By late morning, everybody was full and happy. Jo and Darby went outside to grab wood for the fire so nobody would have to go out later. Amy was in the kitchen working on hors d’oeuvres for the rest of the day and getting things ready for dinner later. She mixed a dip while Molly stood at the counter cutting vegetables to go with it.
“Sit, Ricky.” Laura stood before the terrier in the dining room, a small tidbit of bacon left over from breakfast held in her hand. “Can you sit?”
Ricky cocked his head and his furry brown tail wagged furiously. He continued to stand.
Laura squatted in front of him, held the bacon to his nose, and gently pushed down on his backside while simultaneously lifting the bacon, forcing his head up. His butt plopped to the ground. “Good!” Laura exclaimed, letting him have the bacon. “Good boy.”
Sophie watched from her seat at the table where her crossword puzzle sat in front of her, full of blank squares. “Nice job,” she commented.
“I think he’s really smart,” Laura said with delighted enthusiasm. “He’s going to learn fast.” She repeated the task a few more times with the remainder of the bacon. On the final try, Ricky sat on his own. After rewarding him, Laura swooped him up in her arms and allowed herself to be bathed in dog kisses.
Sophie laughed at the spectacle. “Do you have stuff at home for him?”
“What do you mean?”
“Bowls, toys, a crate. That sort of thing. Dog food?”
“I have nothing at all.” Laura grinned. “I guess I’ve got some shopping to do.”
“Well…I was thinking…” Sophie hesitated slightly before finding her nerve. “My good friend from college owns a pet store in the city. I’m sure they’re closed tomorrow, but I bet they’re open on Monday and, um, I’d be happy to go with you.”
“You would?” Laura was surprised and pleased at the same time.
“Sure.”
“I’d like that.”
Neither Sophie nor Laura saw Amy gently nudge Molly with an elbow and wink at her, nor did they see Molly’s responding grin.
The front door opened just then, a chilling burst of winter air whipping through the small cabin. Kristin stomped her feet on the mat and smiled. “Morning, all.”
“Hi, there,” Molly said as she abandoned her vegetables to help her wife out of her winter garb. “I was about to send out a search party.”
Kristin’s cheeks were winter-weather red and her eyes looked bright. “No falling on my head today. Just a great hike.” Looking into the kitchen, she said, “Amy, this place is beautiful. I was amazed. The sun was shining and the birds were singing and there was fresh snow on the ground. Gorgeous.”
Amy smiled with pride. “Now you know why I love it here so much.”
“Absolutely.” She fished in the pocket of her ski jacket as Molly hung it on a hook. Withdrawing her hand, she said, “Here. I found something for you.”
Molly held out her hand and Kristin placed her treasure in Molly’s palm, suddenly feeling as shy as a schoolgirl.
When Molly looked down, there was a perfectly shaped heart resting in her hand. She looked more closely, seeing that it was actually a rock, but its shape was unmistakable. “Oh, wow,” she said, her own heart soaring. “Where’d you find this?”
“There’s a big stand of evergreens back a ways off the path and there’s no snow under a lot of them. That caught my eye and…I thought of you.” Kristin didn’t add that she’d felt inexplicably drawn to the spot, that she wasn’t really walking anywhere near the particular tree under which the rock was nestled.
“You did?”
Kristin nodded.
Molly reached up and wrapped her arms around Kristin’s neck, enveloping her in a warm hug. “Thank you,” she said softly. “I love it.” She tucked the rock into the pocket of her jeans. “I’m going to keep it with me all the time.”
The huge grin that split Kristin’s face was something Molly decided then and there she wanted to see more often, every day if she could help it.
Kristin kissed her quickly on the mouth. “I’m going to grab a shower.”
“Okay. I’ll be in the kitchen with Amy. Sadly, the vegetables won’t cut themselves.”
Back in the kitchen, Molly pulled the rock back out of her pocket and showed it to Amy, then to Sophie and Laura, who came to look. It was swirled gray in color, round and full, solid and weighty.
“That is so cool,” Laura breathed, touching the rock with one finger.
“How the hell did she manage to find a rock in the woods in the dead of winter?” Sophie asked.
Amy grinned smugly and when Molly noticed, she slapped playfully at her arm. “You’re not going to launch into a Magic Acre story, are you?”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Amy replied as she plunged a piece of celery into her dip and tasted it. She grinned as she chewed. “Besides, none of you would believe me.”
