The next morning Jenny visited several shops looking for work, but to no avail. She returned, dejected, to the boarding house, where Abigail fed her some thick Scotch broth and a large dose of encouragement. The aroma of the rich broth filled her nostrils. It took her back to her home and her mother's wonderful cooking. “This is delicious, Miss Abigail.”
“Here, have two of these oatcakes. We need to fatten you up.” Jenny bit into the oatcakes, her tongue detecting just the faintest taste of cinnamon. She anxiously reached for the second one. Abigail had a way of making her feel better. Tomorrow she would continue her job search.
Zachariah arrived just in time for dessert. As the three new friends enjoyed their cake, Jenny inquired, “Have you ever been married, Miss Abigail?”
Abigail grew pensive and Jenny thought that perhaps she should not have asked. “Yes, my dear, I married my childhood sweetheart when I was about your age.”
“Perhaps I am being too forward. Forgive my rudeness, please.” Jenny was just trying to get to know these lovely people, but she saw the sadness in Abigail's face and immediately felt sorry that she had asked. Eyes downcast, she picked at her cake with her fork.
“Don't be silly, Jenny.” Zachariah reached for Abigail's hand. “Abigail lost her husband and her daughter many years ago in a terrible accident. She has been taking care of her older brother ever since.” Zachariah patted Abigail's hand. She smiled at him.
“You have been taking care of me, more like.” She turned to Jenny. “Yes Jenny, my dear husband, Angus and my one-year-old daughter, Sheila were killed in a carriage accident. The horse that was pulling their carriage was startled on the road. The horse galloped wildly and the carriage overturned, killing them both. It was a terrible tragedy. However, it was many years ago, so please don't feel badly.”
“I am so sorry for your loss, Miss Abigail.” Jenny turned her attention to the old man seated next to her. “I feel so close to both of you already.”
He sipped his tea slowly, and without being asked he began, “I attended the University of Glasgow, many, many years ago. While I was away at college, my fiancée called off our engagement. She later married a dear friend of mine. Somehow I never found another woman that I wanted to marry. So, here you have us. One Tinn le gaol and his loving sister and we mustn't forget Old Tom.” As if on cue, the cat appeared at the kitchen door.
“I think you are both wonderful and I feel blessed to be here with you. What's a Tinn le gaol?” Jenny felt warm and safe.
“A lovesick bachelor, sometimes Zachariah likes to use the Gaelic, but he forgets that not everyone understands him.” Abigail smiled at her brother fondly. “Tell us about yourself, Jenny.”
“I grew up in a small town north of London. Watsworth has always been a mining town, and I worked at the mine in the office. I always thought I would marry my dearest friend, Tim but life has a way of changing our dreams somehow. I am finding that happening more and more lately.” She looked away. Zachariah wanted to cheer her up. He knew how much she had been looking forward to her new job.
“Not to worry, my dear. We shall have a job for you soon. Are your parents back in England?” She looked pensive.
“No, my mother passed away six months ago and my father died when I was a baby. His brother, my Uncle Edgar lived with us. He was like a father to me and he got me the job at the mine. Unfortunately, when Mother died, the Lady of the manor asked us to vacate the premises. Uncle Edgar found a small cottage, but I knew I had to find a place of my own.” The three ate and chatted. It was a pleasant evening.
The next day was more discouraging than the first. That evening Jenny sat in the parlor, close to tears. Abigail joined her. “A nice cup of tea, that's what we need.” With that Abigail disappeared, returning minutes later with a steaming pot of tea. Jenny smiled, thinking that to Abigail, a cup of tea could cure all the ailments in the world, both physical and emotional.
“I want you to relax, Jenny. Just close your eyes.” Abigail leaned her bulk into the large chair and closed her eyes. Jenny watched her with curiosity. “Come on, relax and close those big blue eyes.” Jenny leaned back, feeling foolish. Nonetheless, she closed her eyes and exhaled. “Now take five very deep breaths. Inhale and hold, now exhale. Now four more.” Abigail began to breathe and Jenny followed. Soon she was surprised to find that she was feeling very relaxed, and the stress of the day was leaving her. Abigail asked her what she smelled.
“What do I smell?” She had to think about it. “Why, I smell roses!”
“Yes, I bet you didn't even notice them when you came in and now you can smell how lovely they are.” Abigail took a deep breath and released a sigh. Jenny was very pleased to be experiencing the flowers with this loving woman. Abigail was right; she had not noticed them at all. Suddenly it seemed the room was filled with their sweet aroma, and she breathed deeply taking it all in. Abigail was such a calming influence on her.
