Chapter Eleven

This was what happiness felt like.

She’d almost forgotten.

But now, three nights later, as they lay in his bed together, and she watched his ceiling fan whir above them in a clockwise rotation, she remembered. And, God, it felt good.

Smiling, she turned her head and checked out her surroundings, since she’d been a little too busy a few moments before. His room was big. Much bigger than hers. And he had a king size bed. The walls were a light blue, and his dresser had framed pictures of him and his daughter scattered across it. She was cute, of course. She had his blond hair, a sweet face, and dimples when she smiled, plus one in her chin. She must’ve gotten the former from her mother.

As well as her blue eyes.

There was a photo of her on the wall. Mark was in it, too. They both wore their military uniforms, and Mark had his arm around her.

He was smiling, and his eyes were shining, and he looked so…

Happy. Say it, Daisy. He looked happy.

“I should probably go,” she said, tearing her eyes off the photo. It felt like his wife was watching her with judgement. “It’s getting late.”

He rolled over and caught her hand, raising it to kiss the back of it. She shivered, even though they’d just finished a round of intense sex. He lay on the bed, the sheet pulled up to his waist, and his chest was harder than a brick wall. She knew that first hand. And the way his waist tapered down to that sexy V that she could just barely see…

Perfection.

Damn him.

“I’m glad you came,” he said, watching her from under his lowered lids.

“In more ways than one,” she said drily, forcing a smile then glancing at the photos again. They were only a few days into their little arrangement, where she came by after his daughter was asleep and left before she woke up, and already she was imagining his dead wife hating her. “You looked happy with her.”

He looked toward his dresser, catching on quickly enough. He collapsed on the bed, rubbing his temples. “I was. We weren’t together long. And when we were, I was overseas, or she was. So we didn’t get much time together, but when we did…yeah, we were happy. We made each other laugh.”

Daisy didn’t slide off the bed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah. Me, too.” They stared at one another silently for a minute, neither speaking, but neither moving to end the hand contact, either. After a few seconds, he asked, “If you could go anywhere, do anything, see anything, what would you do?”

She blinked at the abrupt change of topic. “Easy. I’d go see Hamilton in New York,” she answered quickly.

He frowned. “Is that a show? A restaurant? A person?”

“Seriously?” she exclaimed.

He laughed. “Yes. Seriously. What is it?”

“It’s a Broadway musical about Alexander Hamilton, and it’s sold out forever.”

“Forever?” He cocked a brow. “That’s a bit exaggerated, isn’t it?”

“Since you literally can’t buy tickets on their site…I say it’s legit.” She sighed. “For most of the shows you have to pay an outrageous amount to scalpers.”

Shaking his head, he exclaimed, “Jesus. All that to watch a bunch of people sing on stage about history?”

“You wouldn’t get it,” she mumbled, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

“I get it. I just never saw a musical, and I had no idea it was so cutthroat.” He smiled. “Alexander Hamilton, huh? Didn’t he cheat on his wife? And wasn’t he kind of a prick?”

“Maybe. But I want to see it anyway. I want to be in the room where it happens.” She bit her tongue, considering him. “What would you want to do?”

“Disney with Ginny,” he answered immediately. “Me and Tina talked about it right before she left. She was a huge Disney and Harry Potter girl, so all she could talk about was taking Ginny to Disney and Universal, to see the princesses…and Hogwarts, of course.”

She smiled. “I was wondering if that was the inspiration for her name. I love that series. Read them all at least five times. Maybe ten.”

“Wait. They’re books? I thought they were just movies.”

She dropped her hand, standing, ready to march out that door right frigging now. “Serious—?”

He burst into laughter, holding his hand back out. “I’m kidding. Just kidding. I read them all six times. Swear to God.”

“Who’s your favorite character?” she shot back, not believing him.

“Hermione. I wanted to name Ginny that, but Tina wouldn’t let me.” He cocked his head. “Yours?”

