Kate and I walked into the second full day of the Transitions workshop and took the same positions in the circle. At 9:06 David Sanders spoke: “Welcome to Tuesday.” He looked at each person in the circle. “You’re doing a fabulous job; this is an extraordinary group. Cheryl and I are impressed by your candor and energy. We’re particularly impressed by the way the female participants have bonded. Good work, ladies.”
Chery scooted forward: “We’ve found that it helps participants go deeper if we briefly divide into a women’s group and a men’s group. That’s what we will do today.” She looked around the room. “The women will stay here, and the men will go with David to the Freud room. We’ll reconvene after dinner.”
I kissed Kate on the cheek and began to get up. “See you later, badass. Don’t miss me too much.”
She reached out with her left hand and pinched me on the butt. “I’ll see you tonight.”
The Freud room was a smaller version of the Carl Roger’s conference room. We formed a men’s circle.
“Before we start,” David said, “Has anyone seen Greg Tanaka?”
“Not since last night,” I said. “He didn’t go to the baths with us.”
“He wasn’t in the dining room this morning,” Otto said.
“Maybe he scheduled a massage,” Lucky said.
David frowned. “You were told not to have a massage during the workshop intervals. If he doesn’t show up by our break, I’ll check with the office.”
“We’ll go around again,” David said. “Starting with Tom. Speak for as long as you want with, I hope, particular emphasis on what help you need.”
I pulled forward on my pillow. “I’m Tom. I’ve already made progress on the relationship front – with Kate Swift here at the workshop.”
“Today I’m going to talk about my plans outside relationships.” For the next few minutes, I talked about my plans for the new scheduling software I was writing. Then I fielded questions.
I was getting ready to sit down when David said, “Tom it sounds like things are moving well for you. Do you want to talk about your new relationship?”
“I don’t want to take too much time.”
“We have plenty of time,” David said. “Why don’t you go inside and see if there is anything you want to share.”
I immediately thought of my dream. “Last night, I had a dream where I was swimming in a lagoon and Fiona and Kate were swimming with me.”
“Uh huh.”
“We swam close to a sandy beach. We stood on the bottom and Fiona handed Kate something. I walked closer and found it was a beating heart.”
David scooted closer to me. “What do you make of this dream?”
“When Fiona died, I felt like a piece of my heart had been ripped out. Maybe Fiona is handing Kate that part to reinsert.”
“How does that feel?” David asked.
“It feels right. Late yesterday, I was thinking that Fiona and Kate would have liked it each other. What do you think? You knew them both.”
“What I think is not important,” David said. “You believe that Fiona and Kate would have liked each other. What does it mean to you that Fiona handed the heart to Kate?”
“Symbolically, it means that Fiona approves of Kate taking her place in my heart.” As I said this, my voice choked, and tears came to my eyes.
“A direct message.”
“Yes.” I could barely get the words out.
“Take a few breaths, Tom. Relax and take this in.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes.
I exhaled loudly. “Thanks, David. It seems very clear, but it still shakes me. Thanks for being here.” I put out my hand and David clasped it. Then I moved back.
David looked at the other men. “What just happened with Tom illustrates that it is okay to share your dreams and intuitions with this group.” He turned to Rory.
“What do you have to share?” David asked Rory.
“I’m having a bad day,” Rory said. “I’ve been spending time with Jenny, in the work-study program. Last night she broke up with me and ripped me a new one.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I guess. Although at the moment I don’t feel very optimistic. I guess I’m doomed to be a shallow asshole.”
“Do you want to tell us what happened?” David asked.
“The usual. We hooked up. We had some good times and then Jenny dumped me because I’m shallow.”
David moved closer to Rory. “What’s that mean?”
“Like I said, I’m good at sex but not good at relationships.’
“Stop me if I’m wrong, but I think you mean that you don’t know how to be intimate.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
David got closer to Rory. “Why do you think that is?”
“Perhaps because no one in my family was intimate with me.”
David didn’t say anything.
“I can’t be intimate with someone I like because I don’t know how.”
David waited.
“I don’t know what to do.”
David nodded.
Rory looked at David. “What do you want me to say?”
“Are you happy right now?”
“No.”
David held Rory’s gaze.
“I’m stuck.”
“Uh huh.”
“I’m unhappy and I’m stuck.”
David waited.
“I don’t know what to do to get out of the hole I’m in.
David nodded.
