To Larry David

Dear Mr David, or may I call you Larry?

We have never met as far as I know

but I have seen you several times on television.

Curb Your Enthusiasm I found comic

and embarrassing in equal measure.

Congratulations.

The point is, that people, total strangers

keep telling me that I look like you

which I completely fail to understand.

You’re Jewish for a start, whereas I am

Liverpool Irish, and despite the balding heads

and spectacles I can see no resemblance.

Besides you look older than me

and I believe the photograph enclosed,

although admittedly taken some years ago,

will prove my point. On the plus side

I am pleased to resemble someone

who is apparently rich and famous.

Finally, can I assure you that total strangers

will not buttonhole you in California

saying that you look like me, which although

a sad reflection on my career is meant

as a compliment. (And if it’s not too much trouble

could you please return the signed photograph?)