Lizzie
‘Right,’ Ben said, drawing to a stop and titling his head out from behind the camera, ‘I’m not sure how much more silence I can film. So here’s what we’re going to do: you’re going to start walking again, and I’m going to start filming, and you three are going to start chatting. OK?’
Another moment of silence dragged on. Lizzie’s gaze followed the cascading water, sprouting out of the cliff above and falling in a dozen individual waterfalls down the rocky cliff, before ending in a brook running parallel to their path.
‘OK?’ Ben said again.
Lizzie turned to Ben. It was the first time she’d seen his face unobscured by the camera all day. He held her gaze for a split second, before ducking back behind the scope. She wanted to help him, but she really did not feel like talking right now. The hurt from her break-up with Harrison had eased quickly, but left in its place was an emptiness she couldn’t begin to articulate.
‘It was the length of time he took over his hair in the morning,’ Jaddi said finally, nudging Lizzie’s arm and smiling. ‘And how he kept touching it every few minutes. Seriously, what was that all about? It always looked the same to me.’
‘The hair I could live with,’ Samantha said, stepping up beside them and nudging Lizzie’s other side, ‘it was the constant boasting about things his mates had done. Punching a shark on the nose? Really, Harrison? Really?’
Lizzie smiled despite the warmth invading her cheeks.
‘Too soon for the ex analysis, Liz?’ Jaddi asked, looping her arm through Lizzie’s.
‘A bit.’ Lizzie scrunched her face. ‘Didn’t we impose a forty-eight-hour cooling-off period?’
‘That was only because you broke up with that guy at your office, and we started listing all of the things we didn’t like about him, only for you to get back together the following day.’
Lizzie smiled. ‘Poor Ian.’
They fell into silence again.
‘It had to be the picking me up and spinning me round,’ Lizzie said. ‘Oh, and the head patting. He would pat my head any time I sat down. I swear there were a few times I almost barked at him.’
‘Are we talking about Harrison now or Ian?’ Jaddi asked.
‘Harrison,’ Lizzie said. ‘Not much point in a cooling-off period, is there?’
They shared a look and burst into a fit of giggles.
‘And his constant use of slang words,’ Samantha said. ‘It was like he’d been given one of those novelty loo rolls for Christmas with Australian slang words printed on it. And his arrogance! He thought he was God’s gift to the world.’
‘I’m starting to get the impression that you didn’t like him much,’ Lizzie said, raising her eyebrows at Samantha.
Jaddi threw her head back and laughed. ‘Not much, ah Sammy?’
‘And that was another thing. He couldn’t get my name right. First I was Sally, then I was Sammy. How difficult is it to remember someone’s name?’
‘I think Sammy quite suits you.’ Jaddi winked at Lizzie.
‘Me too.’ Lizzie grinned. ‘I think we’ll all start using it. Hey, Sammy, can you pass me the map?’
‘Right, that’s it. Back to silence now, please.’ Samantha glared at Lizzie and Jaddi, as a smile tugged on her lips.
‘I do feel a bit sorry for him though,’ Lizzie said.
‘What?’ Jaddi cried out.
‘I know he was an idiot, but we left yesterday morning without even checking on him. What if the other hiking group went without him? We just left him in the middle of nowhere.’
‘He’d get what he deserved then,’ Samantha said.
Al cleared his throat from a few paces ahead of them. ‘One of my team was at the campsite soon after we left. He made sure your boy got out with the other group.’
‘Thanks, Al,’ Lizzie said. ‘So come on then, Jaddi.’ Lizzie nudged her friend back. ‘Tell us about your boyfriend then? What’s he like? Where did you meet him? When will we get to meet him? What was his name?’
Samantha opened her mouth to speak. ‘It was Su—’
‘Hey,’ Jaddi half shouted, ‘there’s the Warringa Pool. We’ve finished.’
‘Really?’ Samantha asked.
