BETH ANN CHOSE to ignore the tension that bristled in the living room. She put out all the food on the kitchen table, broke out the paper plates and bade everyone to eat. Fred and Glenn did their best to make light conversation, and the mystery of the vanished Fluff remained a topic of much speculation. As Bernie ate her lunch, Christian reverted back to the man he’d been when he’d first arrived, reserved and distanced from whatever was going on. His handsome face smiled, while his eyes were shuttered closed. It broke her heart, because he couldn’t even look at Bernie, not even when she tugged on his shirt to be lifted on to his lap.
After lunch, Beth Ann found him in the garden, his hands shoved into his pockets.
“I think we have some unfinished business,” she said, not shrinking from the chill in his eyes.
“Yes?” His voice was urbane.
“Yes,” she said forcing her voice to be cheerful. “You said you were going to stay.”
He nodded.
“Are you still up for it?” She moved as close to him as she could without touching him. “I’d love the extra time to paint.”
He was quiet for a long time. “I don’t know anymore.”
Beth Ann didn’t know what that meant, but dread settled in the middle of her chest. Now wasn’t the time to be coy, so she asked bluntly, “What don’t you know anymore?”
“I don’t know if I can stay on. There might be things I need to take care of.”
“Something you didn’t have to take care of last week?”
He shook his head. “Max changed my mind.”
Beth Ann nodded, although she had no idea what he was talking about. Christian turned away from her and studied the tomatoes.
“I was thinking you should probably trim those back,” Christian said. “I was reading you could get another crop of fruit in late summer if you do.” He was definitely changing the subject.
“Sure, okay. I’ll trim the tomatoes back,” Beth Ann said agreeably. “Do you want to tell me what it is that you need to take care of now that you didn’t have to take care of yesterday?”
Christian rocked back on his heels and turned his attention to the beans.
“Don’t talk to me about the beans.” Beth Ann shook his arm. “Talk to me.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t.”
“Can’t, won’t. It doesn’t make a difference.” He looked back at the house. “It’s not too hot. I think Bernie will really like it out here. She missed her morning trip to the garden.”
“Christian.”
“What?” His voice was hoarse and Beth Ann could tell how hard he was fighting to keep control.
Beth Ann sighed. During his time with them he’d been open, honest and straightforward, but now he’d reverted to someone who could barely communicate. Is this what had frustrated Carrie? Beth Ann suddenly felt a rush of sympathy for her sister. It was hard to take when Christian turned into a statue every time he was given a difficult emotional task. But the difference between Carrie and herself was that Beth Ann always stuck around to finish the battle. She wasn’t a runner. Carrie had been and from the looks of it so was Christian. No wonder they’d never spent any time with each other.
“I’m not going anywhere, Christian,” Beth Ann said quietly, fighting her own urge to cry. She could feel him slipping through her hands, slipping away from her and from Bernie. And she felt as helpless to keep him with her as she did keeping Iris in the present.
“What?” He looked at her sharply.
“I’m good old dependable Beth Ann. I don’t have Carrie’s beauty or glamour, but I don’t have her flight shoes either. I’m not going anywhere and this home isn’t going anywhere. So you can go take care of what it is you have to take care of and when you’re done, we’ll be here.”
Christian fought the lump in his throat. “You make it sound so easy.”
“It is easy,” she replied simply, breathing deeply, hoping that he could feel what she was saying. “It’s just knowing what’s real and what’s not. This garden is real. Bernie is real. I’m real. This is all real. Max isn’t real. Money isn’t even all that real. Your not being able to look at that little girl, even though she wanted your attention—” she shook her head as tears spilled over “—that’s made up. You made that up all by yourself.”
Her words made the lump grow larger. She couldn’t understand. She didn’t understand.
“I’m going to get Bernie,” he said with a forced smile and walked away from her.
“Christian?”
He paused, a pulse pounding so hard in his temple that he couldn’t see straight. “Yes?”
Beth Ann looked as if she was going to say something more but then she shook her head again, as she dabbed her index finger around her black eye, wiping away her tears. “Nothing. I think I’ll go and invite the Marquezes to share some birthday cake.” She started walking briskly toward the dairy.
