Jaz laughed loudly, which wasn’t normally her thing but she was still so nervous and jittery from seeing Ryan. She was at the bar when he first walked in and joined the guys at the table. He hadn’t seen her but by golly she’d seen him. It was hard not to. Tall, jeans hanging from his body like a magazine model’s and that shirt clung to him perfectly. It didn’t seem out of place like Bud’s too-tight shirt.
Ryan had taken long strides, his hair cut short and neat, his dark eyes taking in his workmates. Jaz had all but melted into a pool of desire behind the bar. It felt like she had waited for this moment for ages, and yet here he was. Finally.
Her restraint was put to the test. This is where she had to act the part, pretend he was no one special. Which was hard when the guy you loved, and had missed like crazy, was just a stone’s throw away. But Ryan wouldn’t be impressed if she slipped up, or gave anything away. So Jaz had steeled herself to be strong, just like at the wedding. No matter what she felt on the inside, it’s what showed on the outside that counted. Then Bud had waved and she’d had to face Ryan for the first time.
His shock had been noticeable to her, she knew his dark chocolate eyes like the back of her hand. They’d almost flecked with gold when he looked upon her. Jaz had felt a fire burn all over her body.
But she was sure she played it cool enough. Ryan took it all in his stride and his mates were none the wiser.
Now she chalked up the pool cue and took a moment to glance at Ryan while Bud and Wilkins were behind her. Gosh darn it, he was so hot she was having trouble functioning.
‘Here ya go, Wilkins. I’ll play the winner out of you two. I better get back and serve some beer for a bit, okay? I’ll be back.’
‘We’ll be here,’ said Bud. ‘Oh hey.’
Jaz stopped and Bud reached for her hand, slipping some money into it. Then he gave her a smile.
‘Two?’ she asked.
‘Yes, please. Thanks Jeni.’ Bud let her hand go and Jaz made her way back to the bar.
She got their beers ready and then Ted took them to Bud while Jaz was filling up more glasses for the old guys sitting at the bar.
‘Can I get two more, please?’
Her heart did skip a beat upon hearing Ryan’s voice and she savoured the feeling. As she reached for two glasses to fill, she glanced his way. ‘Sure thing.’ Those eyes. Looking away was the hardest thing and she found her hand was shaking as she tried to fill the glass.
‘Here ya go.’ Jaz put the glasses in front of Ryan.
‘Thank you, Jeni.’ He said her name as if it was a question. ‘What a surprise.’
‘A good one I hope,’ she said, taking his money slowly so she could drag out this interlude.
‘Definitely.’
He smiled. It was just for her. She wanted to kiss him more than she wanted oxygen.
‘You worked here long?’ His question sounded normal amongst the bar chatter, but Jaz knew he was after specifics.
‘Nearly a month. It’s a good job. I like it. Much better now though,’ she said, dropping her voice for the last part. She gave him his change; the brief touch of his skin drove her mad with longing.
‘I really like this pub. I think I’ll be back quite a bit.’ Another smile.
‘Good.’ She grinned back and hoped it wasn’t too goofy. Ryan turned and left with the beers after pocketing his change.
Jaz would have like to watch him walk away, perve on his lovely backside, but she knew better. She served another bloke, checked they all had plenty of nuts left in their baskets before making her way back to Bud and Wilkins. She passed Ted on her way.
‘Hey, boss. Okay if I keep playing some pool with the guys? Puleeese,’ she begged.
Ted nodded his head. ‘Ah, may as well,’ he sighed. ‘You won’t get a chance tomorrow. Steak night, they’ll need you in the kitchen I reckon.’
‘Yeah, righto. No problems,’ she said with a smile.
‘You do that to me every time, twist me around your finger, don’t you. Go on, get.’ Ted walked off muttering something to himself.
Jaz skipped off to the pool table. ‘So who won?’ she asked.
‘Me,’ said Wilkins. Bud was frowning.
