England was behind us and we were heading towards Tenerife, where Oliver said we would stop for several days in order to collect more water in the barrels, and so that the officers and sailors could rest and visit the town. When we set sail again after that, we would be heading to Africa. I couldn’t help wondering whether we’d pass the spot where my father’s ship was seized and he was arrested.
I found it difficult to believe at times how much life could change in seven years, how there could be so much catastrophe with so little relief. Now, being at sea meant my thoughts were frequently upon my father. The pain of the memories kept on hitting me. I’d considered the events of his arrest and imprisonment to be far in the past by now. But I was coming to understand that reminders were sharp. They sprang up suddenly, and glistened like knives.
I never wanted my father to be a slave trader. It took him away from us for months at a time and of course I couldn’t help but hear of the controversy and all the campaigning that went on. Half our friends refused to have sugar in their houses, or anything made through slave labour. Papa’s final voyage was scheduled at the end of October. His work would keep him until spring, and I was heartbroken at the thought of spending winter and the festive season without him, leaving me with only Aunt Emily for company. I’d begged him to stay, but he insisted and left amid prayers that he would find a good cargo.
‘Think of your dowry, Rose,’ he whispered, and I laughed and blushed, though I was worried by then that Will’s proposal might never arrive. He would need Papa’s consent, and now Papa was going to be away for months and I worked myself into a state of high agitation, fearful that perhaps Will did not love me as I had grown to believe.
But I was wrong. His courtship of me continued as usual for the next two months and the proposal finally came just before Christmas. He walked with me down to the river, and spoke such tender words that tears sprang to my eyes. As soon as I found my voice again, I accepted him and when I arrived home, ran to the morning room and told Aunt Emily immediately.
She clasped my hands. ‘That is wonderful news, child,’ she said. ‘But please sit down.’
I took my seat in the easy chair opposite. She had such a look of anxiety on her face that for a moment I feared something dreadful.
‘Don’t worry, dear,’ she said, and smiled. ‘There is no bad news.’
‘Then what is it?’
She shook her head. ‘Perhaps you will think me foolish. I have just been going over my visiting book. In the past month, I’ve left cards at seventeen different addresses, and only ten of these calls have been returned.’
‘Certainly, that is unusual.’
‘Most unusual. I have no idea why it should be. But now I am anxious that word is being leaked out about your father, Rose, and people are starting to snub us. I can think of no other explanation.’
‘But that is ridiculous! How can word be getting out? None of us has told anyone. And almost everyone we invited is coming to the Christmas supper party on Saturday.’
‘But people are eagle-eyed around here. They look out for signs so that they can put them all together and be led to conclusions, which they then share with everyone else. And whether we think there is anything wrong in what he does or not, the fact remains that your father’s trade –’ here she paused and shot furtive glances towards the door and the windows, then lowered her voice to a whisper – ‘the fact remains that your father’s trade is a crime.’
I said nothing.
‘You know your aunts and uncles on your father’s side deserted him when they found out how he made his living. And your mother, though she adored him, found it hard not to despise what he did.’ She stopped and appeared to think for a moment, and then she added, as if speaking to herself, ‘I’ve sometimes wondered whether that was why she died so young – she saw no other escape from him and the taint of association.’
‘Aunt Emily!’
‘Ssh, ssh, dear. I know. But listen, the reason I am telling you these things is this: You must never, ever tell Will about your father’s trade. His family would disapprove and see an end to the match immediately.’
‘Of course, Aunt Emily. Though I don’t know that I will be able to hide it for ever.’
‘Do your best, child. Just do your best. If word ever reached the authorities, we would all of us be ruined. They have more ships out there than ever now, trying to seize the trading vessels. I have tried so many times to convince your father to give this work up, but he refuses.’ She sighed, then looked at me over her glasses. ‘Now, how are things coming along in the kitchen?’
Our conversation was over, but I found it difficult to put her words out of my head all afternoon. I could not help being afraid for Papa. Will was among the many people who believed him to carry out important and closely guarded work for the government. It was not that I’d ever told him this outright, just that I’d simply never corrected his assumption.
I was right to be afraid. We had five days of happiness together, before the blow came. The Christmas supper party, which I had been planning and looking forward to for months, became an engagement party for the two of us, and what began as the most perfect evening of my life soon ended as the most awful.
All day, the house was filled with fine, sweet smells of cinnamon and nutmeg and brandy. When I went down to check how things were going in the kitchen, there was such a feeling of festivity among the servants that I decided not to notice the scullery maid picking sugar away from the tops of the mince pies with her bare fingers, though I shuddered to think what was on them, as it was she whose job it was to empty the servants’ chamber pots in the mornings. Silently, I decided not to serve those particular pies at the party and to give them instead to the servants as an early Christmas treat.
