The boy does not know who he is any more. He has no idea where or when. He lies on the ground, sodden, head spinning.
Once he was a child. He had two parents. He loved them both. He lived in a city.
There was milk and cake. His bed was warm. He had colds and coughs, but never this sickness. His mother was working from morning till night, but whenever she could, she brushed his hair, and cut his nails, and made him wash, and talked to him as she cooked the food. She taught him rhymes. She read to him. But she always hurried, and had to leave. His father was home, behind a closed door.
If I cried, he would come out and look at me. His face was puzzled, but he did not hate me. He was looking for something – was I like him?
All that time has become like a dream.
I thought that they would always be there. Then my mother started to shout at my father
everything changed he took me away
But now I am entirely alone. I can never go back. They could never forgive me. I made wrong choices. I went the wrong way
yes I am Cain, in the Bible story every man’s hand is against me, for ever
if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off If thy right eye offend thee, cut it out
we cut off ears, and lips, and noses and worse things too I can never be forgiven I should be cut into tiny pieces then scattered like dust where no-one will find me
My life ended, and I lived in hell
it hangs round my neck it has leather wings
I poke it forward but it’s gripping, flailing
Above him, the sun moves briefly behind the thick leaves of a Cassipourea tree, and for ten minutes, his mind steadies.
There are ten commandments. He has broken them all. They start to seem useless, like rusted iron. They clank behind him, they groan in the night, the sound of torturing instruments. He has used those too. He has done it all. He is damned for ever. He can never go home. And the sun moves round, the sun moves on.
God’s eye is in the tomb with me