‘Only by one shot. Was a close game,’ Bud added.
After they started their game Jaz tried her luck at some more questions, directed at Bud, the talker.
‘So is that other fella with the girlfriend another workmate?’
Wilkins laughed. ‘Kind of. He’s dating the boss’s daughter so we know how he got the job.’
‘You don’t like him?’ Jaz asked.
Wilkins shook his head as Bud said, ‘He’s alright.’ Wilkins frowned. ‘Well, he is. It’s not his fault the boss promoted him. He did happen to save his arse.’
‘Jeez, didn’t take you long to jump onto the Reece ship, did it. What? You think boss will notice you if you’re Reece’s best mate, is that it?’ Wilkins was getting revved up, the pool forgotten.
Bud’s face went a little pink but he didn’t back down from Wilkins. Maybe he was used to it?
‘Well, he’s a lot nicer to talk to than you sometimes. Maybe if you gave the guy a break you’d see he’s alright.’
‘You think everyone is alright, Bud. You’re like a sad puppy looking for friends.’
‘Hey,’ said Jaz.
Wilkins shrugged. ‘Just saying it how I see it.’
‘He wouldn’t like to hear what I’d have to say if I said it how I saw it,’ said Bud with a smirk.
‘What are you implying, midget,’ said Wilkins standing toe to toe with him.
‘Now, now Wilkins. We have a game to finish.’ Jaz tried to stand in between them and push Wilkins away. ‘How about you have a break before you say something you’ll regret.’
Wilkins looked at her, she could see his mind ticking over. He wasn’t finished with Bud but he didn’t want to do anything in front of Jaz. He must have thought he had a chance with her, or maybe he just wanted to beat Bud.
His lip twitched and then eventually he stepped back. He took his pool cue and went to find a ball to hit.
Jaz put her hand on Bud. ‘Sorry, it’s my job to deal with that,’ she said softly. ‘Tosser,’ she added in a whisper.
Bud smiled. And over his shoulder she caught Ryan’s gaze. He’d been watching but didn’t interfere. Which was a good thing, as he didn’t need another reason for Wilkins to get on his high horse and cause a scene.
The rest of the night went well. No more problems with Wilkins. He did go home first, which was nice because the other two guys and Ryan seemed to get on really well. Jaz would try to catch snippets of the conversation as she passed. Sometimes she’d stop by with the next round and stay for a chat.
At one point she was out the back, getting the floor swept before they closed up for the night. As she took a bag of rubbish out to the bin, Ryan came down the narrow corridor for the toilet.
‘Hey you,’ he said with glossy eyes. He’d had a few beers, was still in total control.
‘Hey yourself,’ she said. ‘Can you open the back door for me, please?’
No one was around but still, just to be safe they played their parts. Ryan nodded and pushed open the heavy door for her as she lugged out the big bag.
Outside it was dark and the only light Jaz had to work off was from the windows, as the back light had blown a few nights ago. Ted was supposed to have fixed it already.
Ryan followed her outside but held onto the door to help shed some light. Jas dumped the rubbish into the bin, which was a step away. She felt Ryan’s hand on her arm as he let the door fully shut. He pulled her in for a hug and she didn’t fight it one bit. To be leaning against his chest again was pure heaven. No words were spoken but Jaz had a funny feeling that he’d kissed the top of her head in that short moment.
Then he was gone, back inside, and Jaz was left in the darkness. The hug had been amazing but over so soon she was struggling to think it had even happened. How had he smelt? She remembered breathing him in, so familiar, but now it was disappearing from her grasp. She didn’t go straight inside. She needed a moment to savour what had just happened. It was everything and yet it wasn’t enough. Jaz hugged herself, trying to remember the pressure and feel of his strong arms around her. His skin had been warm against her face as she’d tucked herself against his neck.
Why had he done that? Was he just happy to see someone he knew? Did she look like she needed a hug?
