Sal was so frustrated she was close to tears. The woman at the counter was refusing to take the tickets back, even though Sal had only just bought them, and had explained to her that it was all a misunderstanding with her brother.
‘But we’re not going to use them,’ said Sal. ‘We won’t be on the train. Other people can sit in our seats.’
‘The tickets are non-refundable,’ the woman said again.
‘Yes,’ said Sal, ‘you’ve said that. Quite a few times. But I don’t understand why you can’t give us our money back when we’re not going to use the tickets. It’s not like when you buy a dress and you change your mind and try to take it back, but you’ve already worn it and it smells a bit of armpits. We’re not going to travel so we shouldn’t have to pay.’
‘The tickets are non-refundable.’
The woman, Sal thought, looked like she might smell a bit of armpits, but she didn’t know for sure, because she was sitting behind a plastic screen with only a little slot underneath to pass money and tickets back and forth.
‘Can we swap them for different tickets to somewhere else? Or to the same place on a different day?’
‘The tickets are non-exchangeable,’ said the woman.
‘What’s going on? Did you buy the tickets already?’ Sal turned. It was Bill (or she had no reason to believe it was anybody other than Bill).
‘Yes, I told you,’ said Sal, ‘but I got train tickets instead of theatre tickets, so I was trying to give them back except this lady won’t take them.’
‘The tickets are non-refundable,’ said the woman.
‘We don’t need to give them back. I just messaged you that we need to leave right away. Don’t you ever check your phone?’
Sal pulled her phone out of her pocket to check for messages. Billy stared at it for a moment.
‘Is that your phone?’ he said. ‘Your phone is blue?’
‘Yes. I don’t have any messages from you, though.’
‘Um … that would be right,’ said Billy. ‘Because I didn’t send you any.’
‘But you just said that you just messaged me.’
‘Yes. I was confusing you with someone else.’
Sal began to feel worried. Bill might insist that he hadn’t been acting weird, but he was definitely acting weird, and she didn’t know what to do about it.
‘How could you confuse me with someone else?’ she said. ‘I’m your sister.’
‘I … ah … it’s complicated.’
‘Are you two planning on buying any tickets?’ said the woman behind the counter. ‘Because people are waiting.’
Sal and Billy glanced behind them. An old man in full hiking gear was standing there.
‘That’s not people,’ said Billy. ‘That’s one person.’
‘Bill …’ said Sal.
‘I’m waiting too,’ said the woman. ‘I’m waiting for you to make up your mind. So him and me together, we’re people.’
‘You’re in customer service and I’m a customer,’ said Billy.
‘You’re only a customer if you buy something.’
‘My train’s in five minutes,’ said the man in the hiking gear.
‘Bill, let’s get out of the way,’ said Sal. She turned to the woman behind the counter. ‘I’m sorry about my brother, he’s not very well at the moment.’
‘That’s not really my problem,’ said the woman.
‘I’m completely fine,’ said Billy.
‘Four minutes,’ said the man in the hiking gear.
‘Bill,’ said Sal firmly. ‘Let’s go and stand over there.’
She guided her brother to one side.
‘Bill,’ she said. ‘I’m worried about you. First, you said that you wanted to leave town, then you said that you didn’t want to leave town. And when I said what you said, you said you never said that you wanted to leave town.’ Sal paused for a moment to count up the number of times she’d said said to make sure that she’d got it right. ‘Yes. And now you’re here and you’re saying that you want to leave town again. And that you’re confusing me with someone else. Who are you confusing me with, Bill?’
Billy didn’t say anything for a few moments. Sal started to feel dizzy: Bill was supposed to be the sensible one, the clever one, the one who always knew what to do. Finally, he sighed.
‘Sal,’ he said. ‘That is your name, right?’
‘You’re scaring me, Bill,’ said Sal.
‘I’m sorry,’ said Billy. ‘I’m not trying to scare you. It’s just a strange situation, probably stranger than anything you’ve ever experienced before. Listen to me very carefully, Sal. Your brother Bill and I are …’ He flinched slightly, then continued, ‘… clones, which is basically the same thing as identical twins. And you’ve got a clone as well. That’s who I was confusing you with. For some reason I don’t know, you and your brother were raised by your father, and me and my sister were raised by our mother.’
‘My sister and I,’ said the man in the hiking gear.
‘Go and catch your train!’ yelled Billy.
The man scuttled away to the platform.
‘It was a complete coincidence that we happened to come here to this town today,’ Billy continued. ‘I want you to know that. And now that we’ve realised how complicated things have got, we’re going to leave, and everything will go back to normal for you. But I know you’re going to end up telling Thandie all about this, so the important thing to remember when you do that is to tell her that I love her. OK? Don’t forget that. Tell Thandie I love her. There is only one Thandie.’
Sal nodded slowly. Bill was right. Thandie was the one reliable constant. ‘I need to go to the loo,’ she said. ‘I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t go anywhere.’
‘I’m not going to go anywhere,’ said Billy.
‘Don’t sell him any train tickets!’ Sal said to the woman behind the counter.
‘I’m mandated to serve where service is required.’
She definitely smelled of armpits, thought Sal, as she made her way into the ladies’ loos. Armpits and bums.
Once the door of the ladies’ was closed behind her, Sal quickly dialled Thandie’s number.
‘Thandie,’ she said when her sister-in-law picked up, ‘it’s an emergency. I’m at the station and Bill is here. He’s acting really crazy.’ Sal started to cry.
‘It’s OK, Sal, it’s OK,’ said Thandie. ‘I’ve just seen him, he’s fine.’
‘No,’ said Sal, ‘he isn’t. He’s saying all these mad things about being a clone and that I’m a clone as well. And he says he wants to leave town straight away and he just told me to tell you that he loves you. I don’t think he’s planning to come back! You have to come and stop him.’
There was a pause. Then Thandie, sounding tired and sad, said, ‘OK, Sal, I’m on my way. Try not to let him leave.’
‘I’m not a clone, Thandie!’ said Sal.
‘No, sweetie,’ said Thandie, ‘you’re not. Don’t worry. You’re not a clone.’