Al drew to a stop and turned to address them. ‘Yep. Welcome to Warringa Pool, which is considered by most of us to be the best swimming hole on the mountain, and just up that path is the Settlement Campground. You can follow me up to the campground and have a rest, or you can head straight into the pool for a swim. I’ll be getting the hog roast set up with one of my team. Well done.’ Al clasped a large hand on Ben’s shoulder and strode away.
‘What do you two want to do?’ Samantha asked.
‘Swim,’ Jaddi and Lizzie said in unison.
Lizzie dangled her legs over the rock and dipped them into the clear water. A shiver ran up her legs and continued over her body. The water had definitely felt a lot warmer earlier in the afternoon, when they’d thrown off their backpacks, kicked off their shoes and jumped into the clear water, surrounded by rocks and forest.
Lizzie lent back on her elbows and stared up. Above the tree tops to her left she could see the sky, and clouds that looked like they had captured a ray of sun, the colour of vanilla ice cream. On the other side of the pool, the forest had already began to darken. Bright stars glowed next to a sliver of moon, so that it seemed to Lizzie as if day and night were places and she was smack down in the middle, halfway between the two.
They’d been in Australia only a few weeks and yet it felt as if their time was already drawing to a close. Tomorrow they would travel to Ayers Rock for a week, and then Alice Springs, before flying to America. Her stomach flipped suddenly as if she’d dropped several metres without knowing it. The time was slipping by so fast.
‘Hey,’ Ben said, dropping to a squat beside her.
‘Hi. How did you know I was here?’ Lizzie asked, their eyes connecting for a moment.
‘Just a hunch. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’
‘Amazing.’
‘It feels strange to see the sun set whilst the stars are out,’ he said.
‘That’s just what I was thinking.’
A dozen thoughts bombarded her head as Ben dropped down into a sitting position beside her. His arm brushed against hers. An apology lingered on her lips, and she desperately wanted to say it aloud. Was there an expiration date on apologies? It felt as if too much time had passed since the hospital; besides he was here now and speaking to her. She’d missed their talks; she’d missed him.
‘Where’s your camera?’ she asked, eying his empty hands.
‘The battery packs are running a bit low, and I’ve still got editing and tomorrow morning to film before we find an electrical point. So I thought I’d check how you were doing instead. You did a good job putting a brave face on the whole Harrison thing today.’
‘Thanks,’ she replied as a flush of red glowed on her cheeks.
‘Was it just a brave face or are you really doing all right?’
‘I’m good,’ she nodded, fixing her eyes on the miniature waterfall at the far end of the pool. ‘I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what to say for my video diary. I feel like such a fool.’
‘Give it to me.’ Ben reached for the camera beside Lizzie. ‘You don’t have to say anything. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. So what if it didn’t work out with Harrison? Relationships end all the time.’
‘Yes, but most relationships aren’t built on a fame-hungry sleazebag trying to make a career out of a dying girl.’
‘True.’ Ben nodded. ‘But it could be worse. He could’ve been a fame-hungry sleazebag who succeeded in making a career out of a dying girl.’
‘Good point.’ She smiled. ‘Still, I can’t help thinking about all of the millions of people watching this who are going to see me gushing over Harrison and all of the romantic things he did in one episode –’ Lizzie sighed as a cringe rippled through her ‘– and then in the next, they’ll see Harrison throwing himself at Jaddi, and me breaking up with him.’ Lizzie paused for a minute. ‘It sounds more like a soap opera than a documentary.’
‘I wouldn’t worry too much,’ Ben said. ‘I’ve been doing, let’s say, some strategic editing, over the past few weeks, to give a … balanced view of Harrison.’
‘You haven’t?’ Lizzie grinned and glanced at Ben. Relief sparked inside her. She didn’t know if it was for what Ben had said, or the fact that he was talking to her again.
‘Come on, that guy was only in it to get his face on television. I could see it a mile off. The way that cheesy smile plastered on his face the second I pulled my camera out. I’ve seen it a hundred times before. When people are like that, I make sure to get some footage when they don’t think anyone’s watching.’
‘Do I want to see it?’ Lizzie laughed.
‘Probably best you don’t.’
