Alfred comes in: a well-made young man, about thirty. His jacket’s unbuttoned; he has no tie. He sees the table; walks past it, slowly, eyeing it. Pauses. Glances back at it. Comes back, watching the table rather furtively, sideways. He pauses, hands behind his back, regarding it. Suddenly he moves it, grasps it; struggles with it as if it had a life of its own. Groans. Struggles. Lifts the table finally above his head. Struggles with it . . .
Marjorie comes on, as before, her umbrella furled.
Marjorie Here. You all right?
Alfred What?
Marjorie Alfred i’n’it?
Alfred Yeah. (Still holds the table above his head.)
Marjorie You’ll break that, you will.
Alfred Yeah . . . (Looks up at it.)
Marjorie, however, isn’t much interested; she’s already looking round.
Marjorie You seen my mate?
Alfred . . . ?
Marjorie Woman that limps.
Alfred No.
He pauses before all his answers.
Marjorie One day you get seconds and they go off without you. You like treacle pud?
Alfred Yeah.
Marjorie Get seconds?
Alfred No.
Marjorie Shoulda waited.
Alfred Yeah.
Marjorie Said they’d be out here after ‘Remedials’.
Alfred . . . ?
Marjorie You do remedials?
Alfred Yeah.
Marjorie What ’you do?
Alfred Baskets.
Marjorie Baskets. Shoulda known.
Alfred You got sixpence?
Marjorie No.
Alfred lifts the table up and down ceremoniously above his head.
Marjorie Better go find her. Let anybody turn them round her hand, she will.
Alfred Yeah.
She goes.
Alfred lowers the table slowly, almost like a ritual. Crouches; picks up one chair by the foot of one leg and lifts it, slowly, exaggerating the effort, etc. Stands, slowly, as he gets it up. Bends arm slowly; lifts the chair above his head. Puts it down. Stands a moment, gazing down at the two chairs and the table, sideways. Walks round them. Walks round a little farther. Then grabs the second chair and lifts it, one-handed, like the first chair, but more quickly. Lifts it above his head; begins to wrestle with it as if it too possessed a life of its own, his grip, however, still one-handed.
Marjorie crosses upstage, pauses, looks, walks on. She goes off; Alfred doesn’t see her.
Alfred struggles; overcomes the chair. Almost absent-mindedly lowers it, looks left, looks right, casually; puts the chair beneath his arm and goes.
Kathleen (off) Oh Gawd . . . Oh . . . Nah, this side’s better . . . Oh.
She comes on limping, her arm in Harry’s. Harry carries a wicker chair under his other arm.
Harry Oh. Look at that.
Kathleen Where’s the other one gone, then?
Harry Well, that’s a damned nuisance.
Kathleen Still only two. Don’t know what they’ll say.
Harry Oh dear.
Kathleen Pinch anything round here. Can’t turn your back. Gawd . . . !
Sinks down in the metal chair as Harry holds it for her.
Harry There, now.
Kathleen (sighs) Good to get off your feet . . .
Harry Yes, well . . .
Sets his own chair to get the sun, fussing.
Kathleen Better sit on it. No good standing about. Don’t know where she’s got to. Where’s your friend looking?
Harry Went to ‘remedials’, I believe.
Kathleen Get you in there, won’t let you out again. Here . . .
Harry looks across.
Kathleen He really what he says he is?
Harry How do you mean?
Kathleen Told us he was a doctor. Another time he said he’d been a sanitary inspector.
Harry Really? Hadn’t heard of that.
Kathleen Go on. Know what inspecting he’ll do. You the same.
Harry Oh, now. Certain discriminations can be . . .
Kathleen I’ve heard about you.
Harry Oh, well, you, er.
Kathleen Making up things.
Harry Oh, well. One . . . embodies . . . of course.
Kathleen What’s that, then?
Harry Fancies . . . What’s life for if you can’t . . . (Flutters his fingers.)
Kathleen We’ve heard about that an’ all. (Imitates his action.)
Harry Well. I’m sure you and I have, in reality, a great deal in common. After all, one looks around; what does one see?
Kathleen Gawd . . . (Groans, feeling her feet.)
Harry A little this. A little that.
Kathleen Here. Everything you know is little.
Harry Well . . . I, er . . . Yes . . . No great role for this actor, I’m afraid. A little stage, a tiny part.
Kathleen You an actor, then?
Harry Well, I did, as a matter of fact, at one time . . . actually, a little . . .