Christian didn’t know what to think. All he knew was there was no way Max was going to get his hands on DirectTech. It wasn’t his and it didn’t belong to him. It was Bernie’s.
“Max, let’s take Bernie to the garden,” Christian said, his voice clipped as he strode into the living room. Fred and Iris were talking quietly and Glenn was playing with Bernie.
“Garden!” Bernie squealed and started to run around.
“Why don’t you change her first?” Glenn suggested.
“No! Pitty!” Bernie pulled at her dress.
“It’s hot out there,” Max said warily. He was well into his third beer and watching golf on television.
“You can stand under a tree. It’s not so bad.”
“I think I’ll pass.” Max waved the beer bottle in the air with a nod.
“Garden!” Bernie said imperiously and tugged at Christian’s pant leg.
“Max. Please join us.” Christian didn’t care that Fred and Glenn exchanged a glance.
Christian walked out, holding open the screen door for Bernie as she took the steps. Bernie pulled her arm from Christian’s protective grip. “I do stairs.”
“Okay,” Christian said, keeping a watchful eye on her. “But be careful.” He tucked a light finger into her collar just in case she slipped, but Bernie did just fine. As he looked over his shoulder, he was grimly pleased to see Max slowly following.
“Cute little beggar, isn’t it?” Max said as he took a deep swig of beer. He watched Bernie start to collect a pile of dirt clods.
“She. Bernie is a she. She’s not an it,” Christian corrected him, the inflection of his voice belying his calm.
“What kind of name is Bernie?” Max asked rhetorically. “It sounds like the name of a deli manager.” Max belched and then turned his tawny eyes on Christian. Insolence emanated from him. “What is it you wanted to talk to me about?”
“DirectTech.”
“Oh,” Max nodded, finished the beer and just tossed the bottle aside.
Christian bristled. “This is not a country club with people who’ll pick up your trash.”
“Pick it up yourself.”
Christian had to choose his battles and fighting over a strewn beer bottle wasn’t the one he wanted to engage in.
“About DirectTech?” Max asked. “I didn’t think there was any discussion needed. You give me D-Tech, I resign and we’re happy.”
“Why in the world would I give you Direct-Tech?” Christian asked, his voice deceptively even. He was seething inside. Apparently, he hadn’t calmed down as much as he’d thought. He could feel his pulse in his temple, his adrenaline high.
“Because Caroline wanted me to have it,” Max said simply.
“That’s impossible.”
Max shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think eventually she knew I would see, er, Bernie and I would know.”
Christian shook his head. “That’s not true. Caroline left before Bernie looked like anybody. And,” he added, “if she really wanted you to have DirectTech, she would have told you about the child.”
“What if I say she did?” Max’s eyes were red.
“Then I’d say you’re lying.”
“She did. The night she died.”
“You were with her.”
Max looked away, for the first time he appeared angry. “I begged her to get a divorce from you. She wouldn’t. She was with me, but she loved your money. She had my child, yet she wanted to be with you—even though you never loved her.”
“What do you mean I never loved her?”
Max shook his head, his face tight as he spoke bitterly. “You never loved her. You never saw what she needed. You never cared.”
“And you’re saying you did?”
“I did from the first time I saw her.” Max’s eyes glittered. “If you remember, I introduced you to her. Not to have her dump me for you, but to show you the one woman I would have settled down for.”
“I didn’t take her from you.”
Max laughed and rolled his eyes. “You never do, do you? They just like you because you’re rich. That’s all it is. That’s all it was with Caroline. I know that because she told me.”
Christian could barely take it all in. “How long?”
“How long were you married?”
Christian longed to wipe the smirk off Max’s face, but simply asked, “The night she died?”
“I gave her an ultimatum. Divorce you or I would tell you about our affair.”
Christian stared at him in disbelief. “You’d lose either way.”
“I loved her,” Max snarled. “You have no idea what it’s like to love someone so fully that your soul is ripped out when you discover she loves someone’s money more than she loves you. You have no idea, because you’ve got the money.”
“You’ll never see a penny of DirectTech money,” Christian said flatly.
“Yes, I will.” His voice was confident.
“What makes you think so?”