I then went upstairs to my quarters, where I spent some time washing and dressing and arranging my hair. Once finished, I took my candle and returned downstairs to find the dining room exquisitely laid out. The oil lamps were burning with light, and the buffet a true feast for the eye. At the top of the table sat the boar’s head, keeping watch over roasted fowls, tongues, hams, glass bowls brimming with lobster salad and the most beautiful game pie I have ever beheld. There were jellies, custards, creams, tipsy cake, blancmanges and wonderful arrangements of fruit. On the dresser, tureens of both hare and pheasant soup filled the room with a good, hearty smell, and I must say I was entirely happy with the overall effect, as all the colours and tastes in the arrangement contrasted or blended together perfectly.
‘Cook,’ I said, striding into the kitchen with a smile. ‘I am very pleased with all that you have done today. I know this evening is to be hard work for you, but please take breakfast tomorrow off. Just ask Jane to leave some cold meats out on the side for us.’
‘Certainly, miss. And thank you for the time off.’
She did not manage a smile, but I was glad of the thanks. I helped myself to some food from the kitchen, as I didn’t wish to be hungry at the party and eat in front of the guests.
Will and his mother and father were the first to arrive. His mother kissed me cordially on the cheek and gave me her congratulations.
So the evening wore on, and more guests were shown to the dining room. There was a great deal of merriment and laughter, with hearty congratulations given freely to Will and me.
It was about ten o’clock when the knock at the door came. Amidst the bustle of the dining room, I heard it and was curious. All our guests had arrived and we were expecting no more, so I slipped away from the party and out into the hall. Gusts of wind had blown in when Grace answered the door, billowing ash out from the fireplace. I heard an unfamiliar male voice say, ‘I must speak urgently with Mrs Hodges.’
‘There is no Mrs Hodges, sir. Only the master’s daughter and sister.’
‘Then I must speak to them.’
‘Sir, I regret that they are otherwise occupied at the moment …’
I stepped out from the shadows. The man was a Navy official, stern and important-looking. ‘Thank you, Grace,’ I said. ‘I shall take over here.’
Grace’s face expressed all the worry I felt. ‘Should I call for your aunt?’
‘Yes, please, Grace,’ I said. ‘But do try not to alert our guests to any disruption to the evening.’
I turned to the officer. ‘May I help you?’
His face maintained its stern expression without falter. ‘Mr Hodges’ ship has been seized off the west coast of Africa. He was carrying eight hundred Negroes on board to be sold in the Americas as slaves. As I’m sure you must know, slave trading has been illegal through the British Empire for about thirty years, and penalties imposed by this country are now very severe.’ Here he looked at me as though I were guilty of murder.
I stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind me. It took me some time to find my voice. ‘What does this mean, sir?’
‘We have brought Mr Hodges back to London, where he is being held with his crew in custody. There will be a legal trial, but I must warn you that the minimum penalties likely to be imposed are significant fines and imprisonment for at least ten years.’
I felt very hollow and sick inside, afraid to ask what the worst penalty might be. All I could see was the future spread out before us like a desert. Where once there had been luxury, there was about to be poverty; where once there had been pride, there was about to be shame. I cleared my throat. ‘What can I do now?’ I asked.
‘I can ask your father to write to you if you wish. But there is nothing that can be done to alter this unpardonable course of events.’
I stepped away from him and back into the hall, where Aunt Emily stood anxiously waiting. She gripped my hand. ‘Is it your father?’ she whispered.
From the dining room came the sounds of continuing merriment – the chinking of crystal, the noisy hum of voices in festive spirit. I could hardly form a coherent thought.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Yes, it is Papa. His ship has been seized and he has been arrested.’
‘Oh, Rose!’ she cried. ‘What are we to do?’ The colour in her face had entirely drained away and I feared she might faint.
‘For now,’ I said, ‘there is nothing to do but return to the dining room and continue the evening with our guests. We must be calm and act entirely as if nothing has happened. In the morning, when they are gone and we have slept the first night of this news away, we will be able to think more clearly.’
I didn’t wait for her response. I walked back to the laughter and merriment of our guests.
Will sought me out and looked at me with concern. ‘Is everything all right?’ he asked. ‘Who was it calling?’
I flicked the loose hair away from my shoulders and smiled. ‘Everything is fine,’ I said. ‘It was nothing important, and barely worth mentioning.’
Then I linked my arm through his, as I was badly in need of the comfort, knowing that the loss of my dowry and the shame of my father’s arrest would be too much for him and his family to bear, and that our engagement would be called off in the morning. There was no way to hide it.