Kathleen Here, little again. You notice?
Harry Oh . . . You’re right.
Kathleen What parts you play, then?
Harry Well, as a matter of fact . . . not your Hamlets, of course, your Ophelias; more the little bystander who passes by the . . .
Kathleen Here. Little.
Harry Oh . . . yes! (Laughs.)
Kathleen Play anything romantic?
Harry Oh, romance, now, was . . . never very far away.
Kathleen Here . . .
Harry One was cast, of course . . .
Kathleen Think I could have been romantic.
Harry Oh, yes.
Kathleen Had the chance . . . Got it here.
Harry Oh, yes . . .
Kathleen Had different shoes than this . . .
Harry Oh, yes . . . everything, of course, provided . . .
Kathleen Going to be a commotion, you ask me . . .
Harry Commotion . . . ?
Kathleen When they get here. (Indicates chairs.) Three chairs – if he brings one as well . . . He’ll have to stand. (Laughs.)
Harry Could have been confiscated, you know.
Kathleen Confiscated?
Harry Often happens. See a little pleasure and down they come.
Kathleen Here . . . little.
Harry Goodness . . . Yes.
Pause.
One of the advantages of this spot, you know, is that it catches the sun so nicely.
Kathleen What bit there is of it.
Harry Bit?
Kathleen All that soot. Cuts it down. ’Stead of browning you turns you black.
Harry Black?
Kathleen All over.
Harry An industrial nation . . .
Kathleen Gawd . . . (Eases her feet.)
Harry Can’t have the benefit of both. Nature as well as er . . . The one is incurred at the expense of the other.
Kathleen Your friend come in for following little girls?
Harry What . . . ?
Kathleen Go on. You can tell me. Cross my heart and hope to die.
Harry Well . . . that’s . . .
Kathleen Well, then.
Harry 1 believe there were . . . er . . . certain proclivities, shall we say?
Kathleen Proclivities? What’s them?
Harry Nothing criminal, of course.
Kathleen Oh, no . . .
Harry No prosecution . . .
Kathleen Oh, no . . .
Harry Certain pressures, in the, er . . . revealed themselves.
Kathleen In public?
Harry No. No . . . I . . . Not what I meant.
Kathleen I don’t know what you’re saying half the time. You realise that?
Harry Communication is a difficult factor.
Kathleen Say that again.
Harry I believe he was encouraged to come here for a little, er.
Kathleen Here. Little.
Harry Oh, yes . . . As it is, very few places left now where one can be at ease.
Kathleen Could go on his holidays. Seaside.
Harry Beaches? . . . Crowded all the while.
Kathleen Could go to the country.
Harry Spaces . . .
Kathleen Sent me to the country once. All them trees. Worse ’n people . . . Gawd. Take them off if I thought I could get them on again. Can’t understand why they don’t let me have me laces. Took me belt as well. Who they think I’m going to strangle? Improved my figure, it did, the belt. Drew it in a bit.
Harry Oh, now, I would say, myself, the proportions were in reasonable condition.
Kathleen Oh, now . . .
Harry Without, of course, wishing to seem immodest . . .
Kathleen Get little enough encouragement in my life. Gawd . . . My friend, you know, was always crying.
Harry Oh, now.
Kathleen Everywhere she went . . . cigarettes . . . No sooner in the shop, opens her mouth, and out it comes. Same on buses.
Harry Oh dear, now.
Kathleen Doesn’t like sympathy.
Harry Ah, yes.
Kathleen Get all I can, myself.
Harry Husband a bus driver, I believe.
Kathleen Hers. Not mine.
Harry Ah, yes.
Kathleen Mine’s a corporation employee.
Harry Ah, yes. One of the . . .
Kathleen Cleans up muck. Whenever there’s a pile of muck they send him to clean it up.
Harry I see.
Kathleen You worked in a bank, then?
Harry Well, in a, er.
Kathleen Clean job. Don’t know why he doesn’t get a clean job. Doorman . . . Smells awful, he does. Gets bathed one night and the next day just the same.
Harry Ah, yes.
Kathleen Puts you off your food.
Harry Yes.
Kathleen ‘They ought to fumigate you,’ I said.
Harry Yes?
Kathleen Know what he says?
Harry Yes?
Kathleen ‘Ought to fumigate you, my girl, and forget to switch it orf.’
Harry Goodness.
Kathleen Going to be teatime before they get here.
Harry (examines watch) No, no. Still a little time.
