Kristin watched as Darby set a semicircular log on its end on the huge stump behind the garage. Jo swung the axe with the precision of Paul Bunyan and the log split neatly in two. Kristin picked up the two pieces and stacked them with the others on the neat pile along the edge of the woods. It was mindless physical labor, and Kristin was glad to have something like that to occupy her. It was perfect…until Darby started talking.
“So, Kristin,” she said, her breath billowing vaporously in the air. “What’s your company do?”
“Advertising,” Kristin answered as succinctly as possible.
“And you are?”
“Vice president.”
“Nice.”
Kristin found herself counting the erratic clicks as Darby spoke. Finally, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Doesn’t that thing annoy you?”
“What thing?” Darby looked confused.
Kristin pointed to her own tongue. “That thing.”
“Oh, this?” Darby stuck her tongue out. “Nah. You get used to it.”
“The constant…banging against your teeth doesn’t drive you nuts?”
Darby shook her head and shot her a grin full of mischief. “It’s worth it.”
Kristin looked confused. “Worth what?”
Darby’s eyes twinkled. “Never been to bed with a woman with a tongue ring, have you, Kristin?” Then she winked.
“You know,” Jo cut in smoothly as Kristin blushed, “Kristin started on the ground floor at her company.” Her voice was tinted with a layer of pride that surprised Kristin. “She joined the company at the bottom of the totem pole. Now she’s almost at the top.” The axe swung and hit its mark with a satisfying crack.
“Wow,” Darby said with a nod. “Impressive.”
“That’s the problem with the younger generation these days,” Kristin commented as she stacked. “They don’t understand what it means to work their way up. They want to start at the top.”
“Yeah, but if the top is what’s offered…” Darby let the sentence dangle.
“It’s usually not.”
“But sometimes it is. That’s how it was for me at Langford.” She set another log down on the stump. “I mean, it wasn’t the top top, but it was far from the bottom.”
“You work at Langford?” Kristin tried to hide the envy that colored her tone.
“Only for a few weeks. I didn’t like it.”
“You didn’t like…wait. You mean you quit? You quit Langford?” She turned to Jo. “She quit Langford?”
Jo shrugged and swung.
“You don’t get a job at a company as prestigious as Langford and then just leave. What’s the matter with you?” Kristin gaped at Darby in disbelief.
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t. Jobs there are too hard to come by. When they’re offered you snap them up.”
“Why?”
Kristin caught the shadow of a smirk on Darby’s face and suspected that she was enjoying needling her. To her own dismay, though, she was unable to leave it alone. “Why? Why? Because, that’s why. It’s Langford. They’ve got a great setup. You’d move up the ladder steadily. You’d be pretty much set for life.”
“But I wasn’t happy.”
“I bet you were making a ton of money. Right out of college. God, that’s amazing. Most people would give their right arm for an opportunity like that.”
“I was doing okay. But you’re not listening. I wasn’t happy.”
Kristin groaned in frustration. “So what? Who is? If the money’s good and the benefits are good and there’s opportunity for advancement, you stick it out for a while.”
Darby blinked at her and made a face. “That makes no sense. Why on earth would I ‘stick it out’ someplace if I hated it?”
“It’s called responsibility. You pay your bills, you take care of your partner, you put money away for the future.”
Darby’s expression grew almost smug. “Wow, Molly was right. Money, money, money. Is that all that’s important to you? Jesus, all you need is a penis and you’d be the typical American white male. Are you a Republican, too? I bet you voted for Bush, didn’t you?”
Kristin’s blood began to boil and she was almost thankful when Jo stepped between the two of them. “Okay, okay. That’s enough.” She shot a warning look at Darby. Kristin saw Darby’s eye glimmer like she was enjoying the act of pushing Kristin’s buttons.
“I’m going inside,” Kristin said quietly, then took her leave and tromped through the snow to the house.
Molly was right…
What the hell did that mean? Had Molly been talking about her—about their situation—behind her back? To Darby of all people? The thought made her stomach churn with the unpleasantness of betrayal.
Money, money, money. Is that all that’s important to you?
Was it? Kristin shook her head. Of course not. Of course that wasn’t it. A lot of things were important to her, she just needed money to take the best care of them that she could. That only made sense. What did being happy have to do with making a living?
Kristin stopped in her tracks as if she’d been slapped by the ridiculousness of the statement.
