The rest of the class comes to visit me. I’m happy. Who knows why in order to be the center of attention, you have to find yourself in a situation like this. At times in life, you feel like doing something so upsetting that the others just can’t ignore you: to be in the eyes and on the lips of everyone. Especially in those moments when you feel alone and want to spit your solitude into the face of others. At this point, you imagine throwing yourself from a window, so that all those pieces of shit can understand what you are feeling and what it means to abandon others. Anyhow, suffering and bad luck seem the best way to make the world take note and love you.
They brought me my favorite comic books. Silvia painted a picture for me. It’s small. There is a boat in the middle of the sea, with the prow pointing toward the blue horizon where sea and sky meet. It’s as if it has been painted from inside the boat. I hang it in front of me. It keeps me company when I remain alone in this hospital room. It’s a room for two, but, for now, I am alone. It’s a good thing. I would be so embarrassed if I had to pee in the bottle in front of somebody else, possibly with the nurse holding it for me. … For a second, I envy Terminator, who doesn’t have any problem peeing in front of hordes of dogs and Filipino women. Dogs don’t even know how to blush.
Niko brought me a CD. This way I can listen to it and when I’m back on my feet, we’ll play something from it. My other schoolmates also brought gifts. It’s nice to be the center of attention, even if the price to pay is a few broken bones.
It’s nice to let others love you. …