Kathleen Your wife alive?
Harry Er.
Kathleen Separated?
Harry Well, I . . .
Kathleen Unsympathetic.
Harry Yes?
Kathleen Your wife.
Harry Well . . . One can ask too much these days, I believe, of, er.
Kathleen Met once a fortnight wouldn’t be any divorce. Ridiculous, living together. ’S not human.
Harry No . . .
Kathleen Like animals . . . Even they run off when they’re not feeling like it.
Harry Oh, yes.
Kathleen Not natural . . . One man. One woman. Who’s He think He is?
Harry looks round.
Kathleen No . . . Him. (Points up.)
Harry Oh, yes . . .
Kathleen Made Him a bachelor. Cor blimey: no wife for Him.
Harry No.
Kathleen Saved somebody the trouble.
Harry Yes.
Kathleen Does it all by telepathy.
Harry Yes.
Kathleen Kids?
Harry What? . . . Oh . . . No.
Kathleen Got married how old?
Harry Twenty er.
Kathleen Man shouldn’t marry till he’s forty. Ridiculous. Don’t know what they want till then. After that, too old to bother.
Harry Oh, yes.
Kathleen Here . . .
Alfred comes in carrying the chair. Sees them, nods; then goes back the way he’s come.
Kathleen Here! (Calls after.) That’s where it’s gone.
Harry Don’t believe . . .
Kathleen That’s Alfred.
Harry Yes?
Kathleen Wrestler.
Harry Yes.
Kathleen Up here. (Taps her head.)
Harry Oh.
Kathleen Where you going when you leave here?
Harry Well . . . I . . . er.
Kathleen Lost your job?
Harry Well, I . . .
Kathleen Wife not have you?
Harry Well, I . . .
Kathleen Another man.
Harry Oh, now . . .
Kathleen Still . . . Could be worse.
Harry Oh, yes.
Pause.
Kathleen What’s he want with that, then? Here . . . you were slow to ask.
Harry Yes . . .
Kathleen You all right?
Harry Touch of the . . . (Wipes his eyes, nose.)
Kathleen Here, couple of old cry-babies you are. Bad as my friend.
Harry Yes . . . Well . . .
Kathleen Shoot my brains out if I had a chance. Gawd! . . . (Feels her feet.) Tried to kill myself with gas.
Harry Yes . . . ?
Kathleen Kiddies at my sister’s. Head in oven. Knock on door. Milkman. Two weeks behind, he said. Broke everything, I did.
Harry Yes?
Kathleen Nearly killed him. Would, too, if I could have got hold. Won’t tap on our door, I can tell you. Not again.
Harry Goodness.
Kathleen You all right?
Harry Yes . . . I . . . er
Kathleen Here. Hold my hand if you like.
Harry Oh, now.
Kathleen Go on.
Puts her hand on the table.
Not much to look at.
Harry Oh, now. I wouldn’t say that.
Kathleen Go on.
Harry Well, I . . . (Takes her hand.)
Kathleen Our age: know what it’s all about.
Harry Oh, well . . . A long road, you know.
Kathleen Can’t get to old age fast enough for me. Sooner they put me under . . .
Harry Oh, now . . .
Kathleen Different for a man.
Harry Well, I . . .
Kathleen I know. Have your troubles. Still. Woman’s different.
Harry Oh, I . . .
Kathleen Wouldn’t be a woman. Not again . . . Here!
Alfred has entered. He goes past, upstage, carrying the chair. Glances at them. Goes off.
Kathleen Been here years, you know. Do the work of ten men if they set him to it.
Harry I say . . . (Looking off.)
Kathleen Dunno where they’ve been . . . (Calls.) Oy! . . . Deaf as a post. Here, no need to let go . . . Think you’re shy.
Harry Oh, well . . .
Kathleen Never mind. Too old to be disappointed.
Harry Oh, now . . .
Jack and Marjorie enter, the former carrying a wicker chair.
Marjorie Here you are, then. Been looking for you all over.
Kathleen Been here, haven’t we, all the time.
Harry stands.
Jack Sun still strong.
Harry Oh, yes.
Marjorie Here. Where’s the other chair?
Kathleen He’s taken it over there.
Marjorie What’s he doing?
Kathleen Dunno. Here, sit on his knee if you want to!
Marjorie Catch me. Who do you think I am? (Sits.)
Kathleen Well, no good you both standing.
Jack (to Harry) No, no. After you, old man.