“Whenever you feel upset, just sit and breathe. I have been doing this for thirty years and it works every time. People must become more aware of their surroundings.” The two enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the evening and Jenny learned much about relaxation and awareness from this chubby, caring woman.
Zachariah returned at the end of the week, filled with excitement.
“I think I may have a position for you, Jenny. Today at the Gentlemen's Club, Mr. Brown told me he and his wife are looking for a nanny for their three children. The Browns are a very prestigious family here in Edinburgh.”
“But I don't know anything about children. I worked in the billing department at the mine. I know numbers not children.” Jenny didn't think she would make a very good nanny but she was beginning to think there were no other positions available.
“Just think about it, Jenny. Perhaps you will find something tomorrow. I know that working as a helot was not your wish, but it is a job.” Zachariah and Abigail exchanged a knowing look. Jenny had told them how her mother had worked as a servant for fifty years and how she was determined not to do that. They wanted to help, but jobs were few and far between, especially for women.
It was the beginning of her third week in Edinburgh and still no work. She had only paid Abigail for two weeks and felt very guilty. She had no choice now. Jenny asked Zachariah to introduce her to the Browns and he arranged an interview for the following day.
As she approached the huge mansion and the foreboding iron gates, Jenny was taken back to Watsworth and the mansion that her mother worked in all of her life. Sadly, she was right back where she started. Toiling as a servant was the last thing she had wanted for her life. Bravely, she looked over at Zachariah and put a courageous smile on her face. He knew she was not happy, but perhaps this would all work out for the best. He squeezed her hand and rang the bell.
Mr. and Mrs. Brown were impressed with her credentials. They asked her if she would tutor the children, as well as be their nanny. Of course, she would have to live in the house. Jenny was not very happy to learn that she would be staying with the Browns, twenty-four hours a day, but she knew her money had run out. She could not, and would not, ask Abigail for free rent. Head held high, she accepted the position and said goodbye to Zachariah.
The housekeeper took Jenny to the top of the house, to the servants’ quarters. Mr. Brown watched Jenny go from the room. “She is rather plain, but her entire face changes when she smiles.”
“It makes no difference if she smiles or not, as long as she tames those creatures that you call children.” Mrs. Brown poured herself a very large brandy and gulped it down.
The housekeeper deposited Jenny and left. She did not say one word. The Spartan room was barely a closet with a small bed, two hooks on the wall for her clothes and a tiny wash table. The wallpaper was peeling. It was a disappointment after the lovely room in Abigail's house.
Jenny unpacked her clothes and sat on the bed. The mattress was thin and uncomfortable. A thin well-worn blanket was folded at the bottom of the bed. Every fiber of her being told her she was making a mistake and a sadness descended over her like a cloud. Am I destined to spend the next fifty years here? What has become of my dreams?
An hour later, Jenny was taken to the nursery floor, where the three children waited. Two girls and a boy, the Brown children were spoiled and unruly. It took her almost ten minutes to get them to sit down, and then the girls teased and poked each other incessantly. The boy, Baron, daydreamed constantly and paid little attention to anything Jenny said to him. She was dejected. That night, she cried herself to sleep.
The next morning for breakfast, she sat with the other servants in a small room off the kitchen. Breakfast was a very small bowl of porridge. They all look so unhappy and hungry. Jenny was positive that this was not where she belonged.
“Good morning, everyone.” Mr. Brown appeared at the doorway as several of the women exchanged a knowing look. “Please fall to your knees and thank the Lord our God for this day.” Slowly, everyone knelt on the cold stone floor. Jenny watched in amazement, as young and old obeyed the Master. Hesitating, she followed the others. The floor was cold and hard. She bowed her head. Mr. Brown's voice boomed loud and menacing, “Our Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for the opportunity to work in this manor house. We will do our best to please you and our Master.” The words rang in Jenny's ears. Please you and our Master? What kind of a place was this? No one moved. Mr. Brown walked to one of the younger maids, lifting her by her arm. She followed him; head down. No one moved. No one spoke for what seemed like hours and Jenny's knees were growing sore. Finally, the cook stood and everyone followed suit. Quickly they dispersed to other parts of the house. The cook looked at Jenny, whose face held a myriad of questions.
“Don't ask Lass, you will find out soon enough.” Now Jenny was very worried.
After one week, Jenny was more depressed than ever. The servants didn't speak to each other, every morning they fell to their knees in front of Mr. Brown and the entire house was like a tomb.
The children were horrible and Mr. Brown insisted on coming to the nursery when Jenny was alone and made her feel most uncomfortable. The meager portions of food allowed the servants, barely kept her going through the day. The other servants were cool and close lipped. Taking the children outside in hopes of gaining some control over them, she overheard two of the maids talking. “She'll be gone soon. They don't stay long.” Jenny thought she knew why the others had left; there was no hope in taming these children.