“Because if I don’t, I’ll take your precious Beth Ann to court for custody of Bernie. I have no idea if she’s formally adopted the kid but even if she has, these things are overturned all the time. I think I can tie her up in a nice, nasty custody battle.”
“A snowball in hell has a better chance of winning such a suit than you do.”
Max’s amber eyes gleamed. “Ah. Who said anything about winning? I’ll just take her to court, have the authorities put young Bernie in foster care while my paternity is established. Then maybe I’ll have a few people dig into Beth Ann’s past. Anyone with eyes can see Bernie’s become attached to two gay men. Hardly an appropriate environment for such a small thing to be raised in. Also the grandmother looks a little on the fragile side. Could Beth Ann be overworked? Actually—” Max gave him a steely smile “—come to think of it, I could probably give that snowball a run for its money. I could win and I could make Miss Beth Ann pretty miserable while I’m at it.” He added as an afterthought, “And you, too.”
“And why would you want to do that?” The thought of Beth Ann’s world being invaded by such ugliness sent a chill into his soul. Everything she held dear would be ruined by the intrusion Max threatened. No matter what Beth Ann thought, Max was real.
“Call it payback.”
“Payback? For what?” Christian was surprised.
“Bug!” Bernie interrupted them, holding up a fat snail between two fingers.
“Yes.” Christian had to concentrate to change his voice for the toddler. “That’s a snail.”
“Nail?”
“Snail.” Christian squatted down next to Bernie and turned the snail over so she could see the muscled foot.
She wrinkled her nose. “Ewww.”
“Yes, that’s what I say. Ewww.”
“Nail.”
“Snail.”
Satisfied, Bernie headed toward the grapevines by the shed.
“Bernie, play over by the beans where I can see you better,” Christian instructed. She changed directions midstride and Christian watched her find her way to the beans. He turned his attention to Max, only slightly satisfied to find that Max had actually picked up the beer bottle and balanced it on a short fence post.
“So tell me what you’re paying me back for, my friend?” Christian asked, his voice silky.
“Your friend?” Max laughed with disbelief. “You have no friends. You have people who are convenient to you. You married Caroline because she was beautiful and looked good on your arm and could play your wife perfectly. You had good old Max on the side to give the illusion that you could maintain a friendship. I don’t think you even know what friendship is.”
Christian was silent. He could feel a vein throb in his temple.
Max shook his head. “See? Even when I insult you, you just take it. It’s like you’re a robot. That’s what Caroline said about you. Said you were a robot in bed. You didn’t have the slightest idea how to please a woman because you never let yourself become close to anyone in your entire life.”
Christian fought the urge to walk away.
“You want me to tell you something? It was easy to sleep with your wife. All I had to do was pay attention to her. To comment on how nice she looked or say her hair had changed or that she looked healthy. That’s how easy it was to sleep with your wife.” His face was flushed.
“So this is payback.” Christian could barely talk.
“Yep. For all those years I’ve had to play second to your first. Even in school, girls liked me because I was your friend. Business associates took me seriously because I was your VP. For once, I’d like to be the president. I’m not greedy, D-Tech will do just fine. Give me the company and I’ll leave this little bubble intact.” Max gestured to the bungalow and the garden.
“And what guarantees you won’t try for custody anyway?” He hated it but he had to ask the question.
“I’m sure our attorneys could draw up a suitable agreement.”
“You know, I don’t deal with blackmailers.”
“Then you’ll have to find a way to explain that to Beth Ann, because I can make it last forever.” He shrugged, then said candidly, “What’s the big deal anyway? You said she didn’t want Direct-Tech.”
Christian shook his head, forcing his voice to be calm, undisturbed. “No deal, Max.”
“Then you should have a talk with your lawyer and prepare for—”
Everything happened so quickly. One moment, Christian was damned near ready to deck Max and then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bernie disappear into the grapevines, as she climbed up a set of crates he had stacked.
“No!” he yelled. “Bernie!”
Startled, she looked at him, guilt passing across her plump cheeks. Then she lost her balance, her arms flying in different directions. Christian rushed toward her but not quickly enough to catch her before she hit the ground, forehead first. She lay still and Christian felt his throat close in terror. Not Bernie. Dear God, not Bernie. As if God answered his prayers, Bernie lifted her little head and got up on all fours, screeching in pain, blood from the split in her forehead streaming down her face and splattering onto the white dress. She couldn’t see and she clawed at the wound. Christian grabbed her and held her close, his hand pressed tightly against her forehead as he ran into the house.
