Queens, NY, 1963
All day I dreamed of candy from the store
on Hillside Avenue: barrels filled with
caramels, tins of pastel mints and tiers
of chocolates beckoning in the window,
and a tinkling bell that tattled I was coming
in the door, a skinny girl, who didn’t look
thirteen, still reeling from the shock of
losing everything, and hungry all the time
for candy, more candy than I’d ever seen,
a whole store dedicated to delights,
proof we had arrived in the land of Milk
Duds, Chiclets, gumdrops, from the country
sugar came from but candy never got to.
I roamed the aisles, savoring the names:
Necco Wafers, Atomic Fireballs, Butterfingers,
while the fat man owner watched me, sitting
on a stool by the cash register; his pale eyes
like ice mints behind his foggy glasses, lingering
at my chest, as if the swelling buds under
my uniform’s white blouse were Candy Buttons,
Jujubes I’d shoplifted; while his tiny, perfumed
mother in black pumps and white lace collar
waited on older patrons, boxing chocolates,
petit-fours, assortments made to order
for wives and sweethearts, May I help you, dahlink?
in a heavy accent, an immigrant herself
from some past purge or pogrom; her “boy”
born here, the obese product of an American
dream gone greedily awry. He chatted as I
lingered over barrels, asking none-of-your-
business questions about my parents, grades,
what my people did on holidays. He knew
my favorites, commenting as he rang me up,
I see you like those SweeTarts Candy Necklaces
sure are a hit with your set. A hit? My set?
It was an intimacy I resented; my cravings
were dark secrets I didn’t want to share.
Will that be all today? he asked, as if he hoped
I’d say, Actually, I would like something else,
to marry you and help you run your candy store.
Outside, my new America was waking up
to nightmare: freedom fighters
marching; storefronts, some with candy
stores like this one, burning; girls like me
in bombed-out churches; dreams deferred,
exploding; dreams I didn’t know
still needed fighting for; all I knew
was hunger, as I learned the names
that promised sweeter dreams beyond
these candied substitutes, Juicy Fruits,
Life Savers, Bit-O-Honey, Good & Plenty.
from America