Devin paced the length of the downstairs from the kitchen to the entryway. He needed space to work through the mess of emotions—his and his cats’—before he screwed things up with Lena. He’d avoided her all evening. It wasn’t fair to her, but he couldn’t come up with a response to her question that didn’t involve a lie.
She wanted to know about his past. It was her right. She was his true mate. There was no reason not to tell her, especially since she would share in his memories once they soul-bonded. Then she’d be able to relive every horrid encounter if she wanted, seeing the tortures and abuse through his eyes.
The memories sickened him. Angered him. Left him feeling helpless. None of those reasons were what had prompted him to walk away from her, though. It was the fact he hadn’t saved Mira that he wanted to hide from Lena. That shamed him. If only he hadn’t fallen for his nanny’s lie, he would’ve been able to stop Edmund from hurting Mira.
But, no. Give him a plate of sweet cakes and a jug of milk and he ignored his duty to his twin.
Pathetic. That was what he’d been.
Devin quickened his pace, but no answer came to him. He couldn’t change the past. He had to accept it and move on. There was no forgiving his neglect nor did he want to be absolved of his sin. He simply couldn’t let the guilt choke him any longer.
He had done everything in his power to make up for not saving Mira—serving her sentence, defending her, taking her away from their birth family to spare her their ridicule, uplifting her when depression brought her down. He would continue to do those things, but allowing his failure to shadow his soul would only hurt Lena.
She deserved happiness, light, joy—all the good things in life. He would bring them to her, not make her sulk in the shadows with him.
He made his way to the living room where he’d left Lena with Molly and Vader. The presence of the other male no longer bothered Devin. The wolf shifter cared for Lena. Devin suspected it was because they’d been involved in the past. The details weren’t something he needed to know. Lena was with Devin, and she wanted to be his for eternity. A commitment of that magnitude didn’t allow for jealousy.
Lena sat on the edge of the sofa with a sleeping Molly curled next to her. Still in her cub form, Molly looked small on the huge sectional. A shifter’s animal didn’t grow as quickly as its host, and Molly’s lioness was about the size of a nine-week old cub. Asleep, she looked content and at peace. Actually, she had while she’d been awake too. Only that moment with Vader in the woods had she shown the predator side of her persona.
Devin glanced from the ball of white fur to Lena. The sunshine streaming through the window brought out the highlights in her hair, a range of hues from blonde to dark brown.
Drawn to her, he ambled to the couch. The silky strands of her hair were spread over her back. He ran his hand over the russet and wheat strands. A wave of contentment swept through him. All it had taken was a simple touch. Amazing. He gave in to his craving for her and lifted a lock of hair to his nose. Coconut and Lena. His personal heaven.
Eyes closed, he took a moment to enjoy the peace and sanity she restored. He never thought he’d have a mate, a female to share life with—the good and the bad.
The warm feeling in his chest spread. He understood what it was. Love. It had taken root sometime between when she’d looked into his eyes and asked if she was dying and the moment she’d told him she wouldn’t let him go.
He let her hair slip through his fingers. “Where’s Vader?”
“He went into the kitchen to make a tray of Molly’s favorite foods. We were hoping to coax her into shifting so she could eat them.” Lena motioned to the zonked-out cub. “She fell asleep the minute he left.”
“She’s had a busy afternoon.”
“Playing and ignoring us.”
“That’s tough work for a little cub.”
Lena stroked Molly’s back. The cub didn’t react. A good thing. It meant she felt safe.
“She won’t acknowledge me.” Lena’s statement was laced with pain.
“Molly’s in there.”
Lena stood and walked to the far end of the room. Devin followed her and leaned against the wall next to her.
“I’m worried about her.” Lena glanced at him. “Vader was telling me the longer she stays in her animal form, the harder it will be to return to her human one.”
“He’s right. Our animals are meant to complement us, not rule us. They normally live in…” How could he describe a mystical realm to someone who’d never walked through one?
“When I close my eyes and open myself to my cats, I can look into their world. It’s a part of me, but it doesn’t exist within me.” He glanced at her to judge her reaction. She studied him with open curiosity. “I suppose I’m the doorway to it. When they’re not in this world, they live there. When I shift and give them access to my world, I go there and look through their eyes to know what’s going on. Depending on how much control I give them, I can either exert my will completely over them or I can get lost in their world, giving them free rein.”
“Molly”—he motioned toward her—“is watching, but only absently. If something in our world catches her attention, she’ll stop what she’s doing and focus on it, but otherwise, she’s engrossed in her cat’s world. If she’s not careful, she might not find her way out. That’s a danger all shifters face, no matter their age, but for kids, it’s more dangerous. They want to play, and it’s refreshing to let everything go and do that.”
Lena looked from Molly to him. “How do I help her?”
“Patience and stubbornness. Sometimes it takes trial and error before we hit on the trigger that’ll draw her back, but there is one, and I’ll find it. I won’t give up on her.”
Lena swallowed hard. “You’ve worked with other kids before.”
“Yes.” Devin lowered his voice and picked his words carefully in case their sleeping cub wasn’t actually asleep. “I know where they’re coming from. I spent three decades suffering unimaginable situations, including some of the things you’d described about Molly’s treatment.”
Lena stepped in front of him but not quickly enough to block the sight of Molly’s pale blue feline eyes focusing on him.
“That’s why—”
He pressed a finger to her lips, stopping her words, then leaned close and whispered into her ear. “Do not react, but your little sister has found something interesting to draw her attention. Us.”
He eased back. “It’s a time I’d rather not talk about at the moment, but surviving it made me stronger. They couldn’t break me, and they didn’t break Molly. I’m very proud of her. I’ll tell her that too as soon as she decides to return to us.”
Lena smiled at him. Love shone in her eyes. “Me, too. I’m proud of both of you.”
He wrapped his arms around Lena and looked over her head at Molly. The force of her personality burned in her eyes. Oh yes, she was in there, and she’d grow into a force to be reckoned with.
The living room door banged open. Maggie, the older human female Devin had only briefly spoken with, stood in the hall. She pointed toward the windows.
“They’re back.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “But Gwen isn’t with them.”
“Oh, no.” Lena covered her mouth.
Devin glanced at Molly who’d backed into the corner of the sofa. “Molly, stay here with Maggie and watch over her. We’ll be back in a couple of minutes.”
Molly’s posture eased. Not an acknowledgment, but it might as well have been.
It also gave him the opening he’d need to get through to the little girl. She was a dominant. He’d treat her as such.