Devin held Lena until she dozed off. She hadn’t asked more questions. He was glad. He’d answered all he wanted for the moment. The difficult aspects of his choice still hung over them. If he had anything to say about it, they wouldn’t broach those until after Molly and Gwen were safely returned to Lena. She couldn’t deal with the harsh realities of their situation, not on top of everything happening around her. The little display in the main cabin proved it.
He hadn’t expected the fearless woman who’d narrowly escaped a collision with a train to react the way she had to flying. Sure, fears came in all forms and to various degrees, but Lena was braver than any human he’d ever met. That strength was one she carried in her soul. He’d seen it when he’d touched hers.
Whatever had caused her anxiety over being on a plane, he was grateful he’d been with her to ease it. Had he not been able to touch her, she would’ve had to suffer alone. Unacceptable. If he had anything to say about it, his mate would never experience any pain—emotional or physical—ever again.
The mystical tether linking souls, whether they were the ones joining a shifter to their animals or a human to her mate, acted the same way. Whenever he closed his eyes and reached for his cats, he saw a coiled leash stretched between them and him. When he’d touched Lena’s soul, he’d seen the same, except the cord linking him to her wasn’t complete. It wouldn’t be until after he took a piece of her soul and allowed his cats to do the same. Until that happened, he was on the outside looking in with limited options to help her.
Then there was the little matter of his soul’s health. It had grown dark during the time he’d been forced to endure the various tortures that were conceived by his jailers. Freedom hadn’t eased the damage. Nothing would. Verna had told him that. He believed her. Despite what Xander had said, witches were powerful. They saw the world in ways no one else could, not even the Royals who were tied to their goddesses, and Verna had confirmed what he’d always suspected. His soul was dark, and Lena owned a piece of it.
What was it doing to her?
Thinking about the danger he might have exposed Lena to by mating her brought all those odd sensations he’d felt back in the witch’s house to the surface. Guilt caused them, but so did concern. He wanted to help her, exactly as she’d tried to do when she’d reached for him while he’d been fighting another shifter. It was a consequence of being true mates. He knew it. Understood it. Even welcomed it. And existing without his brown-eyed angel was similar to imagining his life without the three crazy cats that shared his body.
Unimaginable.
Feral or not, they were his. He loved them.
He settled next to the petite woman who’d tamed him. Her scent surrounded him, soothing the wildness. Not healing him. She acted as a bandage for his damaged soul. A balm. If he was honest, that was the way it should be. He might be immortal with a tie to the heavens, but he couldn’t change the past. Even if he could, he wasn’t sure he would. Doing so would alter his outlook on life.
There were definite advantages to being normal, but without the experience of pain and helplessness, he’d never be able to understand what other abused shifters were going through. Had he not lived through hell, he wouldn’t have known how to reach all those kids he’d helped rehabilitate over the years. Many still corresponded with him, thanking him for what he’d done for them. Their words weren’t necessary. He’d do everything in his power to help an innocent, but he’d be the first to admit their thanks made him feel good, as if he had a reason for living beyond being Mira’s guardian.
He propped himself on his elbow and looked over his mate’s naked body. Lightly tanned skin from the roots of her hair to her toes. Not her natural tone. Her healthy glow was sun-kissed. It made him wonder if she lay out naked to get the burnished color or used one of those tanning places.
After seeing all the natural food items she’d had in her fridge, he guessed it was time spent under the warm, outside rays. Some humans loved nature and couldn’t get enough of the outdoors. From the way Lena had run through those woods that first night, he suspected she was one of those individuals. A good thing. He too preferred the outdoors. The past few days with her had been the most time he’d spent under a roof in ages. His cats didn’t tolerate confinement well. It reminded them too much of those horrible years spent in a cell no bigger than an elevator.
He closed his eyes on the memories, but they rose from the depths of his mind, wrapped around him, and dropped him in hell.
Blessed darkness surrounded him. For months, he’d dreaded the blackness, associating it with pain. Not anymore. He embraced it, even if his cats still hated it. The cloth wrap tied around his eyes blocked out the sneering faces of his torturers. Smelling their enjoyment of his suffering was one thing, seeing it and knowing he couldn’t stop it was another.
Devin listened to the robed attendants chanting, ‘Repent, atone’ as they prepared him for his next round of punishments. He didn’t bother begging for mercy or leniency. Never had before, wouldn’t today either. It was bad enough they got his screams.
A bitter laugh crawled up his throat but the sound never came out. The ball gag in his mouth muffled the crazed chuckle. Lips stretched wide, he choked on the wet leather. The taste of rawhide churned his stomach and sickened his cats. They suffered more than the man.