Rory began to cry. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve been here three months and I’m stuck. I haven’t figured out what to do.”
“But you have had a lot of sex,” David said.
“Uh huh.” Rory kept crying.
“You’ve made a lot of young women unhappy.”
“Uh huh.”
“You’re a smart guy, Rory. Imagine that we traded places and you were the therapist, and I was your client. Imagine that I came to you and said, ‘I’m stuck. I’m great at sex and terrible at relationships. I don’t know how to be intimate.’ What would you tell me to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Take a guess.”
Rory looked out into space and then said, “Be honest.”
“Very good,” David said. “Let’s try a little role play. Okay”
“Sure.”
David turned to me, “Tom you’re secure in your masculinity. Imagine that you’re a new female arrival at the Institute. You meet Rory in the dining room, and you have a glass of wine together. Say something.”
I said, “Hi Rory. I’m Tomasina. I’d like to get to know you better but I’m a little gun shy because I’m recovering from a bad experience with my boyfriend, Earle.”
Lucky snorted.
“Perfect,” David said before he turned to Rory. “What do you say?”
“Well, I would usually say, ‘Why don’t we go to the baths together, that’s a good place to relax.’ But I should try something else. How about, ‘I would like to get to know you better, but I should warn you. I’m here at Satori because I have some hang ups around intimacy.”
I clapped my hands.
“Perfect,” David said. “Then what?”
“We talk.”
“Do you go to the baths? Do you have sex?”
Rory looked at me.
I thought, How did I get to be Rory’s big brother. “No. You keep talking and then you say something like, ‘I like you Tomasina but I am training myself to go slow.’ And then you shake hands.” Like Kate and I did.
“And that’s it?” Rory said.
“And then you go back to your room and take a cold shower.”
Everyone laughed.
“How does that sound, Rory?” David asked.
“Okay.”
“You don’t sound convinced.”
“I can try it.”
“That’s all I’m asking.” David looked at me. “I have a suggestion, the next time you meet someone you like, ask the advice of your big brother, Tom.” David looked at me and back to Rory. “How’s that feel?”
“Okay, I guess. Is that okay with you, Tom?”
I’m adopting strays just like Kate, I thought. “Sure,” I turned to Rory. “We have a deal.”
“How’s that feel, Rory?” David asked.
“Good.”
“Anything else?”
“No. I’m good for now.” Rory scooted back and whispered, “Thank you,” to me.
“Okay,” David said, turning to Otto. “It’s your turn and then we will break for lunch.”
Otto scooted forward. “I have decided to stay in California and become a therapist.” He sighed. “Life is precious. What I’ve learned here is that I need to take responsibility for my own life, for my own happiness.” He wiped one eye with his shirt sleeve. “I believe Inga stopped growing. I do not want to stop growing. I have decided to divorce Inga, even though we were together for a long time, and she is the mother of our children. I have decided that I must take responsibility for my own happiness.”
“How do you feel those decisions?” David asked.
“I feel good about them. I feel like a load of bricks has been lifted off my back.”
“Uh huh. What more do you need from this group?”
Otto looked around the group. “I’m not sure. Maybe, like Tom, I’ll talk about my dream.”
“Go ahead,” David said.
“I had a dream where Inga and I go to the airport. When we get there, I realize that we are on different flights. I can’t find Inga, but I realize that she’s left me with all the luggage. There’s so much to handle that I am fearful I will miss my flight. Then I wake up.”
“What do make of this dream, Otto?”
“The obvious part is that Inga and I are going in different directions; we get to the airport and get on different flights.” Otto laughed. “Not subtle.”
“What about the part about the luggage?”
“That’s not subtle either.” Otto chuckled. “She left me to handle all the baggage of our marriage.”
“How do you feel about that?”
Otto’s jaw dropped. “I feel angry.”
“Uh, huh,” David said.
“I am not used to feeling angry.”
“Take a few breaths, Otto.” They sat for several minutes.
“I am angry, and I am glad Inga is gone. But I see that she left me with the short end of the stick.” Otto looked at David. “Is that the right way to say it?”
“It is. What does that mean to you?”
“It means that Inga is running away. She is abandoning me and our children, leaving me to clean up everything – take care of the baggage.”
“That’s what it sounds like.”
“I do not like it,” Otto said. “I am angry at Inga. But I can handle this.”
“I’m sure you can,” David said. He looked around the group. “Are you ready for feedback?”