*
“Aunt Jo?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Darby gave the apology while pulling logs from the pile and stacking them into the carrying sling. She was embarrassed and couldn’t bring herself to look her aunt in the eye. She hadn’t been scolded by Aunt Jo like she’d been the previous day since she was a preteen. She’d deserved it then, too.
Jo stopped what she was doing and stood up straight to regard her niece. Darby had been fairly quiet since their run-in the day before. Jo didn’t know how parents did it, how they scolded their kids and went on with their lives. Jo felt so bad, she had to catch herself on several occasions before she tried to sweet-talk Darby, to apologize, to make herself feel better and to wipe that hurt, chagrined look off her face. Her words had been harsh, but Darby had needed to hear them and it took all Jo’s strength to let it sit, to leave it alone. Now Darby had done the apologizing. Jo felt a sudden, fierce pride in her niece.
“It’s okay,” she said simply.
When Darby looked up, her blue eyes were troubled. She opened her mouth as if about to say something, then closed it again and reached for more wood.
“What?” Jo prodded gently.
“I just…” Darby took a deep breath and blew it out in frustration, the puff visible in the chilly air. “I’m so good at noncommitment.” She grimaced at Jo. “I’m good at the pick-up, I’m great at getting her home, but I suck at anything beyond that.”
Jo studied her niece. “Don’t you want more, Darby? Don’t you want more than just great sex? Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” she added with a wink. “But don’t you want somebody to wake up with? Somebody to come home to? Somebody to talk to or not talk to or a lap to rest your head in when you have a bad day?”
Darby answered honestly. “You know, I never did. I always thought what you and Aunt Amy have is really cool, but I also thought it just wasn’t for me. I never thought of myself as the settling-down type. I’m not good at it and I’ve never wanted it.” She sighed. “Until I met Molly.”
Jo nodded, surprised by the admission, but at the same time, not. She knew that the day would come eventually when her niece would meet a woman who would finally be The One—the person who got Darby to relinquish her hold on a life of one-night stands and weekend clubbing. What she hadn’t counted on was that person being one of Amy’s dearest friends, and married to boot.
“Molly’s in love with somebody else,” Jo said with tenderness, not wanting to hurt Darby but wanting to be sure she understood the score.
“I know that.”
“She’s been with Kristin since you were a senior in high school.”
“I know that, too.” Darby looked up at the bright blue of the winter sky. She didn’t want to hear these facts. She was aware of them, but having Aunt Jo say them out loud made them that much more real.
The wood was loaded and ready to be hauled into the house, but both women stood unmoving. Darby continued staring off into space. Jo watched her intently, wishing there was something she could do to help her niece through the confusion.
“I don’t know how this happened,” Darby said softly. “I don’t fall for women at the drop of a hat. It’s silly and it’s not me.”
“Things change.” It was the most fitting explanation Jo could think of. “Maybe it is you and you just didn’t know it.”
Darby snorted.
Trying a different tack, Jo suggested, “Maybe it is you now. And falling for somebody isn’t silly. Falling for somebody who’s spoken for is. And not knowing when to back off is even sillier.” Jo looked at Darby pointedly.
“Yeah. I know,” Darby agreed, her face coloring slightly. “You’re right. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”
Jo chuckled. “Sometimes, it does. Sometimes, it sucks a lot.” She picked up one of the canvas slings full of logs and studied her niece. “It’s the last day of the year, Darby. Tomorrow, you get to start fresh. Think about that.”
Darby watched as Jo walked toward the house. For the first time since she could remember, starting fresh actually sounded like a good idea.
*
At precisely eight o’clock, dinner was served and it smelled unbelievable. Amy had cooked the beef tenderloin to perfection—her love of red meat made her thank her lucky stars none of her present friends were vegetarians--and her guests oohed and ahhed as it was sliced before them. Jo circled the table, filling everybody’s glasses with a deep burgundy-colored Merlot that smelled almost as good as it tasted.
Laura pulled her nose out of her glass long enough to comment, “There’s nothing quite like a good red wine to warm you up in the winter.”
“Absolutely,” Sophie agreed, her glass already to her lips.
“Hey, wait,” Jo ordered. “We have to toast first.”
Sophie caught herself and lowered her glass, looking sheepish. Laura grinned at her.