The lessons went as expected. Day after day, the children rebelled and Jenny grew more and more frustrated. It was midday and Jenny sat reading to the children. Baron folded his papers into large balls and threw them at his sisters. The girls, Jane and Lucy screeched like banshees and called him rude names. Jenny's mood grew darker as the day passed. Finally, the young maid came to take the children to their mother.
Glad to have a few minutes of peace and quiet, she picked up the books and papers. Taking deep breaths as Abigail had taught her, she began to feel better. The feeling was short- lived.
Once again she had the eerie feeling that she was being watched. Turning toward the door, she saw Mr. Brown leering at her. He glanced around the room and realizing that the children were gone, he stepped into the room and closed the door. Jenny continued picking up after the children, ignoring him. Suddenly, she found herself being forcibly pushed against the wall. She could smell the liquor on his breath. He was a large man, tall, but very overweight. He gripped her shoulders roughly, turning her toward him. She protested, but Mr. Brown held her arms and pressed his lips to hers. Jenny squirmed to be free, finally kicking him in the shin. She pushed him, his weight throwing him off balance. He yelped and let her go and she moved quickly toward the door.
“You get away from me.” She was frightened. He seemed to be intoxicated, staggering toward her.
“Jenny, my dear. Just a little innocent fun, come here.” Mr. Brown advanced but Jenny was quicker. She escaped to the hallway just as Mrs. Brown came up the stairs. Pushing past her, Jenny ran up to her room. Mrs. Brown watched her go and then turned, her face solemn, toward the nursery.
Jenny lay on her bed sobbing; she could still smell his horrid breath and feel his bulk against her. Her whole body shook. Thank God she had been able to push him off of her, but how long before it happened again. Now she was sure what had happened to the maids in the kitchen, and she fell to her knees and prayed that God would protect her. She pushed the heavy washstand in front of the door. Lying on the uncomfortable cot, she listened for any movement beyond the door. It was hours before she finally fell asleep. I have to get out of here, but how?
The next morning, Mrs. Brown called Jenny into the study. Jenny was nervous, she did not like Mrs. Brown anymore than she liked Mr. Brown. Shyly, she knocked on the large wooden door. “Come in.” Jenny entered the large study with great trepidation. Mrs. Brown was seated at the large mahogany desk. “Take a seat. What I am about to say is to be confidential. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Mam.” Jenny sat on the edge of the chair with her back straight.
“I am not pleased with your performance. You seem to think that you are above everyone else in our employ.” Jenny started to object, but Mrs. Brown held up her hand to silence her. “Remember who is the Mistress of this house.” Jenny put her head down. “I see no improvement in the children. I had hoped that you would make a difference, but you have failed.”
The conversation was short and direct. Mrs. Brown dismissed her on the grounds that she was incompetent. Jenny wanted to protest, but she realized it was pointless. Shocked, but somehow relieved, Jenny remained silent. “You will be discreet about what you have seen and heard in this house, do you understand me?” Jenny nodded, understanding exactly what the woman was referring to. Mrs. Brown gave her a small envelope with her wages and dismissed her.
She took her pay, packed her small suitcase and left the Brown mansion. Jenny moved quickly across the long, cobbled drive toward the street. Once again, she had that eerie feeling that she was being watched. She turned back toward the house, to see Mr. Brown at the upstairs window. The conversation of the two maids came back to her, “She'll be gone soon.” So that is why all the others left. It is not the children but the father that drives us all away. She quickened her pace.
After she heard the irongate slam behind her, she released the air that was held in her lungs. Free at last, thank you God. Happily she walked the four miles back to Abigail's.
Zachariah and Abigail were distressed to see Jenny. “A nice……”
“Cup of tea, just what we need,” Jenny and Zachariah finished her sentence, smiling at Abigail. The three of them laughed out loud. It felt good to be back in the safety of this loving home. “And three or four oatcakes from the look of you. Why you have only been gone a short while and you look like you have lost a stone in weight.”
After explaining what had happened, Abigail and Zachariah were disgusted at the man's behavior. Naturally, they never doubted Jenny's story for one minute, Zachariah apologized for introducing her to Mr. Brown. He felt responsible somehow. “I never thought he would commit Cùis-éigin.” Looking at Jenny's puzzling expression, he added, “That's rape, my dear and thank God in your case it was foiled. What a brùid! Don't worry we will put our heads together and think of something.”