He burst into the kitchen and Glenn was the first to rise.
“What happened?”
“She fell.”
“Let’s see.” Fred came close and Christian gently lifted his hand off Bernie’s forehead. She screamed and writhed in pain.
“I think it’s pretty bad.”
“I’ll drive you to the hospital,” Glenn said. “Let’s go.”
“Hold on, Bernie-Bern-Bern. Pop-pop and I are going to take you to the hospital.”
“Moooommmy! Moooommmy!” Bernie sobbed.
“Where is Beth Ann?” Fred asked.
“She went to the Marquezes to invite them for cake.”
“The Marquez’s phone number is on the wall,” Iris said, her voice clear. “You and Glenn get going. We’ll call Beth Ann.”
On the way to the hospital, Christian cursed himself. It was his fault Bernie was hurt. If he hadn’t been wrapped up in talking to Max, he would have followed her, kept her safe.
At the hospital, they were seen immediately and once the gash was cleaned and exposed, both men saw that it would take several stitches to mend it.
“It’s the middle of her forehead,” Christian said. “Is it going to scar?”
The doctor held a needle. “I’ll do the best I can.”
“Is there a plastic surgeon here?”
“Not that we can get to immediately.”
“Where can we get a plastic surgeon?”
“Stanford,” the doctor joked. “Don’t worry. The scar will fade in time.”
“But it’s her face.” Christian was appalled. It was bad enough he had allowed her to fall, for her to be permanently scarred was worse. “Can you do something temporary?”
“We can but I don’t think it’s a good idea to—”
“I saw a helicopter.”
“We need that for emergencies.”
“This is an emergency. Please,” Christian asked. “How long would it take?”
“About thirty minutes.”
“I’ll pay for everything and when this is over, I’ll donate another helicopter to the hospital.” He looked at Glenn. “What do you think?”
Glenn shrugged with a smile. “It’s your money.”
“We do have two helicopters...” The doctor was bending.
“Please. You can call this number and they will wire your hospital any amount this afternoon.”
The doctor looked at him doubtfully. “You’ll have to talk with billing.”
“I’ll talk with billing.”
BETH ANN ran up the back porch frantic to see Glenn’s car gone. Had she missed them? There was no one in the kitchen, and the balloons were still, as if a party had never existed. Max lay snoozing on the couch and the television blathered on about golf.
“Christian! Glenn! Grans?” she called.
“It’s me.” Fred poked his head out of Iris’s room.
“Where is everybody?”
“On their way to Stanford Children’s Hospital. Glenn just called.”
“Stanford?” Beth Ann shook her head. “You said she only had a small cut.”
“Christian and Bernie are in a helicopter.”
Beth Ann thought she was going to pass out. “What do you mean? Oh, God. Is she dead?”
Fred shook his head. “Beth Ann take a deep breath. She’s okay. Just a bump on the head.”
“A concussion?”
Fred conceded. “Maybe.”
“Then why is she being flown to Stanford?”
“To see a plastic surgeon.”
“A plastic surgeon? I can’t believe this. What happened?”
“They were out in the garden and she fell and split her forehead. There was blood everywhere. I’ve never seen anyone act so quickly. Christian stopped the bleeding, but it was a pretty bad gash. Christian didn’t want her to be sewed up by a hack so he had her mediported. Glenn’s meeting them at the hospital to drive them back. They took your car seat. I think Bernie’s going to be pretty knocked out.”
Beth Ann sat down, her mind whirling, guilt and terror stabbing at her heart. She’d been selfishly stewing in her own problems when—“I should have been here.”
“Why?” Fred asked sensibly. “There were five adults on the premises.”
“How’s Iris?”
Fred made her sit down at the kitchen table. “Iris is fine. She’s just tired from all the excitement, so she decided to lie down for a nap.”
Beth Ann exhaled sharply. “He did it again.”
“Did what?”
“Whose idea was it to fly her to Stanford?”
