for weeks. It was like seeing a new world.”
Maisie’s mother nodded. “Yes. That’s it exactly.”
“Well, then.” Jonathan offered her his arm. “May I escort you to the mercantile, Mrs. Woodhouse, for a peppermint stick?”
Maisie felt herself blush. But her mother did too – most encouraging! “I ... I suppose,” Mama replied, wrapping an arm around Jonathan’s. And so their plan to bring Sarah Woodhouse back to herself began on a positive note.