At fifteen winters, he stood as tall as his jailers, yet his cats were cubs…too young to hurt, too young to hate. And they did. They seethed, their rage growing every minute of every day.
They snarled and snapped at him, tearing him apart in their useless attempts to escape. He wouldn’t let them out. They couldn’t help him. Nothing could. He had to take the abuse. If he fought, Mira would take his place. He knew that was what the others wanted. They wanted her mated to a single shifter. They wanted to mess with her destiny.
It was Mira that they wanted to hurt. They said she had no right to choose. No right to be happy. They would take from her what the gods refused to give, and the moment he broke, they would have her.
They told him that every time they pulled him from his cell.
Never. He’d never let them touch her.
He held his vow close and let them do what they wanted to him, but it hurt his cats. Their minds were slowly unraveling, and no amount of soothing strokes or whispered words of encouragement helped. They didn’t understand why he wouldn’t fight his captors. Didn’t understand why he allowed them to violate him.
The truth wasn’t something his animals understood. They only wanted to kill. He’d failed them. He’d failed everyone, beginning with his baby sister, the precious soul with whom he shared a womb.
Mira’s sobbing followed him here, never left him. He’d found her…afterward…in the middle of a field, the pretty white flowers stained red around her.
Trails of tears had marked her dirty, bloody face. Eyes he’d been told matched his had locked on to him. “I tried to stop him, Devin. I tried.”
“You did, Mira. You stopped him.” He’d scooped her up, carried her home, then he’d come here the next day.
He worked his jaw back and forth—couldn’t dislodge the ball. Arms strung from the ceiling, legs spread wide, he took Mira’s sentence, what she’d denied her mate. Over and over. For this, they gave him the gag to dampen his curses. He blocked it out. The grunts. The shame. He curled his spirit around his angry cats, shielding them as best he could.
The splash of boiling water on his backside tore a roar from his throat. He swayed, felt himself falling. He reached a hand out to steady himself. Soft skin met his fingers. He reared back and sat on his haunches, waiting for the first sting of the whip. None came. He held his breath, afraid to move, but his lungs burned, forcing him to breathe. He sucked in a lungful of coconut and heaven.
Devin opened his eyes, and Lena’s face filled his vision.
His true mate.
He let his gaze roam over her. Wonder filled him, stopping his heart. She truly was his salvation—his sanity. Lena tethered him to the present, letting him remember the past without the accompanying breakdown.
The sight of her lovely face pushed the remainder of those unwelcome recollections away. She drew his focus, and he welcomed the distraction she posed. With the tips of his fingers, he traced the supple lines of muscle in her short legs from her ankle to her thigh. Strength and softness. How she accomplished it, he didn’t know. It had to be one of those feminine secrets his twin always told him he wouldn’t understand. A miracle. That was all he knew.
“My mate,” he whispered, still awed by the fact that he’d found her.
“Devin,” she breathed his name as if in agreement.
Warm, chocolate eyes met his. She groaned sleepily, the corner of her mouth lifting. He grinned, loving the sexy, drowsy expression she wore. He’d pleased his female, and his chest swelled with the knowledge. Pride. Happiness. Lust. It was all there, filling him up, chasing away the emptiness he never knew he’d felt. The emotions mixed, blended into one overwhelming desire no other woman would ever be able to sate.
He rested his palm over her cheek. “Thank you, my little mate.”
Lena studied him for a long moment. “For what?”
So many things came to mind. “For being you.”
With a smile on her face, she touched his cheek. “I’m a hot mess, Devin. A product of unfortunate circumstances, too many failed relationships, and a sharp tongue. That’s not the sort of woman who deserves to have a man like you look at her as if she was his heaven.”
“But you are mine.” Devin took her hand and kissed the fingers she’d stroked over his skin. “You’re my everything.”
Lena dragged her tongue over her bottom lip. Nerves gave her eyes a hesitant quality. He’d pushed the topic of them too far.
Devin gave her a quick kiss, stopping whatever she might’ve been about to say, then settled behind her. “I’m going to try and sleep some more. We don’t know what’s waiting for us in Alaska.”
Lena swallowed loud enough for him to her. She drew his arms tighter around her. “You’re right. It might destroy us.”
Not if he had anything to say about. For the first time in his life, he was excited about the future. They’d rescue Lena’s sisters, then… Well, Devin didn’t know but not knowing what the future held didn’t worry him. As long as he had Lena with him, he’d face it head on.