‘So the only one who didn’t see Harrison for what he was then, was me. Brilliant.’
‘Er, no comment.’ Ben smiled.
She pulled her gaze away from the sky and looked at Ben. He gave a rueful smile and rubbed his hand across the stubble spreading over his face. She had a sudden urge to scooch across the small gap between them and fold herself under the crook of his arm. The thought caused another spark to jump inside her.
They fell into an easy silence. From somewhere nearby the deep belches of croaking frogs sang their evening chorus.
‘I guess I really should do the diary. At the very least, my mum will want to know I’m not a heartbroken mess.’
Ben said nothing, but opened the screen and handed the camera back to her. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’
‘Stay,’ she said without thinking.
He shrugged.
Lizzie switched on the camera. ‘Welcome to day … er—’ Her mind blanked.
‘Forty-three,’ Ben said.
‘Thanks, Ben.’ She smiled at him before focusing back on the screen. ‘We’ve made it to the end of the great walk. Fifty-four kilometres in three days. The scenery was worth the exhaustion. It was jaw-droppingly beautiful.’
Lizzie paused and drew in a deep breath. ‘As you’ll probably have seen, we lost Harrison on day one of the walk. Sorry if you were rooting for us. It turned out he … he wasn’t who I thought he was.’ A single tear escaped from her left eye and slipped down her cheek. ‘It made me realise though that I’m lucky to have this tumour now, rather than later in life. Maybe in five years’ time I’d have been thinking about settling down, getting married, having babies. But my head hasn’t really got round to that yet. I’m fine about not having a big white wedding, or making a home with someone. I’m sure I would’ve wanted children at some point. But right now I’m not even thinking about that stuff, so I don’t feel like I’m missing out. Aaron will make up for it. He’ll marry someone really nice and have four babies at least, that will make my mum happy. No pressure, Aaron.’ She smiled.
‘But I really, really wanted to fall in love,’ Lizzie said as tears caught in her throat. ‘I knew it was crazy with Harrison and moving too quickly, but it was fun and I thought … after what we shared last summer, maybe he could look past the documentary, and all the other stuff, and see me. And if I just let myself be swept along with it, then maybe I’d get to see what love feels like.’ Lizzie paused, her throat aching with emotion.
‘I think most people have been in love by the time they reach thirty. But teenage romances, long-term boyfriends … it has passed me by. It’s not exactly easy to meet people when you spend so much time in hospital waiting rooms.
‘So, I’m not sad about Harrison, but I am a little sad about the broken heart I’ve never had, which is pretty dumb, I guess.’ Lizzie turned to Ben and smiled.
Ben frowned. ‘Well, it’s—’
Samantha’s voice spoke from behind them, ‘Pretty dumb? That’s about as dumb as it gets. I’m not supposed to cry about my best friend dying, but here you are snivelling away about never having a broken heart. Pah. Broken hearts suck. What you had with Harrison wasn’t love. Not even close. Love is finding someone who makes your heart soar and brightens your entire world. And for most people the gooey stuff fades and all you’re left with is someone who doesn’t compare to your best friends, who you love too.’
She plonked down next to Lizzie and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. ‘Sorry for cutting you off there, Ben.’
‘No, it’s fine, you took the words right out of my mouth.’ Ben smiled.
‘So I should stop feeling sorry for myself, is what you’re saying?’ Lizzie dropped her head onto Samantha’s shoulder.
‘Yes. Now, come on, the bush tucker is almost ready and those bat wings look yummy.’
‘Bat wings?’
‘Or maybe they’re very crispy burgers, hard to say.’
Lizzie laughed and switched off the camera.
Samantha looped her arm through Lizzie’s as they stepped back towards the campsite.
‘Yeah?’
‘Despite all the dramas we’ve had, I’m glad I’m here doing this with you,’ Samantha said.
‘I couldn’t have done this without you, Sam. Remember that, OK?’ she said with a pang of guilt. Fresh tears welled in Lizzie’s eyes.
‘Although,’ Samantha said, ‘maybe we could have a little less drama from now on.’