“Same. Also, Neville. I think he should have been with Hermione. They were both so brave. And the actor who played him grew up to be hot.”

Mark rolled his eyes, but he ruined the effect by grinning. “Hermione ain’t so bad, either.”

“True.”

They laughed, and she broke off first, rubbing her face and watching him. It was after midnight, and she had to be at work at six, so she really should get going. “Which was your favorite?”

“Book? Deathly Hallows. Movie? Deathly Hallows part two. You?”

“Book, The Sorcerer’s Stone. There’s something about the first book in a series that can’t be beat. And movie…Deathly Hallows part one.” She smiled and reached forward, picking up the sock that had ended up on his spare pillow. “Do you actually like pink?”

“Not really,” he admitted. “I mean, it’s fine, but whatever.”

“So the pink socks…?”

“Ginny picked them out at the store. I didn’t have the heart to say no. She also wanted me to wear them to the wedding.” He grinned, his face lighting up almost as much as in the picture with his wife. “Her room is pink, and so are her comforter and sheets. She’s obsessed with the color.”

“I bet she is,” she said, smiling.

She’d probably never see that room. Meeting his kid would be crossing a line. Maybe once they were done with the benefits part of this situation and were just friends…maybe then she’d meet her. And she’d be Auntie Daisy. And from a distance, she’d watch Mark fall in love with someone more appropriate for him. Maybe she’d even be invited to the wedding, if his next wife wasn’t the jealous sort, and she’d maybe be a detective by then, if she played her cards right.

Funny.

That didn’t sound like fun.

“Why don’t you want to be in a relationship with anyone?” she asked abruptly.

“Uh…” Laughing, he sat up and leaned against the headboard, the sheet falling to reveal dark curls and a hint of penis, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I guess I just got really hurt when I lost Tina, and I almost lost myself, too. Her death? It almost killed me. The only thing that kept me sane was Ginny, and knowing I had to take care of her. But to open myself up to that kind of loss again? To give myself over like that to someone, knowing they had the power to destroy me? I don’t know that I could do it again. I don’t think I want to.”

Daisy nodded. She understood that all too well. Losing William had done the same thing to her. She’d fallen into an abyss, and only her work had kept her going. It was all she had anymore. Guess they had that in common, too. Their unwillingness to be vulnerable like that again. In a way, she thought the reason she and Mark were drawn to each other was because they had each suffered the same loss, and pain attracted pain.

“Would you want another relationship someday?” he asked, watching her too closely for her liking.

It was like he saw right through her, straight to her center, and uncovered all her deepest desires. She wasn’t so sure she wanted him to see all that. She didn’t even want to examine it too closely.

“I don’t know. Yeah, I guess so, maybe someday.” She shrugged. “I like love, and I like the way it makes you feel, but right now, I’m just focusing on being me. On being a good cop, without anything or anyone tying me down. On getting this stupid cast off so I can be back out there, taking down bad guys. So it’s not like I’m not sitting at home alone, wishing I had a man by my side. I’m fine like I am, where I am.”

He nodded, staring at her cast. “When does it come off?”

“Friday. I can’t wait.”

“And then…” He lifted his gaze. “You go back out there?”

“Yep.”

He didn’t say anything. Just stared. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why he looked as if he swallowed a bag of rocks. He didn’t like the idea of her being out there, maybe getting hurt. But that was why they weren’t dating, right? “If you can’t—”

“Why did you become a cop?” he asked at the same time.

“I became a cop because I wanted to help people. My mom…she was killed in a mugging when I was a kid. When I lost her, I wanted to do my part to make the world a safer place. And I do that, every day. I make the world a little bit safer, just like you do.”

“I’m so sorry about your mom.”

“It was a long time ago.” She cleared her throat. “Look, if you can’t handle me being a cop, even though we’re just friends, then I can walk out of here right now. I feel no shame in my job. No hesitation. It is my life, and that won’t be changing any time soon.” She lifted her chin. “Not for you. Not for anyone.”