Jo stood at the head of the table where Amy’s seat was, one hand on her wife’s shoulder. “First of all, I want to thank you all for being here. Amy and I feel there is no better way to spend the holidays than with those you love.”
Murmurs of agreement traveled around the table.
“I’d also like to say that friends like you are hard to come by and when you do find them, you need to hold on tight. So I stand before you and say, with all my heart—and I think my wife would agree—that our New Year’s resolution is to spend more time with all of you. You’re too important to us to let the everyday world of work and shopping and whatever keep us apart.”
From Jo’s right, Laura spoke up. “I’d like to add my own resolution to that. Starting with the New Year, I’m going to stop feeling guilty about things I’ve done in the past and promise to forgive myself.” Nods and words of encouragement filled the air. “And I’m going to be a good mommy to Ricky,” she added with a grin, smiling down at the terrier near her chair.
Sophie promptly raised her glass and said, “I’m going to stop wallowing in what was and start concentrating on what will be.”
Darby was next. With a glance at Jo, she stated simply in a quiet but assured voice, “I think I’m going to open my eyes this year.” Amy smiled up at Jo, both acknowledging the change in their niece this signaled.
Kristin studied her plate as she organized her thoughts. When she lifted her chin and spoke, her eyes sparkled, their color arresting. She placed a warm hand on Molly’s knee under the table. “I’m going to try to finally fix my whacked-out priorities and focus on what’s really important in my life.” She looked at Molly.
Molly’s eyes teared up and she laughed as she tried to wave the moist drops away, her friends awwing at her. Pulling herself together, she spoke softly. “I have a couple resolutions that I’m going to try my hardest to stick to. First, while Darby’s busy opening her eyes, I’m going to work on opening my mouth.” Gentle laughter rounded the table. “Second, I want to start thanking the people who help me grow.” At this statement, her eyes cut quickly to Darby and then away. “It’s not always easy to understand yourself. Even the simplest things can elude your grasp. When somebody helps you make a connection or put a puzzle piece in place, they deserve some gratitude.” Molly looked at Darby once again and mouthed a silent “Thank you.”
Kristin looked at Darby as well, but her face was expressionless and it actually freaked Darby out a bit. She averted her eyes and took a swig from her water glass.
“I’m all misty now,” Amy said, and her friends smiled at her. Holding up her wineglass, she waited for the others to follow. “I love you all and I’m so glad you’re here. Happy New Year, my friends.”
Seven glasses plinked together over the table filled with food. The women sipped, humming their overwhelming approval of the wine. Then they dug into the food, laughing and carrying on several conversations at once. Bowls were passed. Garlic mashed potatoes, green beans, squash, homemade rolls—the list of choices was endless. Amy had outdone herself, which surprised nobody. Ricky sat at Laura’s feet, watching closely, no doubt hoping some tantalizing morsel would slip from her plate and fall on his head. He eventually moved so he was between Laura’s chair and Sophie’s, once he realized that, of the two, Sophie was the bigger softie. Several small morsels of beef found their way to him throughout the course of the meal.
Though the atmosphere was the friendliest, the most relaxed it had been all week, each woman had something on her mind. Though she’d attempted to put it aside, it scratched at her brain through the evening. Musings about life, about changes, about her own behaviors and about the others’ swirled around in each head.
Amy worried for everybody at the table. She desperately wanted Molly and Kristin to be all right. Too many of her lesbian friends had gone through breakups in the past couple of years, and she was concerned that they hadn’t tried. She thought breaking up was too easy, especially with no legal binding. She often felt it was easier for couples to split than to go through the effort of fixing the problems. Fixing things was hard and many just didn’t have the stomach for it. Throwing in the towel was often the simpler solution.
She knew Molly and Kristin were strong and she was certain their love for each other was even stronger. She hoped they knew so, as well. She also realized with surprise that she’d love to see Sophie and Laura hook up. It wasn’t something that had even crossed her mind when she’d extended the invitations for the week, and she was a little disappointed in her own usually adept matchmaking abilities for not seeing what a great pair they’d make. But she also knew they each had their own demons to exorcise before they’d be ready to give themselves to somebody else. Still…they were so damn cute together.
Before they could catch her smirking at them, she scanned down the table until her gaze settled on Darby. Poor Darby. She sympathized with her young niece, knowing being hauled out of the room by Jo hadn’t done a lot for her self-esteem. But Jo was very wise and Darby knew it, so Amy hoped she took something beneficial from the experience. She still looked with puppy-dog eyes at Molly—a look Amy hadn’t seen on Darby before, ever. She thought how strange life’s timing could be...that the first time Darby met someone who might really matter to her, that someone was unattainable. Amy wondered what might have happened between the two if Molly had been single.
