• Blondes perform intelligence tests more slowly after reading jokes playing on their supposed stupidity.
• A German-based doctor has invented breast implants made from titanium.
• A Warwickshire woman married a man just a month after he stabbed her for having pre-wedding jitters.
• A pillow designed in the shape of a woman’s lap became one of the best-selling Christmas gifts in Japan.
• An Englishman who shot himself in the groin was jailed for five years for illegal possession of a firearm.
• A New York woman reportedly fended off her husband’s violent sexual advances by setting him on fire.
• Landlords have found the best way to get rid of drinkers at closing time at Christmas is to play a Cliff Richard song.
• A Chilean woman was horrified when she received a box through the post with a human brain inside it.
• A judge in America is reportedly facing the sack after using a penis pump while trying cases in court.
• Archaeologists have dug up a 1,000-year-old padded bra in China.
• An Iranian man who struck a suicide pact with his new bride over their guilt for having pre-marital sex is being held by police after he backed out of his side of the bargain.
• Investors in Berlin are building Germany’s first gay and lesbian old people’s home.
• Thieves who stole a public toilet in the Belarus city of Gomel accidentally kidnapped a man still locked inside.
• A university student is auctioning his virginity on his personal website and has put a reserve of £6,000 on it.
• A female student came home to find a drunken burglar in her apartment, wearing her clothes.
• A clinic at Albury in southern New South Wales has been given permission to advertise overseas for fully paid holidays to Australia for sperm donors.
• A Russian oil company won a rare legal victory when a court ruled it could sell cannabis vodka.
• A Romanian man faces charges that he tried to blow up his kitchen because his wife was a lousy cook.
• Residents of an Austrian village called F*cking have voted against changing the name.
• A German man who faked his death so he could leave his family for a younger woman has been fined £9,000.
• Police believe a US teenager who crashed a car into a telegraph pole was having sex with his girlfriend at the time.
• Shepherds in the Scottish highlands could be given free Viagra to halt a drastic drop in their numbers.
• Croatian monks have been ordered to sell off their BMWs and Mercedes.
• Romanian doctors have removed a man’s wedding ring from his penis.
• A female panda named Hua Mei is pregnant after watching hours of videos showing other pandas mating.
• Subbuteo fans can now buy male and female streakers for their game.
• Two San Francisco police officers have been caught moonlighting in a hardcore-porn movie.
• Prostitutes in a Dutch city say their business is being ruined by policemen turning up to watch them have sex with clients.
• A Buddhist monk decided to break his lifelong vow of celibacy with a prostitute, but picked up an undercover police officer instead.
• A company manufacturing skin cream from snail extract is exporting 20,000 bottles to the US every month.
• A mayor who set up a direct hotline for people to call with civic problems is asking bored housewives to stop inviting him round for sex.
• Scientists in Australia have found that rotten bananas could provide enough energy for 500 homes.
• A Serbian tie maker is planning to launch a new range of penis cravats for the man who has everything.
• A Danish company has given its employees free subscriptions to internet pornography sites.
• Police in Germany had to rescue a swimming-pool attendant at a hen party after the bride-to-be tried to bully him into having sex.
• A groom has been given away at his wedding by his ex-wife – and his best man was his ex’s new boyfriend.
• A Romanian father-of-five needed medical help after he superglued a condom to his penis.