“Christian’s.”
“I’m never going to be able to pay those bills. Can you imagine what that must cost?”
Fred looked at her, concern clouding his eyes. “I don’t think he’s going to ask you to pay for it.”
“I can’t let him pay for it. I wish he wouldn’t make these decisions without me.”
“We didn’t have time. She had to be sewn up, so she might as well be sewn up by the best in the business.”
“Did he ever consider Fresno’s children’s hospital?”
“I don’t think he was shopping for the best hospital at the time. He thought Stanford and off he went.”
“Can they get a plastic surgeon on a Saturday?” Beth Ann fretted. “I’m sure they didn’t have an appointment. And I’m sure the hospital is going to be p.o.ed that it’s not an emergency.”
“Well, there was an awful lot of blood. It looked like an emergency.”
“And what about him?” Beth Ann lowered her voice as she looked at Max.
“I think he’s waiting for a ride back to his hotel,” Fred whispered back. “Christian told me under no circumstance to leave Iris alone. Max tried to find Christian’s keys, but then figured he must have taken them with him. Basically, he was stuck until you got back.”
Beth Ann didn’t care that Max was stuck. She stared morosely at Bernie’s cake. “I don’t suppose Bern’ll be in any mood to open presents when she gets back. Oh, Christian...”
She couldn’t believe it. Once again, he’d done the most wonderful thing that cost the earth. The fact that he’d go through all that to ensure Bernie wouldn’t have a scar, but couldn’t see what he had before him...
Beth Ann glanced at the living room where Max still lay prone. He had shown no affection toward Bernie at all. Beth Ann walked noisily around the living room, pacing. She desperately wanted to drive to Stanford and see what was happening, but Glenn called often to update them. Yes, Bernie was all right. They were waiting for the doctor to come. Now, the doctor wanted to talk with her, and Glenn put the doctor on the phone. Then Bernie was squalling to high heaven in the background so Glenn put Bernie on. Bernie was having none of it. Finally, the doctor gave Bernie a little anesthetic where he was going to stitch. Bernie didn’t like that much either.
All the time, Beth Ann most wanted to talk with Christian. She could just hear his low tones talking to Bernie.
“Sucker?” she heard Bernie say between sobs.
“Things are going to be fine,” Glenn assured her in his last phone call. “We’re on the way home.”
Beth Ann hung up the phone with relief. “She’s going to be fine. They’ll be home in about two hours,” she reported to Fred, who had fixed himself another plate of food. “How can you eat?”
Fred grinned. “Crises make me hungry.”
“Thank God!” a cool voice said from the couch. “Now, someone can drive me to my hotel. All that fuss for a cut.”
Beth Ann looked at Max, who stared back at her with the funny amber eyes that gave her the willies. Bless Fred, he immediately got up and wrapped up his full plate and said, “Where’re your keys Beth Ann? I’ll drive him back. You stay here in case Glenn calls again. Iris is sleeping.”
Beth Ann thanked Fred with her eyes while he gave her a grin that disappeared into his neatly trimmed beard.
IT WAS DARK when the trio arrived home, Bernie, looking like a wounded war veteran complete with bandage on her head, was out like a light. Her beautiful smocked dress was ruined.
“She slept most of the way home,” Christian whispered, refusing to relinquish his hold on Bernie. “I’m going to put her to bed.”
Beth Ann nodded and gave Glenn a hug. “Thank you so much.”
Glenn hugged her back, his strong arms reassuring. “She’s going to be fine. I think she had a lot of fun, actually. She kept making chopper sounds before she fell asleep. The doctor said she’ll be cranky for a couple of days, and that sleeping was normal but you should check on her during the night and try to wake her.”
Beth Ann nodded. “I’ve got to go see her. Get something to eat. You must be starved.”
“We stopped for something on the way home.”
Beth Ann shook her head. “But we’ve got tons of food.”
“We’ll be here tomorrow to eat it.”
“You’re staying?” Beth Ann felt better just knowing that.
“I decided we should get a room for the night and then come back tomorrow. Bernie didn’t even get to blow out her candles or open her presents.”
Beth Ann gave him another big hug. “You guys are priceless.”