To Amy’s right, Laura put a forkful of potatoes into her mouth and thought about her resolution as she chewed. Forgiving herself wasn’t an easy feat for her. It never had been. She’d felt guilty for so long now, it was as if the guilt was a part of her, like a limb or an organ. She was afraid cutting it away would leave a hole so big she’d never be able to fill it. She glanced over and noticed Sophie covertly slipping a piece of meat to Ricky. She smiled and said nothing.
The thought of moving forward and leaving the past behind terrified Sophie almost as much as letting go of her guilt terrified Laura. Who was Sophie if not the woman Kelly left? It was her entire identity now, and she didn’t know if she could exist as anything else. She didn’t think she knew how. She swallowed hard and concentrated on fattening up the terrier.
Darby tried hard not to look at Molly at all through dinner, but it was painfully difficult. When she did look, her heart constricted in her chest because the look of love and hope in Molly’s green eyes was focused solely on Kristin. Damn, that is one lucky woman. She hoped Kristin knew what she had, because Darby wanted nothing more than to snatch it away from her and if she had less respect for Molly, she would do just that. She did a mental double-take at her own thoughts and chuckled to herself. For the second time that day, she wondered when she had ever had a feeling that even slightly resembled respect for a woman she was interested in. Maybe Aunt Jo was right. Maybe she was evolving after all.
Kristin was hiding her panic like a pro. Despite the fact that she felt she’d made some huge progress in understanding herself and her issues and making realizations about her own life, the impending changes scared the living hell out of her. She knew that a complete shift in lifestyle, in mental processing, in behavior, was the only way she was going to make things right. Totally changing her way of thinking and acting with regard to work versus Molly was the end-all, be-all solution to fixing the mess she’d helped make of their relationship, but she had no idea if she held even half enough strength to accomplish such a feat. True, she’d changed her attitude over the last twenty-four hours without a lot of difficulty, but she knew it had been easy because of the atmosphere. She was away from home, away from work, and not alone with Molly. When they returned to their normal life was when they’d see if her promises and resolutions would hold any water. It was easy for her to say she wanted to change while she was far away from her own reality. But once they got home? The thought made her physically shudder with anxiety.
Kristin’s hand was warm on her knee, but part of Molly was still cold inside. It was the part that harbored all the worry she was pretending she didn’t have. She was concerned that Kristin might not be able to hold up her end of this unofficial bargain they’d made to fix their partnership. In addition, there was the guilt she had for not having enough faith in her wife. Plus, she worried that she couldn’t hold up her own end. It was very easy to say she was going to start speaking up, but one doesn’t go from passive-aggressive to assertive in a matter of hours. It was going to be very hard work for her. She’d had over thirty years of watching and learning from her mother and nearly twenty of her own adulthood. She’d been very good at putting the lessons she gleaned from her mother into practice in her own life. How the hell was she going to manage a complete personality change? She closed her eyes briefly, trying not to let the terror show on her face.
Jo lifted her wineglass to her lips and took a look around the table at each of her friends. She smothered a grin and indiscernibly shook her head from side to side as she dug into her food. She felt sympathetic, but knew all of this was part of life. Everything her friends were going through, each individual problem or concern or issue was part of living and they’d all figure out how to deal. All she could do was be there if they needed her, and that wasn’t hard. She looked at their faces as they conversed, smiled, laughed. Her grin grew a little wider as she thought about the positions they’d put themselves in. Making big resolutions was one thing. Making them in front of six other people was something else entirely. Now, failure would be very visible and potentially embarrassing.
Every single one of them is crapping her pants right now.
*
“Only fifteen more minutes, guys,” Amy said, folding her poker hand. “I’m going to pop the champagne.” She grimaced as Darby raked yet another pot of chips to her spot at the table. “Are you cheating somehow?” She playfully slapped her niece’s head. “Are there aces up your sleeves?”
“I’ll help,” Molly called, leaving Kristin in the living room. Kristin was reluctant to let go of her hand, and Molly grinned as she extricated herself, kissed Kristin on the forehead, and then followed Amy into the kitchen.
