Lizzie
Lizzie’s hand trembled as she reached for the door handle. A part of her, a big part, wanted to throw open the door and run far away. But she didn’t move. Instead she stood there, facing the door, the handle gripped in her shaking hand. The only sound, Jaddi’s wrenching sobs.
Her venomous words hung in the air like a bad aftertaste. Had she meant it? Did she really think Jaddi was to blame? No more than she was. She’d even predicted it.
There will be people out there right now, walking down the street, thinking they’ve got years ahead of them. When bam, a bus hits them, and it’s over. I’ve been given a chance to live my dreams.
It had been an ambulance, not a bus, but the rest was true. Samantha’s dreams, her future, had been stolen from her. There’d been no choice. None whatsoever. One second she’d been walking down the street, angry with both of them for lying, angry with Lizzie for not fighting anymore; the next she was gone.
It wasn’t fair. She was the one who’d chosen to die, but it was Samantha who’d been taken. Tears flowed in a steady stream down her face, dripping in perfect circles on the grey floor.
‘Lizzie?’ Jaddi’s voice was hoarse and scratchy.
‘I’m sorry.’ Lizzie spun around and dived towards Jaddi. ‘I didn’t mean that. I was hurt and angry and I didn’t mean it.’ Lizzie buried her head in Jaddi’s shoulder and held her tight.
Jaddi sniffed. ‘You were right, though. I did push this.’
Lizzie sat down and slid her hand inside Jaddi’s. ‘We both did.’
‘Shall we go home?’ Jaddi unleashed a shuddering sigh and rested her head on Lizzie’s shoulder.
Lizzie nodded. ‘Will you go for me? Arrange something nice for Samantha. Something classy with lots of tulips and cups of tea—’ Lizzie’s voice broke. ‘She’d have liked that.’
‘What are you going to do?’ Jaddi asked.
Lizzie stared at the photograph on the wall of the city skyline. When she’d said no to Dr Habibi, she’d told herself that six months of living was enough. She convinced herself it would be, that it had to be, but it wasn’t. Lizzie didn’t know when she’d realised it, or maybe she’d known it all along and hidden it out of reach in her mind, but Samantha’s death had thrust it forwards and she could no longer ignore it. She could no longer stare down the path she’d chosen and think it was too late to turn back.
All of a sudden she realised, it wasn’t the lie that had weighed so heavy on her thoughts all this time, it was the truth.
‘Samantha was right,’ Lizzie said as silent tears continued to drop from her eyes. ‘I shouldn’t have given up. It’s on both of us that she’s …’ Lizzie shook her head. ‘I’m the one that should be dead. Not her. I’m the one that chose it. All she chose to do was to be a good friend. She’s dead and I’m alive. I can’t let her down now. I have to go to San Francisco and meet this friend of Dr Moss’s. He thinks he can help me.’
‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’
‘What I want is to undo it all and be back in our dingy flat. The three of us together.’
Jaddi smiled, fresh tears brimmed in her eyes.
‘But since that’s not an option, then I need to fight. I thought I was lucky because I was given time, but I’ve been so stupid. I was lucky to be given the chance to fight. Samantha didn’t get a chance so now I have to take mine, for her.’
‘I want to come with you. You shouldn’t go through it alone,’ Jaddi said.
‘No.’ Lizzie shook her head. Goosebumps spread across her arms. ‘I know it might seem silly, but I can’t bare the idea of Samantha going home alone. Please, go with her.’
‘It’s not silly,’ Jaddi whispered.
They sat in silence for a moment.
Ben stepped forward and crouched down to the floor beside them. ‘I’ll come with you, Lizzie.’ he said.
Lizzie nodded and reached for Ben’s arm, pulling him closer so that the three of them were together on the floor. They stayed like that for a long time.
Jaddi wiped the sleeve of her jumper across her face. ‘I can’t lose you both—’
‘I know,’ Lizzie said. She sucked in her bottom lip and allowed hope to spread over her pain. Maybe it was too late, maybe her tumour had grown too much by now, maybe the lie she’d told had become the truth, but she had to try. She had to fight. For Sam.