“Okay.”
After I put up my hand, David selected me. “Good work, Otto. I’m sure you can handle it.” Other men agreed.
“On that note, we will break for lunch,” David said. “I’ll see you back here at two.”
We got to the dining room before they started serving. I grabbed a cup of coffee and looked for a place to sit. I spotted Detectives Sanchez and O’Malley eating peanut-butter sandwiches. “Mind if I join you?”
“Be our guest,” Sanchez said. “We’re about to head back to Monterey. Where’s Marshal Swift?”
“She and the other women in the group are doing some special process.”
“Think it’s too late for me to join their group?” Sanchez asked. O’Malley grimaced.
“Probably. When are you coming back?”
“We don’t know. The case got complicated.” She handed me her card, after writing what I assume was her personal cell phone number on the back. “Have Kate call me if anything comes up.”
O’Malley got up from the table and Sanchez followed. “If we need the Marshal’s assistance, we’ll leave a message at the office.” They left the dining room.
Kate and the women weren’t back by the time service started. Lucky, Otto, Theo, and I filled our plates and grabbed a big table by the window. I looked around the dining room but did not see Greg Tanaka.
After a few minutes, Rory joined us and sat across from me. “Were you serious about being my big brother?” He asked.
“Yes. Why?”
“A cute girl just joined the work-study program, and I was thinking about talking to her.”
“As your big brother, I have two pieces of advice for you. The first is to slow down. You don’t have to talk to her tonight or anytime soon. Stay cool.”
“Okay. What’s the second piece of advice?”
“Find Jenny, the girl who just broke up with you, and apologize.”
“What should I say?”
“Tell her you realize you made a mistake with her. Tell her that you understand that you did not treat her right and you are sorry.”
“Okay.”
“Think you can do that?”
“Can you come with me?” Rory asked.
“Only if you pay me.”
All the men laughed.
“Okay, I think I can do that,” Rory said. “Explain why you think I should.”
“Two reasons. First, it’s the right thing to do; you hurt Jenny’s feelings and you should begin to make amends.”
“Okay, I understand that” Rory said. “What’s the second reason.”
“You’ve probably gotten a bad reputation with the women in the work-study program, as a guy who just wants to have sex, who doesn’t care about intimacy; you need to begin to repair your reputation.”
Rory ran his hand over his forehead. “Yeah. That makes sense.”
Kate came to the table and sat down beside me. “We’re having so much fun. All the women are great.”
“I can’t say that the men are ‘having fun,’ but we’re definitely making progress.”
“Tom adopted me,” Rory said.
“David suggested that I become Rory’s ‘big brother’ while I was here.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Kate said to Rory. “Just don’t hit on Julie or Lucy or you’ll have to deal with me.”
Rory’s face turned white. “I promise I won’t.”
“What else is new?” Kate asked me.
I told her that detectives O’Malley and Sanchez had left and handed her Laura Sanchez’s card. “She’d like you to stay in touch.”
“They’re doing an autopsy on Eastwick today,” Kate said. “I’m curious about the findings.”
“Changing the subject,” I said. “I was wondering if you want to go on a date with me, tomorrow evening.”
“Sure. But won’t we be having the workshop?”
“No. On Wednesday evenings there isn’t a scheduled workshop. I was invited to a Satori Institute fundraiser at the old conference center: drinks and hors d’oeuvres. I thought it would be fun for us to go together.”
“A real date,” Kate laughed. “What a concept.” She tilted her head to one side. “But I’m not sure I brought anything to wear to a cocktail party.”
“I imagine that the cute white-linen outfit, you wore Sunday night, would work. Or you might borrow something from Cheryl. She’s been to a lot of these.”
“Okay.” Kate clasped my hand. “Our first date.”
“So, what does the women’s group plan for the rest of the day?”
“We haven’t finished telling our stories. After we conclude, I’m going to give the ladies an introduction to Taekwondo. Next, Aoife will teach us Irish songs. Then, Lois will lead us in drumming. And then, the grand finale…” Kate patted her hands on the table.
“Yes.”
“After dark we’re all going to get into the big hot tub together.”
“No kidding.”
“Really. Turns out that in our group, only Cheryl, Lois, and Lucy have been in the tubs. So, we agreed that after dark we would all go in together.”
“Women only?”
Kate tilted her head to one side and smiled. “Perhaps we would let in a few worthy men.”