1600
My mother had arrived the previous week to await the delivery of my fifth child, so I invited Catherine over from Rothes to visit. I had no idea whether she would bring any of her husband’s large family. I hoped not; I wanted to converse just with her, my dear elder sister. But when I heard the sound of hooves and looked outside where a bright autumn sun dappled the golden leaves on the oak trees, I could see Catherine alight first, then the grooms helping another woman behind her dismount.
“Who is that with Catherine, Mama?”
She peered over my head. “Is that not the Leslie girl, Grizel? I have not seen her since Catherine’s last confinement, but it certainly looks like a more adult version of the girl I saw then.”
I heaved my enormous belly and got to my feet with a struggle, ignoring Mama’s proffered hand. I had already told her that I felt better moving around, rather than marooned in a chair.
“Now, Lilias sweetheart, remember, after this visit today, you are to stay in bed. You are indecently large to be walking around like this.”
I was used to people telling me what to do, so I simply nodded my acquiescence. I passed a mirror on the way to the door and stopped. Dear Lord, my face was so fat and sallow. I pinched my cheeks with my thumbs and forefingers and waited for our guests.
“Lilias, dear sister,” said Catherine as she came towards me. “How are you? Why are you not sitting down?”
“I am fine, thank you. And I am actually better on my feet.”
As Mama and I kissed Catherine, the girl came to stand before 81 us. Again, the thing that struck me about her appearance was those blue eyes, pale and luminous, with long, dark lashes. She bowed deeply and I took her hand as she arose.
“Welcome to Fyvie Castle again, Grizel. How good to have you back with us. You know my mother, of course?”
She nodded gracefully and we all went to sit in the corner by the fire. I snatched a look at her sitting there with the most impeccable posture, her ivory skin so utterly perfect and her cheeks pink as rose petals. She must be fifteen by now, but what a beauty she was becoming. As the servants fussed around us with wine and dainty sweetmeats, I started to wonder what she was doing here; why would she accompany her stepmother on a visit to her vastly pregnant sister?
“Have you been keeping well, dear Lilias?”
“I am the same as I always am when expecting a child, Catherine. Not very comfortable.” I smiled. “But that is not interesting to anyone else. Now, Grizel, give me the latest news please about your family. Tell me about your brothers and sisters – and yourself.”
She lifted up her head and smiled so her charming dimples were visible. Her voice was sweet and childlike, the only thing that gave away the fact she was not as mature as she looked.
“As you know, I have three brothers, your Ladyship. And four sisters, but they are of little consequence as they are all older than I am and married.” She paused. “And as for me, Papa says I resemble his mother, my grandmother, the Countess of Rothes, who was also my namesake, Grizel Leslie. She sadly died before I was born, but from what I hear she was a formidable lady. He says I am like her in every respect.”
We all nodded and I tried to feign interest.
“Grandmama gave birth to six sons, all of whom strapping and healthy.” She smiled a sweet, coy smile. “Who knows, since I am 82 named after her, perhaps I too might have six sons, were I lucky enough to marry.”
I suddenly felt very hot and started fanning my face. Mama fussed around me and the others continued small talk between themselves, but I remained silent, listening yet not hearing. All I could think of was this girl’s words about bearing sons.
The door flung open and Anne and Isobel rushed in. They came over and gave Catherine a hug and stood beside Grizel as she was introduced. It was remarkable seeing Anne beside this young woman who was only a year and a half older than she was. It was as if Anne were still a child and Grizel a grown adult, both physically and in terms of character. Anne was a little taller than Grizel, but she clutched a doll to her flat chest and could not stand still for excitement. Grizel had the poise of an ice queen.
“Come with us to the nursery, Grizel, you can meet our little sister,” Isobel said, grabbing her hand. I watched with, I admit shamefully, some sort of glee as my daughters took her off in the direction of the nursery. Mama went after them, perhaps feeling sorry for our guest being dragged away from the adults.
But at least it gave me the chance to talk to Catherine alone.
“Tell me about Grizel. Does your husband have any betrothal plans for her?”
“He is certainly keen to arrange something but because he indulges her so, he seems to believe it’s appropriate that she has a say in the matter.” She laughed. “As if our father ever gave us any choice.”
“Though truly our marriage arrangements were more down to Mama than Papa, don’t you think?”
“Perhaps,” Catherine conceded. “Now, tell me, Lilias, how are you actually feeling?” She stared at my wan face and frowned. “You do not look your best. Why have you not taken to bed? You only have a few weeks to go, surely?” 83
“I am more comfortable moving around. Besides, I would hardly see the children. Nurse seldom brings the children to my chamber as she thinks it is not good for them to see their mother in bed; she has very strange ideas. And I would miss them so very much.”
I suddenly felt the urge to weep. I looked away and could not help sniffing loudly. “Excuse me, Catherine, I feel a little weary.”
She took my hand. “Of course you do, Lilias. This is your fifth baby and you are still grieving for the little girl you lost. Everything will be fine soon, I’m sure.”
I remained silent and she continued. “How is your husband? Is he here today?”
I shook my head. “He is in Edinburgh but due back home sometime soon. I never know quite when he will arrive.”
“My husband says he has the ear of the King now.”
I shrugged. “Yes, it’s all he has ever wanted. For the first half of his life, he was devoted to his royal godmother the Queen; and now his abiding allegiance is to the King.”
Catherine looked again at my face, probing. “But he is a good husband, Lilias?”
I was silent and so she persevered. “James might be far older than me, but he is kind and gentle, which is all a wife requires, would you not say?”
I nodded then looked towards the door where Mama had entered, the three girls behind her, all returning from the nursery. As they approached, I saw that Grizel wore an expression of utter boredom and weariness on her perfectly sculpted face. Yes, this girl was in fact a woman, impatient to come of age.