Harry No. no. After you . . .
Kathleen Be here all day, you ask me. Here, I’ll stand . . . Gawd . . .
Jack Oh, no . . .
Harry Ridiculous.
Marjorie Take it in turns.
Jack Right, I’ll, er.
Harry Do. Do. Go ahead.
Jack Very decent. Very. (Sits; sighs.)
Marjorie Been carrying that around, looking for you, he has.
Kathleen Been here, we have, all the time.
Marjorie What you been up to, then?
Kathleen Nothing you might mind.
Marjorie (to Harry) Want to watch her. Men all the time.
Kathleen One who knows.
Marjorie Seen it with my own eyes.
Kathleen Lot more besides.
Jack Think it might look up. Clearing . . . (Gazing up.)
Harry Oh. Very. (Gazes up.)
Marjorie Fallen in love, she has.
Jack Damn nuisance about the chair, what?
Harry Oh. Very.
Marjorie Has to see the doctor about it, she has.
Kathleen See the doctor about you, girl.
Marjorie Can’t let no tradesman near the house. Five kids. Milkman, window-cleaner . . .
Kathleen Know your trouble, don’t you?
Marjorie Nothing’s bad as yours.
Kathleen Can’t go down the street without her trousers wetting.
Jack Spot more sun, see those flowers out. Shouldn’t wonder.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack By Jove, Farrer, isn’t it? (Rises.)
Harry Says he was a champion quarter-miler.
Jack Shouldn’t be surprised. Build of an athlete. Square shoulders.
Harry Deep chest.
Jack Oh, yes.
Kathleen You know what you should do with your mouth, girl.
Marjorie You know what you should do with something else.
Kathleen (to Harry) Take a little stroll if you don’t mind . . . Gawd strewth . . .
Kathleen gets up; Harry hastens to help.
Marjorie Mind she doesn’t stroll you to the bushes.
Kathleen Mind she doesn’t splash.
Marjorie See the doctor about you, my girl!
Kathleen See him all the time: your trouble. Not right in the head.
She has taken Harry’s arm. They go off.
Marjorie Can’t keep away from men.
Jack Oh dear. (Gazing after.)
Marjorie Gardens.
Jack Oh. (Sits, uncomfortable.)
Marjorie Parks especially.
Jack I have heard of such, er.
Marjorie Complaints. Used to send the police in threes. Can’t trust two and one was never enough.
Jack My word.
Marjorie Oh, yes.
Jack Can never tell a leopard . . .
Marjorie What? Should see her. Spots all over.
Jack Oh dear.
Marjorie Never washes.
Jack One of the advantages of a late lunch, of course, is that it leaves a shorter space to tea.
Marjorie What’s your friend’s name?
Jack Harry . . .
Marjorie What’s he do, then?
Jack Temporary er . . . Thought a slight . . .
Marjorie Get one with her all right. Have another.
Jack Oh, yes . . .
Marjorie Don’t know what we’re coming to.
Jack Life . . . mystery . . . (Gazes up.)
Marjorie watches him. Then:
Marjorie What you put away for, then?
Jack Oh . . . what?
Marjorie In here.
Jack Oh . . . Little . . .
Marjorie Girl?
Jack Girl?
Marjorie Girls.
Jack Girls?
Marjorie In the street.
Jack Really? (Looks around.)
Marjorie Here . . . What you in for?
Jack A wholly voluntary basis, I assure you.
Marjorie Wife put you away?
Jack Oh, no. No, no. Just a moment . . . needed . . . Thought I might . . .
Marjorie Ever been in the padded whatsit?
Jack Don’t believe . . . (Looking around.)
Marjorie Here . . . Don’t tell my friend.
Jack Oh, well . . .
Marjorie Lie there for hours, you can.
Jack Oh, now.
Marjorie Been here twice before.
Jack Really . . .
Marjorie Don’t tell my friend.
Jack Oh, no.
Marjorie Thinks it’s my first.
Jack Goodness . . .
Marjorie One of the regulars. Wouldn’t know what to do without me.
Jack Oh, yes. Familiar faces.
Marjorie Come for three months; out again. Back again at Christmas.
Jack Oh, yes.
Marjorie Can’t stand Christmas.
Jack No. Well. Season of festivities . . . good cheer.
Marjorie Most people don’t talk to you in here. You noticed?
Jack Very rare. Well . . . find someone to communicate.
Marjorie Course. Privileged.
Jack Yes?
