Lass recommended that I wear a tie to my first settlement. She said it was good luck. I decided to go with sweatpants and an Air Jordan tee. Troy went to Mr. Pete’s funeral a day before but I skipped it. He was a great guy, but I just felt like that was something for his real family. I wanted to be there, but instead I viewed his body and sent flowers.
Joan met me at the title company. She rolled in looking like the mom from The Sopranos with a fur jacket and two ringing cells. She was a walking call center.
“Hey, nice to meet you finally—you are a cutie and so young. What are you, fourteen?” I laughed.
Buying this property was everything to me. I knew Mr. Pete was smiling down on me from heaven or cheering me on from hell. Either way, he taught me that America is about ownership and I was finally joining the club.
The dude at the title company said that the owners had already signed their papers and all I had to do was sign the same docs and drop off the down payment which ended being $67,000. Giving myself a small business loan was a great feeling. I brought cash to the table—some fifties and hundreds. My agent shrugged and the title guy looked at me like I was crazy. “You know, Dee, people usually bring us certified checks from the banks they do business with!”
“Okay, I’ll do that the next time.”
I signed papers until my arm was sore. They gave me the keys and I did it. I owned my first piece of land. I couldn’t wait to have a grand opening with all of my family and friends—even though I bought the spot, I planned on it being a place for everyone. I told Troy to meet me at my bar. He was hitting me all day and I knew why. Mr. Pete is gone now and he wanted a backup plan, just in case the connection stopped.
The bar looked good on the inside. It was a little dirty and tacky for my taste, but that was an easy fix—other than that, it was fully stocked and everything worked. The inside was a little tighter than I remembered, and three huge poker machines had clogged the pathway. I thought I could move them and create some space for people to dance.
I walked up the stairs to see the two units advertised in the listing—apartments over the bar that I could rent out for around six hundred dollars apiece, which would cover the mortgage. They were stinky and shabby but again, nothing that a dope fiend cleaning crew couldn’t fix. This business stuff seemed almost too easy. Buy low, sell high.
Troy pulled up.
“This look good, bro!” he yelled. “I’m proud of you, man!”
“Come on, bro, check the inside out!” I told him.
We sat at the counter and I poured us two big cups of Absolut. Troy began telling me about Pete’s funeral and how OG’s in Lincolns and big Caddy’s were all over the place. He said that beautiful women stretched across the room and he felt’s Pete’s spirit gracing the crowd.
“Damn bro I should’ve went.”
“On another note Dee, if we don’t have a connect, I’m taking this half of brick to the block to buy some time.”
“Chill, man, I’ll find you a connect. Relax; don’t you have some money saved?”
He tilted his head. “Yo, I’m flat broke, man. All I got is these drugs, shit, I ain’t know Pete was gonna die. I been fuckin’ money up, and what you mean find me a connect?”
“Yo, I’m out. I don’t sell drugs anymore. I’m done!”
Troy laughed and paused. “Are you serious?” he said, standing up. “And what the fuck I’m post to do, nigga!”
“Well, one, you gonna calm the fuck down! You gotta half a brick of heroin, that’s more than enough to be straight. Stop feeding them girls and buying those silly clothes. I’ll find you a connect, but I’m done, man. I ain’t plan on doing this forever!” I climbed on the countertop and held my red cup into the air. “I’m done!”
I felt like I won—like the American Dream was really happening for me. My family has been here for hundreds of years; however, I was the first real American citizen because I owned a store, could create jobs, was with a woman who was finishing college, and I could go to college if I wanted to or buy more land. I have credit, I’m legal, and I’ll never go to jail.
I made it.
Even though I said wouldn’t hustle forever, a huge part of me thought I’d do this drug shit forever. Probably because you were the only game I knew. Not just me, black kids everywhere. Ain’t no STEM around here, all we learn is you and hoops. And if you know like I know, everybody can’t hoop.
I thought I’d hustle, pitch, trap, get rid of, jug, sell, move and slang drugs forever. I got in with the intention of making a lot of money. And I did. I got that.
I got that. I got real estate, I got a bar. I also got jackers watching, I got enemies, I got shot at, I got a new gun, I got dead friends, I got demons, I got dependents, I got stress, I got funeral bills, I got happy customers, I got bails, I got bills, I got mad customers, I got a drinking problem, I beat a Perk problem but I got problems, I got real problems.
I got people that count on me being a criminal and I have to let them down because I got reasons to live, and playing this game only guarantees death.
But I’ll always remember that dope-boy feeling. Buying that chain in the display case, pulling that new Benz off the lot, hooping in brand new two-hundred-dollar sneakers and giving them away, just giving shit away for the sake of giving shit away—giving money away, giving money to people who needed it and to people that don’t. Living.
Being the car show, the fashion show, and the provider, the guy you could get tuition or a small business loan from. The center of my community. Some of those preachers never gave back, they parked Benzes in the hood and never gave back, but us, the dope boys—we gave back. Jobs, money, and opportunity: the only company that always hires felons.
I’m gonna miss that dope-boy feeling, that sharp fade, those new sweats, and those two phones with no space in my voice mail because everybody reached out all of the time.
What a feeling, but I’m sure I’ll have new experiences. I’m gonna fly straight and push for a real life. I ain’t never coming back.
Peace,
Dee
P.S. I’m leaving my trap-phone to Troy. That little Nokia is a goldmine. Sales call it all day and all night so he’ll be great. One Love.