“Jesus Christ, I hate that little bitch,” she muttered to the snow at her feet.
*
Inside, Laura was sitting at the dining room table, the cordless phone in front of her and the terrier curled up at her feet. The dog lifted his little brown head at the sound of the front door and gave a halfhearted yip.
“Hey,” Kristin said as she shed her boots and coat. “Any luck?”
Laura grimaced and shook her head. “The nearest animal shelter is closed this week for the holiday. I called the police station to see if anybody had reported a dog missing, and nobody has.”
“Maybe you’ve got yourself a new pet.” Kristin ruffled the dog’s fur.
Laura looked the slightest bit uncomfortable with that idea. “Somebody’s got to be missing him. Look how sweet he is.”
Kristin sympathized with the worried look in Laura’s eyes. “It’ll work out.”
“I just think about somebody knowing he’s gone and how scared they must be for him.”
“He was very lucky to be found by you. Look at it that way. Without you, he’d be a pup-sicle by now.”
Laura smiled at the dumb play on words. “I suppose you’re right. I just can’t help feeling like I’m stealing him, you know?”
“Think of it as dog-sitting.” Kristin smiled and touched Laura’s shoulder, hoping she was making her feel the tiniest bit better. Though she couldn’t explain why, it bothered her to see Laura uncertain. She had such a great smile—those dimples were to die for—and Kristin just wanted her to smile again.
Glancing up and out the window, she saw Sophie’s Jeep turn into the driveway. “Looks like the gang is back.” It surprised her to realize that she was happy to see Molly return, had missed her while she was gone. The thought brought a smile to her lips, one that soon faded as Molly exited the Jeep and, rather than coming into the house, strolled behind the garage and stood chatting with Jo and Darby.
Kristin tried to swallow her disappointment. For the first time since her arrival, she seriously wished she hadn’t come. She could be at home right now. Better yet, she could be in her office working on something that would take her mind off this crap. Why be here with people she didn’t like? With people who didn’t like her? Somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind, she knew that was a gross overgeneralization, but she didn’t care.
Darby didn’t like her and she certainly didn’t like Darby. Christ, my own wife doesn’t even like me anymore, she thought with bitterness. She didn’t know Laura or Sophie well, so they didn’t count as friends. Amy and Jo had always been sweet to her, but they’d been Molly’s friends before Kristin had come along. During her stay, she’d felt their distance, felt that they were keeping her at arms’ length. Jo’s comments about her rise at work had been the first inkling she’d had that maybe she wasn’t number one on their shit list.
Because we’re all lesbians, we have to automatically like each other? Who made up that rule?
She headed upstairs to her room and sat heavily on the bed, feeling the stress drench her as though somebody had come along and dumped it over her head in icy, liquid form. Her heart began to race and a searing pain pierced her behind her right eye.
“Damn it.”
The experience was almost familiar now. She tried to relax, to calm herself, to talk herself down, so to speak, as she’d been doing for the past six months since the panic attacks had started. Part of her knew she should probably go see a doctor about them, but logic always won out. She was tired. She was stressed. She was overworked. Was there a business executive in this day and age who didn’t have panic attacks like this?
She leaned forward, dropped her head between her knees, and rocked, counting slowly from one to ten. Tears sprang into her eyes, which annoyed her more than anything else. She wanted nothing more than for Molly to come up the stairs, find her in pain, and wrap her up in her loving embrace. Kristin couldn’t remember the last time they’d hugged for no other reason than because they loved one another.
“Molly,” she whimpered as she stared at the braided rug beneath her feet.
But Molly was outside. Talking to Darby.
“Damn it,” she said again, but this time, it came out as more of a whimper, and one half-sob escaped her lips before a distinct buzzing sound filled the air. Kristin whipped her head up—a bad idea judging from the way the room spun for several seconds. Her Blackberry was vibrating on the dresser.
Excellent, she thought as she pressed the palms of her hands against her throbbing temples and squeezed her eyes shut. Something to focus on was just what she needed. It was what she always needed when she felt like this. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she got slowly to her feet and crossed to the dresser. She picked up the Blackberry and did her best to infuse her voice with a clipped, professional tone she didn’t feel.
“Kristin Collins.”
She listened, trying her hardest to focus on her client’s voice while she massaged her forehead with icy fingertips. She didn’t register the footsteps coming up the stairs.