Marjorie Being in the reception wing.
Jack Oh, yes.
Marjorie Good as cured.
Jack Oh, yes.
Marjorie Soon be out.
Jack Oh, goodness . . . Hardly worth the trouble.
Marjorie No.
Jack Home tomorrow!
Marjorie You been married long?
Jack Oh, yes . . . What?
Marjorie You in love?
Jack What?
Marjorie Your wife.
Jack Clouds . . . This morning, my friend was remarking on the edges.
Marjorie Hardly worth the trouble.
Jack Oh, yes.
Marjorie Going home.
Jack Oh, well . . . one has one’s . . . Thought I might plant some seeds. Soil not too good, I notice . . .
Marjorie Tell you something?
Jack Oh, yes.
Marjorie Set up here for good.
Jack Oh, yes.
Marjorie Here, you listening? What you in for?
Jack Oh . . .
Marjorie Here; you always crying.
Jack Light . . . eye . . . (Wipes his eye with his handkerchief.)
Marjorie Tell you something.
Jack Yes.
Marjorie Not leave here again.
Jack Oh, no.
They are silent.
Alfred comes on. He stands at the back, leaning on the chair.
Marjorie You going to sit on that or something?
Alfred What?
Marjorie Sit.
Alfred Dunno.
Marjorie Give it to somebody who can, you do.
Alfred What? (Comes down.)
Marjorie Give it to somebody who can.
Alfred Yeah.
Marjorie You know my friend?
Alfred No.
Marjorie This is Alfred.
Jack Oh . . . Good . . . day. (Stands formally.)
Alfred Where you get your cane?
Jack Oh . . . (Looks down at it.) Came with me.
Alfred I had a cane like that once.
Jack Ah, yes.
Alfred Nicked it.
Jack Oh, now.
Marjorie Had it when he came. Didn’t you? Sit down.
Jack Yes. (Sits.)
Alfred Wanna fight?
Jack No . . .
Alfred You?
Marjorie No, thanks.
Alfred Got sixpence?
Jack No.
Marjorie Here. You seen my friend?
Alfred No.
Marjorie What you in for?
Alfred In what?
Marjorie Thinks he’s at home, he does. Doesn’t know his own strength, do you?
Alfred No.
Marjorie Took a bit of his brain, haven’t they?
Alfred Yeah.
Marjorie Feel better?
Alfred Yeah.
Marjorie His mother’s eighty-four.
Alfred Seventy.
Marjorie Thought you said she was eighty-four.
Alfred Seventy.
Marjorie Won’t know his own name soon.
Alfred You wanna fight?
Marjorie Knock you down one hand behind my back.
Alfred Garn.
Marjorie Half kill you, I will.
Alfred Go on.
Marjorie Wanna try? (Stands.)
Alfred backs off a couple of steps. Marjorie sits.
Marjorie Take that chair off you, you don’t look out.
Jack Slight breeze. Takes the heat off the sun.
Marjorie Wanna jump on him if he bullies you.
Jack Oh, yes.
Marjorie (to Alfred) What you looking at then?
Alfred Sky. (Looks up.)
Marjorie They’ll lock you up if you don’t look out. How old’s your father?
Alfred Twenty-two.
Marjorie Older than him, are you?
Alfred Yeah.
Marjorie Older than his dad he is. Don’t know where that leaves him.
Jack Hasn’t been born, I shouldn’t wonder.
Marjorie No! (Laughs.) Hasn’t been born, he shouldn’t wonder. (Pause.) Painted rude letters in the road.
Alfred Didn’t.
Marjorie Did.
Alfred Didn’t.
Marjorie Did. Right in the town centre. Took them three weeks to scrub it off.
Alfred Two.
Marjorie Three.
Alfred Two.
Marjorie Three. Apprentice painter and decorator. Didn’t know what he was going to decorate. (To Alfred.) They’ll apprentice you no more. (To Jack.) Doesn’t know his own strength, he doesn’t.
Jack (looking round) Wonder where . . .
Marjorie Send the police out for them, they will.
Jack Clouds . . . (Looking up.)
Marjorie Seen it all, I have. Rape, intercourse. Physical pleasure.
Jack I had a cousin once . . .
Marjorie Here, you got a big family, haven’t you?
Jack Seven brothers and sisters. Spreads around, you know.
Marjorie Here, you was an only child last week.
Jack A niece of mine – 1 say niece . . . She was only . . .
Marjorie What you do it for?
