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Christina
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All the confidence I fell asleep with disappears minute by minute within seconds of me waking up. The flight attendant is the one to wake me, warning me we land in twenty minutes. He lets me know it’s a little after seven in the morning and that while it is chilly now, it will warm up within a few hours.
It takes less than half the time it used to for me to put my hair in a French braid. Getting dressed, I smooth down the skirt of the chiffon halter maxi dress I’m wearing to please Ivan. It goes up to my neck and down to my ankles. The pretty coral, pink, and purple chiffon compliments my skin, and the cinched belt at my waist shows my curves without screaming them. I hate that it’s sleeveless, though, so I grab a thin pink chiffon jacket to go over it.
Walking into the cabin, Ivan doesn’t even look up when I say good morning. I buckle into a chair at the attendant’s request with a sinking sensation in my stomach.
The ice is back, he’s cool, no touching or looking my way on the drive to his house from the airport. I get out when the chauffer opens my door only to realize too late that Ivan isn’t. The car pulls away without Ivan saying a word.
Weary, I turn back to what looks like a set for a PBS period drama. Not a castle exactly, but definitely not a house. The place is enormous, even the freaking door is huge. I’m still taking it all in when a woman comes outside wearing an old-fashioned maid’s uniform. She’s young, maybe early twenties.
“Ma’am.” Odd, it sounds like she’s saying mum. “Are you coming in? Mr. Volkov says I’m to see to your needs while you’re here.”
For a heartbeat, I imagine walking away. Ivan would follow. He wouldn’t let me get far, and maybe while he was dragging me back he’d talk to me. Only I don’t want to, not really.
I hate the whole manipulation thing, and with whatever the hell is happening right now it would add to his stress. As angry as I am with him, I don’t want him stressed any more than he is. I nod and follow the woman.
Walking inside, my jaw drops in awe at the large grand entryway. I didn’t know wood could be shiny, but the wood on the walls is a dark golden color gleaming under the massive crystal chandelier.
“Would you like me to show you to your room or the drawing room? I can have cook prepare tea.”
“I just want to lie down for a bit.” I’m getting overwhelmed, between this place and the way Ivan was behaving. I just want to hole up.
With a nod she moves to the stairs. The stairs are stunning, carved in such rich detail I can’t imagine the time it would have taken to do it. I shake my head as I take in the oil paintings along the walls. This whole place is something off a movie set.
We’re on the second-floor landing, when a woman appears.
I have no doubt who she is. Caramel skin, jet-black hair and eyes, she looks like a Bollywood actress walking off a poster.
“Well, well, well, you are not at all what I imagined. I had no idea Ivan has a thing for fat birds. No wonder he’s not interested in me.”
After the last day, I am in no fucking mood. Ice settles over me, a lesson learned from Ivan. “Ivan isn’t interested in you because you’re a bratty child and he doesn’t play with children. He prefers women.”
Turning away to follow the maid, I don’t give her another thought.
Mishka grabs my wrist; her eyes are on my ring. “You’re a whore and you don’t deserve him.”
I yank my arm back. “Ivan loves me. He’s going to marry me. You need to get over it and get on with your life. I get it, he’s gorgeous and every woman who meets him falls a little in love with him, but Ivan knows what he wants. There is not a single doubt in his mind, ever, there is no changing his mind. He won’t stop until he gets what he wants. He wants me and I’m not going anywhere. If he had wanted you, he would have had you already. Don’t go away mad, just go away.”
Without a look back, I follow the maid to the third floor and into a massive bedroom with a sitting area in front of a fireplace as big as I am.
It isn’t easy, but over the next few hours I work on an acquisition I’m hoping will appeal to Ivan. I wimp out and have breakfast and lunch in the room. I’m starting to wonder if Ivan is ever coming home when he walks through the door.
“Is she okay?”
He goes still. “Who?”
What? “Your mom.”
Another freeze before a small nod. “Yes. I’m going to have a shower. Dinner is in a half hour. You look fine, no need to change.”
I stare after him in helpless wonder of what the fuck I’m supposed to do.
Not another word to me until he’s dressed and at the door. “Christina, come.”