Reefing open the door, she locked it and went back to the bar. Ryan, Stevo and Bud were standing up by the table as if they were about to leave. Jaz headed straight over there.
‘You heading off?’ Jaz said, moving to Bud’s side.
‘Yep, you need to close up,’ he said with a wink.
‘I’m going to give them both a ride home. I’ve paced my drinks, they didn’t,’ said Ryan.
‘I can drive you home, Bud, if you don’t mind waiting around?’ Jaz guessed this might be dangerous territory, but think of what Bud might discuss with just the two of them and no one else. Jaz’s mind was going crazy at all the possibilities, until she saw Ryan’s face. There was a lot of black in his eyes, making them look less brown every second and more like thunderous clouds.
‘It’s okay, Jeni. I work with these guys, they’re my problem not yours. You finish up and get home to bed.’ Ryan’s tone was soft and sweet but the hidden meaning in his eyes wasn’t.
He didn’t want her taking a drunk Bud home. Fair enough. For now Jaz let it go, but if the chance came up again and Ryan wasn’t here to bail her out, she’d take it. No reward without risk.
She walked them out, chatting as they went. ‘I’ll see you guys later.’ By the door she caught Ryan’s glance and it was filled with so much longing it nearly crippled her right there and then. She felt exactly the same.
As they walked away Jaz wondered what had changed with Ryan, making him like this after he’d clearly tried to push her away at the wedding. Maybe it was just the fact that it had been a while since he’d seen her, seen anyone he knew.
Jaz couldn’t even begin to understand how hard it must be to go deep undercover and give up your life as you know it.
After Jaz cleaned up the bar and knocked off, she eventually got home, walking into the gym and feeling a warmth spread over her. Home. Her life. Her friends. She thought of Ryan alone in his strange flat, or with Annaliese.
‘Annaliese,’ she almost spat out. She didn’t want to allow her mind to go there. At all.
‘Is that you, Jaz?’ came Anna’s voice from the bedroom.
Jaz put her backpack on the kitchen table and made her way to her friend. ‘No, it’s a big bad burglar,’ she whispered. Anna was curled up in her bed, on the opposite side of the room slept Tay, snoring softly. ‘But no burglar would break in with that motor running,’ she teased.
Anna giggled. ‘I find it comforting. Let’s me know that he’s still here and I’m not alone.
‘You could just snuggle up next to him and you wouldn’t be alone,’ Jaz teased.
Even in the dim light from the kitchen Jaz saw Anna’s eyes enlarge. ‘Jasmine,’ she scoffed.
Jaz knelt down by her bed so she was really close to Anna. ‘Guess what?’
‘What?’
‘I saw Ryan tonight.’ Jaz couldn’t keep the happiness from her voice.
‘No way, really? Tell me more.’ Anna moved closer to the end of the bed, their faces really close. ‘Oh, you smell like beer.’
‘Sorry.’ Jaz didn’t move away, she had exciting stuff to tell. ‘He was surprised to see me, I could tell. We got to chat a little at the bar and then later, as I took out the rubbish, he hugged me.’
‘Hugged you?’
‘Yep, at least, I’m sure he did. It happened so quick, it all seems so hazy.’
‘Did he look well? Do you feel better for seeing him?’
‘He looked great. Maybe I’m biased but he looked amazing, and healthy. It’s all I could hope for at this stage. And I feel heaps better after seeing him. Knowing he’s still alive. He hopes to come to the pub more often so I’ll get to keep tabs on him.’
Anna sat up on her elbow. ‘I’m so happy for you, Jaz. I really am.’ She hugged her friend. ‘Now go and get some bloody sleep, you have your last exam tomorrow.’
‘You mean today?’
Anna groaned and rolled over. ‘Goodnight.’
‘Sleep well, Annabanana.’
Jaz moved off to her room, a quick shower and bed were in order. One thing she knew for sure was that she’d have no trouble getting to sleep tonight.