Jack Oh, now . . .
Marjorie (to Alfred) Wanna watch him. Trained as a doctor he has.
Jack Wonder where . . . (Gazing round.)
Marjorie (to Alfred) What you paint in the road?
Alfred Nothing.
Marjorie Must have painted something. Can’t paint nothing. Must have painted something or they couldn’t have rubbed it off.
Alfred Paint you if you don’t watch out.
Marjorie I’ll knock your head off.
Alfred Won’t.
Marjorie Will.
Alfred Won’t.
Marjorie Will.
Alfred Won’t.
Marjorie What you doing with that chair?
Alfred Nothing. (Spins it beneath his hand.)
Marjorie Faster than a rocket he is. Wanna watch him . . . Where you going?
Jack has got up.
Jack Thought I might . . . Oh . . .
Harry and Kathleen have come on from the other side, the latter leaning on Harry’s arm.
Kathleen Gawd . . . they’re coming off. I’ll have nothing left . . . Oh . . .
Harry helps her to the chair.
Marjorie Here, where you been?
Kathleen There and back.
Marjorie Know where you been, my girl.
Kathleen Don’t.
Harry Canteen. We’ve . . .
Kathleen Don’t tell her. Nose ten miles long she has. Trip over it one day she will. What’s he doing? (Indicating Alfred.)
Marjorie Won’t give up his chair, he won’t.
Harry Still got three, what?
Jack Yes . . . what. Clouds . . .
Harry Ah . . . Rain.
Jack Shouldn’t wonder.
Marjorie Here. Put that chair down.
Alfred still stands there.
Marjorie stands. Alfred releases the chair quickly.
Marjorie (to Jack) You get it.
Jack Er . . . right. Goes and gets the chair. Alfred doesn’t move.
Marjorie One each, then.
Harry Yes . . .
Marjorie Well . . . (Indicates they sit.)
Kathleen Gawd . . . (Holds her feet.)
Marjorie Had a job once.
Kathleen Gawd.
Marjorie Packing tins of food.
Kathleen (to Alfred) What you looking at?
Alfred Nothing.
Marjorie Pull your skirt down, girl.
Kathleen Got nothing up mine ain’t got up yours.
Marjorie Put them in cardboard boxes.
Jack Really? I had a . . .
Marjorie Done by machine now.
Kathleen Nothing left for you to do, my girl. That’s your trouble.
Marjorie ’Tis.
Kathleen Cries everywhere, she does.
Harry Oh. One has one’s . . .
Kathleen ’Specially at Christmas. Cries at Christmas. Boxing Day. Sometimes to New Year.
Jack Oh, well, one . . .
Marjorie (indicating Alfred) What’s he doing, then?
Marjorie Waiting to be born, he is.
Kathleen What?
Marjorie Eight o’clock tomorrow morning. Better be there. (Laughs. To Alfred.) You better be there.
Alfred Yeah.
Marjorie Late for his own birthday, he is. (To Alfred.) Never catch up, you won’t.
Harry (holding out hand; inspects it) Thought I . . . No.
Jack Could be. (Looks up.)
Harry Lucky so far.
Jack Oh, yes.
Harry Possibility . . . (Looking up.)
Jack By Jove . . .
Marjorie One thing you can say about this place . . .
Kathleen Yes.
Marjorie ’S not like home.
Kathleen Thank Gawd.
Marjorie (to Alfred) What you want?
Alfred Nothing.
Kathleen Give you nothing if you come here . . . What you staring at?
Alfred Nothing.
Marjorie Taken off a bit of his brain they have.
Kathleen (to Alfred) Where they put it then?
Marjorie Thrown it in the dustbin.
Kathleen Could have done with that. (Laughs.) Didn’t cut a bit of something else off, did they?
Marjorie You know what your trouble is, my girl.
Jack Time for tea, I shouldn’t wonder. (Stands.)
Harry Yes. Well . . . let me see. Very nearly.
Jack Stretch the old legs . . .
Harry Oh, yes.
Marjorie Not your legs need stretching, ask me.
Jack Ah, well . . . Trim. (Bends arms; stretches.)
Marjorie Fancies himself he does.
Kathleen Don’t blame him.
Marjorie Watch yourself, my girl.
Kathleen No harm come from trying.
Marjorie Good job your feet like they are, ask me.
Kathleen Have them off in the morning. Not stand this much longer.
Marjorie Slow her down; know what they’re doing.
Kathleen Know what she is?