Jenny reassured him that he was not at fault. “The man is a hypocrite. All of that praying to God and demanding obedience of the servants, as if he is God himself. Apparently he makes a habit of having his way with all of the girls.” Jenny reached for his wrinkled hand, “You could not have known. Please Zachariah, don't feel bad.”
“The man is a brùid, a beast alright! I must warn the ladies at St. Giles not to let their daughters anywhere near that mansion.” Abigail poured the steaming liquid into the fine china.
Jenny seemed lost in thought. “I just have to figure out where I go from here. Perhaps I should just go back to Watsworth and forget these silly notions of grandeur. Perhaps Mrs. Brown was right, I do act as if I am better than the servants.” She was worried about the future, but in her heart that she knew she was a good person. “I just don't want to work as a servant like my poor mother did. Is there anything wrong with that?” Abigail and Zachariah assured her that she was a sweet and innocent young lady, who was kind to everyone she met. They both did their best to reassure her that she could still have her dreams. “Abigail, please don't say anything to the ladies at St. Giles. Mrs. Brown was very insistent that I not repeat anything that happened.”
“Superior indeed! Those people are worse than the street urchins in my book. Don't worry my dear, I will keep their sordid secret.” Abigail put her arm around Jenny and Jenny leaned against her, feeling safe and protected once again.
Abigail insisted Jenny move back into her room, but Jenny would not take the room unless Abigail accepted payment. “Jenny dear, you are like a daughter to me. It is not necessary.” but Jenny was adamant and the two finally agreed.
Jenny sat staring out the window. The train whistle sounded eerily in the distance. Was it calling her back to Watsworth? The large tomcat sat on the windowsill rubbing his head against her hand. Unconsciously she stroked his fur. Although Abigail and Zachariah did everything they could to encourage her, she was beginning to lose hope. She could not bear to go into domestic service. Her experience with Mr. Brown could have been worse if she had not escaped. She did not know what Mrs. Brown heard or saw, but she was grateful to be dismissed. Unfortunately, it was a common occurrence with domestic staff, and Jenny dreaded thinking what the future might be. She had watched her mother work her fingers to the bone for the wealthy and she was determined not to let that happen to her.
“There is no place for me in this city. Perhaps, I should just forget all of these silly dreams and go home. Watsworth is a small town, but maybe that is where I belong.” The tomcat looked at her as if he understood. Jenny smiled when she realized she was talking to a cat and turned away from the window. “At least no one at the mine attacked me.” She sat down and wrote a letter to Tim.
My dearest Tim:
Life in Edinburgh is much more difficult than we believed. I am trying to decide whether to come home to Watsworth or stay and try to make it here in this huge city of strangers. Abigail and Zachariah are so sweet. They have become my family. I miss you Tim………………….
When she finished her letter, she sealed it and placed it near her purse. She would mail it in the morning. It was the third letter she had written and still, Tim had not answered her. Perhaps, he had moved on with his life. Perhaps, he was just busy in the pit. She missed him.
She looked at her case, picked up her sweater and folded it neatly in the drawer. A few minutes later, she picked the sweater up again. Placing the sweater in the case, Jenny started to pack her bag as a single tear rolled down her cheek. Abigail and Zachariah were very sweet, but what could they do? What could anyone do for her? She was alone in a strange city. She was all alone for the rest of her life with no mother or father to lean on. No Tim, who had always been there. All alone, she didn't know what to do. She collapsed on the bed, sobbing.
Don’t you dare give up girl. I raised you to be a fighter. Jenny shook her head. Was that her mother's voice? I said, don’t you dare give up. Jennifer Barstow You march out there and get yourself a job. Jenny rolled over staring at the ceiling.
“But I have looked, Mother, and no one wants to hire me.” Well then, go and get the job that you came here for. “That job is taken, what can I do?” Fight.
Jenny wrapped her arms around her body, giving herself a hug. Was she really having a discussion with her dead mother? A shiver ran down her spine. “Oh Mother, I miss you so.” The large tomcat leaped on the bed, pushing his fat body against her. “First, I am talking to a cat and now I think I hear my Mother. Dear Lord, what is happening to me?” The cat's head moved from side to side as if he was listening to her.
Sitting up and reaching for her folded blouse, she made a decision. She looked into the tiny mirror on the wall and the reflection of a sad, defeated young woman stared back. Her mother was right. Why was she giving up so easily? Tim had not replied to her letters, therefore he obviously did not love her. She must push him to the back of her heart. This was her chance to make a new life. She would do it. She would fight.
Jenny gave Abigail the last of her money, knowing that she had a place to live for the next month. If all else failed, she would take another domestic position, take her chances and earn a living. She told Zachariah and Abigail what she planned to do. The three sat late into the night discussing her strategy and Zachariah helped her formulate a plan.