He shook his head. “I would never expect or ask you to. I was just curious what drove you to join the force, is all.”

“What made you want to be in the military?”

“I love my country, and I would die to protect it,” he said simply.

“Yeah. Me, too.”

Annnnd cue stare-down number three.

He broke it off first this time, laughing. “Guess we’re a lot alike, then.”

“Guess so. Do you miss it?”

“Miss what?” he asked, frowning.

“The military.”

“Yes. Every damn day.” He gestured toward the pictures on his dresser. “But I’m all she has now, and she’d miss me more than I miss the Marines.”

“What did you do over there?” she asked, staring at the pictures again.

“I ran security on the planes and the WMDs.” He smiled ruefully. “So, really, a job not all that different from what I do now. Only instead of guarding weapons of mass destruction, I protect old farts who love golfing and women young enough to be their grandchildren.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’ll be you, with a young floozy on your arm and a nine iron in your hand.”

“Nah. I prefer basketball.”

“Notice, you didn’t deny the young floozy part.”

He laughed. “I don’t know. I kind of see myself as the single-and-okay-with-that grandfather to Ginny’s kids. I’ll be the cool one. The one the kids always want to go see.”

“Do you want more?” She slid off the bed, picked up her panties, and stepped in to them. “Kids, I mean?”

“I’d have to be with someone for that,” he said, watching her. When she glanced around for her bra, he pulled it out from under the sheets. “I think I’m fine with just one, unless…”

“Unless what?” she asked, buckling the bra.

“Unless I somehow manage to fall in love again and ignore the screaming sirens in my head long enough to get remarried. Then, I guess, if she wanted to, I’d have more. I like kids.”

“I do, too. If I ever get married, I’d want some.” She picked up her shirt and pulled it on, knowing this conversation was going into dangerous territory. Just like their friendship was. “Ginny is beautiful, by the way.”

“She is.” He smiled, lighting up. “In every way. She takes after her mother.”

“And her father,” Daisy said, locking eyes with him. “He’s pretty amazing, too.”

He swallowed, not moving. “Nah. He’s pretty ordinary, but he’s doing his best not to fuck up her life, regardless.”

“Seems to me like you’re doing a pretty good job at it,” she said, pulling her jeans on. Once she zipped them up, she fluffed her hair out. “You’re putting her first, and that’s a good start. Just make sure you don’t forget about you, too. If you find someone who can make you happy, who isn’t a cop like me, grab her. Give that happiness a chance.”

“I’m pretty good where I am right now,” he said slowly, staring at her in a way that told her he included her in that statement. “I have everything I need right here.”

This thing between them, no matter what they called it, it was real.

And it was something that made her heart skip a beat when he texted her, or laughed, or ran his hands down her back. What they had was…was…more than friends.

If he didn’t realize that, he would soon, and then he’d run, if she didn’t run first. But for now, it worked. For now, it was enough. She just had to remember to keep her heart safe. Their whole relationship, if it could be called that, was an intense round of ring around the roses, and she had to make sure she wasn’t collateral damage when it all fell down.

“Do you want to be the type of cop you are forever?”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Like, patrol. Just like with Shillings, there are different types of police officers. Patrol. Crime scene. Murder. Vice.” He shot her a short look. “Or, you know, office work. Like you’re doing now. Something not so…out there.”

She stood, feeling nauseous, because if she wasn’t mistaken, he was covertly asking her to take a “safer” job in the police force. And that was a big hell no. “I need to go.”

“But—”

She waved over her shoulder and ran for it. He’d asked her to give him a chance and she had, but the second she said yes to him, she couldn’t shake the feeling that trusting him had been the worst mistake she’d ever made. That one way or another, he was eventually going to prove her right. That he was going to be unable to accept her as she was, dangerous job and all. That he was going to leave her, just like all the other men in her life had, and he was going to crush her…

And she was going to let him.