Jack Well, I . . .
Kathleen PO.
Jack PO.
Kathleen Persistent Offender.
Marjorie Ain’t no such thing.
Kathleen Is.
Marjorie Isn’t.
Kathleen Heard it in the office. Off Dr . . . what’s his name.
Marjorie Never heard of that doctor, I haven’t. Must be a new one must that. Doctor what’s his name is a new one on me.
Kathleen I know what I heard.
Marjorie Here. What’s he crying about?
Harry is drying his eyes.
Kathleen Always crying, one of these two.
Marjorie Call them the water babies, you ask me. (To Alfred.) You seen this?
Alfred gazes woodenly towards them.
Kathleen He’s another.
Marjorie Don’t know what’ll become of us, girl.
Kathleen Thought you was the one to cry.
Marjorie So d’I.
Kathleen My dad was always crying.
Marjorie Yeah?
Kathleen Drank too much. Came out of his eyes.
Marjorie Ooh! (Laughs, covering her mouth.)
Kathleen Here, what’s the matter with you, Harry?
Harry Oh, just a, er.
Jack Could have sworn . . . (Holds out hand; looks up.)
Kathleen ’S not rain. ’S him. Splashing it all over, he is.
Jack There, now . . .
Marjorie Here. Look at him: thinks it’s raining.
Kathleen (to Jack) Here. Your friend . . .
Jack breathes deeply: fresh-air exercises.
Jack Freshening.
Marjorie I don’t know. What they come out for?
Kathleen Crying all over, they are.
Marjorie (to Jack) You going to help your friend, then, are you?
Jack Oh. Comes and goes . . .
Kathleen (to Harry) Wanna hold my hand?
Harry doesn’t answer.
Marjorie Not seen so many tears. Haven’t.
Kathleen Not since Christmas.
Marjorie Not since Christmas, girl.
Kathleen Ooooh!
Marjorie (to Jack) You all right?
Jack doesn’t answer. Stands stiffly turned away, looking off.
Marjorie Think you and I better be on our way, girl.
Kathleen Think we had.
Marjorie Try and make something. What you get for it?
Kathleen Get nothing if you don’t try, girl.
Marjorie No.
Kathleen Get nothing if you do, either.
Marjorie Ooooh! (Laughs, covering her mouth; stands.) Don’t slow you down, do they? (Indicates shoes.)
Kathleen Get my laces back or else, girl . . . Oh! (Winces, standing. To Alfred.) What you staring at?
Alfred Nothing.
Kathleen Be dead this time tomorrow.
Marjorie No complaints then, my girl.
Kathleen Not too soon for me.
Marjorie Going to say goodbye to your boyfriend?
Kathleen Dunno that he wants to know . . .
Marjorie Give you a hand, girl?
Kathleen Can’t move without.
Marjorie There . . . on our way.
Kathleen Gawd.
Marjorie Not stop here again.
Kathleen Better get out of here, girl . . . Gawd! Go mad here you don’t watch out.
Groaning, Kathleen is led off by Marjorie.
Pause.
Alfred comes up. Holds table, waits, then lifts it. Raises it above his head. Turns. Walks off.
Jack By Jove.
Harry stirs.
Jack Freshening . . . Surprised if it doesn’t blow over by tomorrow.
Harry Oh, yes . . .
Jack Saw Harrison yesterday.
Harry Yes?
Jack Congestion.
Harry Soot.
Jack Really?
Harry Oh, yes. (Dries his eyes.)
Jack Shouldn’t wonder if wind veers. North-west.
Harry East.
Jack Really? Higher ground, of course, one notices.
Harry Found the, er. (Gestures after Marjorie and Kathleen.)
Jack Oh, yes.
Harry Extraordinary.
Jack ’Straordinary.
Harry Get used to it after a while.
Jack Oh, yes . . . I have a sister-in-law, for example, who wears dark glasses.
Harry Really?
Jack Each evening before she goes to bed.
Harry Really?
Jack Following morning: takes them off.
Harry Extraordinary.
Jack Sunshine – never wears them.
Harry Well . . . I . . . (Finally wipes bis eyes and puts his handkerchief away.) Extraordinary.
Jack The older one grows, of course . . . the more one takes into account other people’s foibles.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack If a person can’t be what they are, what’s the purpose of being anything at all?
Harry Oh, absolutely.
Alfred has returned. He picks up one of the metalwork chairs, turns it one way then another, gazes at Jack and Harry, then slowly carries it off.