I toss my laptop onto the desk. Did he really just order me like I was a fucking dog? “Why bother? What the fuck is going on with you? There is no way in hell anyone looking at us would think you even like me, let alone want to marry me. No, tell them I have a headache or something, jet lag. I don’t care—”
Fury stamped across his face, he grabs me by the arm and yanks me off the couch. “You are coming down to dinner. We had an agreement, damn it. I haven’t turned my life upside down for you to chicken out now. Do not push me or I’ll carry your ass downstairs. And when we come back up here, you will receive a punishment unlike anything you have ever known.”
“I hate you.” The words slip out even though I don’t mean them. I hate the way he’s hurting me and I still love him.
“I don’t give a fuck if you hate me or not. You have exactly three seconds to decide if you walk down or I carry you. Which is it?”
When I try to pull away, his grip tightens in warning until it borders on pain. Head down, I move to the door. He lets me go when we get to the stairs. With every step the anger in him intensifies, until for the first time he scares me a little.
I’m so tense I stumble as we get to the last set of stairs. The fear of the pain coming plunges my stomach through the floor. Only it doesn’t happen: Ivan has ahold of me. His arms are bands of iron wrapped around my waist so tight I can barely breathe. We’re both breathing heavily. His chest moves in great big gulps.
“What the fuck is the matter with you? Do you hate me so much you would hurt yourself to get away from me?” Gravel, hard and hot, hits me.
He doesn’t give me a second to answer before his mouth is on mine, heavy and punishing. He’s bruising my lips, but I don’t care. I’m in his arms and he’s not pushing me away.
From far away I hear a high, piercing whistle. “Damn, Ivan, let the poor woman breathe.”
Oh god, I bury my face in his chest.
His chuckle is forced. “She can breathe just fine, Hannah.”
We’re moving again, he keeps an arm tight around my waist. He’s basically carrying me down the stairs. I glance down to see Hannah grinning up at me.
She’s so pretty. Long dark hair curls down her back; she has a heart-shaped face and a cute button nose over a wide mouth. I’ve seen pictures of her in Ivan’s home, the only place he had them was in his home office. In person there’s a certain charisma that draws you to her—it’s the only thing she has in common with Ivan. Well, that and her height. She’s at least five nine, maybe taller.
I’m barely off the stairs before she hugs me tight. “I’m so glad to finally meet you. I am so so sorry about the mess with Mum. I promise, Gemma and I are normal, well, most of the time.” She pauses. “Enough to pass for normal, anyway.”
I don’t hesitate to hug her back. “Please do not apologize, you aren’t responsible for her. What she’s done to all of you is awful enough. You said she’s done this before?”
“Yeah, a couple of times. When my dad came out of prison after he did his five years, she welcomed him with open arms. Ivan left the same day so she scratched her wrists up with glass. It was ridiculous, she was barely bleeding. Then when Ivan cut off her allowance she did the pills thing, which is what she did this time. After making sure she told everyone what she was doing, to make sure we got her to hospital in time.”
Hannah sighs. “She set herself up this time, they’re holding her for twenty-eight days. She practically lost it when they told her. Missing the chance to make a scene at the weddings has her throwing fits so badly they sedated her. Welcome to the family.” Her smile is wide and fake. “Sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry. The last thing you should feel is bad about all of this. It’s her, it has nothing to do with any of you. I just feel awful walking into the middle of it.”
Ivan’s hand goes around my arm, pulling me around to him. “What are you talking about?”
Is he mad I’m talking badly about his mother? “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I can’t help it. It was selfish and cruel of her, to you for making it seem like your fault, to Gemma for doing this right before her big day, and to Hannah because despite her knowing her mom’s a drama queen, it still hurts when someone you love, however vaguely, almost dies.”
His frown isn’t of anger, it’s of confusion. But before he says anything, a different maid announces dinner is ready.
“I’m starving,” Hannah moans. “Gemma is with Aari, poor thing is down with a migraine. Don’t worry, though, she’ll be here tomorrow bright and early for the setup for dinner.” Seeing my confusion, she adds, “Ivan didn’t tell you? Tomorrow the first big family meeting happens here. Aari’s grandparents are coming in from Mumbai, his dad’s parents. His mum’s are here in Manchester. Gemma’s frantic, they got here today, this afternoon. She and Aari were supposed to meet them at the airport, but they both completely forgot. Aari’s dad flipped.”
