“Excuse me, Doctor Stein,” Alex interrupted, stopping Steve Stein in the middle of presenting an X-ray during the Monday teaching conference. “I that see Dr. Johnson has elected to join us.” The time was 4:16 p.m. All eyes went from Stein to Johnson, who was halfway down the auditorium aisle.
“Dr. Johnson,” Alex called, “please tell the group what kept you from being here at the start of conference.”
Several residents exchanged knowing glances while Johnson awkwardly slipped into an empty seat behind the group. “Sorry, sir, I was taking care of a post-op.”
“Right, patient care comes first.” Alex stood up and pulled a blank index card and pen from his lab coat breast pocket. “What’s the patient’s name?”
More furtive glances between residents.
“The patient’s name?” Johnson asked lamely.
“Yes, the patient’s name.”
“Oh, man … right on the tip of my tongue … give me a second; it’ll come. Go ahead, don’t hold things up on account of me.”
“Okay. After conference you stay and we’ll discuss it.”
“I’d love to, Doctor Cutter, but I need to get back to my patient soon as we finish. In fact, if my beeper goes off, I may have to leave early.”
Alex knew the old beeper trick all too well. Trigger it yourself or have a buddy call you. Who can say you shouldn’t leave whatever you’re doing to answer the page? Convenient.
“No, you don’t. You stay right there,” he snapped. “You will stay and we will discuss this.” He addressed the group. “Conference adjourned. Everybody out except for Doctor Stein. Steve, come here please.” Alex kept an eye on Johnson as the rest of the residents set a new world record for how fast they filed out of the auditorium.
Stein began quickly repacking the CT scans into a large green Radiology envelope, the green color identifying the films as loaners. Now finished, Stein approached Alex. “Yes, Boss?”
“Wait in the lobby.”
Stein glanced from Alex to Johnson, back again. “You bet,” he said before high-tailing it out of the room.
Alex approached Johnson, who stood, licked his lips, and started rubbing his thumb and fingertips together, a nervous habit of his frequently displayed when presenting a case at conference. “Okay, Brett, let’s go see your post-op.”
Suddenly, Johnson went all hangdog on him, shifting his weight, hemming and hawing as he got his act together. He inhaled audibly. “Sorry, sir, but I lied. There is no post-op patient. Actually, I was on the phone to my mother. She’s just been diagnosed with breast cancer, and I was trying to talk her through the treatment options. She doesn’t understand medical things very well and is frightened to death.”
Ah, Jesus. The dying mother routine. Only slightly more believable than the dog-ate-my-homework excuse. “Sorry to hear that.” Alex mimed a thoughtful pose. “You know, I bet I could help with that. Why don’t we go to my office and call her, put her on speaker phone. I’ll be more than happy to explain things to her. C’mon, let’s go.” Alex motioned to the aisle.
Johnson looked even more pathetic now, complete with a bit of foot shuffling. Another shake of his head. “Aw man … Aw shit … Look, I’m sorry, but that was a lie too. Because, see, I’m too embarrassed to admit the truth. We’re having marital problems. My wife … she doesn’t understand why I have to spend so much time at the hospital. I was on the phone to her and, well, it’s overwhelming … the thought of losing her.”
Alex relaxed his fists and extended his fingers, loosening them. “Enough! You just lied twice in less than thirty seconds, and I know you’ve lied to me in the past.” His voice wavered on the cusp of anger.
Johnson snapped from hangdog to righteous indignation. “Lied in the past? Never!”
Alex sliced his palm through the air. “Stop it! I don’t want to hear any more bullshit. It’s all been documented.”
Johnson stiffened. “And just what do you think you’ve documented?” He sounded confident now, as if calling a poker bluff with four aces in hand.
“Fair enough.” Alex nodded and withdrew a card from his white coat. “Let’s start with Friday. You scrubbed out to answer an ER call. I checked on it after I finished my case. You never got within a hundred feet of the place. I ended up sending Stein to cover for you. Then you had the nerve to look me straight in the eye and lie about it. This has been going on all year.” Alex held out his hand. “Hand over your ID card. You’re fired.”
Shocked and stunned, Johnson stared back. “No, don’t do this. Please. I’m serious about my wife. Fire me and she’ll leave me for sure. Please, Doctor Cutter, sir, don’t do this to my marriage and family.”
Alex motioned again for Johnson’s ID. “I’m not doing a thing to you. You did it to you. Card, Johnson. I want it now.”
“But … I’m on call.”
“No, you’re not. That’s already been taken care of. The paging operators have been notified. You’ve already been removed from the residency roster, and your hospital privileges are revoked.”
They walked from the auditorium, Alex turning right and—to his relief—Johnson veering left, Alex wanting as much distance from him as possible. It’d been harder than he imagined to fire the kid. Stein stood in the main lobby, still holding the green folder of CT scans.
“Steve, sorry for this imposition, but you’re taking Johnson’s call tonight,” Alex said. Of all the residents in the program, he trusted Stein most, probably because of their relationship prior to relocating here. He and Stein had shared confidential information, so he knew the kid could keep a secret.
“Figured that was what had happened when I got called for a problem on Seven Madison.”
“Good. I’ll leave it to you and the others to revise the call schedule.”