Jack I suppose in the army, of course, one becomes quite used to foibles.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Navy, too, I shouldn’t wonder.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack A relative of mine rose to lieutenant-commander in a seagoing corvette.
Harry My word.
Jack In the blood.
Harry Bound to be.
Jack Oh, yes. Without the sea; well, hate to think.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack At no point is one more than seventy-five miles from the sea.
Harry Really.
Jack That is the nature of this little island.
Harry Extraordinary when you think.
Jack When you think what came from it.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Radar.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Jet propulsion.
Harry My word.
Jack Television.
Harry Oh . . .
Jack Steam engine.
Harry Goodness.
Jack Empire the like of which no one has ever seen.
Harry No. My word.
Jack Light of the world.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Penicillin.
Harry Penicillin.
Jack Darwin.
Harry Darwin.
Jack Newton.
Harry Newton.
Jack Milton.
Harry My word.
Jack Sir Walter Raleigh.
Harry Goodness. Sir . . .
Jack Lost his head.
Harry Oh, yes. (Rises; comes downstage.)
Jack This little island.
Harry Shan’t see its like.
Jack Oh, no.
Harry The sun has set.
Jack Couple of hours . . .
Harry What?
Jack One of the strange things, of course, about this place.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Is its size.
Harry Yes.
Jack Never meet the same people two days running.
Harry No.
Jack Can’t find room, of course.
Harry No.
Jack See them at the gates.
Harry Oh, my word.
Jack Of an evening, looking in. Unfortunately the money isn’t there.
Harry No.
Jack Exchequer. Diverting wealth to the proper . . .
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Witness: one metalwork table, two metalwork chairs; two thousand people.
Harry My word, yes.
Jack While overhead . . .
Harry Oh, yes . . .
They both gaze up.
Alfred comes in; he picks up the remaining white chair.
Alfred You finished?
Jack What . . . ?
Alfred Take them back. (Indicates their two wicker chairs.)
Harry Oh, yes . . .
Alfred Don’t take them back: get into trouble.
Jack Oh, my word.
Alfred, watching them, lifts the metal chair with one hand, holding its leg; demonstrates his strength.
They watch in silence.
Alfred lifts the chair above his head; then, still watching them, turns and goes.
Jack Shadows.
Harry Yes.
Jack Another day.
Harry Ah, yes.
Jack Brother-in-law I had was an artist.
Harry Really?
Jack Would have appreciated those flowers. Light fading . . . Clouds.
Harry Wonderful thing.
Jack Oh, yes.
Harry Would have liked to have been an artist myself. Musician.
Jack Really?
Harry Flute.
Jack Beautiful instrument.
Harry Oh, yes.
They gaze at the view.
Shadows.
Jack Choose any card . . . (Holds pack out from his pocket.)
Harry Any?
Jack Any one . . .
Harry (takes one) Yes!
Jack Eight of diamonds.
Harry My word!
Jack Right?
Harry Absolutely.
Jack Intended to show the ladies.
Harry Another day.
Jack Oh, yes.
He re-shuffles cards; holds them out.
Harry Again?
Jack Any one.
Harry Er . . .
Jack Three of spades.
Harry Two of hearts.
Jack What? (Inspects the cards briefly; puts them away.)
Harry Amazing thing, of course, is the, er.
Jack Oh, yes.
Harry Still prevails.
Jack Oh, my goodness.
Harry Hendricks I find is a . . .
Jack Oh, yes.
Harry Moustache . . . Eyebrows.
Jack Divorced.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Moral fibre. Set to a task, never complete it. Find some way to back out.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack The sea is an extraordinary . . .
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Cousin of mine . . .
Harry See the church.
They gaze off.
Jack Shouldn’t wonder He’s disappointed. (Looks up.)
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Heartbreak.
Harry Oh, yes.
Jack Same mistake . . . Won’t make it twice.
Harry Oh, no.
Jack Once over. Never again.
Alfred has come on.
Alfred You finished?
Jack Well, I . . . er . . .
Alfred Take ’em back.
Jack Oh, well. That’s very . . .
Alfred grasps the two wicker chairs. Glances at Jack and Harry; picks up both the chairs.
Glances at Jack and Harry again, holding the chairs. Takes them off.
Jack What I . . . er . . . yes.
Harry has begun to weep.
Jack gazes off.
A moment later Jack also wipes his eyes.
After a while the light slowly fades.
Curtain.