“Poor thing. Is there anything I can do?” The words are barely out of my mouth before I realize how stupid they sound. What could I possibly do to help? But I’m willing to do anything they ask.
Hannah stops. “You are...” She looks to Ivan. “I’m not sure you deserve her, my dear brother.” Then to me: “We have it almost under control. Keep Ivan happy so he doesn’t do the glaring, frowning thing and that will be more than enough. Aari’s dad is excited to meet him. People who get excited to meet him annoy Ivan, as I’m sure you know.”
I nod. “Yes, I don’t understand why he doesn’t take it as the compliment it is.”
We enter a dining room so large it’s hard to take it all in. The table could hold at least forty people, and it’s set as if there were going to be forty people. There are three crystal chandeliers running the length the room, more gleaming wood, and china I’m a little afraid to use. Ivan holds out a chair for me beside him.
“You know what I do not like? Being spoken about as if I am not in the room.”
Hannah’s eyes meet mine and we laugh.
Ivan frowns.
“The list of your dislikes is nearly endless,” Hannah teases him.
“Maybe, but I know of several of his likes,” Mishka says with innuendo as she sits down beside Hannah.
Rolling her eyes, “You wish. Christina, this is Mishka, Aari’s little sister. She’s staying for the next few weeks until the weddings are over.”
“I’ve already had the pleasure.” I can’t help rubbing my wrist where bruises have already appeared.
Ivan’s hand shoots out, taking my elbow and dragging my wrist up for inspection. A gentle finger traces over a bruise. He turns to stone. “Who did this?” The words are soft, too soft.
Our eyes meet and what I see makes me tremble. I nod at the question, my throat too tight to allow the words to escape.
He turns to Mishka. “Get out of my home. Now. You have thirty seconds. Your things will be sent to your parents. You will never set foot here again. I will speak with your parents to explain why. If you step within twenty feet of me or Christina again, I will ensure you will regret every second of your life thereafter.” The words are brutal, final. “You are now down to twenty-five seconds.”
Her mouth opens then closes once, twice. She shoots up from her chair, not turning away as if afraid to show her back to Ivan, then with a wail runs from the room. Only seconds later the front door slams, echoing through the house.
He sighs, as he strokes a bruise on my wrist. “I am sorry. I should not have left you alone with her for even a second.”
Where has this Ivan been for the last day? Why was he so cold? I pull away yet can’t stop myself from trying to lessen the guilt because I know, no matter what, he feels it deeply. “You couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault.”
“Why the hell are you always so quick to excuse me when you sure as fuck shouldn’t?”
“Because despite what you think, you are not the fucking ruler of the universe, Ivan. How the hell—”
Hannah is laughing so loudly it clicks we’re fighting in front of someone else. It’s strange—outside of the office it feels like it’s just us in our own little bubble, like no one else but us exists.
Blushing, I shake my head. “I apologize, I forgot...”
“That I was here? Yeah, I got that. Ivan, love, you are not going to take her down without a fight. You deserve it.”
***
Ivan
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I am convinced Hannah is drawing out the evening in order to piss me off. It’s working. I need to get Christina alone. It’s driving me crazy the way she keeps pulling away. With Hannah’s sharp eyes watching our every movement, I am forced too far from her.
It doesn’t help I know it’s because I hurt her. I always knew I would, but it would not be until the end. After I got off the phone with Gemma, I was sure this was the end. She would hate me for what my mother had done. Wonder how the hell she could be with someone who drove his own mother to suicide. I was bracing for the impact of our fall. But I was too much of a bastard to be the one to end it, forcing Christina to do it.
Except she had no plans to, at all. She did not blame me. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears as she called my mother selfish and cruel. I hated the pity, but I would take her any way I could get her. All that mattered was she didn’t walk away. Even though I hurt her. I will make it up to her, whatever it takes. Only I can’t do that until I get her upstairs, alone.
That’s it, I’m done. “Christina, it is time for bed,” I say as I rise, reaching out to take her hand.
“I’m not tired.” She crosses her arms in front of her.
“Yes, you are.” I pick her up, swinging her into my arms, my hold tight as I walk out of the room.
“That’s the ticket, Ivan, manhandle the girl. Honey, brother dear, more flies with honey,” Hannah calls.
“Put me down, Ivan. If you drop me, I’ll kill you.”
