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As I rode Jigsaw down the snow-covered streets of Acedrex, guilt settled on my chest like a stain. The feeling of release and relief that coursed through my veins had no right to exist.
This timely freedom had cost someone their life.
Still, I was free of the cell just in time to keep my appointment with Bianca.
I was nervous and angry, a combination I hated. I desperately wanted to see her, but what would she think of me? I was a Rook now. Not fully human. The vampire blood had even stolen my ability to have children.
I’d avoided the thought so far, unsure of how to face it, of how much it should matter. I was perhaps too young to understand the full meaning of such a loss. Would I pine for a family of my own one day? I shook my head. Any worries on the matter were utter foolishness. I would never be anyone’s husband or father. The moment I’d joined the Board, I’d relinquished that right.
Still, the thought of Bianca’s tender body in my arms tended to give me foolish hopes and dreams.
Once more, I left Jigsaw in the care of a boy at a nearby inn and walked the rest of the way to Alfil Park. It wasn’t until I passed through its gates that a thought occurred to me. I stopped in my tracks. What if I was a danger to Bianca? What if I hurt her? She was a Trove. If I got too close, her sweet scent would flood my senses. It was why I always made sure to stand a few paces away from Talyssa and Timotei.
I rubbed the back of my neck, considering, noticing the fresh boot prints on the snow, a clear indication that she was here. For an instant, I thought of turning back, but who was I kidding?
Mere dreams of her seemed to give me life, the reality of her felt like a necessity. I had to see her.
Light snow drifted from the wintry sky onto the empty park. I was grateful we would have privacy. I wanted to kiss her, hold her in my arms, and much more than that.
A pang of desire heated my blood. It was intense and different from anything I’d ever felt before. I stopped again and gathered my wits.
Don’t be stupid, Nyro.
She would be disgusted by what I’d become. There was no way she would ever let me touch her that way, no matter how I ached for her.
I took a deep breath and told myself this would likely be the last time I would ever see her. The thought renewed my anger, the fury that always seemed to ride the surface of all my other emotions.
Headed toward the gazebo in the back of the park, I counted my steps and tried to keep my mind from sabotaging itself.
And then, there she was. Wearing a white cloak with the hood over her head. She was but a silhouette that almost got lost against the snow.
When she heard my steps crunching on the snow, she glanced back. I lowered my eyes, refusing to let her see their red and shining proof of failure. Could I hide the truth long enough to touch her, to feel her sweet breath on my lips?
I stopped a few paces from her, my gaze on her boots. They were black, like mine, with snow clinging to them. I breaths grew ragged as my blood filled with desire for her.
“Hello, Bianca,” I managed.
“Hello, Nyro.”
Like a coward, I continued to stare at her boots for a moment longer. Finally, I glanced up, my chest tight with a mixture of anger and desire.
I stared into her face and gasped. “Are you alright?” Before I could stop myself, I stepped forward and seized her hands.
Her irises were not the same dark shade of brown I’d grown to love. They were red-tinted, like mine.
“I am, and you?” she responded, her voice small and hesitant.
“Not you, too.” Despair tore at my insides.
What had they done to her?
I touched her smooth, tan face, gently brushing her cheek with my thumb. I inspected her features to make sure she was fine. It was stupid—she was here, looking strong and determined—but I felt very protective of her.
“Oh, Bianca,” the words broke out of my lips in a whisper, “how could they do this to you?”
She frowned slightly, looking confused.
Her expression made me pause. I took a step back, breaking contact as understanding dawned on me. No one had done this to her. She’d chosen it. She’d willingly become a Rook.
“Did they force you?” she asked.
“You wanted this?” I asked at the same time.
We stood silent for a moment, processing what we’d learn, then spoke in unison once more.
“How could they?” she said.
“Why would you?” I said.
At my question, she turned away and faced the snow-covered gazebo.
“I joined the White Court with a purpose,” she said firmly. “I plan to become more than just a Rook.”
What? No, she couldn’t possibly...
I plan to become more than just a Rook. The words echoed in my head with finality. Did she mean she wanted to be queen?
“Oh,” was all I managed to say. The utterance felt empty even to my ears. My insides seemed to shrink as sadness descended upon me. How could she want that? Why? Who would want to be this?
“I’m sorry this happened to you,” she said, turning to face me again, her chin held high.
Was she proud of her choice? Well, at least she’d had one.
“All I wanted was to rescue my brother,” I said around the knot in my throat. “And now... I’m this.”
I gestured toward my face unable to hold back my disgust, then regretting it as I watched her mouth twitch and her gaze fill with injury. She was what I was. As I insulted myself, I insulted her.
“It must have been terrible,” she said, holding her chin even higher. “My... condolences on losing part of your humanity.” She walked forward, preparing to leave. “I wanted to keep our appointment. I don’t like to leave anyone waiting. But I suppose our circumstances have changed, and we may not be in the best position to help each other anymore.”
I was overwhelmed by the moment, by her choice, but I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted to understand. I grabbed her hand as she passed next to me.
“Don’t leave,” I said.
“It’s better if I go.” She didn’t meet my gaze, though she left her hand in mine. “Us, talking, it’s not a good idea.”
I caressed the top of her hand. She blinked in surprise, and her vulnerability did something to me. I bit my tongue not to crush her into me and confess that she unleashed a reckless fire in me, that this didn’t matter, that, despite it all, she still made me feel the same way.
Instead, I simply said, “Please. Stay.”
She nodded, and I almost sagged in relief. Hand in hand, we crossed the small bridge that led over the pond toward the gazebo. Maybe our desire to help each other could still be salvaged.