BETH ANN WALKED quietly down the hall to Bernie’s room where she found Christian carefully diapering the toddler, the stained dress in a small heap on the floor. Bernie was fast, fast asleep. As he put her in her little pajamas, her head lolled like a rag doll. When he placed her in the crib, Beth Ann went up beside him and studied her daughter. Except for the bandage, she looked none worse for the wear. She touched a smooth cheek.
“Thank you,” Beth Ann said softly, placing a hand on his arm.
She was surprised when he took both her hands and held them tightly between his. They stood that way for a long time watching Bernie, her mouth open, breathing evenly.
Eventually Christian looked at her, and Beth Ann gasped. His smoky gray eyes were red with unshed tears. “You shouldn’t be thanking me,” he said roughly.
“Why not?” Beth Ann asked puzzled. “You went far beyond the call of duty. At least I’m not in a huff anymore, about you commissioning the Air Force to take her to the doctor.”
“It was my fault.”
“Your fault.” Beth Ann looked at him in disbelief. “I find that hard to believe.”
“I should have been watching her more carefully. One moment she was by the beans, the next she was climbing near the shed. It happened so fast.”
“As it always does. She’s going to be okay, right?”
“Yes, but she’ll have one heck of a headache.”
“So I’m not sure how this is your fault.”
“I was responsible. I should have been paying attention.” Those last words wrenched from him.
“Children get hurt. That’s their job. I stopped painting when she was in the hospital for five days. The longest days of my life. Almost made me start smoking. Kids get hurt and we watch. And no matter how much we want to protect them from everything, we can’t. Actually, it’s amazing how many things we can’t protect them from.”
“She’s really his, isn’t she?”
Beth Ann could barely hear his voice. “I’d bet my life on it.”
“You know, I was okay with the fact that Caroline wasn’t faithful. But to know that she wasn’t faithful with my best friend—”
“No wonder she kept the baby a secret.”
“It’s worse than that.”
Beth Ann waited for him to continue.
“Max wanted her to get a divorce and she wouldn’t.”
Beth Ann swallowed. “Because she loved you.”
“Because she loved my money. It was never me.” Christian’s voice was hard.
“That’s not your fault.”
Christian finally said, “Yes, it was. I think I always knew that. We hadn’t been intimate in months. She stayed married to me because she needed my money to travel. If she had shown up pregnant, I would have known immediately Bernie wasn’t mine.”
Beth Ann waited a moment and then ventured. “But she is yours. Just like I was Grans, even though I wasn’t.”
“No, she’s not,” Christian muttered. “She’s anything but mine. Caroline, my wife, was her mother and Max, my best friend, is her father. And every time I look at her, that’s what I see.”
Beth Ann couldn’t believe what she was hearing. After all the time he’d spent with her, he couldn’t possibly reject Bernie. Not Christian. She tried again, “But Bern’s yours in every other way. Carrie spent ten days with her and then decided she didn’t want her. Max looked like he could barely tolerate her. You know Bernie like no other person knows her. You’ve seen her moods, rocked her to sleep, watched her tantrums, been persuaded to give her another fig bar even though you know you shouldn’t. All these things, these experiences, these acts, make her yours. You’re her father in every way that counts.”
“It’s not that easy, Beth Ann.” His voice was very final.
Beth Ann looked at him, her heart breaking, feeling the same way she had when Iris and her stepfather had argued the night before he left. “I know it’s not that easy. It wasn’t easy for me when I was suddenly a mother. And it wasn’t easy for me to think about the time when I would eventually have to give Bernie back because Carrie suddenly was ready to play mommy.”
She looked at him and confessed, telling him something she had never revealed to anyone. “You know, there were times that I wished, no prayed, Carrie would never come back.” Her eyes filled with tears. “And then when I found out she died— Well, it’s almost as if I wished it upon her. What more permanent way to guarantee that Bernie would never know her real mother?” She swallowed. “But what makes me angriest is that some day Bernie will know that her mother chose money over her. Ten software companies can’t make up for that. But you can.”
Christian didn’t speak.
Beth Ann bit her lip, the events of the past few days washing over her, leaving her drained and beaten. She exhaled as the silence lengthened. He was going to run away.
“So when are you leaving?” She could barely get the words out.