I hate the way she thinks of herself as overweight. Scoffing at her concern, I shake my head. “I am not putting you down, nor will I drop you. You are nothing in my arms. As you might have noticed, we’re now on the second flight of stairs and I am not even out of breath.”
In our room I set her down, wishing like hell I did not have to. The way I knew she would, she is on the other side of the room in the time it takes me to close the door and lock it for good measure.
“Don’t you dare look at me that way. Not after the way you’ve been acting for the last day. You lost that right the first time you froze me out.”
I take a single step but stop at the fear in her eyes. It sends ice through me. The last thing in this world I want is for Christina to fear me.
“Don’t touch me. No, Ivan, I mean it this time.”
“I am sorry, so damn sorry.” I can’t think of what to say. I’m lost for the first time...in ever.
“You promised, Ivan. You said it like a vow. You wouldn’t let anyone hurt me, not even you. But you did. You hurt me and I just don’t know how I can give you the chance to do it again.”
Seeing tears well up in her eyes and fall down her beautiful face touches that hollow deep inside again. It doesn’t just touch it, it’s torn wide open, and brought to painful, pounding life. I have no right, yet I cannot stop from grabbing her and holding tight. At first, she fights me, but it only takes seconds for her to melt into me.
“I’m sorry, love, I am so fucking sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I swear on everything within me. It wasn’t you. It was all me. I was sure you’d hate me. Positive you’d run as fast as you could the moment you found out. Fuck all our agreement, your promise to me.
“I told myself a thousand times to leave you behind in the States, to give you an easy out, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk away from you. I was too damn selfish, I was putting the pain on you to end this, to leave me. The whole time hoping you wouldn’t.”
Bewildered, she reaches up to touch my cheek. “What the hell are you talking about? Why would you think that? How could you think I would leave you?”
“Because of Mum, what she did. How I drove her to—”
Her hand covers my mouth. “Stop it, don’t you dare say it. The woman is absolutely evil to have done what she did to you. And it was to you, Ivan, not because of you. She wanted to hurt you, not herself. There is no way I could walk away from you, you stupid idiot—that’s why it hurt so bad.”
Relief surges through me. I lose all control. We fall where we stand, frantic, greedy, needing the connection we came so close to losing. I’m too close too damn fast. But thank fuck she’s there before me and I follow her into heaven.
A long time later, body aches remind me I’m on my knees with Christina on my lap when there’s a bed only a few feet from us. She sighs my name as I move. I treasure the sound, giving thanks to hear it when I was sure I never would again. It is not until I am laying her down on the bed it hits me: fucking hell. I forgot the condom.
The fear I expect is not there; instead an odd tingle of triumph runs through me. What the hell is that? What does it mean? Children are demanding, needy, and require constant attention. I felt I paid my dues in that respect with Gemma and Hannah. I had no desire to father a child of my own...I think.
“Ivan, what’s the matter?” Christina catches my hand.
“I forgot a condom. I’m sorry, love.”
She blinks, her eyes go wide. A breath fills her chest then she sighs in relief. “It’s okay. It should be safe. It’s too close.”
Why the hell do I not feel relief? She sees my confusion for something else.
“To my period. I’m only a few days away from starting. I didn’t want to mention it because it’s not very sexy or anything, but—” A small shrug. “I’m almost positive there’s nothing to worry about.”
Her eyes shadow at my lack of response. I’m still trying to figure out what the hell I’m feeling.
“If it’s that big of a deal I can get the morning after pill.”
“No.” It flies out of my mouth. Absolutely not. I struggle to contain the words.
Her eyes widen in surprise.
“If you think it’s safe then I don’t want you taking something that could adversely affect you. With all those problems you had with the pill.”
She had explained she wasn’t on birth control because she had tried them during her relationship with the git. However, after one type disturbed her emotional equilibrium and the other caused weight gain, she had no desire to go back on them. Even though I wanted to argue with her, almost positive something like this would happen, my need overcoming my brain, I hadn’t. I promised her I would take care of it, of her.
“I’m sorry, I forgot. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it,” I promise.
Worry flickers in her eye.
“Not that, never that. We will deal with it, together, not just you.”
Her smile is sunshine, bright and warm. “You are an idiot. I never doubted you for a minute. Come to bed, please.”