Sophie shook her head, throwing down her cards in mock disgust. “It’s a damn good thing we’re not playing with real money. My landlord would not be happy if I told him I lost next month’s rent in a poker game.”
“I told you to watch out for her,” Jo said from the living room. “She’s a whiz kid. Always was.”
Darby grinned smugly, stacking her chips. “What can I say? I’m lucky.”
“Lucky, my ass,” Sophie muttered. “That’s it. I’m done. I can only take so much loss in one night. It’s bad for my ego.” She joined Jo in front of the television. “My God, is he ever going to croak?” she asked when Dick Clark came on the screen. Jo slapped at her, making an appalled face, and Sophie laughed. “Seriously, what is he, a hundred and ten?”
“The man’s immortal,” Laura said from the sofa where she sat with Ricky curled up on her lap. “I’m convinced of it.”
A muted pop sounded from the kitchen and a smattering of applause filled the air. “Ten minutes,” Jo announced.
Molly returned with two glasses of champagne and handed them to Laura and Sophie. She got two more from the counter and supplied Jo and Kristin. The next went to Darby, who was still counting her chips at the dining-room table. She looked up as Molly held out the glass.
“Here you go,” Molly said.
“Thanks.” Darby smiled, trying not to revel in the heat when their fingers touched.
“Are you okay?” Molly asked softly, concerned.
Darby thought about it for a moment, and then nodded with assurance. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.”
Molly felt relief flood her system. “Good. That’s good.” Amy was suddenly at her elbow, handing her a glass. Molly took it with a grateful nod. She looked back at Darby and then headed into the living room where Kristin was waiting.
“Coming?” she asked as she, too, headed for the television.
“Yeah.” Darby sighed and followed.
The last five minutes of the year flew by and soon all seven women were counting out loud.
“Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!”
The strains of Auld Lang Syne filtered through the room as Jo planted a loving kiss on Amy’s mouth.
Kristin held Molly tightly and looked into her eyes for what seemed like ages before whispering, “I love you.” Their kiss was soft and sweet.
Laura kissed the top of Ricky’s head. “Happy New Year, little buddy. We’re going to have a great time, you and me.” When she looked up, Sophie was watching with a grin, despite the age-old discomfort of having no one to kiss at midnight. Laura slid the terrier from her lap to the couch and stood. She crossed the room to Sophie, took her face in her hands, and kissed her softly on the lips. “Happy New Year, Sophie,” she said with a smile.
Sophie stood completely flummoxed as Laura turned to Jo and Amy, wrenching them apart so she could give them each a kiss. She brought her fingers to her lips, certain she’d feel heat radiating from them. She jumped when Darby spoke from right next to her.
“Yeah, I’d get me some of that if I were you,” she stated simply and pecked Sophie on the cheek. She squeezed Sophie’s shoulder before moving on to the others.
Molly hugged Amy. Jo wrapped Kristin in an embrace that said more than words could. Jo wasn’t a big talker and Kristin knew it. She also felt the message in the hug. It said you can do this. Kristin tightened her grip on her friend.
Amy moved to Sophie, chuckling at her seemingly frozen state. She wrapped her in a warm hug and whispered something in her ear.
Darby and Molly found themselves face-to-face.
“Happy New Year, Darby,” Molly said.
“Happy New Year to you.” They stood awkwardly for several seconds before Darby found her nerve. “Can I hug you? Would that be all right?”
Molly swallowed. “Yeah. I think so.” She opened her arms.
Darby held on for dear life, knowing this was the last time she’d get this close. She tried to imprint everything she could in the few short seconds she had: the smell of Molly’s hair, the feel of the muscles in her back, the warmth of her thighs and her breasts as they pressed into Darby’s own. She squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated until she felt Molly’s grip relax and she knew she had to let go, too.
Darby couldn’t meet the green eyes as she murmured, “Thanks,” and searched for her champagne glass.
The cabin was loud—louder than one would think given there were only seven women. But it was the beginning of a new year, a chance to start over, to mend fences and heal old wounds. Laura held Ricky in her arms and carried him from woman to woman, each one gamely accepting his kisses, knowing he was in some ways their new mascot. He would always remind them of this week together.
Champagne flowed freely and the group spent another hour laughing and joking and celebrating before the yawning came and the gradual trickle to bed began. Some were anxious to get to sleep and others were hesitant, but for the same reason: tomorrow meant starting anew and making fresh tracks in the snow.