Stepping Away From an Abusive Relationship

Many have likened the narcissist’s attachment to her/his target as a special fondness for an appliance, such as a favorite coffeemaker. When that coffeemaker stops making coffee, the coffee in this case being fuel for the MN’s ego, then it is discarded. When the target justifiably demands mature interactions involving compromise, reciprocity and empathy, the MN unceremoniously discards and dumps the target like an unwanted appliance. After washing her/his hands of such an annoyance, the MN will purchase a shiny, new coffeemaker that may not disappoint him this time … or so s/he thinks …

The narcissist is destined for disappointment because, unbeknownst to the narcissist, no one can be that perfect ego-enhancing soul mate filling all the holes (needs) in her/his psyche. No person is capable of that. Nor would it be a healthy proposition to be the narcissist’s psychic glue, holding her/him together.

A relationship with a narcissist is a no-win situation. Those with malignant narcissism have such entrenched, rigid personas, they do not have much flexibility or insight in which to grow their emotional world.

Some individuals with less pervasive narcissistic traits are able to work through their inner demons and move on to more enlightened insight, develop a capacity to empathize, reciprocate and compromise. However, those who have the full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or worse, psychopathy) have very limited success in therapy. Most of the time, narcissists spend their time trying to dupe their therapists. And sometimes they are successful, which gives them tremendous narcissistic supply.

Don’t think you can be that person that saves your MN from her/his personal demons. No one has that ability.