Chapter 20
1600
A month later, I was sitting at the window and heard hooves down below in the courtyard. It was a cold, blustery, wet December day when no one would venture outside unless absolutely necessary. I peered out and realised it was Alexander. I leapt up and headed for the mirror then proceeded to brush my hair, sweep it up and secure it with pins. I ought to have asked the maid to do it earlier but I had so little enthusiasm for anything these days, I had asked her to leave after she laid out my dress.
Well, who would have thought my husband would arrive back today, of all days? I put on a string of pearls he had given me on our wedding day and looked again at my reflection. I still looked as if I had recently given birth, with the unmistakable bulge around my waist. But at least my hair was better, less brittle than it had been throughout my pregnancy.
I went downstairs where a servant told me Alexander had gone at once to the Charter Room. And so I was about to follow him in there when I stopped. Should I go and fetch the baby and take her in to him, rather than him having to climb all the stairs up to the nursery? But I realised I was not as sure-footed on those narrow winding stairs, having been confined to my chamber for so long. I could not risk falling with the baby. I still felt he blamed me for little Margaret’s accident, even though everyone knew it was nothing to do with me and she was so ill anyway.
I knocked at the door of the Charter Room.
“Enter!”
I stepped into the cold, dark room and inclined my head. 95 “Welcome home, Alexander. I hope your journey was not too bad?”
He shrugged and continued to sit at his desk, looking down at papers.
“Would you like to come with me to the nursery to see Sophia? She is a beautiful baby.”
He sighed and looked up at me. “Lilias, all babies are the same. I shall go and see her presently.”
I continued to stand there, waiting for him to say something, anything, to me, his wife whom he had not seen for two months.
“Is there anything else, Lilias?”
“No, I don’t think so.” I thought madly for something else to say that would not displease him. “Is there anything special I should ask Cook to produce for supper?”
“Not in particular. I have dined so well at Court, I should prefer simple fare. I am not sure I could face another gilded roast peacock anytime soon. I shall see you at supper. Ask Nurse to prepare the children for my visit.”
He buried his head in his papers once more and I shambled out of the room, endeavouring to be as quiet as possible.
We sat at supper before a simple dish of pheasant pottage with prunes and verjuice in almost complete silence. I knew him well enough by now to wait until he had had his fill, then we would speak. I kept snatching glances at him, trying to gauge his mood. I noticed for the first time that his red beard was now flecked with white, as were his eyebrows, and yet his thick head of hair was still brown all over, with not even a glimpse of grey. He ate and drank and hardly acknowledged my presence until eventually he laid down his fork and looked up at me. I could tell his smile was forced. 96
“Lilias, I have decided we shall go on a journey together to Fife after New Year’s Day. I have a little project in mind.”
A journey? Together! Well, this was unusual. “That sounds wonderful, Alexander. Shall we take the older girls?”
He frowned. “Of course not, the weather is not suitable in January for any excursion with children.”
“Anne is fourteen now, Alexander, and quite grown up since you last saw her.”
“She was not exactly acting like an adult when I saw her in the nursery this afternoon. She is still very excitable, like a child, and always fidgeting. So no, it shall just be us. With some servants, of course.”
“Where shall we stay, Alexander?”
“William Douglas, the Earl of Morton, was at Court recently and I discussed with him the possibility of leasing Loch Leven Castle from him for a while. He now also owns nearby Aberdour Castle, which is much bigger and grander – and does not require a rowing boat to reach it.”
“It sounds charming, Alexander,” I said, smiling, and for once my smile was not fake. “Have you visited the castle?”
“Yes.” He swirled the remnants of wine around his glass and stared at it. “It has been a safe fortress for a couple of centuries now, but there have been renovations in the past few years. Nothing as grand as Fyvie, of course.”
I nodded as was my duty.
“There is the Tower House, which is strong and secure and where the earls used to bring their extended families during the plague years. Then about fifty years ago another tower was added, called the Glassin Tower. It sits above the postern gate, a fine lookout towards the loch’s shore.”
He leant over to take my hand and I tried not to flinch, unaware of what might happen next, but then he began to stroke along 97 my fingers and the back of my hand in the most tender manner. He had not touched me in so long, I didn’t know what to do, so I glanced up at him, trying to read his expression. I was sure it was not lust. How could it be; look how fat I still was after the baby. But was it pity?
I thought I could risk a question. “Are we to be guests of the Douglas family?”
He looked at me and smiled. “Yes. Won’t that be a nice distraction for you after the baby.”
“Oh, did you see her, Alexander? Is she not so pretty?” I could not help but gush.
“She is a baby, Lilias. A girl. The most we can ask for is that she will hopefully grow up hale and hearty. And when she comes of age, marry well.”
He tipped the remaining claret down his throat. “We shall start to think soon about our trip south. I only hope that the weather is better than today. I fear Loch Leven Castle is not only rather difficult to reach, it is also, I believe, rather bleak. We shall need warm clothes.”
I was churning over in my mind why, therefore, we should want to visit this place in the middle of winter, when I suddenly realised why it sounded familiar.
“Was that not where Aunt Marie was imprisoned with the Queen?”
Slowly he swivelled around to look directly at me, his grey eyes steely. “I cannot say I recall, Lilias. But no, I think not.” He pushed back his chair and a servant rushed over to help him up.
“And now, I bid you good night.”